Joshua 18

What can I say ?

Here we are meandering through conquest after conquest by some of the most barbaric and spiteful peoples that have ever lived. Conquests of numerous city states, great battles no doubt followed by some sordid and reprehensible behaviour sanctioned by Josh and de lard.
These great world changing, historical events are recorded by eyewitness scribes.


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¹And the whole congregation of the children of Israel assembled together at Shiloh, and set up the tabernacle of the congregation there. And the land was subdued before them.

²And there remained among the children of Israel seven tribes, which had not yet received their inheritance.

³And Joshua said unto the children of Israel, How long are ye slack to go to possess the land, which the LORD God of your fathers hath given you?

Does this mean they are not murdering fast enough ? It does make me question the validity of Karma

⁴Give out from among you three men for each tribe: and I will send them, and they shall rise, and go through the land, and describe it according to the inheritance of them; and they shall come again to me.

⁵And they shall divide it into seven parts: Judah shall abide in their coast on the south, and the house of Joseph shall abide in their coasts on the north.

⁶Ye shall therefore describe the land into seven parts, and bring the description hither to me, that I may cast lots for you here before the LORD our God.

⁷But the Levites have no part among you; for the priesthood of the LORD is their inheritance: and Gad, and Reuben, and half the tribe of Manasseh, have received their inheritance beyond Jordan on the east, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave them.

Cos' they get 10% of everything else without having to do any work anyway !

⁸And the men arose, and went away: and Joshua charged them that went to describe the land, saying, Go and walk through the land, and describe it, and come again to me, that I may here cast lots for you before the LORD in Shiloh.

⁹And the men went and passed through the land, and described it by cities into seven parts in a book, and came again to Joshua to the host at Shiloh.

¹⁰And Joshua cast lots for them in Shiloh before the LORD: and there Joshua divided the land unto the children of Israel according to their divisions.

¹¹And the lot of the tribe of the children of Benjamin came up according to their families: and the coast of their lot came forth between the children of Judah and the children of Joseph.

¹²And their border on the north side was from Jordan; and the border went up to the side of Jericho on the north side, and went up through the mountains westward; and the goings out thereof were at the wilderness of Bethaven.

¹³And the border went over from thence toward Luz, to the side of Luz, which is Bethel, southward; and the border descended to Atarothadar, near the hill that lieth on the south side of the nether Bethhoron.

¹⁴And the border was drawn thence, and compassed the corner of the sea southward, from the hill that lieth before Bethhoron southward; and the goings out thereof were at Kirjathbaal, which is Kirjathjearim, a city of the children of Judah: this was the west quarter.

¹⁵And the south quarter was from the end of Kirjathjearim, and the border went out on the west, and went out to the well of waters of Nephtoah:

¹⁶And the border came down to the end of the mountain that lieth before the valley of the son of Hinnom, and which is in the valley of the giants on the north, and descended to the valley of Hinnom, to the side of Jebusi on the south, and descended to Enrogel,

¹⁷And was drawn from the north, and went forth to Enshemesh, and went forth toward Geliloth, which is over against the going up of Adummim, and descended to the stone of Bohan the son of Reuben,

¹⁸And passed along toward the side over against Arabah northward, and went down unto Arabah:

¹⁹And the border passed along to the side of Bethhoglah northward: and the outgoings of the border were at the north bay of the salt sea at the south end of Jordan: this was the south coast.

²⁰And Jordan was the border of it on the east side. This was the inheritance of the children of Benjamin, by the coasts thereof round about, according to their families.

²¹Now the cities of the tribe of the children of Benjamin according to their families were Jericho, and Bethhoglah, and the valley of Keziz,

²²And Betharabah, and Zemaraim, and Bethel,

²³And Avim, and Pharah, and Ophrah,

²⁴And Chepharhaammonai, and Ophni, and Gaba; twelve cities with their villages:

²⁵Gibeon, and Ramah, and Beeroth,

²⁶And Mizpeh, and Chephirah, and Mozah,

²⁷And Rekem, and Irpeel, and Taralah,

²⁸And Zelah, Eleph, and Jebusi, which is Jerusalem, Gibeath, and Kirjath; fourteen cities with their villages. This is the inheritance of the children of Benjamin according to their families.

