1 Samuel Recap

 I actually enjoyed reading this book, although you wouldn't think so seeings how long it took.

So we start this book with the familiar tale of a barren woman,married to an old man. We know she is the infertile one in the relationship as there is another wife with children. There is no mention whether these children look more like “uncle Abu Ben Fucker” or their “father”

After “visiting” the local priest and his sons, the barren wife is found unconscious as if drunken and then the following day miraculously conceives as she does after every following annual visit.

The legitimate sons of Eli the priest are greedy and known for taking whatever they fancy.

Eli takes her first-born under his wing and teaches him the priestly duties as he did with his own sons.

As the years go by young Sam hears de lard whispering sweet nothings as he spends nights staying with his grandad mentor.

We then get into a war with the Philistines with a smattering of prophesy and fables thrown in to blame the pasting the Israelites get on Eli and his sons that are all dead after the battle. Eli died after falling off his chair.

During this battle the Philistines capture the fabled ark the Israelites are apparently more upset about losing their magic box than they are about losing their friends and relatives.

The Philistines are struck with piles, supposedly as a punishment from de lard. Strange how after proving himself by being a pain in their collective arses they do not bow down and worship him. The result of this, is for the Philistines utilising the foremost science and medicine of the time. Throw the ark, accompanied by some mice and haemorrhoids made of gold into a cart drawn by some ex heifer's, then release them. I wonder whether that's where the phrase “Having piles of gold come from.”

The cows take the Ark to the Levites who upon receipt of de lards box are rewarded by de lards gratitude with 50,000 dead.(20,000)more than those that died when they lost the Ark). We must however remember maths are not the scribes strong point.

Twenty years down the line Sam still has his invisible friend and decides the Israelites must stop worshipping Baalim(gods) and Ashteroth(Mrs de lard) To do this he calls all the Israelites together. The Philistines would have seized this opportunity to finish them off but Sam called up the power of de lard by butchering a lamb so de lard would scare them with a thunderstorm.

Sam is promoted to seer and sees himself as king, something the people do not want, strangely enough, de lard agrees with them.

Enter Saul from stage left. Saul is taken under Sam’s wing and chosen to be king. The relationship between Sam and Saul seems to be more than just friends. Even so Saul manages to father Johnathan.

Saul settles into his kingly role and starts to antagonize the Philistines the narrative seems to lose the plot and any grasp of mathematics when reporting skirmishes.

We then get into a couple of incidents that involve de omniscient one admitting to lack of fore sight and mistakes so repenting and changing his mind. Sam dies and Saul, either through grief or just being inept, becomes the crappiest crappy king in crapland.

We then have the David and Goliath tale quickly followed by Jonny and David getting friendly, very friendly. A relationship that Saul disapproves of so much he “gives” him his daughter as a wife. Yet demanding 100 Philistine foreskins as a payment. David killed 200 men to get these???

Saul was not happy with David’s success and wanted to kill him, Johnny made him promise that he would not. A promise as good as de lards, as he tried but David escaped.

He assembles a small band of men and roams Saul follows in two or one encounters David could have killed Saul and didn't. They then have two or one pow wows which ends with Saul admitting he was wrong and allowing David and his merry men to go on their way. They go to the land of the Philistines and get less shit of their”enemies” than they got from their kinsmen. In return he and his men became mercenaries for the philistines but without the philistines softer side.

Saul battles with the Philistines and johnny is killed.

Saul shows his cowardice bravery and lack of dignity by topping himself

To,sum it all up Power, Gay sex Power more gay sex with a shit load of death thrown in.

1 Samuel 31

   ¹Now the Philistines fought against Israel: and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell down slain in mount Gilboa.
   ²And the Philistines followed hard upon Saul and upon his sons; and the Philistines slew Jonathan, and Abinadab, and Melchishua, Saul's sons.

Jonathan dead, David is not going to be happy.
 
   ³And the battle went sore against Saul, and the archers hit him; and he was sore wounded of the archers.
   ⁴Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it.

Sureley whether or not your killer has or does not have a foreskin does not preclude your dead body being abused in any way.

 

   ⁵And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.

It may have been he missed Samuel and the act of self penetration satisfied need for something hard inside him. Although in reality Sauls suicide should be seen as just cowardice, a pathetic way to die for a king.   His armourbearer's death although possibly bourne of loyalty and fear was none the less just plain stupid.

   ⁶So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armourbearer, and all his men, that same day together.
   ⁷And when the men of Israel that were on the other side of the valley, and they that were on the other side Jordan, saw that the men of Israel fled, and that Saul and his sons were dead, they forsook the cities, and fled; and the Philistines came and dwelt in them.
   ⁸And it came to pass on the morrow, when the Philistines came to strip the slain, that they found Saul and his three sons fallen in mount Gilboa.
   ⁹And they cut off his head, and stripped off his armour, and sent into the land of the Philistines round about, to publish it in the house of their idols, and among the people.

   ¹⁰And they put his armour in the house of Ashteroth: and they fastened his body to the wall of Bethshan.
   ¹¹And when the inhabitants of Jabeshgilead heard of that which the Philistines had done to Saul;
   ¹²All the valiant men arose, and went all night, and took the body of Saul and the bodies of his sons from the wall of Bethshan, and came to Jabesh, and burnt them there.

