Genesis24

Rebekah and Isaac
¹And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.
No Shit.
²And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
Is this some ancient pledge thing ,a gay thing or does he need someone to verify he's shit himself ?

³And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born, he was 137 when Sarah became an ex wife.Therefore Isaac must be at least 37 and he's not married. Either they haven't learned to count years yet or Isaac would have made Quentin Crisp look butch.He has to be one of Gods sons he carries the gay gene.
⁴But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
HIS! Country, he left over 70 years ago.
⁵And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?
⁶And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.
Really ?
⁷The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.
Perhaps Abraham did not leave Ur voluntarily ? More to this than we have been told I suspect ?
.⁸And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.
9And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.
¹⁰And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
Here I am puzzled. Which Nahor, Abraham's grandfather or his brother ?
¹¹And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
I smell a trend being set, why even today the best place to pick up a woman is at a watering hole.
¹²And he said O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
¹³Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
¹⁴And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
I know exactly what he means who hasn't lurked waiting for the right moment to ask a pretty girl to .......water your camel.
¹⁵And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
That clears that up then.
Just so happens to be Abrahams brothers wifes daughter alleged cousin to Isaac.
¹⁶And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
¹⁷And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
I'll have to try that one. Bet I get a slap !
¹⁸And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
¹⁹And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
²⁰And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
²¹And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.
Sorry thought that said held his piece.
²²And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;
What? How much ? what is Sumarian for bottled water
²³And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?
²⁴And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.
²⁵She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.
²⁶And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the LORD.
²⁷And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master's brethren.
²⁸And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things.
²⁹And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well.
³⁰And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.
³¹And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.
They camels can sit over there by the sideboard behind the couch.
³²And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men's feet that were with him.
³³And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.
³⁴And he said, I am Abraham's servant.
³⁵And the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.
³⁶And Sarah my master's wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.
³⁷And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell:
³⁸But thou shalt go unto my father's house, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son.
³⁹And I said unto my master, Peradventure the woman will not follow me.
⁴⁰And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:
⁴¹Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.
⁴²And I came this day unto the well, and said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go:
⁴³Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink;
⁴⁴And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the LORD hath appointed out for my master's son.
⁴⁵And before I had done speaking in mine heart, behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher on her shoulder; and she went down unto the well, and drew water: and I said unto her, Let me drink, I pray thee.
⁴⁶And she made haste, and let down her pitcher from her shoulder, and said, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: so I drank, and she made the camels drink also.
⁴⁷And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.
⁴⁸And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the LORD, and blessed the LORD God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son.
⁴⁹And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.
Instead of saying like any normal person " Fuck off Ya Lunatic" he says.
⁵⁰Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.
⁵¹Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.
As if.
⁵²And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.
⁵³And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
So they knowingly sold their daughter to be a sex slave. I don't understand this, how bad has life got to be to sell your daughter to the first bloke that comes along and flashes his camels. Especially when it's not for himself.

⁵⁴And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
⁵⁵And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
And wanting a rest after circumnavigating the arabian desert.
⁵⁶And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
That alone proves his insanity.
⁵⁷And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.
Like she had any say in the matter.
⁵⁸And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
⁵⁹And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.
Nurse ! Hang on how old is this girl ?
⁶⁰And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
Which can be interpreted as .."Fuck off bitch, go copulate your cousin, conceive copiousley and create a country from your c...............offspring.
⁶¹And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.
⁶²And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.
⁶³And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.
⁶⁴And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
⁶⁵For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
⁶⁶And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.
He said "Hey y'all I done fetched you your bitch. Now go do to her what your daddy desired."
⁶⁷And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
Makes me wonder what Sarah was doing for her son to make him need a wife to "comfort" him after she was gone. This 37 year old unmarried lad from a family whose incestuous tendancies have survived thousands of years.

Genesis 15

Genesis 15

¹After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.
Another word for vision is hallucination. Out in the sun too long ?
²And Abram said, LORD God, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus?
³And Abram said, Behold, to me thou hast given no seed: and, lo, one born in my house is mine heir.
Still worrying about his impotence.
⁴And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.
Not sure how to read that does it mean...

• A gay lover will be his heir ?
• Abram will give birth ?
• His heir will be shit ?
  

⁵And he brought him forth abroad, and said, Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he said unto him, So shall thy seed be.
⁶And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.
⁷And he said unto him, I am the LORD that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it.
⁸And he said, LORD God, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?
⁹And he said unto him, Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.
¹⁰And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against another: but the birds divided he not.
¹¹And when the fowls came down upon the carcases, Abram drove them away.
¹²And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him.
Yup, sunstroke.
¹³And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years;
So Abram's hallucination thinks his imaginary descendants are gonna get fucked over. Can you call it a prophecy if it's not recorded till after a coincidental event ?
¹⁴And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and afterward shall they come out with great substance.
¹⁵And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age.
That could have meant any time soon he was already a good age.
¹⁶But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full.
¹⁷And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces.
Hallucinating well. Do magic mushrooms grow in Canaan ?
¹⁸In the same day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed have I given this land, from the river of Egypt unto the great river, the river Euphrates:
In his dreams. Literally!
¹⁹The Kenites, and the Kenizzites, and the Kadmonites,
²⁰And the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims,
²¹And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.

