2 Samuel 12

1. And the LORD sent Nathan unto David. And he came unto him, and said unto him, There were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor.

2The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds: 

3 But the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter.

Wow a carnivourous lamb, for a book that apparently denies evolution it sure does list alot of evolutionary failures(four legged birds and insects, talking snakes and now a meat eating ruminant)

I also worry about him treating it as his daughter, with the incestuous history of some patriarchs I wonder whether David is actually Daffydd?

 

4 And there came a traveler unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man's lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him.

5 And David's anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan, As the LORD liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die:

6 And he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.

Fuck me! Some one actually using the laws of moses to punish a crime. Exodus 22:1 " If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep."

Here endeth the irrelevent filler.
And resume the story.
 

7 And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; 

8 And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things. 

9 Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon.

What a suprise, delard didn't see it coming, and did nothing to prevent it. It's almost as though he wasn't really there.
 

10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. 

11 Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbor, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun.

12 For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun. 

13 And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the LORD. And Nathan said unto David, The LORD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. 

14 Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. 

15 And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick.

So for Davids crime. The widow of Uriah, now married to David suffers a sickly, no doubt soon to be dead child. So who is the one getting punished here?
 

16 David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth.

17 And the elders of his house arose, and went to him, to raise him up from the earth: but he would not, neither did he eat bread with them.
Because that will really make up for breaking how many of delards big 10 commandments ?

18 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead?

19 But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. 

20 Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.

21 Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread. 

22 And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?

23 But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. 

24 And David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name Solomon: and the LORD loved him.

"comforted"? by giveing her a good fucking. That somehow seems wrong, but what do I know?
 

25 And he sent by the hand of Nathan the prophet; and he called his name Jedidiah, because of the LORD. 

26 And Joab fought against Rabbah of the children of Ammon, and took the royal city. 

27 And Joab sent messengers to David, and said, I have fought against Rabbah, and have taken the city of waters. 

28 Now therefore gather the rest of the people together, and encamp against the city, and take it: lest I take the city, and it be called after my name. 

29 And David gathered all the people together, and went to Rabbah, and fought against it, and took it.
 30 And he took their king's crown from off his head, the weight whereof was a talent of gold with the precious stones: and it was set on David's head. And he brought forth the spoil of the city in great abundance.

Religion what's it all about?

31 And he brought forth the people that were therein, and put them under saws, and under harrows of iron, and under axes of iron, and made them pass through the brick-kiln: and thus did he unto all the cities of the children of Ammon. So David and all the people returned unto Jerusalem.

This last verse, wow can you feel the love. Or does the the pain of being butchered and burned obscure it?
Do you think delard enjoyed the smell of burning flesh? Perhaps that's why he has a downer on pork. one sniff of bacon and instant priapus. 

2 Samuel 11

   ¹And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.

"tarried in jerusalem" 
Or to put it another way..........Far from the fighting, living in the lap of luxury surrounded by servants and sycophants.

   ²And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. 

Three things here.
1. "eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed" lazy bastard, while people are warring for him he lazes around all day in his pit.
2. A woman? I repeat a woman?
3."very beautiful to look upon" I assume that means she was flat chested and had narrow hips.


   ³And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

Would this be the time to recall the tenth commandment.
Thou shalt not covert thy neighbours  wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's

   ⁴And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

Need I say "thou shalt not commit adultery

   ⁵And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child. 
   ⁶And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.
   ⁷And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
   ⁸And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.
   ⁹But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

So Davids idea to pass the buck on Uriah did not work.
 
   ¹⁰And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?
   ¹¹And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing. 

Oooh bitchy! but true.

   ¹²And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.
   ¹³And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
   ¹⁴And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.
   ¹⁵And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

What a bastard! None the less, a way of getting around breaking another one of the commandments.

   ¹⁶And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were.
   ¹⁷And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.
   ¹⁸Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;
   ¹⁹And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,
   ²⁰And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?
   ²¹Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
   ²²So the messenger went, and came and shewed David all that Joab had sent him for.
   ²³And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate.
   ²⁴And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king's servants be dead, and thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
   ²⁵Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him.
   ²⁶And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.
   ²⁷And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD.

