1 Samuel 2

¹And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the LORD, mine horn is exalted in the LORD: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation.

Is that translated right? No wonder she couldn't get pregnant. Now that really is a miracle.

²There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God.

³Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.

Still waiting for him to prove that one. his track record so far is less than poor,even by redneck standards.

⁴The bows of the mighty men are broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength.

⁵They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble.

⁶The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up.

We have seen plenty of the killething but not much else

⁷The LORD maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up.

Belief in him can certainly cause these.

⁸He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD's, and he hath set the world upon them.

What beggar will do his begging on a dung hill? Why has de lard not told his people that dung is fertilizer? Perhaps if they used their shit they wouldn't suffer so much shit and therefore not be as bitter and spout so much shit!!

⁹He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail.

Saints is a catholic thing what is that doing there? the NLT has

⁹ “He will protect his faithful ones, but the wicked will disappear in darkness. No one will succeed by strength alone.

¹⁰The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: the LORD shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and exalt the horn of his anointed.

So yet again another passage that disputes the "god hates fags" myth.

¹¹And Elkanah went to Ramah to his house. And the child did minister unto the LORD before Eli the priest.

That is unfortunately another one for catholic priests.

¹²Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the LORD.

¹³And the priest's custom with the people was, that, when any man offered sacrifice, the priest's servant came, while the flesh was in seething, with a fleshhook of three teeth in his hand;

¹⁴And he struck it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fleshhook brought up the priest took for himself. So they did in Shiloh unto all the Israelites that came thither.

¹⁵Also before they burnt the fat, the priest's servant came, and said to the man that sacrificed, Give flesh to roast for the priest; for he will not have sodden flesh of thee, but raw.

¹⁶And if any man said unto him, Let them not fail to burn the fat presently, and then take as much as thy soul desireth; then he would answer him, Nay; but thou shalt give it me now: and if not, I will take it by force.

That reads very different in the NLT

¹² Now the sons of Eli were scoundrels who had no respect for the Lord ¹³ or for their duties as priests. Whenever anyone offered a sacrifice, Eli’s sons would send over a servant with a three-pronged fork. While the meat of the sacrificed animal was still boiling, ¹⁴ the servant would stick the fork into the pot and demand that whatever it brought up be given to Eli’s sons. All the Israelites who came to worship at Shiloh were treated this way. ¹⁵ Sometimes the servant would come even before the animal’s fat had been burned on the altar. He would demand raw meat before it had been boiled so that it could be used for roasting.

¹⁶ The man offering the sacrifice might reply, “Take as much as you want, but the fat must be burned first.” Then the servant would demand, “No, give it to me now, or I’ll take it by force

¹⁷Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD: for men abhorred the offering of the LORD.

¹⁸But Samuel ministered before the LORD, being a child, girded with a linen ephod.

¹⁹Moreover his mother made him a little coat, and brought it to him from year to year, when she came up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice.

²⁰And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The LORD give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the LORD. And they went unto their own home.

²¹And the LORD visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters. And the child Samuel grew before the LORD.

I wonder if Elkenah ever realised that every time he visited Eli he had a child that was three months old?

²²Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

²³And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people.

Do as I say not as I do the first law of any church ministry!

²⁴Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the LORD's people to transgress.

²⁵If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the LORD, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the LORD would slay them.

Is that an admission he is make believe?

²⁶And the child Samuel grew on, and was in favour both with the LORD, and also with men.

Pretty boy then!

²⁷And there came a man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Did I plainly appear unto the house of thy father, when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh's house?

²⁸And did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to offer upon mine altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? and did I give unto the house of thy father all the offerings made by fire of the children of Israel?

²⁹Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?

³⁰Wherefore the LORD God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me for ever: but now the LORD saith, Be it far from me; for them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.

Is this an admission that de lard was wrong and made a mistake?

³¹Behold, the days come, that I will cut off thine arm, and the arm of thy father's house, that there shall not be an old man in thine house.