Exodus 23

Exodus 23

This starts with an attempt at justice.
¹Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.
²Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil; neither shalt thou speak in a cause to decline after many to wrest judgment:
³Neither shalt thou countenance a poor man in his cause.
⁴If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.
⁵If thou see the ass of him that hateth thee lying under his burden, and wouldest forbear to help him, thou shalt surely help with him.
⁶Thou shalt not wrest the judgment of thy poor in his cause.
This seems to be saying no matter if a man is poor or your enemy he deserves respect and justice, are they at last getting the idea of a society.

⁷Keep thee far from a false matter; and the innocent and righteous slay thou not: for I will not justify the wicked.

Innocent and Righteous !! remember that.

⁸And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous.

No Bribes.

⁹Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.

See verses 23 and 24 !

¹⁰And six years thou shalt sow thy land, and shalt gather in the fruits thereof:

¹¹But the seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still; that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy oliveyard.

They gonna start farming the desert now ? Does peyote grow out in the arse end of Egypt/Israel/Palestine ? I know they aint gonna grow olives or grapes out there.

¹²Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.

¹³And in all things that I have said unto you be circumspect: and make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth.

¹⁴Three times thou shalt keep a feast unto me in the year.

¹⁵Thou shalt keep the feast of unleavened bread: (thou shalt eat unleavened bread seven days, as I commanded thee, in the time appointed of the month Abib; for in it thou camest out from Egypt: and none shall appear before me empty:)

¹⁶And the feast of harvest, the firstfruits of thy labours, which thou hast sown in the field: and the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.

¹⁷Three times in the year all thy males shall appear before the LORD God.

That'll be males only, are they meeting at a gay bar ?

cue Electric 6

¹⁸Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread; neither shall the fat of my sacrifice remain until the morning.

¹⁹The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring into the house of the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.

????

²⁰Behold, I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.

²¹Beware of him, and obey his voice, provoke him not; for he will not pardon your transgressions: for my name is in him.

²²But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries.

²³For mine Angel shall go before thee, and bring thee in unto the Amorites, and the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites: and I will cut them off.

²⁴Thou shalt not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do after their works: but thou shalt utterly overthrow them, and quite break down their images.

What was that bit earlier about not oppressing strangers ?

²⁵And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.

²⁶There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil.

²⁷I will send my fear before thee, and will destroy all the people to whom thou shalt come, and I will make all thine enemies turn their backs unto thee.

²⁸And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite, from before thee.

Are the afore mentioned not strangers ?

²⁹I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.

Is the almighty admitting a weakness here ?

³⁰By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

Here we are over 3,000 years later and he still hasn't managed it, why do people fear him ?

³¹And I will set thy bounds from the Red sea even unto the sea of the Philistines, and from the desert unto the river: for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand; and thou shalt drive them out before thee.

Really ! It's like me wishing to spend a week with half a dozen playboy models, I can wish all I want, but it ain't gonna happen !

³²Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor with their gods.

Gods again !

³³They shall not dwell in thy land, lest they make thee sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee.
This ones true ! by sharing the same land they make the Israelites descendants kill and maim many innocents.

Exodus 10

Exodus 10

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

If god can "harden somebody's heart then surely he could soften one too.
Does he just enjoy being a cunt ?
The underlying message of this tale so far is to have fuck all to do with yhwh or his followers.

²And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the LORD.

How insecure can a deity feel ?

³And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

Fuck me ifall he wants is serving why don't he just get his own sammiches.

⁴Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

At least they wont be starving plenty of good eating in them locusts.

