Joshua 15

¹This then was the lot of the tribe of the children of Judah by their families; even to the border of Edom the wilderness of Zin southward was the uttermost part of the south coast.

²And their south border was from the shore of the salt sea, from the bay that looketh southward:

³And it went out to the south side to Maalehacrabbim, and passed along to Zin, and ascended up on the south side unto Kadeshbarnea, and passed along to Hezron, and went up to Adar, and fetched a compass to Karkaa:

⁴From thence it passed toward Azmon, and went out unto the river of Egypt; and the goings out of that coast were at the sea: this shall be your south coast.

⁵And the east border was the salt sea, even unto the end of Jordan. And their border in the north quarter was from the bay of the sea at the uttermost part of Jordan:

⁶And the border went up to Bethhogla, and passed along by the north of Betharabah; and the border went up to the stone of Bohan the son of Reuben:

⁷And the border went up toward Debir from the valley of Achor, and so northward, looking toward Gilgal, that is before the going up to Adummim, which is on the south side of the river: and the border passed toward the waters of Enshemesh, and the goings out thereof were at Enrogel:

⁸And the border went up by the valley of the son of Hinnom unto the south side of the Jebusite; the same is Jerusalem: and the border went up to the top of the mountain that lieth before the valley of Hinnom westward, which is at the end of the valley of the giants northward:

⁹And the border was drawn from the top of the hill unto the fountain of the water of Nephtoah, and went out to the cities of mount Ephron; and the border was drawn to Baalah, which is Kirjathjearim:

¹⁰And the border compassed from Baalah westward unto mount Seir, and passed along unto the side of mount Jearim, which is Chesalon, on the north side, and went down to Bethshemesh, and passed on to Timnah:

¹¹And the border went out unto the side of Ekron northward: and the border was drawn to Shicron, and passed along to mount Baalah, and went out unto Jabneel; and the goings out of the border were at the sea.

¹²And the west border was to the great sea, and the coast thereof. This is the coast of the children of Judah round about according to their families.

¹³And unto Caleb the son of Jephunneh he gave a part among the children of Judah, according to the commandment of the LORD to Joshua, even the city of Arba the father of Anak, which city is Hebron.

¹⁴And Caleb drove thence the three sons of Anak, Sheshai, and Ahiman, and Talmai, the children of Anak.

¹⁵And he went up thence to the inhabitants of Debir: and the name of Debir before was Kirjathsepher.

¹⁶And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife.

It may be my imagination but are any of these names much more than an accents difference from some of these

¹⁷And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife.

¹⁸And it came to pass, as she came unto him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wouldest thou?

¹⁹Who answered, Give me a blessing; for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And he gave her the upper springs, and the nether springs.

²⁰This is the inheritance of the tribe of the children of Judah according to their families.

What follows is an impressive list of conquests as the overwhelming Israelite army moves across the land like bacteria in a petri dish. A list that proves beyond doubt the power of de lard............

²¹And the uttermost cities of the tribe of the children of Judah toward the coast of Edom southward were Kabzeel, and Eder, and Jagur,

²²And Kinah, and Dimonah, and Adadah,

²³And Kedesh, and Hazor, and Ithnan,

²⁴Ziph, and Telem, and Bealoth,

²⁵And Hazor, Hadattah, and Kerioth, and Hezron, which is Hazor,

²⁶Amam, and Shema, and Moladah,

²⁷And Hazargaddah, and Heshmon, and Bethpalet,

²⁸And Hazarshual, and Beersheba, and Bizjothjah,

²⁹Baalah, and Iim, and Azem,

³⁰And Eltolad, and Chesil, and Hormah,

³¹And Ziklag, and Madmannah, and Sansannah,

³²And Lebaoth, and Shilhim, and Ain, and Rimmon: all the cities are twenty and nine, with their villages:

³³And in the valley, Eshtaol, and Zoreah, and Ashnah,

³⁴And Zanoah, and Engannim, Tappuah, and Enam,

³⁵Jarmuth, and Adullam, Socoh, and Azekah,

³⁶And Sharaim, and Adithaim, and Gederah, and Gederothaim; fourteen cities with their villages:

³⁷Zenan, and Hadashah, and Migdalgad,

³⁸And Dilean, and Mizpeh, and Joktheel,

³⁹Lachish, and Bozkath, and Eglon,

⁴⁰And Cabbon, and Lahmam, and Kithlish,

⁴¹And Gederoth, Bethdagon, and Naamah, and Makkedah; sixteen cities with their villages:

⁴²Libnah, and Ether, and Ashan,

⁴³And Jiphtah, and Ashnah, and Nezib,

⁴⁴And Keilah, and Achzib, and Mareshah; nine cities with their villages:

