Leviticus 26

¹Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God.

Abraham and Jacob raised stones to delawd....Are we really sure they worshipped the same imaginary despot ?

Also has anyome pointed this out to the catholics and the C of E

²Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the LORD.

Of course no working on saturdays and every 50th year and no fucking Goats/boys/men in the church.........Does this chapter get left out of the catholic bible ?

³If ye walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them;

⁴Then I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.

⁵And your threshing shall reach unto the vintage, and the vintage shall reach unto the sowing time: and ye shall eat your bread to the full, and dwell in your land safely.

Evidently not fore sight,at best wishful thinking. Or if you insist in believing he exists you have to accept he either likes fucking his people over or he just hasn't got a clue.

⁶And I will give peace in the land, and ye shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid: and I will rid evil beasts out of the land, neither shall the sword go through your land.

⁷And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword.

⁸And five of you shall chase an hundred, and an hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight: and your enemies shall fall before you by the sword.

⁹For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.

¹⁰And ye shall eat old store, and bring forth the old because of the new.

¹¹And I set my tabernacle among you: and my soul shall not abhor you.

¹²And I will walk among you, and will be your God, and ye shall be my people.

Yes he's often seen, strolling through the West bank admiring the mine feilds and the rolling barbed wire revelling to the morning chorus of AK 47's and wounded children.

¹³I am the LORD your God, which brought you forth out of the land of Egypt, that ye should not be their bondmen; and I have broken the bands of your yoke, and made you go upright.

¹⁴But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments;

¹⁵And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant:

¹⁶I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

¹⁷And I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies: they that hate you shall reign over you; and ye shall flee when none pursueth you.

¹⁸And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins.

¹⁹And I will break the pride of your power; and I will make your heaven as iron, and your earth as brass:

²⁰And your strength shall be spent in vain: for your land shall not yield her increase, neither shall the trees of the land yield their fruits.

²¹And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins.

²²I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number; and your high ways shall be desolate.

²³And if ye will not be reformed by me by these things, but will walk contrary unto me;

²⁴Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish you yet seven times for your sins.

²⁵And I will bring a sword upon you, that shall avenge the quarrel of my covenant: and when ye are gathered together within your cities, I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy.

²⁶And when I have broken the staff of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied.

²⁷And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;

²⁸Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.

²⁹And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

³⁰And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.

³¹And I will make your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation, and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours.

³²And I will bring the land into desolation: and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it.

³³And I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste.

³⁴Then shall the land enjoy her sabbaths, as long as it lieth desolate, and ye be in your enemies' land; even then shall the land rest, and enjoy her sabbaths.

³⁵As long as it lieth desolate it shall rest; because it did not rest in your sabbaths, when ye dwelt upon it.

³⁶And upon them that are left alive of you I will send a faintness into their hearts in the lands of their enemies; and the sound of a shaken leaf shall chase them; and they shall flee, as fleeing from a sword; and they shall fall when none pursueth.

³⁷And they shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power to stand before your enemies.

³⁸And ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up.

³⁹And they that are left of you shall pine away in their iniquity in your enemies' lands; and also in the iniquities of their fathers shall they pine away with them.

⁴⁰If they shall confess their iniquity, and the iniquity of their fathers, with their trespass which they trespassed against me, and that also they have walked contrary unto me;

⁴¹And that I also have walked contrary unto them, and have brought them into the land of their enemies; if then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled, and they then accept of the punishment of their iniquity:

There are the laws given but they seem more as vehicles to excuse the administration of punishments and the collections of payment.

⁴²Then will I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac, and also my covenant with Abraham will I remember; and I will remember the land.

Remember those, the ones who raised stones ??

⁴³The land also shall be left of them, and shall enjoy her sabbaths, while she lieth desolate without them: and they shall accept of the punishment of their iniquity: because, even because they despised my judgments, and because their soul abhorred my statutes.

