Numbers 20

¹Then came the children of Israel, even the whole congregation, into the desert of Zin in the first month: and the people abode in Kadesh; and Miriam died there, and was buried there.

Is the desert of Zin not the same as the wilderness of Sin ?I would think we were getting into another flashback but there was no mention of miriam the first time round... Yes Miriam had leprosy ...was cured ...now dead. Well she was cured well eh!.

²And there was no water for the congregation: and they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron.

Are we sure we havn't been here before, so far it seems almost, but not quite like, nearly similar to Exodus 17

³And the people chode with Moses, and spake, saying, Would God that we had died when our brethren died before the LORD!

They really should be careful what they wish for........

⁴And why have ye brought up the congregation of the LORD into this wilderness, that we and our cattle should die there?

⁵And wherefore have ye made us to come up out of Egypt, to bring us in unto this evil place? it is no place of seed, or of figs, or of vines, or of pomegranates; neither is there any water to drink.

They had plenty of wine a chapter or two ago and a few thousand less thirsts to quench since the Levites aroma therapy.

⁶And Moses and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and they fell upon their faces: and the glory of the LORD appeared unto them.

⁷And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁸Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly together, thou, and Aaron thy brother, and speak ye unto the rock before their eyes; and it shall give forth his water, and thou shalt bring forth to them water out of the rock: so thou shalt give the congregation and their beasts drink.

I would have thought that yhwh with his sense of the theatrical(the need to show off how powerful he is) added to the fact that he was regarded by the more civilised as a minor storm god would have just made it rain, probably with a little thunder and lightning on the side, but surprisingly Moses has to sweet talk the rock this time, the last time he had to strike it.

⁹And Moses took the rod from before the LORD, as he commanded him.

¹⁰And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock, and he said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock?

¹¹And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also.

The last time moses did this trick I suggested he had broken into someones water supply, which was why they ended up fighting the forces of Amelek perhaps the Idea of speaking to the rock this meant he should ask whosever water it was, to supply them. This should end well.

¹²And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron, Because ye believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them.

¹³This is the water of Meribah; because the children of Israel strove with the LORD, and he was sanctified in them.

¹⁴And Moses sent messengers from Kadesh unto the king of Edom, Thus saith thy brother Israel, Thou knowest all the travail that hath befallen us:

I thought they were supposed to be lost. That last verse suggests Moses knew exactly where they were.

¹⁵How our fathers went down into Egypt, and we have dwelt in Egypt a long time; and the Egyptians vexed us, and our fathers:

¹⁶And when we cried unto the LORD, he heard our voice, and sent an angel, and hath brought us forth out of Egypt: and, behold, we are in Kadesh, a city in the uttermost of thy border:

¹⁷Let us pass, I pray thee, through thy country: we will not pass through the fields, or through the vineyards, neither will we drink of the water of the wells: we will go by the king's high way, we will not turn to the right hand nor to the left, until we have passed thy borders.

¹⁸And Edom said unto him, Thou shalt not pass by me, lest I come out against thee with the sword.

I still am far from convinced that this is not a re-hashing of exodus 17. Was the ruler of Edom at the time Amelek ?

¹⁹And the children of Israel said unto him, We will go by the high way: and if I and my cattle drink of thy water, then I will pay for it: I will only, without doing anything else, go through on my feet.

²⁰And he said, Thou shalt not go through. And Edom came out against him with much people, and with a strong hand.

What possible reason could Amelek Edom have for refusing said passage ?

²¹Thus Edom refused to give Israel passage through his border: wherefore Israel turned away from him.

But , but, Moses has the alpowerful almighty all arse hole on his side, why on earth would Moses have to go round ? Apart from it all being bullshit of course.

²²And the children of Israel, even the whole congregation, journeyed from Kadesh, and came unto mount Hor.

²³And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in mount Hor, by the coast of the land of Edom, saying,

²⁴Aaron shall be gathered unto his people: for he shall not enter into the land which I have given unto the children of Israel, because ye rebelled against my word at the water of Meribah.

Hmmm, is there trouble brewing amongst the brothers ?

²⁵Take Aaron and Eleazar his son, and bring them up unto mount Hor:

²⁶And strip Aaron of his garments, and put them upon Eleazar his son: and Aaron shall be gathered unto his people, and shall die there.

Just like that !

²⁷And Moses did as the LORD commanded: and they went up into mount Hor in the sight of all the congregation.

²⁸And Moses stripped Aaron of his garments, and put them upon Eleazar his son; and Aaron died there in the top of the mount: and Moses and Eleazar came down from the mount.

Aaron just up and died did he ? Moses just didn't happen to well....kill him ?

²⁹And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they mourned for Aaron thirty days, even all the house of Israel.

I'll bet they did. Aaron was definately the saner of the two brothers

Numbers 19

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,

²This is the ordinance of the law which the LORD hath commanded, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring thee a red heifer without spot, wherein is no blemish, and upon which never came yoke:

³And ye shall give her unto Eleazar the priest, that he may bring her forth without the camp, and one shall slay her before his face:

⁴And Eleazar the priest shall take of her blood with his finger, and sprinkle of her blood directly before the tabernacle of the congregation seven times:

⁵And one shall burn the heifer in his sight; her skin, and her flesh, and her blood, with her dung, shall he burn:

⁶And the priest shall take cedar wood, and hyssop, and scarlet, and cast it into the midst of the burning of the heifer.