⁴⁵Ekron, with her towns and her villages:

⁴⁶From Ekron even unto the sea, all that lay near Ashdod, with their villages:

⁴⁷Ashdod with her towns and her villages, Gaza with her towns and her villages, unto the river of Egypt, and the great sea, and the border thereof:

⁴⁸And in the mountains, Shamir, and Jattir, and Socoh,

⁴⁹And Dannah, and Kirjathsannah, which is Debir,

⁵⁰And Anab, and Eshtemoh, and Anim,

⁵¹And Goshen, and Holon, and Giloh; eleven cities with their villages:

⁵²Arab, and Dumah, and Eshean,

⁵³And Janum, and Bethtappuah, and Aphekah,

⁵⁴And Humtah, and Kirjatharba, which is Hebron, and Zior; nine cities with their villages:

⁵⁵Maon, Carmel, and Ziph, and Juttah,

⁵⁶And Jezreel, and Jokdeam, and Zanoah,

⁵⁷Cain, Gibeah, and Timnah; ten cities with their villages:

⁵⁸Halhul, Bethzur, and Gedor,

⁵⁹And Maarath, and Bethanoth, and Eltekon; six cities with their villages:

⁶⁰Kirjathbaal, which is Kirjathjearim, and Rabbah; two cities with their villages:

⁶¹In the wilderness, Betharabah, Middin, and Secacah,

⁶²And Nibshan, and the city of Salt, and Engedi; six cities with their villages.

..................Almost...........................

⁶³As for the Jebusites the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of Judah could not drive them out; but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Judah at Jerusalem unto this day.

What ? After all the so called miracles, and boasting of the power of de lard, the great god of the Israelites, the all powerful, all doing, all loving creator and destroyer is unable to honour his promise to his loyal servants and give them their capital city.
What happened did his mummy call him in for his supper and put him to bed ?

Deuteronomy 13

¹If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder,

This sign of wonder nowadays mostly seems waving your hands in the air and spouting some meaningless gibberish.

²And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them;

The ESV has this

²and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, 'Let us go after other gods,' which you have not known, 'and let us serve them,'

³Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

³you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

⁴Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.

⁴You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him.

⁵And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, to thrust thee out of the way which the LORD thy God commanded thee to walk in. So shalt thou put the evil away from the midst of thee.

Now I hate to have to keep repeating myself but as I see it these fundamentalist belief is that god willed the universe including his own sometimes physical form into existence. de lard is by his own admission suffering from a severe case of jealousy, which must by definition stem from his own insecurities and self loathing. Which makes me think why does he blame mankind for being as he created them and why did he create his own body with the reproductive organs of a eunuch shrew

⁶If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;

⁷Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;

de lards omniscience again, how does a globe have ends ?

⁸Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:

⁹But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.

¹⁰And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Hey, cool ,I'm gonna get stoned !

¹¹And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is among you.

Killing and maiming of innocent people children included is fine but don't you dare bow down to any other imaginary tyrant (does this not include the as yet future alleged messiah and all the other sons of god)

¹²If thou shalt hear say in one of thy cities, which the LORD thy God hath given thee to dwell there, saying,

¹³Certain men, the children of Belial, are gone out from among you, and have withdrawn the inhabitants of their city, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known;

¹⁴Then shalt thou enquire, and make search, and ask diligently; and, behold, if it be truth, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought among you;

¹⁵Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword.

Is this not de lards omniscience again conspicuous by it's abscence. No mention of an air force, rocket launchers or fragmentation grenades.

¹⁶And thou shalt gather all the spoil of it into the midst of the street thereof, and shalt burn with fire the city, and all the spoil thereof every whit, for the LORD thy God: and it shall be an heap for ever; it shall not be built again.

¹⁷And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers;

de lards impotence showing here, why doesn't he do it himself ?

¹⁸When thou shalt hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep all his commandments which I command thee this day, to do that which is right in the eyes of the LORD thy God.

Deuteronomy 9

¹Hear, O Israel: Thou art to pass over Jordan this day, to go in to possess nations greater and mightier than thyself, cities great and fenced up to heaven,

²A people great and tall, the children of the Anakims, whom thou knowest, and of whom thou hast heard say, Who can stand before the children of Anak!

³Understand therefore this day, that the LORD thy God is he which goeth over before thee; as a consuming fire he shall destroy them, and he shall bring them down before thy face: so shalt thou drive them out, and destroy them quickly, as the LORD hath said unto thee.