All the valient men? If they were that valient and they thought that much of Saul, why were they not in his army?
   ¹³And they took their bones, and buried them under a tree at Jabesh, and fasted seven days.

1 Samuel 29

 

 

Sorry about the long wait,but I have been so fucking busy.

 

 

¹Now the Philistines gathered together all their armies to Aphek: and the Israelites pitched by a fountain which is in Jezreel. 
   ²And the lords of the Philistines passed on by hundreds, and by thousands: but David and his men passed on in the rereward with Achish.

It just doesn't stop does it. David and his men rereward(rearward in modern english)

 

   ³Then said the princes of the Philistines, What do these Hebrews here? And Achish said unto the princes of the Philistines, Is not this David, the servant of Saul the king of Israel, which hath been with me these days, or these years, and I have found no fault in him since he fell unto me unto this day.

If you fall do you not go down?
 
   ⁴And the princes of the Philistines were wroth with him; and the princes of the Philistines said unto him, Make this fellow return, that he may go again to his place which thou hast appointed him, and let him not go down with us to battle, lest in the battle he be an adversary to us: for wherewith should he reconcile himself unto his master? should it not be with the heads of these men?
   ⁵Is not this David, of whom they sang one to another in dances, saying, Saul slew his thousands, and David his ten thousands?
   ⁶Then Achish called David, and said unto him, Surely, as the LORD liveth, thou hast been upright, and thy going out and thy coming in with me in the host is good in my sight: for I have not found evil in thee since the day of thy coming unto me unto this day: nevertheless the lords favour thee not.

See it is not just my warped mind.

 
Seriously though, which god is Achish talking about? Is it Moloch, Baal or Yhwh? or could it be he sees them as one and the same?

   ⁷Wherefore now return, and go in peace, that thou displease not the lords of the Philistines.
   ⁸And David said unto Achish, But what have I done? and what hast thou found in thy servant so long as I have been with thee unto this day, that I may not go fight against the enemies of my lord the king?
   ⁹And Achish answered and said to David, I know that thou art good in my sight, as an angel of God: notwithstanding the princes of the Philistines have said, He shall not go up with us to the battle.
   ¹⁰Wherefore now rise up early in the morning with thy master's servants that are come with thee: and as soon as ye be up early in the morning, and have light, depart.
   ¹¹So David and his men rose up early to depart in the morning, to return into the land of the Philistines. And the Philistines went up to Jezreel.

Which beggers the questions......How do you Jezreel? and why must you go up to do it?

1 Samuel 5

¹And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it from Ebenezer unto Ashdod.

²When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.

They knew not to touch it then or has some of the gold worn away and it no longer is the Leyden jar it once was ?

³And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the LORD. And they took Dagon, and set him in his place again.

⁴And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him.

⁵Therefore neither the priests of Dagon, nor any that come into Dagon's house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod unto this day.

So this is a show of de lards almighty power piles, more likely induced by a poor diet...need more roughage boys and a statue falling over. But doesn't some other fish god turn up later in this tripe?

⁶But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

For those that don't know emerods is an archaic spelling of haemorrhoids that's piles. Something that as an all year round biker I am supposed to suffer from. Not so far but if I did I think they would be a pain in the arse.

⁷And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god.

⁸They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.

Why not just destroy it?

⁹And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

Where else?

¹⁰Therefore they sent the ark of God to Ekron. And it came to pass, as the ark of God came to Ekron, that the Ekronites cried out, saying, They have brought about the ark of the God of Israel to us, to slay us and our people.

¹¹So they sent and gathered together all the lords of the Philistines, and said, Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and let it go again to his own place, that it slay us not, and our people: for there was a deadly destruction throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.

I don't buy it As I said earlier the piles were no doubt brought on by lack of roughage why? Maybe they were trapped inside a city that was besieged.

¹²And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.
These questions and more answered in the next exciting instalment of samuel and the grapes

Ruth 1

¹Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehemjudah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons.

Perhaps they should have turned their energies to irrigation rather than warfare ? It just goes to show you can't live on honey and milk alone.

Then again with all that bloodshed,slaughter and sacrifice you would have thought de lard,with his omnipotence and omniscience would have given his chosen ones some beneficial weather.

²And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of Moab, and continued there.

³And Elimelech Naomi's husband died; and she was left, and her two sons.

Just like that!

⁴And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there about ten years.

⁵And Mahlon and Chilion died also both of them; and the woman was left of her two sons and her husband.

No mention how these men died, don't know why?

⁶Then she arose with her daughters in law, that she might return from the country of Moab: for she had heard in the country of Moab how that the LORD had visited his people in giving them bread.

Famine over then ?

⁷Wherefore she went forth out of the place where she was, and her two daughters in law with her; and they went on the way to return unto the land of Judah.

⁸And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the LORD deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me.

⁹The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept.

¹⁰And they said unto her, Surely we will return with thee unto thy people.

¹¹And Naomi said, Turn again, my daughters: why will ye go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?

¹²Turn again, my daughters, go your way; for I am too old to have an husband. If I should say, I have hope, if I should have an husband also to night, and should also bear sons;

¹³Would ye tarry for them till they were grown? would ye stay for them from having husbands? nay, my daughters; for it grieveth me much for your sakes that the hand of the LORD is gone out against me.