So god recognises Gia, Mother Earth

⁴⁴And yet for all that, when they be in the land of their enemies, I will not cast them away, neither will I abhor them, to destroy them utterly, and to break my covenant with them: for I am the LORD their God.

⁴⁵But I will for their sakes remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the heathen, that I might be their God: I am the LORD.

⁴⁶These are the statutes and judgments and laws, which the LORD made between him and the children of Israel in mount Sinai by the hand of Moses.

Leviticus 20

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Molech has been portrayed as an old horned man,a bull and an owl.

³And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name.

⁴And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not:

this informative but paranoid video.

The link will also offer more even paranoid videos on the subject

⁵Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people.

I am struck with the similarities between the names Molech and Melek. For any of you who have not been reading from the beginning Melek Ta'us is the Peacock Angel.

⁶And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people.

⁷Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God.

I have some socks that are holy are they sanctified ?

⁸And ye shall keep my statutes, and do them: I am the LORD which sanctify you.

⁹For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

This one always makes me laugh, I would have thought it's an impossibillity for anyone to make it through their teenage years without cursing their parents.

¹⁰And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

¹¹And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

These two seem to be from someone who feels totally sexually inadequate.

¹²And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

¹³If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Again consult dear old Bruce for more on this

¹⁴And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.

¹⁵And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

As previously stated this now means Moses has taken over the role of god from Jethro. As we saw in Lev 16 Jethro in his role of god fucked a goat.

¹⁶And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

From the way women are treated I doubt many of them actually enjoyed sexual congress with their husbands or anyone else for that matter. I sincerely doubt any of them would go out of their way to dabble with a donkey, this is another law I think comes from feelings of sexual inadequacy. Yes I know it happens now, but I really don't think many if any do it from their own volition.

¹⁷And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.

¹⁸And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

¹⁹And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister, nor of thy father's sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.

²⁰And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.

²¹And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless.

Was Onan not made to marry and lay with his brothers wife ?......Gen 38:⁸And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.Not to mention Abraham sending his boys to get wives from thier uncle.

²²Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.

²³And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

²⁴But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people.

This verse alone shows how ineffectual and impotent thier god is. Here we are over 3,ooo years later and the israelites are still fighting to get thier claim to this land accepted by the people they have been trying to take it from for all those years. Until it ceases to be fought over, it will never really be theirs.

²⁵Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean.

²⁶And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine.

²⁷A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Is it me or does that last verse seem tacked on ?

3rd Recap

What have we got?
We may have at last got a vague time frame.Although the existence of Sodom and Gomorrah is still disputed by some, those that do accept them as fact, tend to agree they fell between 2500-2200 BCE.Is this not around the time given for the flood by the 6,000 year old earth theory pushed around by the religious wrong.
Which is it guy's and gal's can't have it both way's ? Even if the flood preceded this by a couple of hundred years we are still aware of many thriving cultures both locally and around the world at this time.
We are tracking one branch of a family tree that due to repetitive elements must have come from an oral tradition, quite possibly formalized as songs.
God appears often but these early narratives seems to be almost if not completely impotent on his own. Needing his agents, either angels or the family of Abraham to do things for him. With the obvious exception that he is given as the cause of natural disasters.
WE see here already some translation difficulties are beginning to be shown as in, was she turned to salt or did she disappear for a perfectly natural reason ?
Are these genuine mistakes or were they attempts by the early church to make the stories fit the myths ?
Raising of stones is something that occurs over much of the world, mostly if not always for astrological observations, but as far as we know the anointing of stones with oil seems to hold more connections with Hinduism from India.
This is not 100% of a surprise as the already recurring numeric details hint at an astrological base for these Abrahmic myths.
These early stories have it all. Excitement, Murder, Intrigue, Sex and Death the only thing missing is irrefutable facts. So far the only things100% factual are slime pits and the city of Ur.

