Numbers 11

¹And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.

After all what could they possibly have to complain about ?

Their god loves them and has chosen them above all his other creations. They know they are loved they can feel gods love , it's that all encompassing warmth they feel just before the agonising pain they feel as their skin blisters.god wants to prove how much he loves them so he is going to make their lives a total misery and when they complain what's a god to do, but burn the shit out of them.

²And the people cried unto Moses; and when Moses prayed unto the LORD, the fire was quenched.

³And he called the name of the place Taberah: because the fire of the LORD burnt among them.

Nothing at all to do with a stray spark from a campfire or a knocked over candle or lamp,nor did it spread because the tents were all too close together .No god must have did it.

⁴And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat?

⁵We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

⁶But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

Hang on have we hit a time warp here. There they were, settled at the base of Sinai slaughtering livestock for their god,as though they had an endless supply, constantly fattening up the fledgling priesthood. Now they have a three day walk and find themselves with no livestock and are starving and lusting after meat, and are back to eating manna.

⁷And the manna was as coriander seed, and the colour thereof as the colour of bdellium.

⁸And the people went about, and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar, and baked it in pans, and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil.

⁹And when the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell upon it.

¹⁰Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: and the anger of the LORD was kindled greatly; Moses also was displeased.

Why does that last sentence seem like it was thrown in to separate Moses from god ?

¹¹And Moses said unto the LORD, Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant? and wherefore have I not found favour in thy sight, that thou layest the burden of all this people upon me?

¹²Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou swarest unto their fathers?

¹³Whence should I have flesh to give unto all this people? for they weep unto me, saying, Give us flesh, that we may eat.

¹⁴I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me.

¹⁵And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.

¹⁶And the LORD said unto Moses, Gather unto me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom thou knowest to be the elders of the people, and officers over them; and bring them unto the tabernacle of the congregation, that they may stand there with thee.

¹⁷And I will come down and talk with thee there: and I will take of the spirit which is upon thee, and will put it upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with thee, that thou bear it not thyself alone.

So Moses gets his burden lightened but what about the starving hundreds millions

¹⁸And say thou unto the people, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow, and ye shall eat flesh: for ye have wept in the ears of the LORD, saying, Who shall give us flesh to eat? for it was well with us in Egypt: therefore the LORD will give you flesh, and ye shall eat.

¹⁹Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days;

²⁰But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you: because that ye have despised the LORD which is among you, and have wept before him, saying, Why came we forth out of Egypt?

²¹And Moses said, The people, among whom I am, are six hundred thousand footmen; and thou hast said, I will give them flesh, that they may eat a whole month.

²²Shall the flocks and the herds be slain for them, to suffice them? or shall all the fish of the sea be gathered together for them, to suffice them?

If this is after they headed out for Paran in the third day encampment even if they had gone due east from where they were they could not be more than for days away from the red sea, a plentiful supply of food.

²³And the LORD said unto Moses, Is the LORD'S hand waxed short? thou shalt see now whether my word shall come to pass unto thee or not.

When people are made to do without things especially food and water they then become more grateful for just a little than they would have been for a banquet.

²⁴And Moses went out, and told the people the words of the LORD, and gathered the seventy men of the elders of the people, and set them round about the tabernacle.

²⁵And the LORD came down in a cloud, and spake unto him, and took of the spirit that was upon him, and gave it unto the seventy elders: and it came to pass, that, when the spirit rested upon them, they prophesied, and did not cease.

²⁶But there remained two of the men in the camp, the name of the one was Eldad, and the name of the other Medad: and the spirit rested upon them; and they were of them that were written, but went not out unto the tabernacle: and they prophesied in the camp.

²⁷And there ran a young man, and told Moses, and said, Eldad and Medad do prophesy in the camp.

²⁸And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of Moses, one of his young men, answered and said, My lord Moses, forbid them.

Because Moses knows gods mind better than any other prophet !!!

²⁹And Moses said unto him, Enviest thou for my sake? would God that all the LORD'S people were prophets, and that the LORD would put his spirit upon them!

³⁰And Moses gat him into the camp, he and the elders of Israel.

³¹And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth.

Did we not already have a commandment telling these people not to eat carrion ? or is this prior to that ?

³²And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails: he that gathered least gathered ten homers: and they spread them all abroad for themselves round about the camp.

That's alot of quail

³³And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague.

³⁴And he called the name of that place Kibrothhattaavah: because there they buried the people that lusted.

Now this may well be a re-hash of Exodus 16 but there the quail were Ok to eat.

³⁵And the people journeyed from Kibrothhattaavah unto Hazeroth; and abode at Hazeroth.