¹⁴And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.

¹⁵And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law.

¹⁶And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:

We are given the impression here thatg these women are able to safely travel unaccompanied, Dis the decimation of the benjimites allow this ?Or were they accompanied by guards?

¹⁷Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.

¹⁸When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her.

¹⁹So they two went until they came to Bethlehem. And it came to pass, when they were come to Bethlehem, that all the city was moved about them, and they said, Is this Naomi?

²⁰And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.

²¹I went out full and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?

²²So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter in law, with her, which returned out of the country of Moab: and they came to Bethlehem in the beginning of barley harvest.

So far this is a non-story makes me wonder why it was included in the bible ?
Why is this womans story even mentioned?

Judges 3

Sorry for the delay in this but real life has taken up alot of time recently, much work, many parties and oddly enough ,research and fatigue caused by all, have strained my brain to a degree of writers block

¹Now these are the nations which the LORD left, to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known all the wars of Canaan;

What! ?........Did not de lard state time and again things like I give you this land, take it from those already there and of cities kill every motherfucking living thing.

Someone therefore seems to be admitting that de lard either didn't say what he was supposed to or wasn't hard enough to follow up on his threats/promises.

²Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof;

³Namely, five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that dwelt in mount Lebanon, from mount Baalhermon unto the entering in of Hamath.

⁴And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the LORD, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses.

Oh I see ! Where as I had thought, they were now the supplicant love slaves of de lard, there is no longer a cunning power mad conman prophet,so he now stops talking to them. Does someone want to tell me again of the love of de lard.

⁵And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:

So naturally with out a madman prophet stirring them up the guidance of de lard they go back to normal lives.

⁶And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.

Just an observation....But to my view of what the supposed "power" of de lard is, or should be. Is it not contemptible that to and from their deity go out the window with a little bit of hot pussy on offer ? Especially from those that apparently witnessed it.

⁷And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves.

Fuck me ! I just realised, for once de lard didn't lie.......He is a jealous god !

⁸Therefore the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he sold them into the hand of Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia: and the children of Israel served Chushanrishathaim eight years.

I have been hunting for days now trying to match up Chushanrishathaim to a monarch ruling in or around Mesopotamia to give verification either of events or of dates.

Allegedly we are supposed to be in the twelfth to the eleventh BCE. I have a couple of times pointed out similarities with the invasion of the mysterious "sea peoples" and asked whether biblical scholars have erred in assuming first there was only one Moses and secondly that Joshua immediately followed the original Moses.

⁹And when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother.

¹⁰And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war: and the LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia into his hand; and his hand prevailed against Chushanrishathaim.

So he went mad and started with the, " being a cunt" bit that had worked so well for all those other psychopaths before him.

¹¹And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.

¹²And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD.

We have been here before. The almighty, alknowing, allseeing invisible autocrat seems to be incapable of knowing or seeing the obvious fact that they are inherently untrustworthy and if he wants to them to behave themselves all he needs to do is assure them he is there.

¹³And he gathered unto him the children of Ammon and Amalek, and went and smote Israel, and possessed the city of palm trees.

¹⁴So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.

¹⁵But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

¹⁶But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

¹⁷And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

¹⁸And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present.

¹⁹But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

²⁰And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee. And he arose out of his seat.

²¹And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

²²And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

²³Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

²⁴When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.

I have to ask.......Is this a true translation ? He was a fat bloke, could he see his feet?

Ah ! the NLT has this "They thought he might be using the latrine in the room"

²⁵And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

²⁶And Ehud escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath.

²⁷And it came to pass, when he was come, that he blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount, and he before them.

²⁸And he said unto them, Follow after me: for the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over.

²⁹And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.

³⁰So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

³¹And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

Judges 2

¹And an angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you to go up out of Egypt, and have brought you unto the land which I sware unto your fathers; and I said, I will never break my covenant with you.

What ? Is senility compulsory when reading scripture ? Was it not mentioned only in the last chapter that the all powerful, almighty was UNABLE to drive out the inabitants of the valley.....for no other reason than they had chariots of iron.

You would have thought that for the creator of the universe, lord of all, the one that was master of the ten plagues of Egypt would be able to manage a little rust or even the odd wheel falling off. No ! de lard flaunts his impotence and ineffectualness in front of the world.

²And ye shall make no league with the inhabitants of this land; ye shall throw down their altars: but ye have not obeyed my voice: why have ye done this?

Mislaid his omniscience glasses again ?

³Wherefore I also said, I will not drive them out from before you; but they shall be as thorns in your sides, and their gods shall be a snare unto you.

⁴And it came to pass, when the angel of the LORD spake these words unto all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voice, and wept.

⁵And they called the name of that place Bochim: and they sacrificed there unto the LORD.

⁶And when Joshua had let the people go, the children of Israel went every man unto his inheritance to possess the land.

⁷And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD, that he did for Israel.

⁸And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.

⁹And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathheres, in the mount of Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash.

¹⁰And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.

¹¹And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:

Baalim = plural of Baal
Baal only means Lord so you could say Cricket is played at Baalim

¹²And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, which brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods, of the gods of the people that were round about them, and bowed themselves unto them, and provoked the LORD to anger.