Genesis 25

Genesis 25

¹Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah.
Why the hell would he want one, Seriously ?
²And she bare him Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah.
Good job he had menservants.
³And Jokshan begat Sheba, and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim, and Letushim, and Leummim.
⁴And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Hanoch, and Abidah, and Eldaah. All these were the children of Keturah.
⁵And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.
Finally showing guilt for trying to kill him all those years ago.
⁶But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.
⁷And these are the days of the years of Abraham's life which he lived, an hundred threescore and fifteen years.
⁸Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people.
Y'know I think this Abraham saga once was a song, Taken from an oral history.
That would explain the repetition.
⁹And his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which is before Mamre;
¹⁰The field which Abraham purchased of the sons of Heth: there was Abraham buried, and Sarah his wife.
¹¹And it came to pass after the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac; and Isaac dwelt by the well Lahairoi.
¹²Now these are the generations of Ishmael, Abraham's son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah's handmaid, bare unto Abraham:
¹³And these are the names of the sons of Ishmael, by their names, according to their generations: the firstborn of Ishmael, Nebajoth; and Kedar, and Adbeel, and Mibsam,
¹⁴And Mishma, and Dumah, and Massa,
¹⁵Hadar, and Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah:
¹⁶These are the sons of Ishmael, and these are their names, by their towns, and by their castles; twelve princes according to their nations.
¹⁷And these are the years of the life of Ishmael, an hundred and thirty and seven years: and he gave up the ghost and died; and was gathered unto his people.
¹⁸And they dwelt from Havilah unto Shur, that is before Egypt, as thou goest toward Assyria: and he died in the presence of all his brethren.
¹⁹And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham's son: Abraham begat Isaac:
²⁰And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.
²¹And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.
Isaac must have been Abraham's son.
Inherited Impotence.
How the fuck does that work?
²²And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD.
Have we finally got a glimmer of the fabled omniscience ? Or is he just going by girth.
²³And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.
²⁴And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.
²⁵And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.
²⁶And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.
²⁷And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.

My brother called me a cunning hunter , at least that's what I think he said.

²⁸And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison:but Rebekah loved Jacob.
²⁹And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:
³⁰And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.
³¹And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.
³²And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?
³³And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.
³⁴Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.
This is just brother's being brother's, any brother will at any time for any reason fuck his brother over. It's the law.

Genesis24

Rebekah and Isaac
¹And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.
No Shit.
²And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
Is this some ancient pledge thing ,a gay thing or does he need someone to verify he's shit himself ?

³And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born, he was 137 when Sarah became an ex wife.Therefore Isaac must be at least 37 and he's not married. Either they haven't learned to count years yet or Isaac would have made Quentin Crisp look butch.He has to be one of Gods sons he carries the gay gene.
⁴But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
HIS! Country, he left over 70 years ago.
⁵And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?
⁶And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.
Really ?
⁷The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.
Perhaps Abraham did not leave Ur voluntarily ? More to this than we have been told I suspect ?
.⁸And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.
9And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.
¹⁰And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
Here I am puzzled. Which Nahor, Abraham's grandfather or his brother ?
¹¹And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
I smell a trend being set, why even today the best place to pick up a woman is at a watering hole.
¹²And he said O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
¹³Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
¹⁴And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
I know exactly what he means who hasn't lurked waiting for the right moment to ask a pretty girl to .......water your camel.
¹⁵And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
That clears that up then.
Just so happens to be Abrahams brothers wifes daughter alleged cousin to Isaac.
¹⁶And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
¹⁷And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
I'll have to try that one. Bet I get a slap !
¹⁸And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
¹⁹And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
²⁰And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
²¹And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.
Sorry thought that said held his piece.
²²And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;
What? How much ? what is Sumarian for bottled water
²³And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?
²⁴And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.
²⁵She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.
²⁶And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the LORD.
²⁷And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master's brethren.
²⁸And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things.
²⁹And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well.
³⁰And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.
³¹And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.
They camels can sit over there by the sideboard behind the couch.
³²And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men's feet that were with him.
³³And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.
³⁴And he said, I am Abraham's servant.
³⁵And the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.
³⁶And Sarah my master's wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.
³⁷And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell:
³⁸But thou shalt go unto my father's house, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son.
³⁹And I said unto my master, Peradventure the woman will not follow me.
⁴⁰And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:
⁴¹Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.
⁴²And I came this day unto the well, and said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go:
⁴³Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink;
⁴⁴And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the LORD hath appointed out for my master's son.
⁴⁵And before I had done speaking in mine heart, behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher on her shoulder; and she went down unto the well, and drew water: and I said unto her, Let me drink, I pray thee.
⁴⁶And she made haste, and let down her pitcher from her shoulder, and said, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: so I drank, and she made the camels drink also.
⁴⁷And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.
⁴⁸And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the LORD, and blessed the LORD God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son.
⁴⁹And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.
Instead of saying like any normal person " Fuck off Ya Lunatic" he says.
⁵⁰Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.
⁵¹Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.
As if.
⁵²And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.
⁵³And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
So they knowingly sold their daughter to be a sex slave. I don't understand this, how bad has life got to be to sell your daughter to the first bloke that comes along and flashes his camels. Especially when it's not for himself.