⁷Then the priest shall wash his clothes, and he shall bathe his flesh in water, and afterward he shall come into the camp, and the priest shall be unclean until the even.

⁸And he that burneth her shall wash his clothes in water, and bathe his flesh in water, and shall be unclean until the even.

⁹And a man that is clean shall gather up the ashes of the heifer, and lay them up without the camp in a clean place, and it shall be kept for the congregation of the children of Israel for a water of separation: it is a purification for sin.

¹⁰And he that gathereth the ashes of the heifer shall wash his clothes, and be unclean until the even: and it shall be unto the children of Israel, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among them, for a statute for ever.

I am curious, there seems to be no reason for this slaughter, yet the cremation seems to be complete, far more than the standard sacrifice.

Or perhaps I am missing the point. Maybe , just maybe if it is completely burned does it appear on the spiritual plane so god can fuck it at his leisure, with no witnesses, unlike when he tempted Aaron with the goat. Or maybe someone, somewhere, was worried that the heifer would kiss and tell.

However the following passages are for the time and accepted location reasonable guidelines for dealing with the dead. Implying a rudimentary idea of the spread and possible attempt to control some diseases.

¹¹He that toucheth the dead body of any man shall be unclean seven days.

¹²He shall purify himself with it on the third day, and on the seventh day he shall be clean: but if he purify not himself the third day, then the seventh day he shall not be clean.

On the other hand it could just be a load of ritualised religious bullshit designed to make the peasants feel something has been done for their deceased loved ones.

Either way I am sure it will involve the priesthood getting a few shekels for the privilege

¹³Whosoever toucheth the dead body of any man that is dead, and purifieth not himself, defileth the tabernacle of the LORD; and that soul shall be cut off from Israel: because the water of separation was not sprinkled upon him, he shall be unclean; his uncleanness is yet upon him.

¹⁴This is the law, when a man dieth in a tent: all that come into the tent, and all that is in the tent, shall be unclean seven days.

¹⁵And every open vessel, which hath no covering bound upon it, is unclean.

¹⁶And whosoever toucheth one that is slain with a sword in the open fields, or a dead body, or a bone of a man, or a grave, shall be unclean seven days.

¹⁷And for an unclean person they shall take of the ashes of the burnt heifer of purification for sin, and running water shall be put thereto in a vessel:

¹⁸And a clean person shall take hyssop, and dip it in the water, and sprinkle it upon the tent, and upon all the vessels, and upon the persons that were there, and upon him that touched a bone, or one slain, or one dead, or a grave:

¹⁹And the clean person shall sprinkle upon the unclean on the third day, and on the seventh day: and on the seventh day he shall purify himself, and wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and shall be clean at even.

²⁰But the man that shall be unclean, and shall not purify himself, that soul shall be cut off from among the congregation, because he hath defiled the sanctuary of the LORD: the water of separation hath not been sprinkled upon him; he is unclean.

²¹And it shall be a perpetual statute unto them, that he that sprinkleth the water of separation shall wash his clothes; and he that toucheth the water of separation shall be unclean until even.

²²And whatsoever the unclean person toucheth shall be unclean; and the soul that toucheth it shall be unclean until even.

Regardless of your culture the death of someone close to you , has an affect. Unfortunately for the religious, especially the christian branches of the judeo-christiqan tree the grieving process has been hijacked, on the pretext of some mediation between god and the dead sinner. Mourners are now subjected to a tirade of bullshit pertaining to jesus and what a good bloke he was instead of what a wonderful person the dead dude was. Perhaps death would be better tackled in remembering the good times with a person than focusing purely on the fact that they are now dead. You would have thought that since people have been dying since long before people were people that society would have by now worked out a better way to deal with it than saying He/She is in a better place.

Numbers 18

¹And the LORD said unto Aaron, Thou and thy sons and thy father's house with thee shall bear the iniquity of the sanctuary: and thou and thy sons with thee shall bear the iniquity of your priesthood.

So Moses is allowing Aaron to speak to god without a chaperone perhaps as long as there is no goat.

²And thy brethren also of the tribe of Levi, the tribe of thy father, bring thou with thee, that they may be joined unto thee, and minister unto thee: but thou and thy sons with thee shall minister before the tabernacle of witness.

³And they shall keep thy charge, and the charge of all the tabernacle: only they shall not come nigh the vessels of the sanctuary and the altar, that neither they, nor ye also, die.

⁴And they shall be joined unto thee, and keep the charge of the tabernacle of the congregation, for all the service of the tabernacle: and a stranger shall not come nigh unto you.

⁵And ye shall keep the charge of the sanctuary, and the charge of the altar: that there be no wrath any more upon the children of Israel.

Another of de lawds great prophesies not worth a castrated wank with the world condemnation for their recent actions.

⁶And I, behold, I have taken your brethren the Levites from among the children of Israel: to you they are given as a gift for the LORD, to do the service of the tabernacle of the congregation.

So Moses god didn't kill ALL the levites just the ones who disagreed with him

⁷Therefore thou and thy sons with thee shall keep your priest's office for everything of the altar, and within the vail; and ye shall serve: I have given your priest's office unto you as a service of gift: and the stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death.

I am sure that they were supposed to be nice to strangers

⁸And the LORD spake unto Aaron, Behold, I also have given thee the charge of mine heave offerings of all the hallowed things of the children of Israel; unto thee have I given them by reason of the anointing, and to thy sons, by an ordinance for ever.