¹³And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.

Or as YHWH calls us Father and Mother. Unfortunately the little bastard was proof goddesses can get pregnant from anal sex, well not excactly it's just my sperm was so potent it animated a turd.

¹⁴And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he delivered them into the hands of spoilers that spoiled them, and he sold them into the hands of their enemies round about, so that they could not any longer stand before their enemies.

Again I ask why does this jumped up prick of a god hold his subjects to higher ideals than he can maintain himself ?

¹⁵Whithersoever they went out, the hand of the LORD was against them for evil, as the LORD had said, and as the LORD had sworn unto them: and they were greatly distressed.

Or is it as I suspect he fails to deliver his end of the bargin and blames his subjects for getting killed and shit ?

¹⁶Nevertheless the LORD raised up judges, which delivered them out of the hand of those that spoiled them.

¹⁷And yet they would not hearken unto their judges, but they went a whoring after other gods, and bowed themselves unto them: they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, obeying the commandments of the LORD; but they did not so.

¹⁸And when the LORD raised them up judges, then the LORD was with the judge, and delivered them out of the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge: for it repented the LORD because of their groanings by reason of them that oppressed them and vexed them.

¹⁹And it came to pass, when the judge was dead, that they returned, and corrupted themselves more than their fathers, in following other gods to serve them, and to bow down unto them; they ceased not from their own doings, nor from their stubborn way.

²⁰And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel; and he said, Because that this people hath transgressed my covenant which I commanded their fathers, and have not hearkened unto my voice;

²¹I also will not henceforth drive out any from before them of the nations which Joshua left when he died:

Won't or Can't ?

²²That through them I may prove Israel, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk therein, as their fathers did keep it, or not.

²³Therefore the LORD left those nations, without driving them out hastily; neither delivered he them into the hand of Joshua.

Did not the first verse have an angel with a message from de lard a message containing the words " I will never break my covenant with you. " Do the words "-lying Cunt-" mean anything ?

Joshua 24

¹And Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God.

²And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.

Have I got to point out these other gods were before YHWH ?

³And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.

Surely that would imply that the flood was not a worldwide flood as previously mentioned. Also Abraham was a foreigner. Perhaps de lard is Shiva after all ?

Either way it shows yet again de lard is or has lied to his subjects.

"gave him Isaac" did de lard father Isaac ...Is this yet another "only begotten son"

What follows now is a list of boasts

⁴And I gave unto Isaac Jacob and Esau: and I gave unto Esau mount Seir, to possess it; but Jacob and his children went down into Egypt.

⁵I sent Moses also and Aaron, and I plagued Egypt, according to that which I did among them: and afterward I brought you out.

⁶And I brought your fathers out of Egypt: and ye came unto the sea; and the Egyptians pursued after your fathers with chariots and horsemen unto the Red sea.

⁷And when they cried unto the LORD, he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, and brought the sea upon them, and covered them; and your eyes have seen what I have done in Egypt: and ye dwelt in the wilderness a long season.

⁸And I brought you into the land of the Amorites, which dwelt on the other side Jordan; and they fought with you: and I gave them into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you.

⁹Then Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, arose and warred against Israel, and sent and called Balaam the son of Beor to curse you:

¹⁰But I would not hearken unto Balaam; therefore he blessed you still: so I delivered you out of his hand.

¹¹And you went over Jordan, and came unto Jericho: and the men of Jericho fought against you, the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Girgashites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; and I delivered them into your hand.

¹²And I sent the hornet before you, which drave them out from before you, even the two kings of the Amorites; but not with thy sword, nor with thy bow.

¹³And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and oliveyards which ye planted not do ye eat.

So de lard has to spout his own importance. Why does this supposed omnipotent being need to keep readdressing his own importance ?

In my experience, most people I have met over the years tell tales of what they have done either to entertain or because they come up in conversation. Other's speak of things for no other reason than to underline their own importance, reading this rhetoric I can only go with my much earlier comments of de lard having serious confidence issues no doubt brought on by an incredibly small penis.

¹⁴Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.

Cos ' de lard leads by example........Lying cunt!

¹⁵And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

¹⁶And the people answered and said, God forbid that we should forsake the LORD, to serve other gods;

That about sums it up doesn't it ? The sort of comment you get off spoilt children.....I wont like you if you dont play with me.....In fact that in essence is the whole "you can't go to heaven unless you are saved" If you won't play with me you can't come to my birthday party!!

¹⁷For the LORD our God, he it is that brought us up and our fathers out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage, and which did those great signs in our sight, and preserved us in all the way wherein we went, and among all the people through whom we passed:

Yes he preserved them all from harm............Apart from the thousands that died of course

¹⁸And the LORD drave out from before us all the people, even the Amorites which dwelt in the land: therefore will we also serve the LORD; for he is our God.

¹⁹And Joshua said unto the people, Ye cannot serve the LORD: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; Ye cannot serve the LORD: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins.

²⁰If ye forsake the LORD, and serve strange gods, then he will turn and do you hurt, and consume you, after that he hath done you good.

Alzheimer's kicking in ?