³²And thou shalt see an enemy in my habitation, in all the wealth which God shall give Israel: and there shall not be an old man in thine house for ever.

³³And the man of thine, whom I shall not cut off from mine altar, shall be to consume thine eyes, and to grieve thine heart: and all the increase of thine house shall die in the flower of their age.

³⁴And this shall be a sign unto thee, that shall come upon thy two sons, on Hophni and Phinehas; in one day they shall die both of them.

Sounds like a promise of poisoning to me. The line exodus 22:18 as mentioned before witch should have been translated as poisoner

³⁵And I will raise me up a faithful priest, that shall do according to that which is in mine heart and in my mind: and I will build him a sure house; and he shall walk before mine anointed for ever.

³⁶And it shall come to pass, that every one that is left in thine house shall come and crouch to him for a piece of silver and a morsel of bread, and shall say, Put me, I pray thee, into one of the priests' offices, that I may eat a piece of bread.

Deuteronomy 18

¹The priests the Levites, and all the tribe of Levi, shall have no part nor inheritance with Israel: they shall eat the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and his inheritance.

At last ! An admission that de lard had a father, else how would de lard have inheritance ?

²Therefore shall they have no inheritance among their brethren: the LORD is their inheritance, as he hath said unto them.

Not directly of course, but through oracles or prophets

³And this shall be the priest's due from the people, from them that offer a sacrifice, whether it be ox or sheep; and they shall give unto the priest the shoulder, and the two cheeks, and the maw.

Funny how these sacrifices to de lard always end up with a good meal for the priesthood.

⁴The firstfruit also of thy corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the first of the fleece of thy sheep, shalt thou give him.

⁵For the LORD thy God hath chosen him out of all thy tribes, to stand to minister in the name of the LORD, him and his sons for ever.

If de lard had really chosen these people from his chosen it would imply a breeding programme. The fact that there are now not any specific differences between the levites descendants and the rest of humanity implies one of several things,either the levites have been fucking out of their desired genetic pool, de lard has the attention span of a retarded galactic goldfish or de lard just don't exist.

⁶And if a Levite come from any of thy gates out of all Israel, where he sojourned, and come with all the desire of his mind unto the place which the LORD shall choose;

⁷Then he shall minister in the name of the LORD his God, as all his brethren the Levites do, which stand there before the LORD.

⁸They shall have like portions to eat, beside that which cometh of the sale of his patrimony.

They must have been some fat fuckers.

⁹When thou art come into the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations.

Like freedom of thought, bacon and seafood.

¹⁰There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch.

¹¹Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.

Does this not incude speaking bollocks in tongues ?

¹²For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

¹³Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.

Fuck me! According to his own propaganda de lard started with a clean slate and fucked it up. He couldn't out wit a woman so naive she was beyond innocence, who was coerced by persuasive python to disobey an order she couldn't have really understood.

Now he wants a minuscule portion of her alleged descendants not to strive for perfection but to be perfect, what a cunt why should he expect more from us than he is capable of himself.

¹⁴For these nations, which thou shalt possess, hearkened unto observers of times, and unto diviners: but as for thee, the LORD thy God hath not suffered thee so to do.

¹⁵The LORD thy God will raise up unto thee a Prophet from the midst of thee, of thy brethren, like unto me; unto him ye shall hearken;

So what exactly is the difference between an embodied oracle, a seer and a prophet ?

¹⁶According to all that thou desiredst of the LORD thy God in Horeb in the day of the assembly, saying, Let me not hear again the voice of the LORD my God, neither let me see this great fire any more, that I die not.

¹⁷And the LORD said unto me, They have well spoken that which they have spoken.

¹⁸I will raise them up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command him.

Is this what Mr Tedder referred to ? If so it says prophet not messiah.

¹⁹And it shall come to pass, that whosoever will not hearken unto my words which he shall speak in my name, I will require it of him.

²⁰But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

I say de lard said to me "Tell my children they have made me up and I don't exist"

²¹And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken?

A while back it talked of your heart being circumcised, now you can speak through your heart. I say this , If you can hear your heart speak you know it's talking bollocks

²²When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.