So now their parasitical position that they have been making the most of is now sanctified by god

⁹This shall be thine of the most holy things, reserved from the fire: every oblation of their's, every meat offering of their's, and every sin offering of their's, and every trespass offering of their's which they shall render unto me, shall be most holy for thee and for thy sons.

¹⁰In the most holy place shalt thou eat it; every male shall eat it: it shall be holy unto thee.

So "the most holy place shalt thou eat" is either a euphemism for cunnilingus or the big Tent as I thought is being used as a mess hall.

¹¹And this is thine; the heave offering of their gift, with all the wave offerings of the children of Israel: I have given them unto thee, and to thy sons and to thy daughters with thee, by a statute for ever: every one that is clean in thy house shall eat of it.

¹²All the best of the oil, and all the best of the wine, and of the wheat, the firstfruits of them which they shall offer unto the LORD, them have I given thee.

¹³And whatsoever is first ripe in the land, which they shall bring unto the LORD, shall be thine; every one that is clean in thine house shall eat of it.

¹⁴Every thing devoted in Israel shall be thine.

¹⁵Every thing that openeth the matrix in all flesh, which they bring unto the LORD, whether it be of men or beasts, shall be thine: nevertheless the firstborn of man shalt thou surely redeem, and the firstling of unclean beasts shalt thou redeem.

Is this implying man is unclean........You dirty, dirty boy !

¹⁶And those that are to be redeemed from a month old shalt thou redeem, according to thine estimation, for the money of five shekels, after the shekel of the sanctuary, which is twenty gerahs.

¹⁷But the firstling of a cow, or the firstling of a sheep, or the firstling of a goat, thou shalt not redeem; they are holy: thou shalt sprinkle their blood upon the altar, and shalt burn their fat for an offering made by fire, for a sweet savour unto the LORD.

¹⁸And the flesh of them shall be thine, as the wave breast and as the right shoulder are thine.

¹⁹All the heave offerings of the holy things, which the children of Israel offer unto the LORD, have I given thee, and thy sons and thy daughters with thee, by a statute for ever: it is a covenant of salt for ever before the LORD unto thee and to thy seed with thee.

²⁰And the LORD spake unto Aaron, Thou shalt have no inheritance in their land, neither shalt thou have any part among them: I am thy part and thine inheritance among the children of Israel.

²¹And, behold, I have given the children of Levi all the tenth in Israel for an inheritance, for their service which they serve, even the service of the tabernacle of the congregation.

²²Neither must the children of Israel henceforth come nigh the tabernacle of the congregation, lest they bear sin, and die.

²³But the Levites shall do the service of the tabernacle of the congregation, and they shall bear their iniquity: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations, that among the children of Israel they have no inheritance.

²⁴But the tithes of the children of Israel, which they offer as an heave offering unto the LORD, I have given to the Levites to inherit: therefore I have said unto them, Among the children of Israel they shall have no inheritance.

One tenth seems a bit steep seeings how there is no utilities or any infrastructure of anykind but then just as you are thinking de lawd and his minions have finally clicked on to the obvious precept that a so called imaginary "spiritual" being does not need gold, food or any other trappings of the wealthy or for that matter living beings.He comes out with this......²⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁶Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, even a tenth part of the tithe.

²⁷And this your heave offering shall be reckoned unto you, as though it were the corn of the threshingfloor, and as the fulness of the winepress.

²⁸Thus ye also shall offer an heave offering unto the LORD of all your tithes, which ye receive of the children of Israel; and ye shall give thereof the LORD'S heave offering to Aaron the priest.

²⁹Out of all your gifts ye shall offer every heave offering of the LORD, of all the best thereof, even the hallowed part thereof out of it.

³⁰Therefore thou shalt say unto them, When ye have heaved the best thereof from it, then it shall be counted unto the Levites as the increase of the threshingfloor, and as the increase of the winepress.

³¹And ye shall eat it in every place, ye and your households: for it is your reward for your service in the tabernacle of the congregation.

³²And ye shall bear no sin by reason of it, when ye have heaved from it the best of it: neither shall ye pollute the holy things of the children of Israel, lest ye die.


I cannot claim to be a great mathematician by any means however something becomes immediately apparent and it MUST be true it's in the bible. The preisthood takes 10% of everyones earnings, this enables them to live, become incredibly rich.They then give 10% of that to god. This means god only wants 1% of the inital wealth.
So when certain branches of the judeo-christian are demanding de lawds tenth, they are lying,
de lawd only wants a one th
I'll bet they are more interested in thier ninth.

Numbers 16

¹Now Korah, the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men:

²And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown.

Now are you surprised, even some of the higher up people are still not convinced.Perhaps god appearing on the mountain with the fire and smoke was not quite so impressive as we had been led to believe.

³And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?

⁴And when Moses heard it, he fell upon his face:

Oh the shame ,they have uncovered the sham.

⁵And he spake unto Korah and unto all his company, saying, Even to morrow the LORD will shew who are his, and who is holy; and will cause him to come near unto him: even him whom he hath chosen will he cause to come near unto him.

⁶This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company;

⁷And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy: ye take too much upon you, ye sons of Levi.

I smell a rat here.

