Genesis 5

1This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; 2Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. 3And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth: 4And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters: 5And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died. 6And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos: 7And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters: 8And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.
9And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan: 10And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters: 11And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died. 12And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel: 13And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters: 14And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died. 15And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared: 16And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters: 17And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died. 18And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch: 19And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters: 20And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died. 21And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah: 22And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters: 23And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: 24And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him. 25And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech. 26And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters: 27And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. 28And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son: 29And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed. 30And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters: 31And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.
32And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
There we have it a list of people living to apparently incredible ages and being sexually active well past their sell by date. This is as far as we know completely unheard of, one of the things creationists use to support their fallacy. Including the 6,000 year age of earth. So is it true ? The Answer quite simply a big NO!!
Why?
Well it seems that the ancient people needed to exaggerate the ages of their ancestors. Perhaps some thing to do with your position in society, take a look at the Sumerian King list.

The surviving clay tablet was dated by the scribe who wrote it in the reign of King Utukhegal of Erech (Uruk), which places it around 2125 B.C.E

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"After kingship had descended from heaven, Eridu became the seat of kingship. In Eridu Aululim reigned 28,800 years as king. Alalgar reigned 36,000 years. Two kings, reigned 64,800 years. Eridu was abandoned and its kingship was carried off to Bad-tabira. . . .

"Total: Five Cities, eight kings, reigned 241,200 years.

It does continue I will be lookikng at it again later.
There are other fragments dating much older from other copies but all copies essentially steming back to one source.

Genesis 4

¹And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.
So Who was the father Adam or god?
²And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.
The implication here is her children were born adults ????
So Eves Minge that god made must have looked like a hippo's yawn.
³And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.
⁴And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:
This early "god is showing his true colours. There's Cain working his arse off, tilling, seeding, weeding and harvesting. Able lazing around watching sheep chew the cud, and who does he favour?
⁵But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.
⁶And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?
Again gods alledged omniscience conspicuous by it's abscence.
⁷If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.
You can understand him being pissed off lets face it this is possibly the first example of a prejudice that is still rife today.
⁸And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.
I can't help thinking that the original moral of this tale was intended to try and prevent this kind of unfairness in the work enviroment.
⁹And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?
¹⁰And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.
¹¹And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;
¹²When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.
¹³And Cain said unto the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear.
¹⁴Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.
¹⁵And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.
Wait a minute! Who is there to kill him ?
¹⁶And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
So now god is not omniprescient either.
¹⁷And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.
Wife? Where are all these other people appearing from all of a sudden ?and how does one man build a city, a hamlet or maybe a very small village I can believe, but a city.!
¹⁸And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech.
Just an observation but....No mention of women here.
¹⁹And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.
²⁰And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle.
²¹And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ.
²²And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.
²³And Lamech said unto his wives, Adah and Zillah, Hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding, and a young man to my hurt.
²⁴If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.
²⁵And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.²⁶And to Seth, to him also there was born a son; and he called his name Enos: then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.

What a talented family, mastering all these diverse talents but no mention of the brewer's of beer , the vintners, coopers or potterswhich must have existed because the narrator of these last few verses must have been very drunk.

