Genesis 25

Genesis 25

¹Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah.
Why the hell would he want one, Seriously ?
²And she bare him Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah.
Good job he had menservants.
³And Jokshan begat Sheba, and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim, and Letushim, and Leummim.
⁴And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Hanoch, and Abidah, and Eldaah. All these were the children of Keturah.
⁵And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.
Finally showing guilt for trying to kill him all those years ago.
⁶But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.
⁷And these are the days of the years of Abraham's life which he lived, an hundred threescore and fifteen years.
⁸Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people.
Y'know I think this Abraham saga once was a song, Taken from an oral history.
That would explain the repetition.
⁹And his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which is before Mamre;
¹⁰The field which Abraham purchased of the sons of Heth: there was Abraham buried, and Sarah his wife.
¹¹And it came to pass after the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac; and Isaac dwelt by the well Lahairoi.
¹²Now these are the generations of Ishmael, Abraham's son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah's handmaid, bare unto Abraham:
¹³And these are the names of the sons of Ishmael, by their names, according to their generations: the firstborn of Ishmael, Nebajoth; and Kedar, and Adbeel, and Mibsam,
¹⁴And Mishma, and Dumah, and Massa,
¹⁵Hadar, and Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah:
¹⁶These are the sons of Ishmael, and these are their names, by their towns, and by their castles; twelve princes according to their nations.
¹⁷And these are the years of the life of Ishmael, an hundred and thirty and seven years: and he gave up the ghost and died; and was gathered unto his people.
¹⁸And they dwelt from Havilah unto Shur, that is before Egypt, as thou goest toward Assyria: and he died in the presence of all his brethren.
¹⁹And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham's son: Abraham begat Isaac:
²⁰And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.
²¹And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.
Isaac must have been Abraham's son.
Inherited Impotence.
How the fuck does that work?
²²And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD.
Have we finally got a glimmer of the fabled omniscience ? Or is he just going by girth.
²³And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.
²⁴And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.
²⁵And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.
²⁶And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.
²⁷And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.

My brother called me a cunning hunter , at least that's what I think he said.

²⁸And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison:but Rebekah loved Jacob.
²⁹And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:
³⁰And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.
³¹And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.
³²And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?
³³And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.
³⁴Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.
This is just brother's being brother's, any brother will at any time for any reason fuck his brother over. It's the law.

Genesis 22

Genesis 22

¹And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

God's still trying the cheerleader manifestation.

²And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
Would the thought of Almighty sex with the Almighty coerce you into murdering the son you have tortured yourself wanting for the last 80 or so years,and does the fact that Ishmael is elsewhere stop him being Abraham's older son.
³And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
⁴Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
This story seems to be filled with elements from another more familiar story.
Three days, Loving father Sacrificing his only begotten son.
⁵And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
⁶And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
⁷And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?

How old is Isaac ?

⁸And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
Is not Burning children something associated with worship of the God Baal ?
⁹And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

Did IKEA do flatpack alter's back then ?
¹⁰And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

Just like the cliff hanger at the end of an episode of Batman.

¹¹And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

So the Angel's that rescued lot had to have their arses saved by the sacrifice of lots virgin daughters virginity and this one just pop's his head over a cloud.

Continuity people continuity.
¹²And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

Seems alot of bother to go through as we are told God can see all we think and do.

How long after the creation are we now ? Still waiting for omniscience.

¹³And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.

At least God didn't have to do with something that tasted like pork.

¹⁴And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.
¹⁵And the angel of the LORD called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,
¹⁶And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the LORD, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
¹⁷That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;

Has not this promise in essence already been made ? and I don.t think the earth is big enough to contain as many people as there are stars. God telling lies surely not again.

¹⁸And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
¹⁹So Abraham returned unto his young men, and they rose up and went together to Beersheba; and Abraham dwelt at Beersheba.
²⁰And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;
²¹Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram,
²²And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.
²³And Bethuel begat Rebekah: these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother.²⁴And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah.

I thought we were concerned with Abraham's descendants not his nephews and nieces.

Genesis 17

Genesis 17

¹And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.

Gods still not got the idea of omniprescience yet has he ?

²And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.

³And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,

Uneven ground plus 99 year old man = Old man flat on his face. I could see it coming why couldn't god ?

⁴As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.

⁵Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.

⁶And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.

Is it just me but surely poor old Abram could have done with this when he was a tad younger ? About 80 years younger

⁷And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.

Ah! Now I see he waited till Abram was good and senile so he would just do as he was told and forget about it afterwards. Is "Abraham ancient Hebrew" for Alzheimers by any chance.

⁸And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.

Or else he will get biblical on their arses.

⁹And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.

Repeat threat.

¹⁰This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.

And all it will cost you is the tip of your willie, oh and your dignity.

¹¹And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.

¹²And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.

Slavery eh ! A token of a kind and loving god who sees equality in all his children.

¹³He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.

¹⁴And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.

Whether or not he was on speaking terms with anyone from Abraham's family or household.

¹⁵And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.

¹⁶And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

Just what a 90 year old woman would want. Besides wouldn't a birthing child be in danger of contracting a lung disease? All that dust and cobwebs.

¹⁷Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?

¹⁸And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!

¹⁹And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.

²⁰And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.

²¹But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.

²²And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham.

Or on the other hand the poor old sod regained conciousness

²³And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham's house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.

And no one managed to say what?

²⁴And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.

His just snapped off.

²⁵And Ishmael his son was thirteen years old, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.

²⁶In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised, and Ishmael his son.

²⁷And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him.
I am confused was not Ham cursed for seeing his daddies winkie ? So therefore were the circumcisions done blindfolded ?
Couple of questions or maybe just a ramble.
Hagar, Ishmaels mother was Egyptian, The oldest documented evidence for circumcision is from Egypts 6th dynasty(B.C.E2345 - 2181) Was Abram just following the wishes of "his" childs mother ?