Judges 16

¹Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her.

Not much changed then a Jew in Gaza today has a good chance of being fucked.

²And it was told the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed him in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him.

³And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them, bar and all, and put them upon his shoulders, and carried them up to the top of an hill that is before Hebron.

OK. I accept some people are very strong, In my youth I was one of them, but seriously when I think of city gateposts I think of huge monoliths that would not look out of place at Stonehenge or on the set of 2001. so this I am afraid is pure bollocks.

⁴And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.

⁵And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him; and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver.

⁶And Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee.

⁷And Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.

Bit of light bondage, nothing wrong in that.

⁸Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them.

⁹Now there were men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber. And she said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known.

¹⁰And Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound.

¹¹And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.

¹²Delilah therefore took new ropes, and bound him therewith, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And there were liers in wait abiding in the chamber. And he brake them from off his arms like a thread.

All this bondage.......did they have strap ons back then?

¹³And Delilah said unto Samson, Hitherto thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If thou weavest the seven locks of my head with the web.

¹⁴And she fastened it with the pin, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awaked out of his sleep, and went away with the pin of the beam, and with the web.

Because if strong bonds can't hold him then of course a few plaits is going to do the job.

¹⁵And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.

Now I know men have a distinctive tendency to bypass their higher cognitive thought processes when in the vicinity of the object of their desires, especially when blood is redirected elsewhere. But really how stupid can some one be ?

¹⁶And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;

¹⁷That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.

¹⁸And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand.

¹⁹And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.

Earlier I asked how stupid people can be but how many believe this myth ?

²⁰And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.

²¹But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house.

²²Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven.

²³Then the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand.

²⁴And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us.

²⁵And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars.

²⁶And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them.

²⁷Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport.

That is a fucking big house for anything in the bce world do I again detect the aroma of bullshit?

²⁸And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.

²⁹And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.

Not only is it of an exaggerated size I would think it highly unlikely that such a building would have all its weight supported by two main pillars less than an arm span wide.

³⁰And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.

Let alone such a building could be collapsed in such a manner

³¹Then his brethren and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought him up, and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the burying place of Manoah his father. And he judged Israel twenty years.

How could they decide which mangled bloody mess was him?

Addendum
let me refresh your memory with this prophecy from Judges 13

⁵For, lo, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines.

"begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines" Didn't really live up to the prophecy now did he ? If only all de lards prophecies were this accurate....oh wait they are.

Or perhaps he did not mean "Philistines" but Phoxes ?

Judges 13

¹And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD delivered them into the hand of the Philistines forty years.

²And there was a certain man of Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren, and bare not.

After all ,it would be totally inconceivable(no pun intended) that Manoah was sexually dysfunctional in any way. Or even the merest suggestion that he might bat for the other side.

³And the angel of the LORD appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, Behold now, thou art barren, and bearest not: but thou shalt conceive, and bear a son.

⁴Now therefore beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing:

⁵For, lo, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines.

⁶Then the woman came and told her husband, saying, A man of God came unto me, and his countenance was like the countenance of an angel of God, very terrible: but I asked him not whence he was, neither told he me his name:

A likely story.........Any divorce lawyer today would be jumping up and down with glee.

⁷But he said unto me, Behold, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and now drink no wine nor strong drink, neither eat any unclean thing: for the child shall be a Nazarite to God from the womb to the day of his death.

⁸Then Manoah intreated the LORD, and said, O my Lord, let the man of God which thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born.

⁹And God hearkened to the voice of Manoah; and the angel of God came again unto the woman as she sat in the field: but Manoah her husband was not with her.

¹⁰And the woman made haste, and ran, and shewed her husband, and said unto him, Behold, the man hath appeared unto me, that came unto me the other day.

This reads to me like a tale of cuckolding. We have a sexually dysfunctional male and a woman that needs, wants, and so it seems gets a damn good seeing to.

¹¹And Manoah arose, and went after his wife, and came to the man, and said unto him, Art thou the man that spakest unto the woman? And he said, I am.

¹²And Manoah said, Now let thy words come to pass. How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?

With fries and a side please!

¹³And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Of all that I said unto the woman let her beware.

¹⁴She may not eat of any thing that cometh of the vine, neither let her drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing: all that I commanded her let her observe.

Strange ! Seems to be a muslim attitude.

¹⁵And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, I pray thee, let us detain thee, until we shall have made ready a kid for thee.

¹⁶And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Though thou detain me, I will not eat of thy bread: and if thou wilt offer a burnt offering, thou must offer it unto the LORD. For Manoah knew not that he was an angel of the LORD.

Perhaps the whole "please fuck my wife" scenario left a foul taste in his mouth.

¹⁷And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, What is thy name, that when thy sayings come to pass we may do thee honour?