Yezidi

Let me introduce you to the YEZIDI
The Yezidi(wiki) are a reletively small number of Kurdish speaking people situated in northen Iraq thought and dismissed by many as "devil" worshipers.
The following is an extract from thier holy book The Black Book.
From Internet Sacred texts Archive
Then the Great God said: "O Angels, I will create Adam and Eve; and from the essence of Adam shall proceed Šehar bn Jebr, and of him a separate community shall appear upon the earth, that of Azazîl, i.e., that of Melek Ṭâ’ûs, which is the sect of the Yezidis. Then he sent Šeiḫ ‘Adî bn Musâfir from the land of Syria, and he came (and dwelt in Mount) Lališ. Then the Lord came down to the Black Mountain. Shouting, he created thirty thousand Meleks, and divided them into three divisions. They worshiped him for forty thousand years, when he delivered them to Melek Ṭâ’ûs who went up with them to heaven. At this time the Lord came down to the Holy Land (al-Ḳuds), and commanded Gabriel to bring earth from the four comers of the world, earth, air, fire, and water. He created it and put in it the spirit of his own power, and called it Adam
For Melek read angel
Then he commanded Gabriel to escort Adam into Paradise, and to tell him that he could eat from all the trees but not of wheat. 10 Here Adam remained for a hundred years. Thereupon, Melek Ṭâ’ûs asked God how Adam could multiply and have descendants if he were forbidden to eat of the grain. God answered, "I have put the whole matter into thy hands." Thereupon Melek Ṭâ’ûs visited Adam and said "Have you eaten of the grain?" He answered, "No, God forbade me." Melek Ṭâ’ûs replied and said, "Eat of the grain and all shall go better with thee." Then Adam ate of the grain and immediately his belly was inflated. But Melek Ṭâ’ûs drove him out of the garden, and leaving him, ascended into heaven. Nowp. 39Adam was troubled because his belly was inflated, for he had no outlet. God therefore sent a bird to him which pecked at his anus and made an outlet, and Adam was relieved.
A different slight on a familier story. One that takes the blame from Man and Woman for the "downfall of Man" and laying it squarely on the shoulders of the divine.Also Adam at this time has no (St)eve or an arsehole thus reaffirming (St)eve's masculinity.

Genesis 3

[1] Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made.

Amazing how not having hooves or a loud bark aids subtlety

And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
[2] And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
[3] But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
[4] And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
[5] For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
[6] And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

I thought this was the "original sin" but think about it "Steve" was now alledgedly a woman.More than most "as god made her" and as with women today, nosey , disobedient and untrusting but sometimes easily lead. Really she could not have done anything else.

[7] And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
[8] And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
[9] And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

Was god not omniscient back then?

[10] And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
[11] And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

Again was god not omniscient back then?

[12] And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

And the man following his true nature blames the woman.

[13] And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

In case you have ever wondered proof she was blonde. Who else would come out with a Talking Snake told me to do it, excuse?

[14] And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

Would I be wrong in thinking many snakes live in or at least spend alot of time in trees[15] And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
[16] Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
[17] And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

Is this saying the tree of lifes forbidden fruit becomes a staple?

18] Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
[19] In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
[20] And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.
[21] Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

Just a quick question We have already discovered human nature plays a big part in this story.But we have to assume it happened within 9 months of (st)eves creation as there are no kids.Are ther any good parents out there which would expect a child with less than 9 months experience to be severly punished for eating something they had been told not to.Are ther any good parents out there that would allow aforesaid child the circumstances to achieve this ?

[22] And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
[23] Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.
[24] So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Genesis 2

Genesis 2

¹Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
²And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
³And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.
⁴These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,
⁵And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.
⁶But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.
⁷And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Is this in addition to the couple he made last week?

⁸And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
⁹And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Does that include the lofty pine and what about the larch?

¹⁰And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.
¹¹The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;

Gold? What the hell would he want that for?

¹²And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.
¹³And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.
¹⁴And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.
¹⁵And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
¹⁶And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
¹⁷But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Is this a friendly warning or a threat? He never mentioned anything about the possibility of getting his dangly bits caught in the shears.

¹⁸And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
¹⁹And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Not a wise move he already came up with bdellium and heddekal for what we now call hard and wet respectively.

²⁰And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
²¹And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

So why not just make her out of the ground like all the other animals? Whereas this seems more like some cloning type thing. Hang on, grown from a male rib the clone would be male too. Thats basic genetics so it was Adam and Steve.

²²And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

They never told me what they removed from Steve. I suppose technically it wasn't gay sex it would be masturbation. That's why the Human race are a bunch of wankers.

²³And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
²⁴Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

How does he know what a father and mother is ?

²⁵And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

So these other people he made in the first week ? Were they too stuck up to fraternise with the gardener