Joshua 6

¹Now Jericho was straitly shut up because of the children of Israel: none went out, and none came in.

²And the LORD said unto Joshua, See, I have given into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and the mighty men of valour.

So de lard wants Josh and his band of bastards to play ring o' roses round Jericho

³And ye shall compass the city, all ye men of war, and go round about the city once. Thus shalt thou do six days.

⁴And seven priests shall bear before the ark seven trumpets of rams' horns: and the seventh day ye shall compass the city seven times, and the priests shall blow with the trumpets.

⁵And it shall come to pass, that when they make a long blast with the ram's horn, and when ye hear the sound of the trumpet, all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city shall fall down flat, and the people shall ascend up every man straight before him.

Sounds like a plan. After all these great walls will fall down at the sound of trumpets.

⁶And Joshua the son of Nun called the priests, and said unto them, Take up the ark of the covenant, and let seven priests bear seven trumpets of rams' horns before the ark of the LORD.

So lets think about this. The people of Jericho are fearful of these murdering bastards, so they shut up the city........A sensible option.

Josh wants the city.....The surrounding terrain is too uneven for any seige engines known to exist at that part of the world at that time.......If his men go near the walls they can expect siege defence tactics.....Arrows, rocks and probably night buckets or potties......So what will walking round and round achieve?

The first time round will achieve two objectives

First reconnaissance.

Second . A major distraction.

⁷And he said unto the people, Pass on, and compass the city, and let him that is armed pass on before the ark of the LORD.

⁸And it came to pass, when Joshua had spoken unto the people, that the seven priests bearing the seven trumpets of rams' horns passed on before the LORD, and blew with the trumpets: and the ark of the covenant of the LORD followed them.

As the parade passes the sentries watching would naturally followed them with their gaze. This would have enabled small groups to get to previously identified hollows and weak points for their skills.

⁹And the armed men went before the priests that blew with the trumpets, and the rearward came after the ark, the priests going on, and blowing with the trumpets.

With the next circumnavigation the noise created by their passing would enable them to tunnel under the walls without being noticed. Possibly also allowing supplies of wood to be brought in for props. Not to mention the vague possibility of "strange fire".

¹⁰And Joshua had commanded the people, saying, Ye shall not shout, nor make any noise with your voice, neither shall any word proceed out of your mouth, until the day I bid you shout; then shall ye shout.

¹¹So the ark of the LORD compassed the city, going about it once: and they came into the camp, and lodged in the camp.

¹²And Joshua rose early in the morning, and the priests took up the ark of the LORD.

¹³And seven priests bearing seven trumpets of rams' horns before the ark of the LORD went on continually, and blew with the trumpets: and the armed men went before them; but the rearward came after the ark of the LORD, the priests going on, and blowing with the trumpets.

¹⁴And the second day they compassed the city once, and returned into the camp: so they did six days.

¹⁵And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they rose early about the dawning of the day, and compassed the city after the same manner seven times: only on that day they compassed the city seven times.

¹⁶And it came to pass at the seventh time, when the priests blew with the trumpets, Joshua said unto the people, Shout; for the LORD hath given you the city.

¹⁷And the city shall be accursed, even it, and all that are therein, to the LORD: only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all that are with her in the house, because she hid the messengers that we sent.

I thought they were spies

¹⁸And ye, in any wise keep yourselves from the accursed thing, lest ye make yourselves accursed, when ye take of the accursed thing, and make the camp of Israel a curse, and trouble it.

¹⁹But all the silver, and gold, and vessels of brass and iron, are consecrated unto the LORD: they shall come into the treasury of the LORD.

²⁰So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and it came to pass, when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city.

Even without "strange fire" The undermining of the walls kept up by props while the work continued. Until a large enough hole to guarantee enough destruction to the wall to gain access. The props could then be burnt causing the wall to collapse.

You might have thought that this would have been recorded. But had it been de lard wouldn't have got the credit, with yet even modern investigators suggesting yet another coincidental earthquake.

²¹And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.

²²But Joshua had said unto the two men that had spied out the country, Go into the harlot's house, and bring out thence the woman, and all that she hath, as ye sware unto her.

²³And the young men that were spies went in, and brought out Rahab, and her father, and her mother, and her brethren, and all that she had; and they brought out all her kindred, and left them without the camp of Israel.

²⁴And they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the LORD.

²⁵And Joshua saved Rahab the harlot alive, and her father's household, and all that she had; and she dwelleth in Israel even unto this day; because she hid the messengers, which Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.

So we have known for ages that de lard rewards traitors,

²⁶And Joshua adjured them at that time, saying, Cursed be the man before the LORD, that riseth up and buildeth this city Jericho: he shall lay the foundation thereof in his firstborn, and in his youngest son shall he set up the gates of it.

That worked then....Jericho I believe is the longest known continually occupied settlement

²⁷So the LORD was with Joshua; and his fame was noised throughout all the country.

Deuteronomy 20

20:1 When you go to war against your enemies and see chariotry and troops who outnumber you, do not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, is with you.

20:2 As you move forward for battle, the priest will approach and say to the soldiers,

I am reminded of the scene from the original 1953 War of the Worlds, where Father Mathew Collins(played by Lewis Martin) Marches out, bible in hand praying towards the advancing aliens.


With the inevitable result



20:3 “Listen, Israel! Today you are moving forward to do battle with your enemies. Do not be fainthearted. Do not fear and tremble or be terrified because of them,

20:4 for the Lord your God goes with you to fight on your behalf against your enemies to give you victory.”

