Deuteronomy 22

¹Thou shalt not see thy brother's ox or his sheep go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt in any case bring them again unto thy brother.

²And if thy brother be not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own house, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again.

That's gotta be one big family if you don't know your own brother,

³In like manner shalt thou do with his ass; and so shalt thou do with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother's, which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou do likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself.

And really, you should steer well clear of your brothers ass.

⁴Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift them up again.

No, I am still going no where near my bro's ass.

⁵The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

So cross dressing is a no no ......What about unisex clothing ? Besides as an impoverished English biker I know that wearing a couple of pairs of tights under your jeans is a cheap way of keeping your legs and wedding tackle toasty during those cold winter months.

⁶If a bird's nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, whether they be young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young:

But its ok to murder parents and children as long as they live nearby ??????

⁷But thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days.

What the fuck is a dam anyway besides a construction to retain water ?

And my partner knows all about retaining water.

⁸When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house, if any man fall from thence.

The style of city houses in these times required entry through the roof a wall surrounding the roof was a good idea.

⁹Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled.

Fair enough

¹⁰Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.

Otherwise you would be ploughing in an ever decreasing spiral till you disappeared up your asses or ox's ass.

¹¹Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

That's a blow to the fashion industry.

¹²Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself.

That has completely passed me by any ideas anyone.

¹³If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,

That'll be about 90% of married men.

¹⁴And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:

That'll be about 98.8% of married men

¹⁵Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:

Tokens of the damsels virginity, what's that letters from any number of males declaring they have not fucked her ?

¹⁶And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;

¹⁷And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.

Ah ! now I think I understand. Until fairly recently, maybe 200 years or so it was the custom in some parts of england that the bride was gathered up by the village and carried to the marriage bed, a bed with spotlessly clean sheets the groom was also thrown on to the bed, the following morning the sheets would be examined and blood from the loss of her virginity was expected.

I am not sure as I cannot remember were I got this from but I think if there was no blood then the marriage was void.

¹⁸And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;

That I believe is as near to women's rights as it got.

¹⁹And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

²⁰But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:

²¹Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Wow sexual equality at its best. Just think if girls if your new husband had a little dick(as is implied as a family trait of the family of Abraham) and you laughed you could be stoned if he did not make you bleed on your wedding night.

²²If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.

So .... does this mean if someone catches someone raping someone they both must die ?

²³If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;

²⁴Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

Betrothed../...wife surely there is a difference

²⁵But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die.

So if a girl goes out with the intention of being raped she had better do it in a field.

²⁶But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:

²⁷For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.

²⁸If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

²⁹Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

So if she is not betrothed (promised by her father to someone) and she is raped and he is caught for the princely sum of fifty shekels, he keeps her as his wife. Well thats fine as long as the father profits and don't go forgetting the levites cut.

Surprising and also sickening a variation of this horrible practice still continues today in Ethiopia

³⁰A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt.


What was said in verse 5 again ?

By the way . This is not me.(Wrong shade of pink).

Deuteronomy 21

¹If one be found slain in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him:

²Then thy elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain:

³And it shall be, that the city which is next unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wrought with, and which hath not drawn in the yoke;

When they say heifer I cannot help wonder whether they really mean a cow, considering the high esteem they hold their womenfolk.

⁴And the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley, which is neither eared nor sown, and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley:

I really hope they mean a cow ........but why ?

⁵And the priests the sons of Levi shall come near; for them the LORD thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the LORD; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried:

⁶And all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley:

So let me get this right ...Dear old Fred Flintstein is having a stroll and has a heart attack and drops dead. His good friend Barnabas finds him and alerts the "authorities" and some poor cow looses their head and the priesthood come and wash their hands over the cows corpse... I say again why ?

⁷And they shall answer and say, Our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it.

⁸Be merciful, O LORD, unto thy people Israel, whom thou hast redeemed, and lay not innocent blood unto thy people of Israel's charge. And the blood shall be forgiven them.

But if dear old Fred had been a victim of murder most foul with his head and entrails spread over three acres of land and no-one to blame the end result is.........the same.

Ele-fuckin-mentry my dear watson

⁹So shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the LORD.

¹⁰When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,

This will be the Israelites view of war.....find an isolated city minding it's own business and attack it.

¹¹And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;

Because a woman(girl) always looks her most desirable when terrified and grief stricken

¹²Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;

Vidal Sassoon would not approve.

¹³And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.

Raiment of captivity....Ropes ? Shalt go in unto her...Rape her and that is her wedding ceromony wow! get David Bailey to do the pics.So where did the poncy bollocks with the twat in the black and white frock, spouting shit about de lard and wholly matrimony come from ?

¹⁴And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.