⁸And Moses said unto Korah, Hear, I pray you, ye sons of Levi:

⁹Seemeth it but a small thing unto you, that the God of Israel hath separated you from the congregation of Israel, to bring you near to himself to do the service of the tabernacle of the LORD, and to stand before the congregation to minister unto them?

¹⁰And he hath brought thee near to him, and all thy brethren the sons of Levi with thee: and seek ye the priesthood also?

¹¹For which cause both thou and all thy company are gathered together against the LORD: and what is Aaron, that ye murmur against him?

¹²And Moses sent to call Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab: which said, We will not come up:

¹³Is it a small thing that thou hast brought us up out of a land that floweth with milk and honey, to kill us in the wilderness, except thou make thyself altogether a prince over us?

Yep they seem to have seen the truth.

¹⁴Moreover thou hast not brought us into a land that floweth with milk and honey, or given us inheritance of fields and vineyards: wilt thou put out the eyes of these men? we will not come up.

¹⁵And Moses was very wroth, and said unto the LORD, Respect not thou their offering: I have not taken one ass from them, neither have I hurt one of them.

¹⁶And Moses said unto Korah, Be thou and all thy company before the LORD, thou, and they, and Aaron, to morrow:

¹⁷And take every man his censer, and put incense in them, and bring ye before the LORD every man his censer, two hundred and fifty censers; thou also, and Aaron, each of you his censer.

Call me a sceptic if you like ,but is it not possible to put a substance in the censers that when burnt could give off noxious vapours.

¹⁸And they took every man his censer, and put fire in them, and laid incense thereon, and stood in the door of the tabernacle of the congregation with Moses and Aaron.

¹⁹And Korah gathered all the congregation against them unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation: and the glory of the LORD appeared unto all the congregation.

²⁰And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,

²¹Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment.

So they don't breathe the smoke from the censers perhaps ?

²²And they fell upon their faces, and said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation?

²³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁴Speak unto the congregation, saying, Get you up from about the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram.

²⁵And Moses rose up and went unto Dathan and Abiram; and the elders of Israel followed him.

²⁶And he spake unto the congregation, saying, Depart, I pray you, from the tents of these wicked men, and touch nothing of their's, lest ye be consumed in all their sins.

Like I said.

²⁷So they gat up from the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, on every side: and Dathan and Abiram came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children.

²⁸And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me to do all these works; for I have not done them of mine own mind.

²⁹If these men die the common death of all men, or if they be visited after the visitation of all men; then the LORD hath not sent me.

³⁰But if the LORD make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD.

³¹And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them:

³²And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.

A minor localised earthquake or just the fact that they fell over having come down with a sudden case of death ?

³³They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.

³⁴And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also.

³⁵And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense.

Then a sudden burst of fire wow god has excelled himself, surely a short cooee I'm here really would have quieted the doubters ?

³⁶And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

³⁷Speak unto Eleazar the son of Aaron the priest, that he take up the censers out of the burning, and scatter thou the fire yonder; for they are hallowed.

Now the censers are emptied by "one of the faithful" and become "hallowed" the phrase robbing the dead not an issue here then.

³⁸The censers of these sinners against their own souls, let them make them broad plates for a covering of the altar: for they offered them before the LORD, therefore they are hallowed: and they shall be a sign unto the children of Israel.

³⁹And Eleazar the priest took the brasen censers, wherewith they that were burnt had offered; and they were made broad plates for a covering of the altar:

⁴⁰To be a memorial unto the children of Israel, that no stranger, which is not of the seed of Aaron, come near to offer incense before the LORD; that he be not as Korah, and as his company: as the LORD said to him by the hand of Moses.

⁴¹But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD.

⁴²And it came to pass, when the congregation was gathered against Moses and against Aaron, that they looked toward the tabernacle of the congregation: and, behold, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the LORD appeared.

⁴³And Moses and Aaron came before the tabernacle of the congregation.

⁴⁴And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁴⁵Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces.

⁴⁶And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun.

⁴⁷And Aaron took as Moses commanded, and ran into the midst of the congregation; and, behold, the plague was begun among the people: and he put on incense, and made an atonement for the people.

Burning incense = more death, no reason to suspect any thing other than a supernatural event.

⁴⁸And he stood between the dead and the living; and the plague was stayed.

⁴⁹Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah.

I do somehow think that someone's death just to prove a point, is a tad extreme. But this however, is beyond extreme and has to make Moses one of the "greatest mass murderers in known history. That's on the assumption this really did happen.

⁵⁰And Aaron returned unto Moses unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation: and the plague was stayed.

Addendum
Since posting this I found this
Yes I know the Roman era was much later but I ask you this. Technologically speaking how much was that different from circa 1400bce. to 1400ce. ?

Numbers 12

¹And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.

Aaron is complaining ? Fucking a goat with god is OK for him, but marrying an Ethiopian woman is something to complain about. It's just jealousy that's all, because theres one thing guaranteed from an Ethiopian ...they will always swallow.

²And they said, Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us? And the LORD heard it.

"Spoken BY us" not spoken TO us..... That about sums it up

³(Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)

Meek....MEEK.....has the meaning of meek changed ? Moses has been shown to be tyrannical,bull headed, forceful even batshit crazy but meek, where or when the fuck did that happen ?

⁴And the LORD spake suddenly unto Moses, and unto Aaron, and unto Miriam, Come out ye three unto the tabernacle of the congregation. And they three came out.