Just think if the catholics went into war nowadays their opponents could be faced with this or something similar

Frightening thought isn't it

20:5 Moreover, the officers are to say to the troops, “Who among you has built a new house and not dedicated it? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else dedicate it.

20:6 Or who among you has planted a vineyard and not benefited from it? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else benefit from it.

20:7 Or who among you has become engaged to a woman but has not married her? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else marry her.”

20:8 In addition, the officers are to say to the troops, “Who among you is afraid and fainthearted? He may go home so that he will not make his fellow soldier’s heart as fearful as his own.”

So cowardice is OK, but surely this would imply lack of faith in de lard.

20:9 Then, when the officers have finished speaking, they must appoint unit commanders to lead the troops.

20:10 When you approach a city to wage war against it, offer it terms of peace.

20:11 If it accepts your terms and submits to you, all the people found in it will become your slaves.

Offer terms of peace ???.....Become our slaves or die.

20:12 If it does not accept terms of peace but makes war with you, then you are to lay siege to it.

20:13 The Lord your God will deliver it over to you and you must kill every single male by the sword.

20:14 However, the women, little children, cattle, and anything else in the city – all its plunder – you may take for yourselves as spoil. You may take from your enemies the plunder that the Lord your God has given you.
There you have it women and children are equal...........Equal to cattle that is.
So as far as the bible believing christians are concerned its Ok to call your wife a fat cow.
But all in all that's another verse the twats shouting Lev 18:22 never mention.

20:15 This is how you are to deal with all those cities located far from you, those that do not belong to these nearby nations.

20:16 As for the cities of these peoples that the Lord your God is going to give you as an inheritance, you must not allow a single living thing to survive.

So it's true, every time you kill a kitten god masturbates

20:17 Instead you must utterly annihilate them – the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites – just as the Lord your God has commanded you,

So how does offering terms of peace work here .....Open your gates and accept the kiss of death from your ever lovin' lard.


20:18 so that they cannot teach you all the abhorrent ways they worship their gods, causing you to sin against the Lord your God.

20:19 If you besiege a city for a long time while attempting to capture it, you must not chop down its trees, for you may eat fruit from them and should not cut them down. A tree in the field is not human that you should besiege it!

20:20 However, you may chop down any tree you know is not suitable for food, and you may use it to build siege works against the city that is making war with you until that city falls.

Now that has to be the earliest example of fundie logic ever....... to paraphrase "against the city that is trying to protect its citizens from murder and/or enslavement from the rampaging hoardes of the god of peace and love."

Genesis 19

Genesis 19

1And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
Angels ? With the white dress and wings and everything !
2And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.
They's come cruising.
3And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.
Angels changing their mind, not just doing god's will. You really sure they are really angels.
4But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
5And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
6And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
7And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
But surely if they were angels they could fly away or throw thunderbolts or something.
8Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
Again angels should be able to protect themselves and what kind of father would offer his daughters like that ? Then again seeing how well his uncle did from whoring out his old hag a couple of young babes must have looked well profitable,It don't say he wasn't gonna charge.
9And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.
10But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.
11And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door.
See they can protect themselves,aerosol blindness spray for arseholes.
12And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:
Now these angels are men ? Make up your mind.
13For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the LORD; and the LORD hath sent us to destroy it.
14And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.
I thought it just said his daughters hadn't had any.
15And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.
16And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.
Is that saying they were beamed outside the city ?
17And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.
So given de lawds reputation Lot hightailed it outta there.
18And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my LORD:
So Lot couldn't have really thought this lord was that lord so this lord was a different lord, probably one of the kings mentioned in gen14:1
19Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and I cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and I die:
Then again I think he 's just an argumentative little shit. Even though this lord wasn't that lord he was still a king and therefore you would have expected a lowly herdsman's nephew to be obedient wouldn't you?
20Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.
Jeeez he's pissing me off .Do as you're told already!
21And he said unto him, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.
With this much bullshit flying how could he see another city.
22Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do anything till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.
So Lot is being protected ! ????
I don't get this

1. Lot is taken prisoner from a walled city. By an unknown hostile force.
2. Lot is rescued and returns to the same city.
3. He is then visited by "angels" which tell him to get the fuck out
4. He then is told to go to safety
5. Yet goes to another city at odds with whatever king is doing the attacking

Perhaps we need to look at a different way and fill in some gaps

1. Lot is escorted to an assignation. Deals are struck between Abram,Lot and a King.
2. Lot returns on a mission from god.
3. Agents arrive and meet with Lot. The Sodom militia caught on to the spies and wanted to question them.
4. Lot tries and succeeds in buying the spies freedom with his daughters as they were allowed to leave.
5. Lot then goes off to spy in another city.

I know this is really reading between the lines but I think it makes far more sense than making a gay gangbang out of know you.
23The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.
24Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
This could be a king laying siege.
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
Can also be translated as vaporised. Bitumen burns like a bastard.
27And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the LORD:
28And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.
And they didn't have Red Adaire back then.
29And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.
Fits with the furtive fellow flitting flats.
30And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
They sussed him out.
31And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
32Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
I know teenage girls can be stupid, especially when they have had a drink but none I know are that stupid. I do know one that becomes a crap lesbian after a few drinks but none that turn incestuous.
33And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
Bet it wouldn't have happened if Mrs Lot was still around.
If someone is drunk enough to be unable to wake there is no way he can fuck. Lot was a paedophile . He got his daughters drunk.
34And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
35And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
36Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
Don't believe it, they were pregnant from the gang rape in Sodom
37And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
38And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
Im sure Ben means Son of. and Ammon is that not an Egyptian name ?