So if she is not totally enamoured and impressed by the way you slaughtered her parents, brothers every elderly and male person she has ever known. Then brought to rapturous orgasm as you violently take her virginity, you are within your rights to sling her out on her ear. de lard surely is love.

¹⁵If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated:

¹⁶Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn:

¹⁷But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his.

Isaac and Esau any one ?

¹⁸If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

And what father with a son hasn't.

¹⁹Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

²⁰And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

²¹And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

If this was law I assure you that you would not be reading this......A glutton and a drunkard ....Two of my finest qualities.

²²And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree:

According to the laws of Moses I would have to be ressurected many times to be executed for all the sins worthy of death I have apparently committed, yet here I stand, sitting here with no criminal record

²³His body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

Deuteronomy 3

¹Then we turned, and went up the way to Bashan: and Og the king of Bashan came out against us, he and all his people, to battle at Edrei.

²And the LORD said unto me, Fear him not: for I will deliver him, and all his people, and his land, into thy hand; and thou shalt do unto him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon.

So there you have it in de words of de lard !

³So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.

⁴And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

⁵All these cities were fenced with high walls, gates, and bars; beside unwalled towns a great many.

Walled cities were hard to lay siege to unless you knew what you were doing. This implies skills you would not develop living in tents in the desert.e.g. building siege ramps and siege towers.

⁶And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.

Again I can't help but wonder why ? How much land do these people need ?

I really do suspect that a small community has got caught up in the invasion that is recorded in the armana letters and if that's the case it is the leader of the sea peoples that is now called god,as I said earlier, I wonder whether it is the same Moses.

⁷But all the cattle, and the spoil of the cities, we took for a prey to ourselves.

⁸And we took at that time out of the hand of the two kings of the Amorites the land that was on this side Jordan, from the river of Arnon unto mount Hermon;

⁹(Which Hermon the Sidonians call Sirion; and the Amorites call it Shenir;)

¹⁰All the cities of the plain, and all Gilead, and all Bashan, unto Salchah and Edrei, cities of the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

¹¹For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man.

I think here what we have isn't a giants bed but a giant bed... four cubits long and nine cubits wide. A bed made not for a giant to sleep on, but a bed to have orgies on. Og was not a giant ,he was however a stallion.

¹²And this land, which we possessed at that time, from Aroer, which is by the river Arnon, and half mount Gilead, and the cities thereof, gave I unto the Reubenites and to the Gadites.

¹³And the rest of Gilead, and all Bashan, being the kingdom of Og, gave I unto the half tribe of Manasseh; all the region of Argob, with all Bashan, which was called the land of giants.

¹⁴Jair the son of Manasseh took all the country of Argob unto the coasts of Geshuri and Maachathi; and called them after his own name, Bashanhavothjair, unto this day.

¹⁵And I gave Gilead unto Machir.

¹⁶And unto the Reubenites and unto the Gadites I gave from Gilead even unto the river Arnon half the valley, and the border even unto the river Jabbok, which is the border of the children of Ammon;

¹⁷The plain also, and Jordan, and the coast thereof, from Chinnereth even unto the sea of the plain, even the salt sea, under Ashdothpisgah eastward.

¹⁸And I commanded you at that time, saying, The LORD your God hath given you this land to possess it: ye shall pass over armed before your brethren the children of Israel, all that are meet for the war.

¹⁹But your wives, and your little ones, and your cattle, (for I know that ye have much cattle,) shall abide in your cities which I have given you;

Typical ! Leave the women to tidy up the mess,look after the kids and feed the animals.

²⁰Until the LORD have given rest unto your brethren, as well as unto you, and until they also possess the land which the LORD your God hath given them beyond Jordan: and then shall ye return every man unto his possession, which I have given you.

²¹And I commanded Joshua at that time, saying, Thine eyes have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto these two kings: so shall the LORD do unto all the kingdoms whither thou passest.

²²Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you.

²³And I besought the LORD at that time, saying,

²⁴O Lord GOD, thou hast begun to shew thy servant thy greatness, and thy mighty hand: for what God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works, and according to thy might?

²⁵I pray thee, let me go over, and see the good land that is beyond Jordan, that goodly mountain, and Lebanon.

So they have got enough space to live. Its just old Moses wants world domination.

Of course there is another option....all this happened in the mind of moses and some scribes wrote his utterances before he died.

²⁶But the LORD was wroth with me for your sakes, and would not hear me: and the LORD said unto me, Let it suffice thee; speak no more unto me of this matter.

This last verse suggests to me this god is a man, a general or king either with a pre set agenda or he didn't go that way because that was his home turf.