So delard is displeased?
I am now confused, for centuries if not millenia delard has positively rewarded his people for being murderous, decietful and total bastards. You would have thought David would have been given a huge bounty by delard. 

2 Samuel 4

   ¹And when Saul's son heard that Abner was dead in Hebron, his hands were feeble, and all the Israelites were troubled.
   ²And Saul's son had two men that were captains of bands: the name of the one was Baanah, and the name of the other Rechab, the sons of Rimmon a Beerothite, of the children of Benjamin: (for Beeroth also was reckoned to Benjamin.
   ³And the Beerothites fled to Gittaim, and were sojourners there until this day.)
   ⁴And Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.

 How does the lame become lame? I suppose he could break his crutch but that sounds too painful for words.

   ⁵And the sons of Rimmon the Beerothite, Rechab and Baanah, went, and came about the heat of the day to the house of Ishbosheth, who lay on a bed at noon.
   ⁶And they came thither into the midst of the house, as though they would have fetched wheat; and they smote him under the fifth rib: and Rechab and Baanah his brother escaped.
   ⁷For when they came into the house, he lay on his bed in his bedchamber, and they smote him, and slew him, and beheaded him, and took his head, and gat them away through the plain all night.

Nothing like a quick getaway then, and that was absolutely nothing like a quick getaway.  Either that, or the slowest known decapitation in history.
 
   ⁸And they brought the head of Ishbosheth unto David to Hebron, and said to the king, Behold the head of Ishbosheth the son of Saul thine enemy, which sought thy life; and the LORD hath avenged my lord the king this day of Saul, and of his seed.
   ⁹And David answered Rechab and Baanah his brother, the sons of Rimmon the Beerothite, and said unto them, As the LORD liveth, who hath redeemed my soul out of all adversity,
   ¹⁰When one told me, saying, Behold, Saul is dead, thinking to have brought good tidings, I took hold of him, and slew him in Ziklag, who thought that I would have given him a reward for his tidings:
   ¹¹How much more, when wicked men have slain a righteous person in his own house upon his bed? shall I not therefore now require his blood of your hand, and take you away from the earth?

Perhaps when David sent word to Ishbosheth that he wanted his wife, Michal returned to him Rechab and Baanah thought David was asking for a little head.
   ¹²And David commanded his young men, and they slew them, and cut off their hands and their feet, and hanged them up over the pool in Hebron. But they took the head of Ishbosheth, and buried it in the sepulchre of Abner in Hebron.

1 Samuel 22

This would have been posted almost two weeks ago, but I could not get on to my site. All seems ok now.

   ¹David therefore departed thence, and escaped to the cave Adullam: and when his brethren and all his father's house heard it, they went down thither to him.

So has David shat himself and run away, or was it was a cunning plan? Knowing the traditional behaviour of his people I must confess I really don't know. It could be either.

   ²And every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented, gathered themselves unto him; and he became a captain over them: and there were with him about four hundred men.

I can feel his pride over the centuries, David ,Captain of the malcontents.

   ³And David went thence to Mizpeh of Moab: and he said unto the king of Moab, Let my father and my mother, I pray thee, come forth, and be with you, till I know what God will do for me.

   ⁴And he brought them before the king of Moab: and they dwelt with him all the while that David was in the hold.

   ⁵And the prophet Gad said unto David, Abide not in the hold; depart, and get thee into the land of Judah. Then David departed, and came into the forest of Hareth.

   ⁶When Saul heard that David was discovered, and the men that were with him, (now Saul abode in Gibeah under a tree in Ramah, having his spear in his hand, and all his servants were standing about him;)

I can't help it, all I see is gay innuendo

   ⁷Then Saul said unto his servants that stood about him, Hear now, ye Benjamites; will the son of Jesse give every one of you fields and vineyards, and make you all captains of thousands, and captains of hundreds;

   ⁸That all of you have conspired against me, and there is none that sheweth me that my son hath made a league with the son of Jesse, and there is none of you that is sorry for me, or sheweth unto me that my son hath stirred up my servant against me, to lie in wait, as at this day?