⁴Speak not thou in thine heart, after that the LORD thy God hath cast them out from before thee, saying, For my righteousness the LORD hath brought me in to possess this land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD doth drive them out from before thee.

wick·ed
adj. wick·ed·er, wick·ed·est 1. Evil by nature and in practice: "this wicked man Hitler, the repository and embodiment of many forms of soul-destroying hatred" (Winston S. Churchill). 2. Playfully malicious or mischievous: a wicked prank; a critic's wicked wit. 3. Severe and distressing: a wicked cough; a wicked gash; wicked driving conditions. 4. Highly offensive; obnoxious: a wicked stench. 5. Slang Strikingly good, effective, or skillful: a wicked curve ball; a wicked imitation. [Middle English, alteration of wicke, ultimately from Old English wicca, sorcerer; see witch.] wick'ed·ly adv., wick'ed·ness n. ess n.

⁵Not for thy righteousness, or for the uprightness of thine heart, dost thou go to possess their land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee, and that he may perform the word which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

right·eous adj. 1. Morally upright; without guilt or sin: a righteous parishioner. 2. In accordance with virtue or morality: a righteous judgment. 3. Morally justifiable: righteous anger. See Synonyms at moral. n. Righteous people considered as a group. [Middle English ryghtuous, alteration of rihtwise, from Old English rihtwīs : riht, right; see right + -wīse, -wise.] right'eous·ly adv., right'eous·ness n.

⁶Understand therefore, that the LORD thy God giveth thee not this good land to possess it for thy righteousness; for thou art a stiffnecked people.

Has the scribe confused those two words. It seems to me truly wicked to storm someone's city and kill all the occupants. Especially on orders from an entity claiming that these people are your brothers.

Lets take this a bit further, throw our rationale out of the window and briefly accept this bollocks as the truth. According to the texts we have read all mankind is descended from Noah and his family.The great flood happened at least 1,000 years earlier. So somewhere between then and the time of Moses some people have not mentioned what a wonderful god the great JHVH is. Because of this , the almighty(his words not mine) thinks the only way forwards is for these unruly immigrants to murder every last motherfucking one of them.

Now what was that again about de lards wisdom, understanding and love ?

⁷Remember, and forget not, how thou provokedst the LORD thy God to wrath in the wilderness: from the day that thou didst depart out of the land of Egypt, until ye came unto this place, ye have been rebellious against the LORD.

Because the simple question "Why" is a major sin.

⁸Also in Horeb ye provoked the LORD to wrath, so that the LORD was angry with you to have destroyed you.

⁹When I was gone up into the mount to receive the tables of stone, even the tables of the covenant which the LORD made with you, then I abode in the mount forty days and forty nights, I neither did eat bread nor drink water:

Just spacecake, magic mushrooms and wine.

¹⁰And the LORD delivered unto me two tables of stone written with the finger of God; and on them was written according to all the words, which the LORD spake with you in the mount out of the midst of the fire in the day of the assembly.

¹¹And it came to pass at the end of forty days and forty nights, that the LORD gave me the two tables of stone, even the tables of the covenant.

¹²And the LORD said unto me, Arise, get thee down quickly from hence; for thy people which thou hast brought forth out of Egypt have corrupted themselves; they are quickly turned aside out of the way which I commanded them; they have made them a molten image.

Because the awesome spectacle, the incredible power of de lard has been so incredible that the simple people that escaped Egypt have,without the rantings of an insane leader with a pet magician to literally put the fear of god into them, forgotten about it in just over a month.

¹³Furthermore the LORD spake unto me, saying, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people:

¹⁴Let me alone, that I may destroy them, and blot out their name from under heaven: and I will make of thee a nation mightier and greater than they.

Hang on, as I understand to be born a Jew, your mother must have been a Jew. If de lard had carried out this threat how would he have built a nation from Moses and his wives one Midianite and one Ethiopian ?

¹⁵So I turned and came down from the mount, and the mount burned with fire: and the two tables of the covenant were in my two hands.

¹⁶And I looked, and, behold, ye had sinned against the LORD your God, and had made you a molten calf: ye had turned aside quickly out of the way which the LORD had commanded you.

¹⁷And I took the two tables, and cast them out of my two hands, and brake them before your eyes.

It took de lard six days to create the world but forty days to make two stone tablets, and god is not pissed off with Moses for breaking them. And yet Moses is able to rewrite them in a day, does this not seem strange to anyone but me ?

¹⁸And I fell down before the LORD, as at the first, forty days and forty nights: I did neither eat bread, nor drink water, because of all your sins which ye sinned, in doing wickedly in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.

¹⁹For I was afraid of the anger and hot displeasure, wherewith the LORD was wroth against you to destroy you. But the LORD hearkened unto me at that time also.