²⁷Get thee up into the top of Pisgah, and lift up thine eyes westward, and northward, and southward, and eastward, and behold it with thine eyes: for thou shalt not go over this Jordan.

²⁸But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

²⁹So we abode in the valley over against Bethpeor.

Deuteronomy 2

¹Then we turned, and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea, as the LORD spake unto me: and we compassed mount Seir many days.

²And the LORD spake unto me, saying,

³Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward.

⁴And command thou the people, saying, Ye are to pass through the coast of your brethren the children of Esau, which dwell in Seir; and they shall be afraid of you: take ye good heed unto yourselves therefore.

⁵Meddle not with them; for I will not give you of their land, no, not so much as a foot breadth; because I have given mount Seir unto Esau for a possession.

I think this is another of gods promises that time will show isn't worth a wank. In fact I don't get the impression any of de lards promises work with the test of time, quite often shown to be bullshit within a year or so.

⁶Ye shall buy meat of them for money, that ye may eat; and ye shall also buy water of them for money, that ye may drink.

⁷For the LORD thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the LORD thy God hath been with thee; thou hast lacked nothing.

Thou hast lacked nothing....Fucking excuse me...I thought they lacked food and water at least once if not twice depending how you want to interpret the two accounts and how many deaths happened because the starving masses were eating the already forbidden carrion ?

Not to mention other things they would have taken for granted in Egypt. Such as stability,comfort,the ability to wash, to name but a few.

⁸And when we passed by from our brethren the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, through the way of the plain from Elath, and from Eziongaber, we turned and passed by the way of the wilderness of Moab.

⁹And the LORD said unto me, Distress not the Moabites, neither contend with them in battle: for I will not give thee of their land for a possession; because I have given Ar unto the children of Lot for a possession.

I think that the sudden need to leave these people alone comes more from the fact that they got their arses kicked, rather than god showing mercy or even morals.

In fact I find it interesting to note,at the present spokesmen of many of the world religions and the odd crackpot politician are drumming out the old tirade that without religion man is immoral, regardless of the ever growing list on my sidebar.Here we have the focal point of christianity and judaeism shown time and time again to be one of the least moral in recorded history with the added immorality of cowardice to the list of attrocities only (as far as I know equalled by Hitler, Genghis khan and the Emporor Wu

I feel it is also noteworthy that at least two of those are judged to have struggled with their sanity before their deaths.

¹⁰The Emims dwelt therein in times past, a people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims;

¹¹Which also were accounted giants, as the Anakims; but the Moabites called them Emims.

Would it be possible the Anakim are the same race of people as the Ananuki ? Seems someone agrees with me

¹²The Horims also dwelt in Seir beforetime; but the children of Esau succeeded them, when they had destroyed them from before them, and dwelt in their stead; as Israel did unto the land of his possession, which the LORD gave unto them.

¹³Now rise up, said I, and get you over the brook Zered. And we went over the brook Zered.

¹⁴And the space in which we came from Kadeshbarnea, until we were come over the brook Zered, was thirty and eight years; until all the generation of the men of war were wasted out from among the host, as the LORD sware unto them.

¹⁵For indeed the hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed.

¹⁶So it came to pass, when all the men of war were consumed and dead from among the people,

¹⁷That the LORD spake unto me, saying,

¹⁸Thou art to pass over through Ar, the coast of Moab, this day:

¹⁹And when thou comest nigh over against the children of Ammon, distress them not, nor meddle with them: for I will not give thee of the land of the children of Ammon any possession; because I have given it unto the children of Lot for a possession.

Here again we see de lard supporting immorality this time the decendants of an incestuous relationship.

²⁰(That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims;

²¹A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead:

Does "giants" mean something other than very big. The spies that brought back the news of the giant Anakim, were chastised for reporting bullshit ,now every fucker is a giant, or perhaps the Israelites were particularly short

²²As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead even unto this day:

²³And the Avims which dwelt in Hazerim, even unto Azzah, the Caphtorims, which came forth out of Caphtor, destroyed them, and dwelt in their stead.)

²⁴Rise ye up, take your journey, and pass over the river Arnon: behold, I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle.

²⁵This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee.

Does this mean anti-semitism is decreed by de lard ?

²⁶And I sent messengers out of the wilderness of Kedemoth unto Sihon king of Heshbon with words of peace, saying,

²⁷Let me pass through thy land: I will go along by the high way, I will neither turn unto the right hand nor to the left.

²⁸Thou shalt sell me meat for money, that I may eat; and give me water for money, that I may drink: only I will pass through on my feet;

²⁹(As the children of Esau which dwell in Seir, and the Moabites which dwell in Ar, did unto me;) until I shall pass over Jordan into the land which the LORD our God giveth us.