So god has suddenly lowered his standards and started talking to a woman?Is this the same Miriam we were introduced to in exodus ?Or is Miriam a general phrase like "Sheila" in modern day Australia

⁵And the LORD came down in the pillar of the cloud, and stood in the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam: and they both came forth.

Are women allowed in the big tent ? How come god has ignored women since Eve went against her god given nature and questioned gods logic and then disobeyed him and all of a sudden is on first name terms with a woman who may or may not be Moses and Aarons sister ?

⁶And he said, Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream.

A direct conversion is to much trouble then, has the cost of pyrotechnics gone up.

Also note god say's "him"

⁷My servant Moses is not so, who is faithful in all mine house.

So Moses is not a prophet... more of a profit I suppose.

⁸With him will I speak mouth to mouth, even apparently, and not in dark speeches; and the similitude of the LORD shall he behold: wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?

⁹And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them; and he departed.

¹⁰And the cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam became leprous, white as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, she was leprous.

Ah ! I see, she is the "token" previously unknown member of the cast.

¹¹And Aaron said unto Moses, Alas, my lord, I beseech thee, lay not the sin upon us, wherein we have done foolishly, and wherein we have sinned.

¹²Let her not be as one dead, of whom the flesh is half consumed when he cometh out of his mother's womb.

¹³And Moses cried unto the LORD, saying, Heal her now, O God, I beseech thee.

¹⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days? let her be shut out from the camp seven days, and after that let her be received in again.

¹⁵And Miriam was shut out from the camp seven days: and the people journeyed not till Miriam was brought in again.

So brought into the script and cursed then healed .....will she become a regular member of the cast we shall see.

¹⁶And afterward the people removed from Hazeroth, and pitched in the wilderness of Paran.

Numbers 8

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto Aaron and say unto him, When thou lightest the lamps, the seven lamps shall give light over against the candlestick.

Is he not speaking to him now ? Have god and Aaron had a tiff ? Or has Moses forbidden Aaron and god to get together in case they have another man on man on beast orgy ?

³And Aaron did so; he lighted the lamps thereof over against the candlestick, as the LORD commanded Moses.

⁴And this work of the candlestick was of beaten gold, unto the shaft thereof, unto the flowers thereof, was beaten work: according unto the pattern which the LORD had shewed Moses, so he made the candlestick.

Not an image of flowers surely......Did god not forbid the making of images of any living thing ?

⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁶Take the Levites from among the children of Israel, and cleanse them.

⁷And thus shalt thou do unto them, to cleanse them: Sprinkle water of purifying upon them, and let them shave all their flesh, and let them wash their clothes, and so make themselves clean.

So now god is demanding shaven scrotums from the holiest......... No god isn't gay at all.........honest....... no really !

⁸Then let them take a young bullock with his meat offering, even fine flour mingled with oil, and another young bullock shalt thou take for a sin offering.

⁹And thou shalt bring the Levites before the tabernacle of the congregation: and thou shalt gather the whole assembly of the children of Israel together:

¹⁰And thou shalt bring the Levites before the LORD: and the children of Israel shall put their hands upon the Levites:

Great, a communal mutual wank...you can count me in..... Perhaps if modern churches did this they might have a bit more business.

¹¹And Aaron shall offer the Levites before the LORD for an offering of the children of Israel, that they may execute the service of the LORD.

This verse has to be at the front of the Catholic priest's hand book.

¹²And the Levites shall lay their hands upon the heads of the bullocks: and thou shalt offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering, unto the LORD, to make an atonement for the Levites.

¹³And thou shalt set the Levites before Aaron, and before his sons, and offer them for an offering unto the LORD.

¹⁴Thus shalt thou separate the Levites from among the children of Israel: and the Levites shall be mine.

¹⁵And after that shall the Levites go in to do the service of the tabernacle of the congregation: and thou shalt cleanse them, and offer them for an offering.

¹⁶For they are wholly given unto me from among the children of Israel; instead of such as open every womb, even instead of the firstborn of all the children of Israel, have I taken them unto me.

¹⁷For all the firstborn of the children of Israel are mine, both man and beast: on the day that I smote every firstborn in the land of Egypt I sanctified them for myself.

¹⁸And I have taken the Levites for all the firstborn of the children of Israel.

¹⁹And I have given the Levites as a gift to Aaron and to his sons from among the children of Israel, to do the service of the children of Israel in the tabernacle of the congregation, and to make an atonement for the children of Israel: that there be no plague among the children of Israel, when the children of Israel come nigh unto the sanctuary.

Because de lawd knows that nothing protects against disease as well as hocus pocus and mumbo jumbo.....

²⁰And Moses, and Aaron, and all the congregation of the children of Israel, did to the Levites according unto all that the LORD commanded Moses concerning the Levites, so did the children of Israel unto them.

²¹And the Levites were purified, and they washed their clothes; and Aaron offered them as an offering before the LORD; and Aaron made an atonement for them to cleanse them.

²²And after that went the Levites in to do their service in the tabernacle of the congregation before Aaron, and before his sons: as the LORD had commanded Moses concerning the Levites, so did they unto them.

²³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁴This is it that belongeth unto the Levites: from twenty and five years old and upward they shall go in to wait upon the service of the tabernacle of the congregation:

²⁵And from the age of fifty years they shall cease waiting upon the service thereof, and shall serve no more:

So god only wants men in their prime of life .....or are we still counting in what I think are Egyptian years ...then they would be servicing the entity in the big tent from twelve and a half to twenty five.