⁵⁴And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
⁵⁵And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
And wanting a rest after circumnavigating the arabian desert.
⁵⁶And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
That alone proves his insanity.
⁵⁷And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.
Like she had any say in the matter.
⁵⁸And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
⁵⁹And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.
Nurse ! Hang on how old is this girl ?
⁶⁰And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
Which can be interpreted as .."Fuck off bitch, go copulate your cousin, conceive copiousley and create a country from your c...............offspring.
⁶¹And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.
⁶²And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.
⁶³And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.
⁶⁴And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
⁶⁵For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
⁶⁶And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.
He said "Hey y'all I done fetched you your bitch. Now go do to her what your daddy desired."
⁶⁷And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
Makes me wonder what Sarah was doing for her son to make him need a wife to "comfort" him after she was gone. This 37 year old unmarried lad from a family whose incestuous tendancies have survived thousands of years.

Genesis 23

Genesis 23

¹And Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old: these were the years of the life of Sarah.
²And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her.
And all over the middle east Kings and Pharoahs breathed a sigh of relief.
³And Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spake unto the sons of Heth, saying,
⁴I am a stranger and a sojourner with you: give me a possession of a buryingplace with you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight.
⁵And the children of Heth answered Abraham, saying unto him,
⁶Hear us, my lord: thou art a mighty prince among us: in the choice of our sepulchres bury thy dead; none of us shall withhold from thee his sepulchre, but that thou mayest bury thy dead.
Which means hurry up and bury the bitch before one of us has to shag her again.
⁷And Abraham stood up, and bowed himself to the people of the land, even to the children of Heth.
⁸And he communed with them, saying, If it be your mind that I should bury my dead out of my sight; hear me, and intreat for me to Ephron the son of Zohar,
⁹That he may give me the cave of Machpelah, which he hath, which is in the end of his field; for as much money as it is worth he shall give it me for a possession of a buryingplace amongst you.
¹⁰And Ephron dwelt among the children of Heth: and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the audience of the children of Heth, even of all that went in at the gate of his city, saying,
¹¹Nay, my lord, hear me: the field give I thee, and the cave that is therein, I give it thee; in the presence of the sons of my people give I it thee: bury thy dead.
¹²And Abraham bowed down himself before the people of the land.
He's nearly 140 if he bowed down they must have thought he was about to join Sarah.
¹³And he spake unto Ephron in the audience of the people of the land, saying, But if thou wilt give it, I pray thee, hear me: I will give thee money for the field; take it of me, and I will bury my dead there.
I don't understand he has been a parasite to all around him for all his life and yet when someone tries to be more decent than he ever has he refuses.
¹⁴And Ephron answered Abraham, saying unto him,
¹⁵My lord, hearken unto me: the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver; what is that betwixt me and thee? bury therefore thy dead.
¹⁶And Abraham hearkened unto Ephron; and Abraham weighed to Ephron the silver, which he had named in the audience of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, current money with the merchant.
¹⁷And the field of Ephron which was in Machpelah, which was before Mamre, the field, and the cave which was therein, and all the trees that were in the field, that were in all the borders round about, were made sure.
¹⁸Unto Abraham for a possession in the presence of the children of Heth, before all that went in at the gate of his city.
¹⁹And after this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah before Mamre: the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan.
²⁰And the field, and the cave that is therein, were made sure unto Abraham for a possession of a buryingplace by the sons of Heth.