³⁰But Sihon king of Heshbon would not let us pass by him: for the LORD thy God hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand, as appeareth this day.

So de lard, god of peace is shit stirring again ? What happened to this so called freewill we are supposed to have ?

³¹And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have begun to give Sihon and his land before thee: begin to possess, that thou mayest inherit his land.

³²Then Sihon came out against us, he and all his people, to fight at Jahaz.

³³And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people.

³⁴And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain:

Can you feel the morality ?

Then again the fact that they slaughtered everyone means they were moral in the fact they didn't take slaves and moral as they didn't commit human sacrifice this time.

³⁵Only the cattle we took for a prey unto ourselves, and the spoil of the cities which we took.

³⁶From Aroer, which is by the brink of the river of Arnon, and from the city that is by the river, even unto Gilead, there was not one city too strong for us: the LORD our God delivered all unto us:

³⁷Only unto the land of the children of Ammon thou camest not, nor unto any place of the river Jabbok, nor unto the cities in the mountains, nor unto whatsoever the LORD our God

Numbers 36

¹And the chief fathers of the families of the children of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of the sons of Joseph, came near, and spake before Moses, and before the princes, the chief fathers of the children of Israel:

²And they said, The LORD commanded my lord to give the land for an inheritance by lot to the children of Israel: and my lord was commanded by the LORD to give the inheritance of Zelophehad our brother unto his daughters.

I knew this wouldn't go wholly in favour of the women, mind you I had thought at the time inheritance meant just that,stuff belonging to their father.Not as it happens,stuff yet to be pillaged....so these have to be the hottest(financially speaking)totty in town

³And if they be married to any of the sons of the other tribes of the children of Israel, then shall their inheritance be taken from the inheritance of our fathers, and shall be put to the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they are received: so shall it be taken from the lot of our inheritance.

⁴And when the jubile of the children of Israel shall be, then shall their inheritance be put unto the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they are received: so shall their inheritance be taken away from the inheritance of the tribe of our fathers.

⁵And Moses commanded the children of Israel according to the word of the LORD, saying, The tribe of the sons of Joseph hath said well.

⁶This is the thing which the LORD doth command concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, Let them marry to whom they think best; only to the family of the tribe of their father shall they marry.

⁷So shall not the inheritance of the children of Israel remove from tribe to tribe: for every one of the children of Israel shall keep himself to the inheritance of the tribe of his fathers.

⁸And every daughter, that possesseth an inheritance in any tribe of the children of Israel, shall be wife unto one of the family of the tribe of her father, that the children of Israel may enjoy every man the inheritance of his fathers.

Continuing with the family tradition of keeping it in the family then, lessons learned well in some parts of the USA. Not to mention many an English market town.

⁹Neither shall the inheritance remove from one tribe to another tribe; but every one of the tribes of the children of Israel shall keep himself to his own inheritance.

¹⁰Even as the LORD commanded Moses, so did the daughters of Zelophehad:

¹¹For Mahlah, Tirzah, and Hoglah, and Milcah, and Noah, the daughters of Zelophehad, were married unto their fathers brothers' sons:

¹²And they were married into the families of the sons of Manasseh the son of Joseph, and their inheritance remained in the tribe of the family of their father.

¹³These are the commandments and the judgments, which the LORD commanded by the hand of Moses unto the children of Israel in the plains of Moab by Jordan near Jericho.

Numbers 31

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou be gathered unto thy people.

Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites.... I know many of us don't always see eye to eye with our in-laws but really.

³And Moses spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the LORD of Midian.

Now I understand de lards promise of peace....They get it when they have killed every one else.

⁴Of every tribe a thousand, throughout all the tribes of Israel, shall ye send to the war.

⁵So there were delivered out of the thousands of Israel, a thousand of every tribe, twelve thousand armed for war.

⁶And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand.

⁷And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.

⁸And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword.

Perhaps if he hadn't hit his head and turned coward and traitor he may have lived.

⁹And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.

¹⁰And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.

¹¹And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts.

¹²And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho.

¹³And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp.

¹⁴And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.

¹⁵And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?

¹⁶Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.

¹⁷Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

Can you feel the love....

¹⁸But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

So all the women they probably raped were killed, and the ones they didn't the could rape another day.

¹⁹And do ye abide without the camp seven days: whosoever hath killed any person, and whosoever hath touched any slain, purify both yourselves and your captives on the third day, and on the seventh day.

²⁰And purify all your raiment, and all that is made of skins, and all work of goats' hair, and all things made of wood.