²⁰If ye forsake the LORD, and serve strange gods, then he will turn and do you hurt, and consume you, after that he hath done you good.

²¹And the people said unto Joshua, Nay; but we will serve the LORD.

²²And Joshua said unto the people, Ye are witnesses against yourselves that ye have chosen you the LORD, to serve him. And they said, We are witnesses.

²³Now therefore put away, said he, the strange gods which are among you, and incline your heart unto the LORD God of Israel.

²⁴And the people said unto Joshua, The LORD our God will we serve, and his voice will we obey.

Maybe they are not that stupid ?

²⁵So Joshua made a covenant with the people that day, and set them a statute and an ordinance in Shechem.

²⁶And Joshua wrote these words in the book of the law of God, and took a great stone, and set it up there under an oak, that was by the sanctuary of the LORD.

²⁷And Joshua said unto all the people, Behold, this stone shall be a witness unto us; for it hath heard all the words of the LORD which he spake unto us: it shall be therefore a witness unto you, lest ye deny your God.

So Josh tells them they are all witnesses to each others promise to suck up to de lard(whenever they hear him speak of course), and to make sure they keep thier promise he raises stone. Contrary to what it says in Leviticus 26

²⁸So Joshua let the people depart, every man unto his inheritance.

²⁹And it came to pass after these things, that Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.

³⁰And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathserah, which is in mount Ephraim, on the north side of the hill of Gaash.

³¹And Israel served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that overlived Joshua, and which had known all the works of the LORD, that he had done for Israel.

³²And the bones of Joseph, which the children of Israel brought up out of Egypt, buried they in Shechem, in a parcel of ground which Jacob bought of the sons of Hamor the father of Shechem for an hundred pieces of silver: and it became the inheritance of the children of Joseph.

³³And Eleazar the son of Aaron died; and they buried him in a hill that pertained to Phinehas his son, which was given him in mount Ephraim.

Deuteronomy 33

¹And this is the blessing, wherewith Moses the man of God blessed the children of Israel before his death.

²And he said, The LORD came from Sinai, and rose up from Seir unto them; he shined forth from mount Paran, and he came with ten thousands of saints: from his right hand went a fiery law for them.

There was me thinking saints were a catholic invention.

³Yea, he loved the people; all his saints are in thy hand: and they sat down at thy feet; every one shall receive of thy words.

Need I say more ?

⁴Moses commanded us a law, even the inheritance of the congregation of Jacob.

What follows is possibly a list of the leaders of the tribes with various aspects described in quite an irrational and confusing manner. But I do wonder whether this could have been the beginnings of what could have been considered a new pantheon of Hebrew proto-gods

⁵And he was king in Jeshurun, when the heads of the people and the tribes of Israel were gathered together.

⁶Let Reuben live, and not die; and let not his men be few.

⁷And this is the blessing of Judah: and he said, Hear, LORD, the voice of Judah, and bring him unto his people: let his hands be sufficient for him; and be thou an help to him from his enemies.

⁸And of Levi he said, Let thy Thummim and thy Urim be with thy holy one, whom thou didst prove at Massah, and with whom thou didst strive at the waters of Meribah;

⁹Who said unto his father and to his mother, I have not seen him; neither did he acknowledge his brethren, nor knew his own children: for they have observed thy word, and kept thy covenant.

¹⁰They shall teach Jacob thy judgments, and Israel thy law: they shall put incense before thee, and whole burnt sacrifice upon thine altar.

¹¹Bless, LORD, his substance, and accept the work of his hands; smite through the loins of them that rise against him, and of them that hate him, that they rise not again.

¹²And of Benjamin he said, The beloved of the LORD shall dwell in safety by him; and the Lord shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders.

¹³And of Joseph he said, Blessed of the LORD be his land, for the precious things of heaven, for the dew, and for the deep that coucheth beneath,

¹⁴And for the precious fruits brought forth by the sun, and for the precious things put forth by the moon,

¹⁵And for the chief things of the ancient mountains, and for the precious things of the lasting hills,

¹⁶And for the precious things of the earth and fulness thereof, and for the good will of him that dwelt in the bush: let the blessing come upon the head of Joseph, and upon the top of the head of him that was separated from his brethren.

¹⁷His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh.

Joseph had horns ?......plural.......like the horns of a unicorn ...is this scribe seeing double?

¹⁸And of Zebulun he said, Rejoice, Zebulun, in thy going out; and, Issachar, in thy tents.

¹⁹They shall call the people unto the mountain; there they shall offer sacrifices of righteousness: for they shall suck of the abundance of the seas, and of treasures hid in the sand.

The only way I can think of "sacrificing righteousness" would be to do something severely unrighteous.

²⁰And of Gad he said, Blessed be he that enlargeth Gad: he dwelleth as a lion, and teareth the arm with the crown of the head.

Is this the earliest known reference to a vacuum developer ?

²¹And he provided the first part for himself, because there, in a portion of the lawgiver, was he seated; and he came with the heads of the people, he executed the justice of the LORD, and his judgments with Israel.

²²And of Dan he said, Dan is a lion's whelp: he shall leap from Bashan.

²³And of Naphtali he said, O Naphtali, satisfied with favour, and full with the blessing of the LORD: possess thou the west and the south.