Genesis 22

Genesis 22

¹And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

God's still trying the cheerleader manifestation.

²And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
Would the thought of Almighty sex with the Almighty coerce you into murdering the son you have tortured yourself wanting for the last 80 or so years,and does the fact that Ishmael is elsewhere stop him being Abraham's older son.
³And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
⁴Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
This story seems to be filled with elements from another more familiar story.
Three days, Loving father Sacrificing his only begotten son.
⁵And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
⁶And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
⁷And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?

How old is Isaac ?

⁸And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
Is not Burning children something associated with worship of the God Baal ?
⁹And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

Did IKEA do flatpack alter's back then ?
¹⁰And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

Just like the cliff hanger at the end of an episode of Batman.

¹¹And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

So the Angel's that rescued lot had to have their arses saved by the sacrifice of lots virgin daughters virginity and this one just pop's his head over a cloud.

Continuity people continuity.
¹²And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

Seems alot of bother to go through as we are told God can see all we think and do.

How long after the creation are we now ? Still waiting for omniscience.

¹³And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.

At least God didn't have to do with something that tasted like pork.

¹⁴And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.
¹⁵And the angel of the LORD called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,
¹⁶And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the LORD, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
¹⁷That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;

Has not this promise in essence already been made ? and I don.t think the earth is big enough to contain as many people as there are stars. God telling lies surely not again.

¹⁸And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
¹⁹So Abraham returned unto his young men, and they rose up and went together to Beersheba; and Abraham dwelt at Beersheba.
²⁰And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;
²¹Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram,
²²And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.
²³And Bethuel begat Rebekah: these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother.²⁴And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah.

I thought we were concerned with Abraham's descendants not his nephews and nieces.

Genesis 21

Genesis 21

¹And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken.

Is this not yet another begotten son ? How many is that now ? So much for the late great JC as being "gods only begotten son" Or perhaps we are talking of some symbolic bollocks that has yet to be confirmed.
²For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.
Dec 25 by any chance ?

³And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac.
⁴And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.
⁵And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.
⁶And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.
No dear "at you"

⁷And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age.
So was born the Idea the Catholic Priesthood holds dearest.

⁸And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned.
⁹And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.
Be fair, who in their right mind could do anything but mock.

¹⁰Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.
¹¹And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.

Nothing to do with the fact that Hagar was still fit and could put on a good show for a stupid senile old man.

¹²And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.
Any thing for a quite life.

¹³And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.
God changed his plan again ?

¹⁴And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
¹⁵And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
¹⁶And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bow shot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.
¹⁷And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.
¹⁸Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.
¹⁹And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
Is it just me or is this not a virtual retelling of the previously told story?

²⁰And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
²¹And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.
²²And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:
²³Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.
I am still thinking we have the ramblings of an old man on his death bed.

²⁴And Abraham said, I will swear.
²⁵And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.
²⁶And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing; neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.
²⁷And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.
²⁸And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.
²⁹And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?
³⁰And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.
³¹Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.
³²Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.
³³And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God.
⁴And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days.
Has anyone else noticed how certain number's keep cropping up.
Seven
Twelve
Forty