²¹And Eleazar the priest said unto the men of war which went to the battle, This is the ordinance of the law which the LORD commanded Moses;

So the laws demanding purification after being around a dead body far more importent than that irritating "Thou shalt not kill"

²²Only the gold, and the silver, the brass, the iron, the tin, and the lead,

²³Every thing that may abide the fire, ye shall make it go through the fire, and it shall be clean: nevertheless it shall be purified with the water of separation: and all that abideth not the fire ye shall make go through the water.

²⁴And ye shall wash your clothes on the seventh day, and ye shall be clean, and afterward ye shall come into the camp.

And that other one "thou shalt not steal"

²⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

Does it really matter what de lard said as the so gods chosen people have turned into a murdering hoard, ignoring god knows how many of de lards commandments in the process.

²⁶Take the sum of the prey that was taken, both of man and of beast, thou, and Eleazar the priest, and the chief fathers of the congregation:

²⁷And divide the prey into two parts; between them that took the war upon them, who went out to battle, and between all the congregation:

²⁸And levy a tribute unto the LORD of the men of war which went out to battle: one soul of five hundred, both of the persons, and of the beeves, and of the asses, and of the sheep:

²⁹Take it of their half, and give it unto Eleazar the priest, for an heave offering of the LORD.

³⁰And of the children of Israel's half, thou shalt take one portion of fifty, of the persons, of the beeves, of the asses, and of the flocks, of all manner of beasts, and give them unto the Levites, which keep the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD.

³¹And Moses and Eleazar the priest did as the LORD commanded Moses.

³²And the booty, being the rest of the prey which the men of war had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep,

³³And threescore and twelve thousand beeves,

³⁴And threescore and one thousand asses,

³⁵And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him.

32,000 young women and girls, so how many married women were just murdered because they were married ?

³⁶And the half, which was the portion of them that went out to war, was in number three hundred thousand and seven and thirty thousand and five hundred sheep:

³⁷And the LORD'S tribute of the sheep was six hundred and threescore and fifteen.

³⁸And the beeves were thirty and six thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute was threescore and twelve.

³⁹And the asses were thirty thousand and five hundred; of which the LORD'S tribute was threescore and one.

⁴⁰And the persons were sixteen thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute was thirty and two persons.

Does this mean they were sacrificed to de lard ?

Or does it mean they were brought to the priesthood so they wouldn't miss out on the debauchery ?

⁴¹And Moses gave the tribute, which was the LORD'S heave offering, unto Eleazar the priest, as the LORD commanded Moses.

⁴²And of the children of Israel's half, which Moses divided from the men that warred,

⁴³(Now the half that pertained unto the congregation was three hundred thousand and thirty thousand and seven thousand and five hundred sheep,

⁴⁴And thirty and six thousand beeves,

⁴⁵And thirty thousand asses and five hundred,

⁴⁶And sixteen thousand persons;)

⁴⁷Even of the children of Israel's half, Moses took one portion of fifty, both of man and of beast, and gave them unto the Levites, which kept the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD; as the LORD commanded Moses.

⁴⁸And the officers which were over thousands of the host, the captains of thousands, and captains of hundreds, came near unto Moses:

⁴⁹And they said unto Moses, Thy servants have taken the sum of the men of war which are under our charge, and there lacketh not one man of us.

⁵⁰We have therefore brought an oblation for the LORD, what every man hath gotten, of jewels of gold, chains, and bracelets, rings, earrings, and tablets, to make an atonement for our souls before the LORD.

⁵¹And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of them, even all wrought jewels.

⁵²And all the gold of the offering that they offered up to the LORD, of the captains of thousands, and of the captains of hundreds, was sixteen thousand seven hundred and fifty shekels.

⁵³(For the men of war had taken spoil, every man for himself.)

⁵⁴And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of the captains of thousands and of hundreds, and brought it into the tabernacle of the congregation, for a memorial for the children of Israel before the LORD.

I am in no way justifying the persecution of the jews that has happened in the last 2,000 -3,0000 or so years but it does make me wonder whether there is any truth in Karma.

Numbers 28

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Command the children of Israel, and say unto them, My offering, and my bread for my sacrifices made by fire, for a sweet savour unto me, shall ye observe to offer unto me in their due season.

Notice how de lard is not going through the annoying and unnecessary self introduction as he did when Aaron was alive.

³And thou shalt say unto them, This is the offering made by fire which ye shall offer unto the LORD; two lambs of the first year without spot day by day, for a continual burnt offering.

However what follows is just another demand of sacrifices. Again I ask what would a supernatural creator of all need with these sacrifices. They appear to serve no purpose than a show of servitude of the masses(and getting the preisthood even fatter) And in the equality of all religions it is a greater tax on the poor than it is on the rich.

⁴The one lamb shalt thou offer in the morning, and the other lamb shalt thou offer at even;

⁵And a tenth part of an ephah of flour for a meat offering, mingled with the fourth part of an hin of beaten oil.