Exodus 12

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying,
²This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.
³Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house: ⁴And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

For any veggies amongst you here is a warning what follows is nothing less than a recipe for a roast lamb sammich.

⁵Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:
⁶And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.
⁷And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.
⁸And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.
⁹Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.

With the explanation put forward earlier(wet grain contaminated with locust crap)which may have stretched over other foodstuffs the isrealites barbie made from dry flour and unblemished roasted fresh meat meant they did not suffer from the same levels of contamination at a crucial time.

¹⁰And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.
¹¹And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.
¹²For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.
Note: It don't say good judgement

¹³And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.
¹⁴And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁵Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.
Again this almost makes sense. Unleavened bread needs to be eaten fresh cooked otherwise it rapidly becomes unpalatable, eaten fresh it the likelyhood of contamination would remain low.

¹⁶And in the first day there shall be an holy convocation, and in the seventh day there shall be an holy convocation to you; no manner of work shall be done in them, save that which every man must eat, that only may be done of you.
¹⁷And ye shall observe the feast of unleavened bread; for in this selfsame day have I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt: therefore shall ye observe this day in your generations by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁸In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.
Fuck everyone is entitled to a yearly party

¹⁹Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.
²⁰Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.
²¹Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel, and said unto them, Draw out and take you a lamb according to your families, and kill the passover.
²²And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
I can't see a reason for this apart from a bit of decoration possible fore runner of hanging wreaths on your door at new year.

²³For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.
²⁴And ye shall observe this thing for an ordinance to thee and to thy sons for ever.
²⁵And it shall come to pass, when ye be come to the land which the LORD will give you, according as he hath promised, that ye shall keep this service.
²⁶And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you, What mean ye by this service?
²⁷That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.
²⁸And the children of Israel went away, and did as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
²⁹And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

³⁰And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
³¹And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
³²Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
³³And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.
³⁴And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneading troughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.
Kept dry ?

³⁵And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:
³⁶And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.
Giving of gifts ?

³⁷And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.
I think a little exaggeration has occurred here.

³⁸And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.
³⁹And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.
So they had to eat freshly prepared food.

⁴⁰Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.
⁴¹And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt.
⁴²It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.
⁴³And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:
⁴⁴But every man's servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.
⁴⁵A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.
⁴⁶In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.
⁴⁷All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.
⁴⁸And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.
⁴⁹One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you.
⁵⁰Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
⁵¹And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.
I have to say the plague scenario actually seems to be based in fact, possibly two or three seperate events lumped together, either coincidently or through errors or manipulations in the re-telling of the stories.
The first being the red algae infestation in the nile followed by the natural succession of infestations ,dead fish, frogs ,lice, flies, diseased cattle and boils.
Secondly either as suggested by Dr Marr's theory a massive hailstorm covering the hail , darkness and wet grain followed by a sandstorm and or as suggested by the equinox the later cataclysmic eruption of the Santorini volcano raining down stones and ash with a darkness that could be felt including rainstorms caused by all the dust in the higher atmosphere.
The locusts just being incidental but a good reason for the deaths afterwards.
I can see why this is seen as god's plan as it does stretch the realms of coincidence a long way IF they all happened one after the other as it is written.
However if they are seen as consequences of two different natural disasters not necessarily happening at the same time. Three if you count the locusts separately. These events then shoved together we should now see them as inevitable occurrences, that, even with modern science and medicins we would have trouble dealing with and containing today.

Exodus 11

Exodus 11

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.

so god has been making the lives of the Egyptians a misery and yet making the pharoah stubborn so he can go on making the Egyptians lives a misery.

²Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.

Here we go again these so called slaves with possessions including gold and jewellery.

³And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians. Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh's servants, and in the sight of the people.

Hang on where did that come from ?

We were told Moses was a tongue tied retard, he has plagued the Pharoah with plagues and been told to never darken the Pharoahs door again. Now he is a big man on campus.

⁴And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:
⁵And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

This again explained here with a more in depth explanation of the offending bacteria here

⁶And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.

No shit!

⁷But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.
⁸And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger.

Now I don't know about you but if I felt some little shit was responsible for the death of my child(ren) I would do more than ask him politely to leave,and that is as a modern englishman not a greiving highly pissed off and bloodthirsty ancient egyptian crowd.

⁹And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt.
¹⁰And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.

Exodus 10

Exodus 10

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

If god can "harden somebody's heart then surely he could soften one too.
Does he just enjoy being a cunt ?
The underlying message of this tale so far is to have fuck all to do with yhwh or his followers.

²And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the LORD.

How insecure can a deity feel ?

³And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

Fuck me ifall he wants is serving why don't he just get his own sammiches.

⁴Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

At least they wont be starving plenty of good eating in them locusts.

