Genesis 45

Genesis 45

¹Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by him; and he cried, Cause every man to go out from me. And there stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren.

At last! would it not have been easier to be truthful in the first place ?

²And he wept aloud: and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard.
³And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph; doth my father yet live? And his brethren could not answer him; for they were troubled at his presence.

⁴And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.

⁵Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.
⁶For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest.
e befor⁷And God sent me you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

And to think they had to test mummies to find evidence of hard drugs in ancient Egypt when it was here all the time.

⁸So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.

Overuse of mind expanding substances or maybe too much sun.

⁹Haste ye, and go up to my father, and say unto him, Thus saith thy son Joseph, God hath made me lord of all Egypt: come down unto me, tarry not:
¹⁰And thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen, and thou shalt be near unto me, thou, and thy children, and thy children's children, and thy flocks, and thy herds, and all that thou hast:
¹¹And there will I nourish thee; for yet there are five years of famine; lest thou, and thy household, and all that thou hast, come to poverty.

Which is to say "Fuck the rest of Egypt as long as my double dealing, disgusting untrustworthy family is ok." As they are stuck over in Canaan starving to death as all they have to eat is "best fruits and a little honey, spices, and myrrh, nuts, and almonds:"not to mention sheep goats and cows and fish, and if they ran short of them I wouldn't put it past them to tuck into the help.

¹²And, behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin, that it is my mouth that speaketh unto you.
¹³And ye shall tell my father of all my glory in Egypt, and of all that ye have seen; and ye shall haste and bring down my father hither.
¹⁴And he fell upon his brother Benjamin's neck, and wept; and Benjamin wept upon his neck.
¹⁵Moreover he kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them: and after that his brethren talked with him.

Joseph is gayer than Elton Johns flower arranger.
Did they have a word for fellatio ?

¹⁶And the fame thereof was heard in Pharaoh's house, saying, Joseph's brethren are come: and it pleased Pharaoh well, and his servants.

Just what he wanted, another drain on his resources.

¹⁷And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Say unto thy brethren, This do ye; lade your beasts, and go, get you unto the land of Canaan;
¹⁸And take your father and your households, and come unto me: and I will give you the good of the land of Egypt, and ye shall eat the fat of the land.

¹⁹Now thou art commanded, this do ye; take you wagons out of the land of Egypt for your little ones, and for your wives, and bring your father, and come.

Is it any wonder you cant pin a time frame on any of this ?

²⁰Also regard not your stuff; for the good of all the land of Egypt is your's.

Yup screw the people that worked to seed and gather the surplus grain.After all no one is going to notice a dozen hebrews, plus wives, children and fuck knows how many servants and servants children.

²¹And the children of Israel did so: and Joseph gave them wagons, according to the commandment of Pharaoh, and gave them provision for the way.

²²To all of them he gave each man changes of raiment; but to Benjamin he gave three hundred pieces of silver, and five changes of raiment.

Hey earliest record of a rent boy being paid for his services.

²³And to his father he sent after this manner; ten asses laden with the good things of Egypt, and ten she asses laden with corn and bread and meat for his father by the way.

Cos he knows how much his dad likes his meat.........

.....sammiches

²⁴So he sent his brethren away, and they departed: and he said unto them, See that ye fall not out by the way.
²⁵And they went up out of Egypt, and came into the land of Canaan unto Jacob their father,
²⁶And told him, saying, Joseph is yet alive, and he is governor over all the land of Egypt. And Jacob's heart fainted, for he believed them not.

Just his heart ?

²⁷And they told him all the words of Joseph, which he had said unto them: and when he saw the wagons which Joseph had sent to carry him, the spirit of Jacob their father revived:
²⁸And Israel said, It is enough; Joseph my son is yet alive: I will go and see him before I die.