⁶It is a continual burnt offering, which was ordained in mount Sinai for a sweet savour, a sacrifice made by fire unto the LORD.

⁷And the drink offering thereof shall be the fourth part of an hin for the one lamb: in the holy place shalt thou cause the strong wine to be poured unto the LORD for a drink offering.

⁸And the other lamb shalt thou offer at even: as the meat offering of the morning, and as the drink offering thereof, thou shalt offer it, a sacrifice made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.

⁹And on the sabbath day two lambs of the first year without spot, and two tenth deals of flour for a meat offering, mingled with oil, and the drink offering thereof:

¹⁰This is the burnt offering of every sabbath, beside the continual burnt offering, and his drink offering.

¹¹And in the beginnings of your months ye shall offer a burnt offering unto the LORD; two young bullocks, and one ram, seven lambs of the first year without spot;

¹²And three tenth deals of flour for a meat offering, mingled with oil, for one bullock; and two tenth deals of flour for a meat offering, mingled with oil, for one ram;

¹³And a several tenth deal of flour mingled with oil for a meat offering unto one lamb; for a burnt offering of a sweet savour, a sacrifice made by fire unto the LORD.

¹⁴And their drink offerings shall be half an hin of wine unto a bullock, and the third part of an hin unto a ram, and a fourth part of an hin unto a lamb: this is the burnt offering of every month throughout the months of the year.

¹⁵And one kid of the goats for a sin offering unto the LORD shall be offered, beside the continual burnt offering, and his drink offering.

¹⁶And in the fourteenth day of the first month is the passover of the LORD.

¹⁷And in the fifteenth day of this month is the feast: seven days shall unleavened bread be eaten.

¹⁸In the first day shall be an holy convocation; ye shall do no manner of servile work therein:

¹⁹But ye shall offer a sacrifice made by fire for a burnt offering unto the LORD; two young bullocks, and one ram, and seven lambs of the first year: they shall be unto you without blemish:

²⁰And their meat offering shall be of flour mingled with oil: three tenth deals shall ye offer for a bullock, and two tenth deals for a ram;

²¹A several tenth deal shalt thou offer for every lamb, throughout the seven lambs:

²²And one goat for a sin offering, to make an atonement for you.

²³Ye shall offer these beside the burnt offering in the morning, which is for a continual burnt offering.

²⁴After this manner ye shall offer daily, throughout the seven days, the meat of the sacrifice made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD: it shall be offered beside the continual burnt offering, and his drink offering.

²⁵And on the seventh day ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work.

²⁶Also in the day of the firstfruits, when ye bring a new meat offering unto the LORD, after your weeks be out, ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work:

²⁷But ye shall offer the burnt offering for a sweet savour unto the LORD; two young bullocks, one ram, seven lambs of the first year;

²⁸And their meat offering of flour mingled with oil, three tenth deals unto one bullock, two tenth deals unto one ram,

²⁹A several tenth deal unto one lamb, throughout the seven lambs;

³⁰And one kid of the goats, to make an atonement for you.

³¹Ye shall offer them beside the continual burnt offering, and his meat offering, (they shall be unto you without blemish) and their drink offerings.

Leviticus 24

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Command the children of Israel, that they bring unto thee pure oil olive beaten for the light, to cause the lamps to burn continually.

You would have thought that an all knowing -all seeing god that gets off on the "sweet savour" of burning flesh would have the fore sight and knowledge to get his "minions" to catch the fat dripping off all these burnt offerings and use that for the lamps...giving off both light and the "sweet savour"

³Without the vail of the testimony, in the tabernacle of the congregation, shall Aaron order it from the evening unto the morning before the LORD continually: it shall be a statute for ever in your generations.

⁴He shall order the lamps upon the pure candlestick before the LORD continually.

It only seems right I am doing this chapter at the time of Diwali and Samhien (Halloween)

⁵And thou shalt take fine flour, and bake twelve cakes thereof: two tenth deals shall be in one cake.

Thats some strong hash cake.

⁶And thou shalt set them in two rows, six on a row, upon the pure table before the LORD.

⁷And thou shalt put pure frankincense upon each row, that it may be on the bread for a memorial, even an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

Really, Is, or maybe was, Frankencense, hashish ? It might explain a few things....

⁸Every sabbath he shall set it in order before the LORD continually, being taken from the children of Israel by an everlasting covenant.

All hail the saturday spacecake.

⁹And it shall be Aaron's and his sons'; and they shall eat it in the holy place: for it is most holy unto him of the offerings of the LORD made by fire by a perpetual statute.