²⁴And of Asher he said, Let Asher be blessed with children; let him be acceptable to his brethren, and let him dip his foot in oil.

²⁵Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.

²⁶There is none like unto the God of Jeshurun, who rideth upon the heaven in thy help, and in his excellency on the sky.

²⁷The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.

²⁸Israel then shall dwell in safety alone: the fountain of Jacob shall be upon a land of corn and wine; also his heavens shall drop down dew.

²⁹Happy art thou, O Israel: who is like unto thee, O people saved by the LORD, the shield of thy help, and who is the sword of thy excellency! and thine enemies shall be found liars unto thee; and thou shalt tread upon their high places.

Deuteronomy 32

¹Give ear, O ye heavens, and I will speak; and hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.

²My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass:

He was right there....Just like the rain, it is polluted with human detritus.

³Because I will publish the name of the LORD: ascribe ye greatness unto our God.

⁴He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.

Has the meaning of these words changed or would a lawsuit be applicable under the current trading standards, citing false advertising ?

⁵They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.

Is this just what we now call the generation gap ? Part of the natural child/parent rejection process. Any good parents will watch their offspring make mistakes they advised against,ready to help pick up the pieces when they go tits up,or congratulate them when they succeed. Only poor parents will disown their children for going against their wishes.

⁶Do ye thus requite the LORD, O foolish people and unwise? is not he thy father that hath bought thee? hath he not made thee, and established thee?

An interesting choice of word here........RE-QUITE

–verb (used with object), -quit⋅ed, -quit⋅ing. 1. to make repayment or return for (service, benefits, etc.). 2. to make retaliation for (a wrong, injury, etc.); avenge. 3. to make return to (a person, group, etc.) for service, benefits, etc. 4. to retaliate on (a person, group, etc.) for a wrong, injury, etc. 5. to give or do in return.

So is it revenge or repay ?

7Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations: ask thy father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and they will tell thee.

⁸When the Most High divided to the nations their inheritance, when he separated the sons of Adam, he set the bounds of the people according to the number of the children of Israel.

So, what does that actually mean ? Separated which sons of Adam from what ?

Could it possibly mean, separated from the rest of humanity ? Seems I was right when I pointed out that gen:1:27 states god created man AND women in one foul swoop and later in gen:2:7 created Adam. He got him to name all living things, which must have taken years.Then made a clone of Adam(Steve) gen2:21 then gave Steve a sex change.

⁹For the LORD's portion is his people; Jacob is the lot of his inheritance.

¹⁰He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

¹¹As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:

¹²So the LORD alone did lead him, and there was no strange god with him.

Verse 4 stated "god of truth" and yet there is no mention of Jacob being lost. There are however hints of delirium.

¹³He made him ride on the high places of the earth, that he might eat the increase of the fields; and he made him to suck honey out of the rock, and oil out of the flinty rock;

I would like to see a geological explanation of that........Anybody ?

¹⁴Butter of kine, and milk of sheep, with fat of lambs, and rams of the breed of Bashan, and goats, with the fat of kidneys of wheat; and thou didst drink the pure blood of the grape.

delard is really crap at biology

¹⁵But Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked: thou art waxen fat, thou art grown thick, thou art covered with fatness; then he forsook God which made him, and lightly esteemed the Rock of his salvation.

¹⁶They provoked him to jealousy with strange gods, with abominations provoked they him to anger.

Most humans recognise jealousy as a destructive emotion that stems from feelings of inadequacy, an emotion that needs to be controlled. Why does a being who is allegedly so powerful suffer from it so much ?

¹⁷They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your fathers feared not.

¹⁸Of the Rock that begat thee thou art unmindful, and hast forgotten God that formed thee.

¹⁹And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.

²⁰And he said, I will hide my face from them, I will see what their end shall be: for they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith.

²¹They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God; they have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation.

²²For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains.

²³I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them.

²⁴They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust.

²⁵The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs.

²⁶I said, I would scatter them into corners, I would make the remembrance of them to cease from among men:

²⁷Were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy, lest their adversaries should behave themselves strangely, and lest they should say, Our hand is high, and the LORD hath not done all this.

²⁸For they are a nation void of counsel, neither is there any understanding in them.

²⁹O that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would consider their latter end!

³⁰How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the LORD had shut them up?

³¹For their rock is not as our Rock, even our enemies themselves being judges.

³²For their vine is of the vine of Sodom, and of the fields of Gomorrah: their grapes are grapes of gall, their clusters are bitter:

³³Their wine is the poison of dragons, and the cruel venom of asps.

³⁴Is not this laid up in store with me, and sealed up among my treasures?

³⁵To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.

³⁶For the LORD shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants, when he seeth that their power is gone, and there is none shut up, or left.

³⁷And he shall say, Where are their gods, their rock in whom they trusted,

³⁸Which did eat the fat of their sacrifices, and drank the wine of their drink offerings? let them rise up and help you, and be your protection.

³⁹See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand.

⁴⁰For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever.

⁴¹If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.

⁴²I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revenges upon the enemy.

⁴³Rejoice, O ye nations, with his people: for he will avenge the blood of his servants, and will render vengeance to his adversaries, and will be merciful unto his land, and to his people.