²⁰And the LORD was very angry with Aaron to have destroyed him: and I prayed for Aaron also the same time.

²¹And I took your sin, the calf which ye had made, and burnt it with fire, and stamped it, and ground it very small, even until it was as small as dust: and I cast the dust thereof into the brook that descended out of the mount.

Didn't the original tale tell us they were forced to drink the dust laden water?

²²And at Taberah, and at Massah, and at Kibrothhattaavah, ye provoked the LORD to wrath.

²³Likewise when the LORD sent you from Kadeshbarnea, saying, Go up and possess the land which I have given you; then ye rebelled against the commandment of the LORD your God, and ye believed him not, nor hearkened to his voice.

²⁴Ye have been rebellious against the LORD from the day that I knew you.

²⁵Thus I fell down before the LORD forty days and forty nights, as I fell down at the first; because the LORD had said he would destroy you.

²⁶I prayed therefore unto the LORD, and said, O Lord GOD, destroy not thy people and thine inheritance, which thou hast redeemed through thy greatness, which thou hast brought forth out of Egypt with a mighty hand.

Because the malevolent bastard is so easily swayed by a grovelling madman.

²⁷Remember thy servants, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; look not unto the stubbornness of this people, nor to their wickedness, nor to their sin:

²⁸Lest the land whence thou broughtest us out say, Because the LORD was not able to bring them into the land which he promised them, and because he hated them, he hath brought them out to slay them in the wilderness.

So at the end of the day it's all about spin. It was all to protect de lards reputation, otherwise the world would have seen his impotence much sooner.

²⁹Yet they are thy people and thine inheritance, which thou broughtest out by thy mighty power and by thy stretched out arm.

Leviticus Recap

We have seen Moses really starting to lay down the law,or laws. Some things seem to be genuinely for the good of the people, but many seem to be out and out fund raisers for the fledgeling priesthood. The remainder just a list of "aint it awfuls" setting down behavioural concepts of things that really do have nothing to do with anyone apart from the people doing it.

We have seen the literal beginning of the judaeo-christian need to "put their women in their place", and the definitive beginning of homophobia.
We begin to see plans for the dividing up of a land that was unfortunate enough to have the semi- nomadic Abraham move through centuries earlier, giving these un-homed refugees a reason to usurp the people already dwelling there.


This whole episode takes what may have been,an original spurt towards an ideal for a better life, to a very different level. The god illusion that was used as a vehicle to gain the trust and give direction has now stepped up a level and has taken control. Moses is now speaking solely for god, Jethro seems to finally have dropped completely out of the picture. The last suggestion of him iterated in a dubious liaison with the still grieving Aaron. Shortly before god Moses laying down the laws of getting laid.



On top of this well of subjugation,intolerance and repression time again has proved the so called god of Moses as not omnipotent or omniscient. Begging the question why after all these years these texts are still being taken as the literal truth and proof of some divine loving creator. An entity that if did exist is fuelled by pain, jealousy and suffering.


An entity that is given power by millions of fools, basking in their god's glow to give pride and reason to thier irrational fears and prejudices.

Fools that when on occasion they doubt their beliefs go to the pastor/priest who knows he must convince the doubtful they are wrong or the golden goose stops laying.

When will people wake up and see then, as is now the only beneficiaries of this con ARE the priesthood and the church.

Leviticus 20

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Molech has been portrayed as an old horned man,a bull and an owl.

³And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name.

⁴And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not:

this informative but paranoid video.

The link will also offer more even paranoid videos on the subject

⁵Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people.

I am struck with the similarities between the names Molech and Melek. For any of you who have not been reading from the beginning Melek Ta'us is the Peacock Angel.

⁶And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people.

⁷Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God.

I have some socks that are holy are they sanctified ?

⁸And ye shall keep my statutes, and do them: I am the LORD which sanctify you.

⁹For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

This one always makes me laugh, I would have thought it's an impossibillity for anyone to make it through their teenage years without cursing their parents.

¹⁰And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

¹¹And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

These two seem to be from someone who feels totally sexually inadequate.

¹²And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

¹³If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Again consult dear old Bruce for more on this

¹⁴And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.

¹⁵And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

As previously stated this now means Moses has taken over the role of god from Jethro. As we saw in Lev 16 Jethro in his role of god fucked a goat.

¹⁶And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

From the way women are treated I doubt many of them actually enjoyed sexual congress with their husbands or anyone else for that matter. I sincerely doubt any of them would go out of their way to dabble with a donkey, this is another law I think comes from feelings of sexual inadequacy. Yes I know it happens now, but I really don't think many if any do it from their own volition.