²⁶But shall minister with their brethren in the tabernacle of the congregation, to keep the charge, and shall do no service. Thus shalt thou do unto the Levites touching their charge.

Numbers 3

¹These also are the generations of Aaron and Moses in the day that the LORD spake with Moses in mount Sinai.

²And these are the names of the sons of Aaron; Nadab the firstborn, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.

³These are the names of the sons of Aaron, the priests which were anointed, whom he consecrated to minister in the priest's office.

⁴And Nadab and Abihu died before the LORD, when they offered strange fire before the LORD, in the wilderness of Sinai, and they had no children: and Eleazar and Ithamar ministered in the priest's office in the sight of Aaron their father.

They died because after watching Jethro and his students making up their concoctions for smoke and fire for the pyrotechnics for the great coming of de lawd they tried to make some, and got the proportions wrong and probably blew themselves up.

⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁶Bring the tribe of Levi near, and present them before Aaron the priest, that they may minister unto him.

Does any one know whether, in the past either in latin or any other European language levi/livite/leviim or any such version was used as a word for what we now call parasite.

⁷And they shall keep his charge, and the charge of the whole congregation before the tabernacle of the congregation, to do the service of the tabernacle.

⁸And they shall keep all the instruments of the tabernacle of the congregation, and the charge of the children of Israel, to do the service of the tabernacle.

⁹And thou shalt give the Levites unto Aaron and to his sons: they are wholly given unto him out of the children of Israel.

¹⁰And thou shalt appoint Aaron and his sons, and they shall wait on their priest's office: and the stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death.

¹¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹²And I, behold, I have taken the Levites from among the children of Israel instead of all the firstborn that openeth the matrix among the children of Israel: therefore the Levites shall be mine;

¹³Because all the firstborn are mine; for on the day that I smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt I hallowed unto me all the firstborn in Israel, both man and beast: mine shall they be: I am the LORD.

¹⁴And the LORD spake unto Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, saying,

¹⁵Number the children of Levi after the house of their fathers, by their families: every male from a month old and upward shalt thou number them.

¹⁶And Moses numbered them according to the word of the LORD, as he was commanded.

¹⁷And these were the sons of Levi by their names; Gershon, and Kohath, and Merari.

¹⁸And these are the names of the sons of Gershon by their families; Libni, and Shimei.

¹⁹And the sons of Kohath by their families; Amram, and Izehar, Hebron, and Uzziel.

²⁰And the sons of Merari by their families; Mahli, and Mushi. These are the families of the Levites according to the house of their fathers.

²¹Of Gershon was the family of the Libnites, and the family of the Shimites: these are the families of the Gershonites.

²²Those that were numbered of them, according to the number of all the males, from a month old and upward, even those that were numbered of them were seven thousand and five hundred.

²³The families of the Gershonites shall pitch behind the tabernacle westward.

²⁴And the chief of the house of the father of the Gershonites shall be Eliasaph the son of Lael.

²⁵And the charge of the sons of Gershon in the tabernacle of the congregation shall be the tabernacle, and the tent, the covering thereof, and the hanging for the door of the tabernacle of the congregation,

²⁶And the hangings of the court, and the curtain for the door of the court, which is by the tabernacle, and by the altar round about, and the cords of it for all the service thereof.

²⁷And of Kohath was the family of the Amramites, and the family of the Izeharites, and the family of the Hebronites, and the family of the Uzzielites: these are the families of the Kohathites.

²⁸In the number of all the males, from a month old and upward, were eight thousand and six hundred, keeping the charge of the sanctuary.

All these people for the upkeep of a fucking tent with it's gold plated furniture,miles of curtains and lockerfuls of magic underwear.Now I know some one is taking the piss.

But it does beg the question are these "men" responsible for the laundering of the magic underwear, does some one have the title " overseer of the removal of holy skidmarks"

²⁹The families of the sons of Kohath shall pitch on the side of the tabernacle southward.

³⁰And the chief of the house of the father of the families of the Kohathites shall be Elizaphan the son of Uzziel.

³¹And their charge shall be the ark, and the table, and the candlestick, and the altars, and the vessels of the sanctuary wherewith they minister, and the hanging, and all the service thereof.

³²And Eleazar the son of Aaron the priest shall be chief over the chief of the Levites, and have the oversight of them that keep the charge of the sanctuary.

³³Of Merari was the family of the Mahlites, and the family of the Mushites: these are the families of Merari.

³⁴And those that were numbered of them, according to the number of all the males, from a month old and upward, were six thousand and two hundred.

Hang on a minute.

They left Egypt apparently with six hundred thousand men a dubious figure, seeing that they are descended from only 70 men some four hundred years earlier. Even allowing for polygamy, that's some serious fucking. Now we are expected to believe in forty years even allowing for unmentioned deaths and all the deaths in battle and general spiteful deaths that god himself caused, the population has only gone up be a few thousand and these figures are larger than they should be because the are now counting ALL males above the age of one month.

³⁵And the chief of the house of the father of the families of Merari was Zuriel the son of Abihail: these shall pitch on the side of the tabernacle northward.

³⁶And under the custody and charge of the sons of Merari shall be the boards of the tabernacle, and the bars thereof, and the pillars thereof, and the sockets thereof, and all the vessels thereof, and all that serveth thereto,

³⁷And the pillars of the court round about, and their sockets, and their pins, and their cords.