⁴⁴And Moses came and spake all the words of this song in the ears of the people, he, and Hoshea the son of Nun.

⁴⁵And Moses made an end of speaking all these words to all Israel:

⁴⁶And he said unto them, Set your hearts unto all the words which I testify among you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law.

⁴⁷For it is not a vain thing for you; because it is your life: and through this thing ye shall prolong your days in the land, whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.

⁴⁸And the LORD spake unto Moses that selfsame day, saying,

⁴⁹Get thee up into this mountain Abarim, unto mount Nebo, which is in the land of Moab, that is over against Jericho; and behold the land of Canaan, which I give unto the children of Israel for a possession:

⁵⁰And die in the mount whither thou goest up, and be gathered unto thy people; as Aaron thy brother died in mount Hor, and was gathered unto his people:

⁵¹Because ye trespassed against me among the children of Israel at the waters of MeribahKadesh, in the wilderness of Zin; because ye sanctified me not in the midst of the children of Israel.

⁵²Yet thou shalt see the land before thee; but thou shalt not go thither unto the land which I give the children of Israel.

I wonder whether this chapter is actually the "Song of Moses" mentioned in the last chapter.

Deuteronomy 31

So this chapter starts with an outright lie.

¹And Moses went and spake these words unto all Israel.

How do I know it's a lie ?

Simple it says so in the bible.

I hear the cry ," No it Doesn't !"

But it does, It tells us that Israel is spread over a large area, at least three cities.

So unless Moses was able to somehow broadcast his voice, the opening line was untrue.

²And he said unto them, I am an hundred and twenty years old this day; I can no more go out and come in: also the LORD hath said unto me, Thou shalt not go over this Jordan.

³The LORD thy God, he will go over before thee, and he will destroy these nations from before thee, and thou shalt possess them: and Joshua, he shall go over before thee, as the LORD hath said.

⁴And the LORD shall do unto them as he did to Sihon and to Og, kings of the Amorites, and unto the land of them, whom he destroyed.

⁵And the LORD shall give them up before your face, that ye may do unto them according unto all the commandments which I have commanded you.

For anyone just joining, that is enslavement for young virgins of faraway cities death to all others

⁶Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

⁷And Moses called unto Joshua, and said unto him in the sight of all Israel, Be strong and of a good courage: for thou must go with this people unto the land which the LORD hath sworn unto their fathers to give them; and thou shalt cause them to inherit it.

⁸And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

⁹And Moses wrote this law, and delivered it unto the priests the sons of Levi, which bare the ark of the covenant of the LORD, and unto all the elders of Israel.

¹⁰And Moses commanded them, saying, At the end of every seven years, in the solemnity of the year of release, in the feast of tabernacles,

¹¹When all Israel is come to appear before the LORD thy God in the place which he shall choose, thou shalt read this law before all Israel in their hearing.

¹²Gather the people together, men and women, and children, and thy stranger that is within thy gates, that they may hear, and that they may learn, and fear the LORD your God, and observe to do all the words of this law:

¹³And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.

¹⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Behold, thy days approach that thou must die: call Joshua, and present yourselves in the tabernacle of the congregation, that I may give him a charge. And Moses and Joshua went, and presented themselves in the tabernacle of the congregation.

¹⁵And the LORD appeared in the tabernacle in a pillar of a cloud: and the pillar of the cloud stood over the door of the tabernacle.

¹⁶And the LORD said unto Moses, Behold, thou shalt sleep with thy fathers; and this people will rise up, and go a whoring after the gods of the strangers of the land, whither they go to be among them, and will forsake me, and break my covenant which I have made with them.

Honest ! that is a Euphemism for death. Nothing to do with incest or gay sex.

¹⁷Then my anger shall be kindled against them in that day, and I will forsake them, and I will hide my face from them, and they shall be devoured, and many evils and troubles shall befall them; so that they will say in that day, Are not these evils come upon us, because our God is not among us?

For an entity that is supposedly older than time, why the consistent unrelenting threats to the effect if he doesn't get his own way he will throw a tantrum like a spoilt teenage girl ?

¹⁸And I will surely hide my face in that day for all the evils which they shall have wrought, in that they are turned unto other gods.

¹⁹Now therefore write ye this song for you, and teach it the children of Israel: put it in their mouths, that this song may be a witness for me against the children of Israel.

Huh!

²⁰For when I shall have brought them into the land which I sware unto their fathers, that floweth with milk and honey; and they shall have eaten and filled themselves, and waxen fat; then will they turn unto other gods, and serve them, and provoke me, and break my covenant.

²¹And it shall come to pass, when many evils and troubles are befallen them, that this song shall testify against them as a witness; for it shall not be forgotten out of the mouths of their seed: for I know their imagination which they go about, even now, before I have brought them into the land which I sware.

²²Moses therefore wrote this song the same day, and taught it the children of Israel.

I'll bet it wasn't this song.

²³And he gave Joshua the son of Nun a charge, and said, Be strong and of a good courage: for thou shalt bring the children of Israel into the land which I sware unto them: and I will be with thee.

²⁴And it came to pass, when Moses had made an end of writing the words of this law in a book, until they were finished,

²⁵That Moses commanded the Levites, which bare the ark of the covenant of the LORD, saying,

²⁶Take this book of the law, and put it in the side of the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, that it may be there for a witness against thee.