Genesis 20

Genesis 20

¹And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
On the move again ?
²And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
C'mon people the same old scam as they used in Egypt all those years ago. Isee now why god didn't create optometrists back when Adam was a lad but had old Abimelech got no sense of smell ? Sarah must have hummed more than a pension queue in july. She's over 90 now any evil bunnies have long since turned to dust bunnies. Look granny sex is not something anyone needs to know about, it may not be wrong but please keep it out of my head, I don't want to know. OK. Jeez have you seen Kingpin.... yuch!
³But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife. ⁴But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, LORD, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?
I am sooo pleased.
⁵Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this. God has got to admit they probably had more wrinkles than a camels scrotum ⁶And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
I'll bet Abimelech was thinking you believe what you want theres no way I was going anywhere near her man she wuz ugly.
⁷Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine. ⁸Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid. ⁹Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done. ¹⁰And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing? ¹¹And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife's sake.
Nah! He said Fuck man she might be my wife but I've had to sleep with it for over 80 years all I wanted was for a change to wake in a sweet smelling bed .
¹²And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.
It get's worse fuck it's right they haven't bred.
¹³And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said unto her, This is thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He is my brother.
¹⁴And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.
Scam worked then!
¹⁵And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee.
¹⁶And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
What ?He's given her a bag to put over her head for future victims.
¹⁷So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.
¹⁸For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.
So still no sign whatsoever of this so called omniscience. When does that happen?

Genesis 19

Genesis 19

1And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
Angels ? With the white dress and wings and everything !
2And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.
They's come cruising.
3And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.
Angels changing their mind, not just doing god's will. You really sure they are really angels.
4But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
5And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
6And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
7And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
But surely if they were angels they could fly away or throw thunderbolts or something.
8Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
Again angels should be able to protect themselves and what kind of father would offer his daughters like that ? Then again seeing how well his uncle did from whoring out his old hag a couple of young babes must have looked well profitable,It don't say he wasn't gonna charge.
9And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.
10But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.
11And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door.
See they can protect themselves,aerosol blindness spray for arseholes.
12And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:
Now these angels are men ? Make up your mind.
13For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the LORD; and the LORD hath sent us to destroy it.
14And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.
I thought it just said his daughters hadn't had any.
15And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.
16And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.
Is that saying they were beamed outside the city ?
17And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.
So given de lawds reputation Lot hightailed it outta there.
18And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my LORD:
So Lot couldn't have really thought this lord was that lord so this lord was a different lord, probably one of the kings mentioned in gen14:1
19Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and I cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and I die:
Then again I think he 's just an argumentative little shit. Even though this lord wasn't that lord he was still a king and therefore you would have expected a lowly herdsman's nephew to be obedient wouldn't you?
20Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.
Jeeez he's pissing me off .Do as you're told already!
21And he said unto him, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.
With this much bullshit flying how could he see another city.
22Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do anything till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.
So Lot is being protected ! ????
I don't get this

1. Lot is taken prisoner from a walled city. By an unknown hostile force.
2. Lot is rescued and returns to the same city.
3. He is then visited by "angels" which tell him to get the fuck out
4. He then is told to go to safety
5. Yet goes to another city at odds with whatever king is doing the attacking

Perhaps we need to look at a different way and fill in some gaps

1. Lot is escorted to an assignation. Deals are struck between Abram,Lot and a King.
2. Lot returns on a mission from god.
3. Agents arrive and meet with Lot. The Sodom militia caught on to the spies and wanted to question them.
4. Lot tries and succeeds in buying the spies freedom with his daughters as they were allowed to leave.
5. Lot then goes off to spy in another city.

I know this is really reading between the lines but I think it makes far more sense than making a gay gangbang out of know you.
23The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.
24Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
This could be a king laying siege.
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
Can also be translated as vaporised. Bitumen burns like a bastard.
27And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the LORD:
28And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.
And they didn't have Red Adaire back then.
29And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.
Fits with the furtive fellow flitting flats.
30And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
They sussed him out.
31And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
32Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
I know teenage girls can be stupid, especially when they have had a drink but none I know are that stupid. I do know one that becomes a crap lesbian after a few drinks but none that turn incestuous.
33And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
Bet it wouldn't have happened if Mrs Lot was still around.
If someone is drunk enough to be unable to wake there is no way he can fuck. Lot was a paedophile . He got his daughters drunk.
34And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
35And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
36Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
Don't believe it, they were pregnant from the gang rape in Sodom
37And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
38And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
Im sure Ben means Son of. and Ammon is that not an Egyptian name ?