¹⁸And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret?

Or like many modern singles networks(so I am told) he wanted to remain anonymous.

¹⁹So Manoah took a kid with a meat offering, and offered it upon a rock unto the LORD: and the angel did wonderously; and Manoah and his wife looked on.

I am sure that's another line that catholic priests misunderstand

²⁰For it came to pass, when the flame went up toward heaven from off the altar, that the angel of the LORD ascended in the flame of the altar. And Manoah and his wife looked on it, and fell on their faces to the ground.

So de lard beamed the kid and the lover up or did they just make it up so he could cover his impotence or homosexuality and she could cover that rosy glow of the "I've just had a damn good rogering"look

²¹But the angel of the LORD did no more appear to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD.

So the passing stranger moved on....It would be totally wrong to suggest that "Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD. " Means in any way that Manoah in a fit of jealousy killed him

²²And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God.

Just as it would be to suggest that means in any way that Manoa sat watching and beating his strangely aroused member.

²³But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these.

²⁴And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him.

²⁵And the Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times in the camp of Dan between


I had not realised before how many elements in this conception myth are repeated in some other story I may have heard somewhere....


.................Maybe not the immaculate conception but by this account pretty damn good

Numbers 6

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When either man or woman shall separate themselves to vow a vow of a Nazarite, to separate themselves unto the LORD:

Nazerite a word that you would think meant coming from Nazereth but actually means taking an vow of abstinence, I believe it literally means "little fish"

³He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink, and shall drink no vinegar of wine, or vinegar of strong drink, neither shall he drink any liquor of grapes, nor eat moist grapes, or dried.

Well I won't be doing any of that.....

⁴All the days of his separation shall he eat nothing that is made of the vine tree, from the kernels even to the husk.

Seems to make "holy communion" a kind of misnomer does it not

⁵All the days of the vow of his separation there shall no razor come upon his head: until the days be fulfilled, in the which he separateth himself unto the LORD, he shall be holy, and shall let the locks of the hair of his head grow.

There are many orders that permanently have shaven heads. Most others have neat well groomed hair

⁶All the days that he separateth himself unto the LORD he shall come at no dead body.

How many preists,pastors vicars etc. observe this one. In my experience the use death as a means of getting an extra service in, usually pointing outthe benefits in believing their bulshit and glossing over the dead persons life before sending round the collection plate.Made more profitable with a good dose of guilt.

⁷He shall not make himself unclean for his father, or for his mother, for his brother, or for his sister, when they die: because the consecration of his God is upon his head.

⁸All the days of his separation he is holy unto the LORD.

Sort of points out how far these parasites really are from their god, almost as if they believe in him as much as I do.

⁹And if any man die very suddenly by him, and he hath defiled the head of his consecration; then he shall shave his head in the day of his cleansing, on the seventh day shall he shave it.

¹⁰And on the eighth day he shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons, to the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation:

¹¹And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering, and make an atonement for him, for that he sinned by the dead, and shall hallow his head that same day.

¹²And he shall consecrate unto the LORD the days of his separation, and shall bring a lamb of the first year for a trespass offering: but the days that were before shall be lost, because his separation was defiled.

¹³And this is the law of the Nazarite, when the days of his separation are fulfilled: he shall be brought unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation:

¹⁴And he shall offer his offering unto the LORD, one he lamb of the first year without blemish for a burnt offering, and one ewe lamb of the first year without blemish for a sin offering, and one ram without blemish for peace offerings,

¹⁵And a basket of unleavened bread, cakes of fine flour mingled with oil, and wafers of unleavened bread anointed with oil, and their meat offering, and their drink offerings.

¹⁶And the priest shall bring them before the LORD, and shall offer his sin offering, and his burnt offering:

¹⁷And he shall offer the ram for a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the LORD, with the basket of unleavened bread: the priest shall offer also his meat offering, and his drink offering.

¹⁸And the Nazarite shall shave the head of his separation at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and shall take the hair of the head of his separation, and put it in the fire which is under the sacrifice of the peace offerings.

¹⁹And the priest shall take the sodden shoulder of the ram, and one unleavened cake out of the basket, and one unleavened wafer, and shall put them upon the hands of the Nazarite, after the hair of his separation is shaven:

²⁰And the priest shall wave them for a wave offering before the LORD: this is holy for the priest, with the wave breast and heave shoulder: and after that the Nazarite may drink wine.

²¹This is the law of the Nazarite who hath vowed, and of his offering unto the LORD for his separation, beside that that his hand shall get: according to the vow which he vowed, so he must do after the law of his separation.

And yet again here is a law you must follow, but if you fuck up you can buy your way out ????

²²And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²³Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the children of Israel, saying unto them,

²⁴The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

²⁵The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

²⁶The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

²⁷And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them.