¹⁷And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.

¹⁸And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

¹⁹And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister, nor of thy father's sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.

²⁰And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.

²¹And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless.

Was Onan not made to marry and lay with his brothers wife ?......Gen 38:⁸And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.Not to mention Abraham sending his boys to get wives from thier uncle.

²²Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.

²³And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

²⁴But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people.

This verse alone shows how ineffectual and impotent thier god is. Here we are over 3,ooo years later and the israelites are still fighting to get thier claim to this land accepted by the people they have been trying to take it from for all those years. Until it ceases to be fought over, it will never really be theirs.

²⁵Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean.

²⁶And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine.

²⁷A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Is it me or does that last verse seem tacked on ?

Exodus 10

Exodus 10

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

If god can "harden somebody's heart then surely he could soften one too.
Does he just enjoy being a cunt ?
The underlying message of this tale so far is to have fuck all to do with yhwh or his followers.

²And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the LORD.

How insecure can a deity feel ?

³And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

Fuck me ifall he wants is serving why don't he just get his own sammiches.

⁴Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

At least they wont be starving plenty of good eating in them locusts.

⁵And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:
⁶And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.
⁷And Pharaoh's servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed?
⁸And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

So Moses "people" are so insignificant he is not even sure who they are

⁹And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.
¹⁰And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.
¹¹Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh's presence.
¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.

Did I get that right... The threat was do as I say OR I will send locusts.

Nice to know the word of god can be trusted.

Or would it be the locusts had fuck all to do with god as did all the other plagues and this was all written with a bit of poetic licence.

¹³And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
¹⁴And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

Cool! Not just ordinary locusts but extra large super locusts. Oh for some kryptonite.

¹⁵For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
¹⁶Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.
¹⁷Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.
¹⁸And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
¹⁹And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

Does god fart kryptonite?

²⁰But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.
²²And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

²³They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
²⁴And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.
²⁵And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.
²⁶Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.
²⁷But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
²⁸And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

At last!

²⁹And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

Genesis16

¹Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.
²And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.
So Sarai is now a madame.
³And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.
Hang on hang on ! Stop right there ! Ten years ? He was 75 when they left Ur.Time spent in Egypt, going to Canaan,Building a house,managing to acquire at least 160 prostitutes who then give birth to at least 318 boys,raising them to manhood and training them to a higher standard of fighting than the average soldier. I smell bullshit !
⁴And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.
Because Sarai knew it wouldn't have been Abram's limp dick that did it.
⁵And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.
⁶But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.
What a lovely couple.
⁷And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur.
⁸And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.
⁹And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.
There's the voice of a loving God again.
¹⁰And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.
¹¹And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.
¹²And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.
¹³And she called the name of the LORD that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?
His eyesight must be improving, I wonder if he still needs to shave his palms ? ¹⁴Wherefore the well was called Beerlahairoi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.
¹⁵And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son's name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael. ¹⁶And Abram was fourscore and six years old, when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram.

Genesis 12

Genesis 12

¹Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
So the last person God spoke to in person was Noah since then (over 1,000 years) he waits until Abram has with his parents trekked across to Haran get settled and tells him to move again. Leave yet another City they have been involved in building. Its not as if they could just call Pickfords and shoot over to this other land.
²And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
³And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.
Now God seems to think he is a Cheerleader.
⁴So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.
⁵And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
⁶And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.
⁷And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.
So this 75 year old man has been told to up roots trek over the complete length of modern Syria with a wife not much younger.
⁸And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.
⁹And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.
¹⁰And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.
Sureley if God told him where to go and he had been that impressed or frightened of De Lawd that he was willing to walk over 500 miles (cue the proclaimers)over hot arid terrain .

1.On arrival Abram would have stayed put.

2.God would have wished him to be comfortable.

¹¹And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:
Are we now expected to believe Sarai is much younger than Abram I have always been taught she was in her sixties.
¹²Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.
Ah! I see it's not Sarai that's barren, it's Abram that can't get it up because he has no balls.
¹³Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.
¹⁴And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.
¹⁵The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house.
¹⁶And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.
So Abram whored his wife out, after dragging her all that way. Nice man!
¹⁷And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife.
Would it not have been easier and nicer to have ensured that the original destination was not in famine ?
¹⁸And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?
Because he was a spineless turd and Pharoah was paying well for her services.
¹⁹Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way.
²⁰And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.

Now correct me if I am wrong but I get the distinct impression that this God either coudn,t organise a piss up at a brewery or he is just a sadistic monster, and the great Abram father of the Jewish nation is just a weak willed, impotent abusive and sad little man.