³⁸But those that encamp before the tabernacle toward the east, even before the tabernacle of the congregation eastward, shall be Moses, and Aaron and his sons, keeping the charge of the sanctuary for the charge of the children of Israel; and the stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death.

³⁹All that were numbered of the Levites, which Moses and Aaron numbered at the commandment of the LORD, throughout their families, all the males from a month old and upward, were twenty and two thousand.

⁴⁰And the LORD said unto Moses, Number all the firstborn of the males of the children of Israel from a month old and upward, and take the number of their names.

⁴¹And thou shalt take the Levites for me (I am the LORD) instead of all the firstborn among the children of Israel; and the cattle of the Levites instead of all the firstlings among the cattle of the children of Israel.

⁴²And Moses numbered, as the LORD commanded him, all the firstborn among the children of Israel.

⁴³And all the firstborn males by the number of names, from a month old and upward, of those that were numbered of them, were twenty and two thousand two hundred and threescore and thirteen.

⁴⁴And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁴⁵Take the Levites instead of all the firstborn among the children of Israel, and the cattle of the Levites instead of their cattle; and the Levites shall be mine: I am the LORD.

⁴⁶And for those that are to be redeemed of the two hundred and threescore and thirteen of the firstborn of the children of Israel, which are more than the Levites;

So why in Egypt if they were treated so badly did they find all this time and energy for fucking and now, with their so called freedom seem to be too tired or too busy to be making the beast with two backs ?

Now we get to the crux of the matter, the reason for the bullshit.

⁴⁷Thou shalt even take five shekels apiece by the poll, after the shekel of the sanctuary shalt thou take them: (the shekel is twenty gerahs:)

⁴⁸And thou shalt give the money, wherewith the odd number of them is to be redeemed, unto Aaron and to his sons.

⁴⁹And Moses took the redemption money of them that were over and above them that were redeemed by the Levites:

⁵⁰Of the firstborn of the children of Israel took he the money; a thousand three hundred and threescore and five shekels, after the shekel of the sanctuary:

⁵¹And Moses gave the money of them that were redeemed unto Aaron and to his sons, according to the word of the LORD, as the LORD commanded Moses.

Leviticus 18

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

You would have thought after this latest sexually charged liason with Aaron he would have talked to him too.

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, I am the LORD your God.

In case they were perhaps blaming Moses from dragging them out of Egypt.

³After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein ye dwelt, shall ye not do: and after the doings of the land of Canaan, whither I bring you, shall ye not do: neither shall ye walk in their ordinances.

⁴Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the LORD your God.

Ok Ok we got. You are god, not Moses....Honest!

⁵Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the LORD.

⁶None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.

⁷The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

⁸The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

⁹The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.

¹⁰The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness.

¹¹The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹²Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman.

¹³Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman.

¹⁴Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt.

¹⁵Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹⁶Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness.

¹⁷Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.

¹⁸Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.

¹⁹Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness.

²⁰Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her.

Was not Pharoah Abraham's Neighbour ? Was not Potiphar Joseph's neighbour ? Is the eternal one whose thought is law changing his mind again ?

²¹And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.

The Amplified bible gives this alternative..... ²¹You shall not give any of your children to pass through the fire and sacrifice them to Molech [the fire god], nor shall you profane the name of your God [by giving it to false gods]. I am the Lord.

Molech is an ancient Owl god I will cover him more in the next chapter.

Obviously god doesn't follow his own laws

Which brings us to this verse

²²Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

This is the one the god botherer's bring up incessantly. To justify thier fear and prejudice against the Gay Community.Well I found this a few weeks ago A chap called Bruce L Gerig has an interesting take on this.

My thought's are...Is this really the same god that had all night "wrestling" sessions with Jacob , not to mention the other references to Gay Sex so far strewn throughout the bible.

²³Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

Again is this the same god that was just in the big tent with Aaron or have we got here laws coming from Moses god as opposed to Jethro god. Perhaps as a direct result of Moses hearing about the "goings on" with his brother.

²⁴Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:

²⁵And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.

So any land that ever has had a goat fucker or a sheep shagger is defiled....I am sure there are many lands that have never housed such people...

²⁶Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you:

²⁷(For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;)

²⁸That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you.

²⁹For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.

I think this confirms Moses heard of the goings on.

³⁰Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God.
Here he goes again with the emphatic I AM DE LARD YOUR'E GAWD shit really!!

Leviticus 15

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying,

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When any man hath a running issue out of his flesh, because of his issue he is unclean.

Do they mean semen ?

³And this shall be his uncleanness in his issue: whether his flesh run with his issue, or his flesh be stopped from his issue, it is his uncleanness.

Yes I am sure they are talking of semen

⁴Every bed, whereon he lieth that hath the issue, is unclean: and every thing, whereon he sitteth, shall be unclean.

Only one way I can think of that would cause semen to come where one sitteth....Funny how when god botherers are quoting from Leviticus at how wrong gay sex is, they never mention this chapter.I suppose it could also cover masturbation and wet dreams.

⁵And whosoever toucheth his bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

Definately a man on man relationship here.

⁶And he that sitteth on any thing whereon he sat that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁷And he that toucheth the flesh of him that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁸And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁹And what saddle soever he rideth upon that hath the issue shall be unclean.