⁵And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:
⁶And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.
⁷And Pharaoh's servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed?
⁸And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

So Moses "people" are so insignificant he is not even sure who they are

⁹And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.
¹⁰And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.
¹¹Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh's presence.
¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.

Did I get that right... The threat was do as I say OR I will send locusts.

Nice to know the word of god can be trusted.

Or would it be the locusts had fuck all to do with god as did all the other plagues and this was all written with a bit of poetic licence.

¹³And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
¹⁴And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

Cool! Not just ordinary locusts but extra large super locusts. Oh for some kryptonite.

¹⁵For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
¹⁶Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.
¹⁷Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.
¹⁸And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
¹⁹And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

Does god fart kryptonite?

²⁰But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.
²²And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

²³They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
²⁴And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.
²⁵And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.
²⁶Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.
²⁷But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
²⁸And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

At last!

²⁹And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

3rd Recap

What have we got?
We may have at last got a vague time frame.Although the existence of Sodom and Gomorrah is still disputed by some, those that do accept them as fact, tend to agree they fell between 2500-2200 BCE.Is this not around the time given for the flood by the 6,000 year old earth theory pushed around by the religious wrong.
Which is it guy's and gal's can't have it both way's ? Even if the flood preceded this by a couple of hundred years we are still aware of many thriving cultures both locally and around the world at this time.
We are tracking one branch of a family tree that due to repetitive elements must have come from an oral tradition, quite possibly formalized as songs.
God appears often but these early narratives seems to be almost if not completely impotent on his own. Needing his agents, either angels or the family of Abraham to do things for him. With the obvious exception that he is given as the cause of natural disasters.
WE see here already some translation difficulties are beginning to be shown as in, was she turned to salt or did she disappear for a perfectly natural reason ?
Are these genuine mistakes or were they attempts by the early church to make the stories fit the myths ?
Raising of stones is something that occurs over much of the world, mostly if not always for astrological observations, but as far as we know the anointing of stones with oil seems to hold more connections with Hinduism from India.
This is not 100% of a surprise as the already recurring numeric details hint at an astrological base for these Abrahmic myths.
These early stories have it all. Excitement, Murder, Intrigue, Sex and Death the only thing missing is irrefutable facts. So far the only things100% factual are slime pits and the city of Ur.

Genesis 22

Genesis 22

¹And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

God's still trying the cheerleader manifestation.

²And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
Would the thought of Almighty sex with the Almighty coerce you into murdering the son you have tortured yourself wanting for the last 80 or so years,and does the fact that Ishmael is elsewhere stop him being Abraham's older son.
³And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
⁴Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
This story seems to be filled with elements from another more familiar story.
Three days, Loving father Sacrificing his only begotten son.
⁵And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
⁶And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
⁷And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?

How old is Isaac ?

⁸And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
Is not Burning children something associated with worship of the God Baal ?
⁹And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

Did IKEA do flatpack alter's back then ?
¹⁰And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

Just like the cliff hanger at the end of an episode of Batman.

¹¹And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

So the Angel's that rescued lot had to have their arses saved by the sacrifice of lots virgin daughters virginity and this one just pop's his head over a cloud.

Continuity people continuity.
¹²And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

Seems alot of bother to go through as we are told God can see all we think and do.

How long after the creation are we now ? Still waiting for omniscience.

¹³And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.

At least God didn't have to do with something that tasted like pork.

¹⁴And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.
¹⁵And the angel of the LORD called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,
¹⁶And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the LORD, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
¹⁷That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;

Has not this promise in essence already been made ? and I don.t think the earth is big enough to contain as many people as there are stars. God telling lies surely not again.

¹⁸And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
¹⁹So Abraham returned unto his young men, and they rose up and went together to Beersheba; and Abraham dwelt at Beersheba.
²⁰And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;
²¹Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram,
²²And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.
²³And Bethuel begat Rebekah: these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother.²⁴And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah.

I thought we were concerned with Abraham's descendants not his nephews and nieces.