¹⁰And the son of an Israelitish woman, whose father was an Egyptian, went out among the children of Israel: and this son of the Israelitish woman and a man of Israel strove together in the camp;

¹¹And the Israelitish woman's son blasphemed the name of the Lord, and cursed. And they brought him unto Moses: (and his mother's name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri, of the tribe of Dan:)

¹²And they put him in ward, that the mind of the LORD might be shewed them.

¹³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹⁴Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.

¹⁵And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Whosoever curseth his God shall bear his sin.

¹⁶And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Your gods a senile old cunt ..... bring it on!

¹⁷And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.

¹⁸And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.

¹⁹And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;

²⁰Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.

²¹And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.

²²Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.

I would really like this one kept up especially here in England.. Fuck your sharia law courts.

²³And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Exodus 5

Exodus 5

¹And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness.

Not let my people go because you are treating them like shit, but because they have to celebrate in the wilderness...... showing your love for what it is again.

²And Pharaoh said, Who is the LORD, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the LORD, neither will I let Israel go.
³And they said, The God of the Hebrews hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, three days' journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto the LORD our God; lest he fall upon us with pestilence, or with the sword.

Theres that love again.... Let us do it or we will be punished for something that is not our fault!

⁴And the king of Egypt said unto them, Wherefore do ye, Moses and Aaron, let the people from their works? get you unto your burdens.
⁵And Pharaoh said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and ye make them rest from their burdens.
⁶And Pharaoh commanded the same day the taskmasters of the people, and their officers, saying,
⁷Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather straw for themselves.

Ok ! What is wrong with these people would it not make more sense to remove the troublemakers from the equation, imprisonment, execution or the old Sumarian tradition, exile.

⁸And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.
⁹Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words.
¹⁰And the taskmasters of the people went out, and their officers, and they spake to the people, saying, Thus saith Pharaoh, I will not give you straw.
¹¹Go ye, get you straw where ye can find it: yet not ought of your work shall be diminished.
¹²So the people were scattered abroad throughout all the land of Egypt to gather stubble instead of straw.
¹³And the taskmasters hasted them, saying, Fulfil your works, your daily tasks, as when there was straw.
¹⁴And the officers of the children of Israel, which Pharaoh's taskmasters had set over them, were beaten, and demanded, Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore?

How is it that a civilization that was able to survive for so long could be this stupid ?

¹⁵Then the officers of the children of Israel came and cried unto Pharaoh, saying, Wherefore dealest thou thus with thy servants?
¹⁶There is no straw given unto thy servants, and they say to us, Make brick: and, behold, thy servants are beaten; but the fault is in thine own people.

Seems to be a recurrent theme pick on the Hebrews for something that is not their fault, or perhaps there is a reason.

Just a thought, but knowing their family history of disloyalty,lieing, cheating , stealing and general untrustworthiness, is it possible they were imprisoned with forced labour for criminal activities?

¹⁷But he said, Ye are idle, ye are idle: therefore ye say, Let us go and do sacrifice to the LORD.
¹⁸Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of bricks.
¹⁹And the officers of the children of Israel did see that they were in evil case, after it was said, Ye shall not minish ought from your bricks of your daily task.
²⁰And they met Moses and Aaron, who stood in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh:
²¹And they said unto them, The LORD look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savour to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to slay us.

Looking at modern day Palastine/Israel I find it difficult to believe that they wouldn't just rip them apart.

²²And Moses returned unto the LORD, and said, LORD, wherefore hast thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that thou hast sent me?

"Because my son you are a deluded gullible fool"

²³For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.

Genesis 27

Genesis 27

¹And it came to pass, that when Isaac was old, and his eyes were dim, so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son, and said unto him, My son: and he said unto him, Behold, here am I.
²And he said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death:
Like it's gonna be on a post it stuck to the fridge.
³Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison;
⁴And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die.
How typical of that family can't do anything nice without expecting some thing in return.
⁵And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for venison, and to bring it.
⁶And Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying,
Showing their relationship is closer than master /slave husand /wife almost like they were cousins, oh wait they are.
⁷Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the LORD before my death.
⁸Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee.
⁹Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savoury meat for thy father, such as he loveth:
If I ever get old enough not to be able to tell venison from goat please somebody anybody FUCKIN' SHOOT ME!
¹⁰And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death.
¹¹And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man:
¹²My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.
¹³And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice, and go fetch me them.
¹⁴And he went, and fetched, and brought them to his mother: and his mother made savoury meat, such as his father loved.
¹⁵And Rebekah took goodly raiment of her eldest son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them upon Jacob her younger son:
¹⁶And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck:
I know plenty of "hairy men" I have known a couple of people who are blind I have never known anyone who couldn't tell the difference between live people and dead goat, Then again I don't know anyone who couldn't tell goat from venison. Perhaps it's all that inbreeding.( Is "blind faith aggravated by Inbreeding it sure would explain alot.)
¹⁷And she gave the savoury meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.
¹⁸And he came unto his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I; who art thou, my son?