¹⁰And whosoever toucheth any thing that was under him shall be unclean until the even: and he that beareth any of those things shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹¹And whomsoever he toucheth that hath the issue, and hath not rinsed his hands in water, shall he wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹²And the vessel of earth, that he toucheth which hath the issue, shall be broken: and every vessel of wood shall be rinsed in water.

¹³And when he that hath an issue is cleansed of his issue; then he shall number to himself seven days for his cleansing, and wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in running water, and shall be clean.

Now if gay sex is so wrong why are all these men having to wash all this issue that has come from other men. Also if you swallow then according to this there is no issue to contaminate, therefore no sin.

¹⁴And on the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and give them unto the priest:

¹⁵And the priest shall offer them, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD for his issue.

¹⁶And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹⁷And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.

How much "seed of copulation is there"...And there was me thinking bukkake was a Japanese thing.

¹⁸The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.

Although they go on about man on man sex more (christians still do) the penance is the same for heterosexual "issue" but menstruation is far worse.

¹⁹And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.

²⁰And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.

²¹And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

How many men are "visiting" these women ? That's one hell of a wet patch.

²²And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

²³And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.

²⁴And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.

What...flowers......I think this must mean flows

²⁵And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.

²⁶Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.

²⁷And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

²⁸But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.

So what this means is ....Any bleedin' cunt that touches a bleeding cunt shall be marked as a dirty cunt and the cunt whose cunt is bleeding shall be a dirty cunt for a week. And if the cunt with a bleeding cunt can't not be a dirty cunt and not keep her blood controlled the bleedin' cunts cunt blood must be washed from the dirty cunts clothing.

²⁹And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

Wow! I'll bet women rejoiced when the tampon was invented. Can you imagine the discomfort....oooooohhhhh.

³⁰And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

³¹Thus shall ye separate the children of Israel from their uncleanness; that they die not in their uncleanness, when they defile my tabernacle that is among them.

³²This is the law of him that hath an issue, and of him whose seed goeth from him, and is defiled therewith;

³³And of her that is sick of her flowers, and of him that hath an issue, of the man, and of the woman, and of him that lieth with her that is unclean.

Exodus 12

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying,
²This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.
³Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house: ⁴And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

For any veggies amongst you here is a warning what follows is nothing less than a recipe for a roast lamb sammich.

⁵Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:
⁶And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.
⁷And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.
⁸And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.
⁹Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.

With the explanation put forward earlier(wet grain contaminated with locust crap)which may have stretched over other foodstuffs the isrealites barbie made from dry flour and unblemished roasted fresh meat meant they did not suffer from the same levels of contamination at a crucial time.

¹⁰And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.
¹¹And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.
¹²For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.
Note: It don't say good judgement

¹³And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.
¹⁴And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁵Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.
Again this almost makes sense. Unleavened bread needs to be eaten fresh cooked otherwise it rapidly becomes unpalatable, eaten fresh it the likelyhood of contamination would remain low.

¹⁶And in the first day there shall be an holy convocation, and in the seventh day there shall be an holy convocation to you; no manner of work shall be done in them, save that which every man must eat, that only may be done of you.
¹⁷And ye shall observe the feast of unleavened bread; for in this selfsame day have I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt: therefore shall ye observe this day in your generations by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁸In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.
Fuck everyone is entitled to a yearly party

¹⁹Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.
²⁰Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.
²¹Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel, and said unto them, Draw out and take you a lamb according to your families, and kill the passover.
²²And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
I can't see a reason for this apart from a bit of decoration possible fore runner of hanging wreaths on your door at new year.

²³For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.
²⁴And ye shall observe this thing for an ordinance to thee and to thy sons for ever.
²⁵And it shall come to pass, when ye be come to the land which the LORD will give you, according as he hath promised, that ye shall keep this service.
²⁶And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you, What mean ye by this service?
²⁷That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.
²⁸And the children of Israel went away, and did as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
²⁹And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

³⁰And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
³¹And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
³²Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
³³And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.
³⁴And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneading troughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.
Kept dry ?

³⁵And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:
³⁶And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.
Giving of gifts ?

³⁷And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.
I think a little exaggeration has occurred here.

³⁸And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.
³⁹And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.
So they had to eat freshly prepared food.

⁴⁰Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.
⁴¹And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt.
⁴²It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.
⁴³And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:
⁴⁴But every man's servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.
⁴⁵A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.
⁴⁶In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.
⁴⁷All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.
⁴⁸And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.
⁴⁹One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you.
⁵⁰Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
⁵¹And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.
I have to say the plague scenario actually seems to be based in fact, possibly two or three seperate events lumped together, either coincidently or through errors or manipulations in the re-telling of the stories.
The first being the red algae infestation in the nile followed by the natural succession of infestations ,dead fish, frogs ,lice, flies, diseased cattle and boils.
Secondly either as suggested by Dr Marr's theory a massive hailstorm covering the hail , darkness and wet grain followed by a sandstorm and or as suggested by the equinox the later cataclysmic eruption of the Santorini volcano raining down stones and ash with a darkness that could be felt including rainstorms caused by all the dust in the higher atmosphere.
The locusts just being incidental but a good reason for the deaths afterwards.
I can see why this is seen as god's plan as it does stretch the realms of coincidence a long way IF they all happened one after the other as it is written.
However if they are seen as consequences of two different natural disasters not necessarily happening at the same time. Three if you count the locusts separately. These events then shoved together we should now see them as inevitable occurrences, that, even with modern science and medicins we would have trouble dealing with and containing today.