genesis 11

So we skip back in time and rejoin Noah's offspring with extended ages
¹And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech.²And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there
Shinar being the historic Sumer now northen Iraq.
³And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter.
⁴And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.
These ancient people were incredible one family built a boat to contain specimens of all the earths animals for about six months. With the knowledge to adequately ventilate,feed and water said animals and manage the sewage output. Something we would struggle with today, and yet they are building a tower and expect to hit the roof of the world.
⁵And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.
⁶And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
⁷Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.
There's that US again.
⁸So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.
⁹Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.
This seems an odd thing to do if he didn't like it why not just wish it out of existence or just say c'mon peeps doin' that fucks me off, don't do it.
Shit if they was my kids I would just be proud.Wouldn't he have learnt by now man will just discover more to learn about his new enviroment. I suppose it's a bit too much to expect a figment of your imagination too learn by its mistakes?
¹⁰These are the generations of Shem: Shem was an hundred years old, and begat Arphaxad two years after the flood:¹¹And Shem lived after he begat Arphaxad five hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.¹²And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years, and begat Salah:¹³And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.¹⁴And Salah lived thirty years, and begat Eber:¹⁵And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.¹⁶And Eber lived four and thirty years, and begat Peleg:¹⁷And Eber lived after he begat Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters.¹⁸And Peleg lived thirty years, and begat Reu:¹⁹And Peleg lived after he begat Reu two hundred and nine years, and begat sons and daughters.²⁰And Reu lived two and thirty years, and begat Serug:²¹And Reu lived after he begat Serug two hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters.²²And Serug lived thirty years, and begat Nahor:²³And Serug lived after he begat Nahor two hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.²⁴And Nahor lived nine and twenty years, and begat Terah:²⁵And Nahor lived after he begat Terah an hundred and nineteen years, and begat sons and daughters.²⁶And Terah lived seventy years, and begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran.
Again with the long list of generations but amazingly now inclusive of women.
²⁷Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot.²⁸And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.²⁹And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah.³⁰But Sarai was barren; she had no child.³¹And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son's son, and Sarai his daughter in law, his son Abram's wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran, and dwelt there. ³²And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years: and Terah died in Haran.

The Sumerian King List

Now before we approach chapter 10 read this.

The Sumerian King List

Is dated by the scribe who wrote it in the reign of King Utukhegal of Erech (Uruk), which places it around 2125 B.C.

The Sumerian King List

1-39After the kingship descended from heaven, the kingship was in Eridug. In Eridug, Alulim became king; he ruled for 28800 years. Alaljar ruled for 36000 years. 2 kings; they ruled for 64800 years. Then Eridug fell and the kingship was taken to Bad-tibira. In Bad-tibira, En-men-lu-ana ruled for 43200 years. En-men-gal-ana ruled for 28800 years. Dumuzid, the shepherd, ruled for 36000 years. 3 kings; they ruled for 108000 years. Then Bad-tibira fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Larag. In Larag, En-sipad-zid-ana ruled for 28800 years.
1 king; he ruled for 28800 years. Then Larag fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Zimbir. In Zimbir, En-men-dur-ana became king; he ruled for 21000 years. 1 king; he ruled for 21000 years. Then Zimbir fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Curuppag. In Curuppag, Ubara-Tutu became king; he ruled for 18600 years. 1 king; he ruled for 18600 years. In 5 cities 8 kings; they ruled for 241200 years. Then the flood swept over."Total: Five Cities, eight kings, reigned 241,200 years.
"The FLOOD then swept over. After the Flood had swept over, and kingship had descended from heaven, Kish became the seat of Kingship. In Kish .... Total:
twenty-three kings, reigned 24,510 years, 3 months, 3 1/2 days. Kish was defeated; its kingship was carried off to Eanna."In Eanna, Meskiaggasher, the son of (the sun god) Utu reigned as En (Priest) and Lugal (King) 324 years--Meskiaggasher entered the sea, ascended the mountains. Enmerkar, the son of Meskiaggasher, the king of erech who had built Erech, reigned 420 years as king. Lugalbanda, the shepherd, reigned 1,200 years. Dumuzi the fisherman, whose city was Kua, reigned 100 years. Gilgamesh, whose father was a nomad (?) reigned 126 years. Urnungal, the son of Gilgamesh, reigned 30 years. Labasher reigned 9 years. Ennundaranna reigned 8 years. Meshede reigned 36 years. Melamanna reigned 6 years. Lugalkidul reigned 36 years. Total: twelve kings, reigned 2,130 years. Erech was defeated, its kingship was carried off to Ur...."

There are older fragments of copies known and also more recent ones where the list is continued. You will note after Gilgamesch the lengths of rule are believable.
Also some translations of different copies will identify Gilgamesch's father as either a spirit or a God.
This no doubt because of the sacred prostitution of the followers of Innana/Ishtar
Lets face it in the Ancient world if you were born out of wedlock you were not called a Bastard you were known as either a Demi God or the son of some god or other.