Genesis 10

In the King list there is obvious exaggerations of age and it is in essence just a list of names with the odd note telling of changes in the structure of ruling cities and kings, but it contains interest,you read it and feel you have read something of value.

Now we have the biblical equivelent you read this and you've had enough in a few lines you can sum it up as.
Monotany begat tedium begat boredom... yawn.. snore..............

Genesis 10

¹Now these are the generations of the sons of Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth: and unto them were sons born after the flood. ²The sons of Japheth; Gomer, and Magog, and Madai, and Javan, and Tubal, and Meshech, and Tiras. ³And the sons of Gomer; Ashkenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah. ⁴And the sons of Javan; Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim. ⁵By these were the isles of the Gentiles divided in their lands; every one after his tongue, after their families, in their nations. ⁶And the sons of Ham; Cush, and Mizraim, and Phut, and Canaan. ⁷And the sons of Cush; Seba, and Havilah, and Sabtah, and Raamah, and Sabtechah: and the sons of Raamah; Sheba, and Dedan. ⁸And Cush begat Nimrod: he began to be a mighty one in the earth. ⁹He was a mighty hunter before the LORD: wherefore it is said, Even as Nimrod the mighty hunter before the LORD. ¹⁰And the beginning of his kingdom was Babel, and Erech, and Accad, and Calneh, in the land of Shinar. ¹¹Out of that land went forth Asshur, and builded Nineveh, and the city Rehoboth, and Calah, ¹²And Resen between Nineveh and Calah: the same is a great city. ¹³And Mizraim begat Ludim, and Anamim, and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim,
¹⁴And Pathrusim, and Casluhim, (out of whom came Philistim,) and Caphtorim. ¹⁵And Canaan begat Sidon his first born, and Heth, ¹⁶And the Jebusite, and the Amorite, and the Girgasite,
¹⁷And the Hivite, and the Arkite, and the Sinite, ¹⁸And the Arvadite, and the Zemarite, and the Hamathite: and afterward were the families of the Canaanites spread abroad.
¹⁹And the border of the Canaanites was from Sidon, as thou comest to Gerar, unto Gaza; as thou goest, unto Sodom, and Gomorrah, and Admah, and Zeboim, even unto Lasha.
²⁰These are the sons of Ham, after their families, after their tongues, in their countries, and in their nations. ²¹Unto Shem also, the father of all the children of Eber, the brother of Japheth the elder, even to him were children born. ²²The children of Shem; Elam, and Asshur, and Arphaxad, and Lud, and Aram. ²³And the children of Aram; Uz, and Hul, and Gether, and Mash. ²⁴And Arphaxad begat Salah; and Salah begat Eber. ²⁵And unto Eber were born two sons: the name of one was Peleg; for in his days was the earth divided; and his brother's name was Joktan. ²⁶And Joktan begat Almodad, and Sheleph, and Hazarmaveth, and Jerah, ²⁷And Hadoram, and Uzal, and Diklah, ²⁸And Obal, and Abimael, and Sheba, ²⁹And Ophir, and Havilah, and Jobab: all these were the sons of Joktan. ³⁰And their dwelling was from Mesha, as thou goest unto Sephar a mount of the east. ³¹These are the sons of Shem, after their families, after their tongues, in their lands, after their nations. ³²These are the families of the sons of Noah, after their generations, in their nations: and by these were the nations divided in the earth after the flood.
Nimrod has long been thought of to be the same king as Gilgamesch but why should names change that much. Verse 31 seems to imply that the great great grandsons of Noah were speaking different languages or tongues. Perhaps all that inbreeding had caused malformed mouths, and different branches of the family couldn't understand each other. In the king list cities were built and conquered in the name of the ruling monarch. In the Bible after the food the only men alive are in the list why would they disperse as far as it is reported. Would I be wrong in thinking here that someone is trying to pull a fast one. Or did they really just not get on.

Genesis 9

Genesis 9

¹And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
God told them to fuck off.
²And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
³Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
⁴But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.
You would have thought that with the lack of animals around he would have given them manna to eat for a year or so mind you by now there were probably a few hundred evil bunnies.
⁵And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man.
Is he saying he wants blood ? You would have thought he had a world full of it. Maybe he put too much water with it.
⁶Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.
Now I am confused.
⁷And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.
He wants every thing to have lots of sex.
⁸And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,
⁹And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;
¹⁰And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth.
¹¹And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
¹²And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:

He seems to be saying the descendants of all creatures man included will never drown so is that not an admission that other creatures lived through the flood ?
¹³I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
¹⁴And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:
¹⁵And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.
¹⁶And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
¹⁷And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
No more floods that lasted a long time didn't it ?
So before the flood light didn't refract through water droplets in the air.
¹⁸And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan.
¹⁹These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
²⁰And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
The first thing I think I have read that makes sense. But after what happened to Abel I am surprised he planted anything or knowing god firsthand he guessed the senile old twat wouldn't notice.
²¹And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
²²And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
That is the second.
²³And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.
Their faces were backward? More than their faces were backward what sons in thier right mind will miss the chance to rip the piss out of thier old man when he's shitfaced ? Something not right about these two boys.
²⁴And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
Noah is apparently embarressed that his son saw his wang. Why ? the only reason I can think of is it must have been pitifully small. With impeccable logic for Ham peeking at his pecker he curses Canaan who was probably tucked up in a tent in bed.Perhaps Canaan's cock already was greater than granpa's gonads.
²⁵And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.
²⁶And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
²⁷God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
There's that fatherly love and fairness to his children all over again, I see why god picked noah now he was nearly as much as an arsehole as god perhaps noah was the only one god could find with a more miniscule member.
²⁸And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.
²⁹And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died.

Genesis 7

¹And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.
²Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
³Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
⁴For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
Is this saying the ark was conceived, designed, materials ordered, delivered and constructed in seven days ? Even if it was already built it would take a team of navvies on meth to keep up with the build up of crap after the first six hours.Or has the old twat been at it since he was a young lad of a mere 500
⁵And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.
⁶And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.
By a six hundred year old man ! I am surprised he could remember his own name.
⁷And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.
⁸Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth,
All them nooks and crannies bet the were more than two spiders.
⁹There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.
From all over the world ? One things for sure they weren’t using TNT or AmEx for shipping.
¹⁰And it came to pass after seven days, that the waters of the flood were upon the earth.
And loaded ?
¹¹In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.
¹²And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
¹³In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark;
¹⁴They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.
¹⁵And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.
¹⁶And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.
Is this except the giants ?
¹⁷And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.
¹⁸And the waters prevailed, and were increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark went upon the face of the waters.
¹⁹And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered.
²⁰Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.
I am sure the Ark had a depth of 30 cubits, loaded up with all those animals would there be enough displacement for it to float. Have Mountains grown ,15 cubits wouldn’t cover the mountains in Norfolk.(England)
²¹And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:
²²All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.
²³And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.
²⁴And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.
This is all really dramatic but surely an entity that could wish the universe into existence in seven days, just wish the bad bunnies out of existence or create a disease that only affected the evil things or just made them sterile. Oh sorry I forgot it’s because he gets his jollies from punishment.
Is JHWH some how an ancient word for BDSM ?