And with all the honesty he has learned, guided by exemplary parenting .
¹⁹And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy first born; I have done according as thou badest me: arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me.
²⁰And Isaac said unto his son, How is it that thou hast found it so quickly, my son? And he said, Because the LORD thy God brought it to me.
And with all the trust Isaac learned from his father and passed on to his sons.
²¹And Isaac said unto Jacob, Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel thee, my son, whether thou be my very son Esau or not.
²²And Jacob went near unto Isaac his father; and he felt him, and said, The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.
²³And he discerned him not, because his hands were hairy, as his brother Esau's hands: so he blessed him.
²⁴And he said, Art thou my very son Esau? And he said, I am.
²⁵And he said, Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son's venison, that my soul may bless thee. And he brought it near to him, and he did eat: and he brought him wine and he drank.
²⁶And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son.
No tongues!
²⁷And he came near, and kissed him: and he smelled the smell of his raiment, and blessed him, and said, See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field which the LORD hath blessed:
²⁸Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine:
²⁹Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee: be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother's sons bow down to thee: cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee.
³⁰And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting.
³¹And he also had made savoury meat, and brought it unto his father, and said unto his father, Let my father arise, and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me.
³²And Isaac his father said unto him, Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau.
³³And Isaac trembled very exceedingly, and said, Who? where is he that hath taken venison, and brought it me, and I have eaten of all before thou camest, and have blessed him? yea, and he shall be blessed.
³⁴And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father.
³⁵And he said, Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing.
And he said those immortal words reiterated by Mr. Creosote in Mony Python's Meaning of Life
Fuck off I'm Full!
³⁶And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob? for he hath supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright; and, behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?
³⁷And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants; and with corn and wine have I sustained him: and what shall I do now unto thee, my son?
Well he could have called Jacob back and told him he was a thieving little shit and for pulling the wool over his father's eyes he would get fuck all, as it was for the elder brother,but Oh no !
³⁸And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept.
³⁹And Isaac his father answered and said unto him, Behold, thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth, and of the dew of heaven from above;
⁴⁰And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have the dominion, that thou shalt break his yoke from off thy neck.
Here again the standard of justice set by god in the garden of eden which ultimately caused the death of Able by his brothers hand.

⁴¹And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.
An understandable reaction given the circumstances, a bit extreme over a couple of words but people to this day believe political promises.
⁴²And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.
That's showing more of an inclination toward omniscience than that dipshit diety of theirs.
⁴³Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;
Another Python quote.
"Run Away....."
⁴⁴And tarry with him a few days, until thy brother's fury turn away;
⁴⁵Until thy brother's anger turn away from thee, and he forget that which thou hast done to him: then I will send, and fetch thee from thence: why should I be deprived also of you both in one day?

Do you think Esau is going to forget,here's a hint
Master/Servant
Servant/Master

⁴⁶And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me?
Should have thought of that before selling out Esau If he was the boss he could have fucked Jacob off back to the family to get a cousin or two to vent his lustful desires on.

Genesis 21

Genesis 21

¹And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken.

Is this not yet another begotten son ? How many is that now ? So much for the late great JC as being "gods only begotten son" Or perhaps we are talking of some symbolic bollocks that has yet to be confirmed.
²For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.
Dec 25 by any chance ?

³And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac.
⁴And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.
⁵And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.
⁶And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.
No dear "at you"

⁷And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age.
So was born the Idea the Catholic Priesthood holds dearest.

⁸And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned.
⁹And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.
Be fair, who in their right mind could do anything but mock.

¹⁰Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.
¹¹And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.

Nothing to do with the fact that Hagar was still fit and could put on a good show for a stupid senile old man.

¹²And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.
Any thing for a quite life.

¹³And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.
God changed his plan again ?

¹⁴And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
¹⁵And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
¹⁶And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bow shot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.
¹⁷And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.
¹⁸Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.
¹⁹And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
Is it just me or is this not a virtual retelling of the previously told story?

²⁰And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
²¹And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.
²²And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:
²³Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.
I am still thinking we have the ramblings of an old man on his death bed.

²⁴And Abraham said, I will swear.
²⁵And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.
²⁶And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing; neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.
²⁷And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.
²⁸And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.
²⁹And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?
³⁰And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.
³¹Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.
³²Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.
³³And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God.
⁴And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days.
Has anyone else noticed how certain number's keep cropping up.
Seven
Twelve
Forty