Deuteronomy 3

¹Then we turned, and went up the way to Bashan: and Og the king of Bashan came out against us, he and all his people, to battle at Edrei.

²And the LORD said unto me, Fear him not: for I will deliver him, and all his people, and his land, into thy hand; and thou shalt do unto him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon.

So there you have it in de words of de lard !

³So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.

⁴And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

⁵All these cities were fenced with high walls, gates, and bars; beside unwalled towns a great many.

Walled cities were hard to lay siege to unless you knew what you were doing. This implies skills you would not develop living in tents in the desert.e.g. building siege ramps and siege towers.

⁶And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.

Again I can't help but wonder why ? How much land do these people need ?

I really do suspect that a small community has got caught up in the invasion that is recorded in the armana letters and if that's the case it is the leader of the sea peoples that is now called god,as I said earlier, I wonder whether it is the same Moses.

⁷But all the cattle, and the spoil of the cities, we took for a prey to ourselves.

⁸And we took at that time out of the hand of the two kings of the Amorites the land that was on this side Jordan, from the river of Arnon unto mount Hermon;

⁹(Which Hermon the Sidonians call Sirion; and the Amorites call it Shenir;)

¹⁰All the cities of the plain, and all Gilead, and all Bashan, unto Salchah and Edrei, cities of the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

¹¹For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man.

I think here what we have isn't a giants bed but a giant bed... four cubits long and nine cubits wide. A bed made not for a giant to sleep on, but a bed to have orgies on. Og was not a giant ,he was however a stallion.

¹²And this land, which we possessed at that time, from Aroer, which is by the river Arnon, and half mount Gilead, and the cities thereof, gave I unto the Reubenites and to the Gadites.

¹³And the rest of Gilead, and all Bashan, being the kingdom of Og, gave I unto the half tribe of Manasseh; all the region of Argob, with all Bashan, which was called the land of giants.

¹⁴Jair the son of Manasseh took all the country of Argob unto the coasts of Geshuri and Maachathi; and called them after his own name, Bashanhavothjair, unto this day.

¹⁵And I gave Gilead unto Machir.

¹⁶And unto the Reubenites and unto the Gadites I gave from Gilead even unto the river Arnon half the valley, and the border even unto the river Jabbok, which is the border of the children of Ammon;

¹⁷The plain also, and Jordan, and the coast thereof, from Chinnereth even unto the sea of the plain, even the salt sea, under Ashdothpisgah eastward.

¹⁸And I commanded you at that time, saying, The LORD your God hath given you this land to possess it: ye shall pass over armed before your brethren the children of Israel, all that are meet for the war.

¹⁹But your wives, and your little ones, and your cattle, (for I know that ye have much cattle,) shall abide in your cities which I have given you;

Typical ! Leave the women to tidy up the mess,look after the kids and feed the animals.

²⁰Until the LORD have given rest unto your brethren, as well as unto you, and until they also possess the land which the LORD your God hath given them beyond Jordan: and then shall ye return every man unto his possession, which I have given you.

²¹And I commanded Joshua at that time, saying, Thine eyes have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto these two kings: so shall the LORD do unto all the kingdoms whither thou passest.

²²Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you.

²³And I besought the LORD at that time, saying,

²⁴O Lord GOD, thou hast begun to shew thy servant thy greatness, and thy mighty hand: for what God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works, and according to thy might?

²⁵I pray thee, let me go over, and see the good land that is beyond Jordan, that goodly mountain, and Lebanon.

So they have got enough space to live. Its just old Moses wants world domination.

Of course there is another option....all this happened in the mind of moses and some scribes wrote his utterances before he died.

²⁶But the LORD was wroth with me for your sakes, and would not hear me: and the LORD said unto me, Let it suffice thee; speak no more unto me of this matter.

This last verse suggests to me this god is a man, a general or king either with a pre set agenda or he didn't go that way because that was his home turf.