⁵And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:
⁶And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.
⁷And Pharaoh's servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed?
⁸And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

So Moses "people" are so insignificant he is not even sure who they are

⁹And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.
¹⁰And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.
¹¹Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh's presence.
¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.

Did I get that right... The threat was do as I say OR I will send locusts.

Nice to know the word of god can be trusted.

Or would it be the locusts had fuck all to do with god as did all the other plagues and this was all written with a bit of poetic licence.

¹³And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
¹⁴And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

Cool! Not just ordinary locusts but extra large super locusts. Oh for some kryptonite.

¹⁵For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
¹⁶Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.
¹⁷Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.
¹⁸And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
¹⁹And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

Does god fart kryptonite?

²⁰But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.
²²And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

²³They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
²⁴And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.
²⁵And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.
²⁶Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.
²⁷But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
²⁸And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

At last!

²⁹And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

Exodus 9

Exodus 9

¹Then the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh, and tell him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
²For if thou refuse to let them go, and wilt hold them still,
³Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain.

For the life of me I can't understand why the almighty needs all this subterfuge to get things done. Why can't he either just do it or appear to pharoah with all his scary persona and tell pharoah himself ?

Unless of course he is only a figment of someones imagination.

⁴And the LORD shall sever between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children's of Israel.

Neat trick if you can do it, but would slaves or prisoners own cattle ?

⁵And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, To morrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land.
⁶And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died: but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.

The bullshit I'm smelling here don't come from the cattle.

⁷And Pharaoh sent, and, behold, there was not one of the cattle of the Israelites dead. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, and he did not let the people go.
⁸And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.

⁹And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁰And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.
¹¹And the magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the boil was upon the magicians, and upon all the Egyptians.

No shit! Piles of rotting frogs and cattle and the Egyptians get diseases

¹²And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.
¹³And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
¹⁴For I will at this time send all my plagues upon thine heart, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people; that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth.
¹⁵For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with pestilence; and thou shalt be cut off from the earth.

Why if this unnamed pharoah is such a bastard, does he not just execute this annoying troll that claims to be the vessel through which his god is working ?

¹⁶And in very deed for this cause have I raised thee up, for to shew in thee my power; and that my name may be declared throughout all the earth.

Which is why nobody in the rest of the world had heard of this insignificant tribal deity till the Romans adopted him 1500 or so years later.

¹⁷As yet exaltest thou thyself against my people, that thou wilt not let them go?
¹⁸Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as hath not been in Egypt since the foundation thereof even until now.
¹⁹Send therefore now, and gather thy cattle, and all that thou hast in the field; for upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die.
²⁰He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle flee into the houses:
²¹And he that regarded not the word of the LORD left his servants and his cattle in the field.
²²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt.

As mentioned from the link in the previous chapter channel fours Equinox programme. the eruption of the Santorini volcano explains not only this scene but also the pillar of fire and smoke that led the escaping Isrealites.

²³And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt.
²⁴So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.
²⁵And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast; and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.
²⁶Only in the land of Goshen, where the children of Israel were, was there no hail.
²⁷And Pharaoh sent, and called for Moses and Aaron, and said unto them, I have sinned this time: the LORD is righteous, and I and my people are wicked.
²⁸Intreat the LORD (for it is enough) that there be no more mighty thunderings and hail; and I will let you go, and ye shall stay no longer.
²⁹And Moses said unto him, As soon as I am gone out of the city, I will spread abroad my hands unto the LORD; and the thunder shall cease, neither shall there be any more hail; that thou mayest know how that the earth is the LORD's.
³⁰But as for thee and thy servants, I know that ye will not yet fear the LORD God.
³¹And the flax and the barley was smitten: for the barley was in the ear, and the flax was bolled.

Oh no god has smitten the barley

³²But the wheat and the rie were not smitten: for they were not grown up.

These must be gods chosen cereal crops, perhaps near the beginning if able had grown wheat and rye god would have preferred his offering and the worlds history would have been a bed of roses.

³³And Moses went out of the city from Pharaoh, and spread abroad his hands unto the LORD: and the thunders and hail ceased, and the rain was not poured upon the earth.

Nice work if you can get it.

³⁴And when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders were ceased, he sinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants.
³⁵And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go; as the LORD had spoken by Moses.

Now if the Pharoah in question did not believe this was judgement from de lawd why on earth should anyone believe it now.

Exodus 8

Exodus 8

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.

Are Aaron and Moses twins ?god seems to have trouble making up his mind who he is talking to.

Or perhaps it is just multiple personalities

²And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs:

I hope he doesn't mean the French not even the god of the jews could be that cruel.

³And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs:

⁴And the frogs shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants.

It's ok no mention of bicycles and onions they should be safe.

⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt.
⁶And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.

Don't know that's sure way to attract the french, both sexes.

⁷And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.

If pharoah's magicians are summoning them it can only be real frogs. No one and I mean no one would summon the French to their own country.

⁸Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, Intreat the LORD, that he may take away the frogs from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the LORD.
⁹And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I intreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the frogs from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the river only?
¹⁰And he said, To morrow. And he said, Be it according to thy word: that thou mayest know that there is none like unto the LORD our God.

Well we have already seen that the red algae led to the frogs which in turn will lead to flies and "lice"

¹¹And the frogs shall depart from thee, and from thy houses, and from thy servants, and from thy people; they shall remain in the river only.
¹²And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the LORD because of the frogs which he had brought against Pharaoh.
¹³And the LORD did according to the word of Moses; and the frogs died out of the houses, out of the villages, and out of the fields.
¹⁴And they gathered them together upon heaps: and the land stank.
¹⁵But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
¹⁶And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁷And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁸And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
¹⁹Then the magicians said unto Pharaoh, This is the finger of God: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
²⁰And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
²¹Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.

Not suprising as flies lay thier eggs in dead things such as piles of dead frogs

²²And I will sever in that day the land of Goshen, in which my people dwell, that no swarms of flies shall be there; to the end thou mayest know that I am the LORD in the midst of the earth.
²³And I will put a division between my people and thy people: to morrow shall this sign be.
²⁴And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants' houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.
²⁵And Pharaoh called for Moses and for Aaron, and said, Go ye, sacrifice to your God in the land.
²⁶And Moses said, It is not meet so to do; for we shall sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians to the LORD our God: lo, shall we sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians before their eyes, and will they not stone us?
²⁷We will go three days' journey into the wilderness, and sacrifice to the LORD our God, as he shall command us.
²⁸And Pharaoh said, I will let you go, that ye may sacrifice to the LORD your God in the wilderness; only ye shall not go very far away: intreat for me.
²⁹And Moses said, Behold, I go out from thee, and I will intreat the LORD that the swarms of flies may depart from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people, to morrow: but let not Pharaoh deal deceitfully any more in not letting the people go to sacrifice to the LORD.
³⁰And Moses went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
³¹And the LORD did according to the word of Moses; and he removed the swarms of flies from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people; there remained not one.
³²And Pharaoh hardened his heart at this time also, neither would he let the people go.

So what we see here is an unpleasant but wholly natural succession of events that were possibly utilised by some glib tongued conman approximately 3,500 years ago. But although Moses gets the credit we have already seen that he was a bit lacking in cerebral diplomacy department.
What is even stranger is people believe that these events happened because the almighty creator of the universe was feeling unloved and he wanted "his people" to take a break and throw him a barbecue party

Aahh !

Exodus 7

Exodus 7

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

Is this the all knowing one changing his mind again ?
Is this the all powerful one failing to guide Moses's speech ?

²Thou shalt speak all that I command thee: and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he send the children of Israel out of his land.
³And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.

Is this the all impotent one covering his arse in case it don't happen?

⁴But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.
⁵And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of Israel from among them.

Or is it a gullible man, a puppet ruler reciting to a scribe in retrospect. Trying to make sense of a cataclysmic disaster that the prisoners used to escape ?

⁶And Moses and Aaron did as the LORD commanded them, so did they.
⁷And Moses was fourscore years old, and Aaron fourscore and three years old, when they spake unto Pharaoh.
⁸And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,
⁹When Pharaoh shall speak unto you, saying, Shew a miracle for you: then thou shalt say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and cast it before Pharaoh, and it shall become a serpent.
¹⁰And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
¹¹Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

Suddenly it's Aaron doing the magic tricks and spokesperson for god.........

¹²For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.
¹³And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
¹⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh's heart is hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
¹⁵Get thee unto Pharaoh in the morning; lo, he goeth out unto the water; and thou shalt stand by the river's brink against he come; and the rod which was turned to a serpent shalt thou take in thine hand.
¹⁶And thou shalt say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.
¹⁷Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that is in mine hand upon the waters which are in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.

Again nothing as wise as hindsight

¹⁸And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.
¹⁹And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of water, that they may become blood; and that there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in vessels of wood, and in vessels of stone.
²⁰And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.

This is the first of the 10 plagues of egypt either god flexing his muscles or a chain of natural occurences easily explained by modern knowledge

²¹And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
²²And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, neither did he hearken unto them; as the LORD had said.
²³And Pharaoh turned and went into his house, neither did he set his heart to this also.
²⁴And all the Egyptians digged round about the river for water to drink; for they could not drink of the water of the river.
²⁵And seven days were fulfilled, after that the LORD had smitten the river.