Second Recap

So god decided to wipe the slate clean as he couldn't cope with men being men and killed almost everything in a worldwide flood.
When the waters had subsided plants had survived and there is no mention of a layer of salt covering everything.
Noah and his three sons repopulate the Earth. Build cities. In three generations are unable to speak the same language and are forced to traverse the globe.???
A thousand years or so after the flood god contacts an old man sends him,his nephew and their wives to a mountainous barren land. Finding nothing there they continue to egypt where for some reason a 60+ year old woman is incredibly sexually attractive The Old man is forced to lie about her, introducing her to all and sundry as his sister. Because as we all know ancient Egyptians would rape a wife and kill her husband but leave a brother and sister alone. Continuing with this untruth the old man is able to acquire gold, herds and servants by renting his wife to the Pharaoh.
God in the meantime causes problems for Pharaoh and Egypt as it's their fault Abram is Whoring his wife and is not where he should be.
Pharaoh discovers the deceit and sends them packing back to where they were told to go in the first place.
He pitches a tent which turns into a house. In a ten year period 318 battle hardened ninja's are born in this house, trained and raised to manhood.
Leading this hoard this 86 year old man is able to successfully lead a rescue mission freeing his nephew Lot some gold and incidently some other people as well.
Refusing reward from the King of Sodom he returns home to discover his house has reverted back to a tent.
Here his wife whores out her handmaid so Abram can "father a child"
When this child is thirteen god comes to visit and tells Abraham to follow an Egyptian custom and cut off the foreskin of all the males that he can get his grubby mitts on. This done him and his 90 year old spouse will be fertile. Promising that he will ensure that Abrahams "descendants" become a great nation.
Almost as an afterthought he adds he is off to judge the people of sodom because he feels he is overdue for some smiting.

Conclusion

Either god is ceiling cat playing with humanity in the way a cat plays with a mouse.
Or a number of oral histories have been confused.
Or its the tales of a senile old fool told to anyone will listen as he passed the time on his death bed.

Genesis 18

Genesis 18

¹And the LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day;
What happened to his big house ?
²And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground,
A lean mean running machine I bet the sonic boom was heard in Russia.
³And said, My LORD, if now I have found favour in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant:
⁴Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree:
⁵And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said.
The creator of the universe sits before him, the entity that has promised a kingdom to him and his decendents and all he offers him for a start is a jam butty with no jam.
He then had second thoughts.
⁶And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.
⁷And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it.
As a man less than half as old as Abraham I don't buy it that's an awful lot of running for a man thirty years past his sell by date.
⁸And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat.
⁹And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.
¹⁰And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.
¹¹Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
She had been through her change and spent it, her menstrual cycle had suffered total engine failure, her monthly discharge had been discharged, her womb was dead, it had ceased to be, it was an ex womb.
¹²Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
Is she having a brazillian ?
¹³And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
Where did god get this reputation of omniscience he hasn't got a clue ?
¹⁴Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
Yes well he has a totally unblemished record so far............not!
¹⁵Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.
¹⁶And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.
Because the almighty god needed directions.
¹⁷And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;
Asking advice now?
¹⁸Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?
¹⁹For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
You mean just like Adams other descendants ?
²⁰And the LORD said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;
²¹I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.
Not sitting up in the sky watching everything they do on a personal basis, is this really the same god as the one people claim today.
²²And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Sodom: but Abraham stood yet before the LORD.
²³And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
Hmmm. What do you think?
²⁴Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?
Perhaps rightous meant something different back then ?
²⁵That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?
He can only do right after all he says what is right.
²⁶And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
Yeah Right !
²⁷And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD, which am but dust and ashes:
²⁸Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
²⁹And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty's sake.
³⁰And he said unto him, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.
³¹And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty's sake.
³²And he said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.
Is Abraham getting ideas above his station or is he just rambling on to himself in a crazy old man kind of way ?
³³And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.
Would that be House or tent?