²⁷Get thee up into the top of Pisgah, and lift up thine eyes westward, and northward, and southward, and eastward, and behold it with thine eyes: for thou shalt not go over this Jordan.

²⁸But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

²⁹So we abode in the valley over against Bethpeor.

Numbers 29

¹And in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work: it is a day of blowing the trumpets unto you.

No servile work....... but you will spend the day blowing trumpets.....

²And ye shall offer a burnt offering for a sweet savour unto the LORD; one young bullock, one ram, and seven lambs of the first year without blemish:

...........and offering sacrifices

³And their meat offering shall be of flour mingled with oil, three tenth deals for a bullock, and two tenth deals for a ram,

⁴And one tenth deal for one lamb, throughout the seven lambs:

⁵And one kid of the goats for a sin offering, to make an atonement for you:

⁶Beside the burnt offering of the month, and his meat offering, and the daily burnt offering, and his meat offering, and their drink offerings, according unto their manner, for a sweet savour, a sacrifice made by fire unto the LORD.

⁷And ye shall have on the tenth day of this seventh month an holy convocation; and ye shall afflict your souls: ye shall not do any work therein:

⁸But ye shall offer a burnt offering unto the LORD for a sweet savour; one young bullock, one ram, and seven lambs of the first year; they shall be unto you without blemish:

⁹And their meat offering shall be of flour mingled with oil, three tenth deals to a bullock, and two tenth deals to one ram,

¹⁰A several tenth deal for one lamb, throughout the seven lambs:

¹¹One kid of the goats for a sin offering; beside the sin offering of atonement, and the continual burnt offering, and the meat offering of it, and their drink offerings.

¹²And on the fifteenth day of the seventh month ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work, and ye shall keep a feast unto the LORD seven days:

¹³And ye shall offer a burnt offering, a sacrifice made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD; thirteen young bullocks, two rams, and fourteen lambs of the first year; they shall be without blemish:

¹⁴And their meat offering shall be of flour mingled with oil, three tenth deals unto every bullock of the thirteen bullocks, two tenth deals to each ram of the two rams,

¹⁵And a several tenth deal to each lamb of the fourteen lambs:

¹⁶And one kid of the goats for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering.

¹⁷And on the second day ye shall offer twelve young bullocks, two rams, fourteen lambs of the first year without spot:

¹⁸And their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

¹⁹And one kid of the goats for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, and the meat offering thereof, and their drink offerings.

²⁰And on the third day eleven bullocks, two rams, fourteen lambs of the first year without blemish;

What ! No mention of a partridge in a pear tree ?

²¹And their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

²²And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, and his meat offering, and his drink offering.

²³And on the fourth day ten bullocks, two rams, and fourteen lambs of the first year without blemish:

²⁴Their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

²⁵And one kid of the goats for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering.

²⁶And on the fifth day nine bullocks, two rams, and fourteen lambs of the first year without spot:

²⁷And their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

²⁸And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, and his meat offering, and his drink offering.

²⁹And on the sixth day eight bullocks, two rams, and fourteen lambs of the first year without blemish:

³⁰And their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

³¹And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering.

³²And on the seventh day seven bullocks, two rams, and fourteen lambs of the first year without blemish:

³³And their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullocks, for the rams, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

³⁴And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering.

³⁵On the eighth day ye shall have a solemn assembly: ye shall do no servile work therein:

³⁶But ye shall offer a burnt offering, a sacrifice made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD: one bullock, one ram, seven lambs of the first year without blemish:

³⁷Their meat offering and their drink offerings for the bullock, for the ram, and for the lambs, shall be according to their number, after the manner:

³⁸And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, and his meat offering, and his drink offering.

³⁹These things ye shall do unto the LORD in your set feasts, beside your vows, and your freewill offerings, for your burnt offerings, and for your meat offerings, and for your drink offerings, and for your peace offerings.

So we are still going with the theme of the lard thy gawd and his priesthood demanding a slice of your hard earned for no reason than he and they can.

⁴⁰And Moses told the children of Israel according to all that the LORD commanded Moses.