²⁷For I know thy rebellion, and thy stiff neck: behold, while I am yet alive with you this day, ye have been rebellious against the LORD; and how much more after my death?

²⁸Gather unto me all the elders of your tribes, and your officers, that I may speak these words in their ears, and call heaven and earth to record against them.

²⁹For I know that after my death ye will utterly corrupt yourselves, and turn aside from the way which I have commanded you; and evil will befall you in the latter days; because ye will do evil in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger through the work of your hands.

Probably wasn't this one either

³⁰And Moses spake in the ears of all the congregation of Israel the words of this song, until they were ended.

Deuteronomy 28

¹And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:

I feel at this point the need to point out that some forms of Buddhism teach their acolytes to listen for the sound of one hand clapping to achieve inner peace. Not to listen for the bellowing of an insane tyrant, bent on the destruction, not only of all who stand AGAINST you but all who do not stand WITH you

²And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.

³Blessed shalt thou be in the city, and blessed shalt thou be in the field.

⁴Blessed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy ground, and the fruit of thy cattle, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.

⁵Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.

⁶Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

⁷The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.

⁸The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto; and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

⁹The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto himself, as he hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, and walk in his ways.

¹⁰And all people of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of the LORD; and they shall be afraid of thee.

There is truth in this statement. There is no enemy more fear inspiring than one that believes his actions are sanctified by a despot that will reward you in an afterlife.

¹¹And the LORD shall make thee plenteous in goods, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy ground, in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

¹²The LORD shall open unto thee his good treasure, the heaven to give the rain unto thy land in his season, and to bless all the work of thine hand: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, and thou shalt not borrow.

¹³And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them:

Especially one that blames you for not being pious enough for anything that is not beneficial

¹⁴And thou shalt not go aside from any of the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

¹⁵But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:

¹⁶Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.

¹⁷Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.

¹⁸Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.

¹⁹Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

²⁰The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the wickedness of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken me.

²¹The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.

²²The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

Does this confirm the "strange fire" that killed the sons of Aaron were a form of gunpowder or explosive.

²³And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron.

²⁴The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

²⁵The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies: thou shalt go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them: and shalt be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth.

²⁶And thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away.

²⁷The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

²⁸The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:

²⁹And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.

³⁰Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.

³¹Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them.

³²Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long; and there shall be no might in thine hand.

³³The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway:

³⁴So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.

³⁵The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.

³⁶The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone.

³⁷And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.

Another of de lards strangely unfulfilled prophecies.

³⁸Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather but little in; for the locust shall consume it.

³⁹Thou shalt plant vineyards, and dress them, but shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worms shall eat them.

⁴⁰Thou shalt have olive trees throughout all thy coasts, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olive shall cast his fruit.

⁴¹Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but thou shalt not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity.

⁴²All thy trees and fruit of thy land shall the locust consume.

Is the god of locusts more powerful than de lard ?

⁴³The stranger that is within thee shall get up above thee very high; and thou shalt come down very low.

Or is the strangers god(s) more powerful

⁴⁴He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him: he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.

⁴⁵Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee:

⁴⁶And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever.

⁴⁷Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things;

⁴⁸Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.

⁴⁹The LORD shall bring a nation against thee from far, from the end of the earth, as swift as the eagle flieth; a nation whose tongue thou shalt not understand;

⁵⁰A nation of fierce countenance, which shall not regard the person of the old, nor shew favour to the young.

These and the next few verses are seen as a fulfilled prophecy citing the events of the second world war. Personally I think it was a self fulfilling prophecy. Herr Hitler is said to have been very interested in myths and religion, believing his rise to power and the third Reich was prophesied by Madame Blavatsky

⁵¹And he shall eat the fruit of thy cattle, and the fruit of thy land, until thou be destroyed: which also shall not leave thee either corn, wine, or oil, or the increase of thy kine, or flocks of thy sheep, until he have destroyed thee.

⁵²And he shall besiege thee in all thy gates, until thy high and fenced walls come down, wherein thou trustedst, throughout all thy land: and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.

⁵³And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee:

⁵⁴So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave:

⁵⁵So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat: because he hath nothing left him in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee in all thy gates.

⁵⁶The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter,

⁵⁷And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall distress thee in thy gates.

⁵⁸If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD;

⁵⁹Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.

⁶⁰Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.

⁶¹Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

⁶²And ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou wouldest not obey the voice of the LORD thy God.

⁶³And it shall come to pass, that as the LORD rejoiced over you to do you good, and to multiply you; so the LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought; and ye shall be plucked from off the land whither thou goest to possess it.

⁶⁴And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods, which neither thou nor thy fathers have known, even wood and stone.

⁶⁵And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:

⁶⁶And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life:

⁶⁷In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.

⁶⁸And the LORD shall bring thee into Egypt again with ships, by the way whereof I spake unto thee, Thou shalt see it no more again: and there ye shall be sold unto your enemies for bondmen and bondwomen, and no man shall buy you.

I seem to remember that Egypt was one of the lands denied to the Israelites invading armies and pointing out that this denial,had in all probability more to do with the strength of Egypts defence capability than any other reason.