   ⁹Then answered Doeg the Edomite, which was set over the servants of Saul, and said, I saw the son of Jesse coming to Nob, to Ahimelech the son of Ahitub.

Just as I read that a fly crawled over the word "to".......innuendo

   ¹⁰And he enquired of the LORD for him, and gave him victuals, and gave him the sword of Goliath the Philistine.

I have recently been accused of just mocking the bible...this mocks itself.

   ¹¹Then the king sent to call Ahimelech the priest, the son of Ahitub, and all his father's house, the priests that were in Nob: and they came all of them to the king.

Talk about LMAO.  Iam crying here...fuck it hurts.

   ¹²And Saul said, Hear now, thou son of Ahitub. And he answered, Here I am, my lord.

   ¹³And Saul said unto him, Why have ye conspired against me, thou and the son of Jesse, in that thou hast given him bread, and a sword, and hast enquired of God for him, that he should rise against me, to lie in wait, as at this day?

I need to pull myself together I just read "bread" as "head".

   ¹⁴Then Ahimelech answered the king, and said, And who is so faithful among all thy servants as David, which is the king's son in law, and goeth at thy bidding, and is honourable in thine house?

   ¹⁵Did I then begin to enquire of God for him? be it far from me: let not the king impute any thing unto his servant, nor to all the house of my father: for thy servant knew nothing of all this, less or more.
   ¹⁶And the king said, Thou shalt surely die, Ahimelech, thou, and all thy father's house.

   ¹⁷And the king said unto the footmen that stood about him, Turn, and slay the priests of the LORD: because their hand also is with David, and because they knew when he fled, and did not shew it to me. But the servants of the king would not put forth their hand to fall upon the priests of the LORD.

   ¹⁸And the king said to Doeg, Turn thou, and fall upon the priests. And Doeg the Edomite turned, and he fell upon the priests, and slew on that day fourscore and five persons that did wear a linen ephod.

So the magical apron of delard offered as much protection as I expected.

   ¹⁹And Nob, the city of the priests, smote he with the edge of the sword, both men and women, children and sucklings, and oxen, and asses, and sheep, with the edge of the sword.

Yes! there is nothing like a massacre of a whole city for gaining support.

   ²⁰And one of the sons of Ahimelech the son of Ahitub, named Abiathar, escaped, and fled after David.
   ²¹And Abiathar shewed David that Saul had slain the LORD's priests.

   ²²And David said unto Abiathar, I knew it that day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, that he would surely tell Saul: I have occasioned the death of all the persons of thy father's house.

   ²³Abide thou with me, fear not: for he that seeketh my life seeketh thy life: but with me thou shalt be in safeguard.

So David has about four hundred men(401) and expects to be victorious over an army that has just laid waste to a city.....

1 Samuel 15

¹Samuel also said unto Saul, The LORD sent me to anoint thee to be king over his people, over Israel: now therefore hearken thou unto the voice of the words of the LORD.

²Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt.

So de lard remembers something that happened a few hundred years before.

³Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.

Even cute wittle puddie tats

But he seems to have forgotten the bits about not killing and being charitable to strangers..... Alzheimer's is a bitch

⁴And Saul gathered the people together, and numbered them in Telaim, two hundred thousand footmen, and ten thousand men of Judah.

Today's Israeli army numbers 187,000 So where did all these people come from?

⁵And Saul came to a city of Amalek, and laid wait in the valley.

⁶And Saul said unto the Kenites, Go, depart, get you down from among the Amalekites, lest I destroy you with them: for ye shewed kindness to all the children of Israel, when they came up out of Egypt. So the Kenites departed from among the Amalekites.

⁷And Saul smote the Amalekites from Havilah until thou comest to Shur, that is over against Egypt.

⁸And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.

⁹But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them: but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly.

But but de lard said kill everymuthafuckinthing.

¹⁰Then came the word of the LORD unto Samuel, saying,

¹¹It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king: for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments. And it grieved Samuel; and he cried unto the LORD all night.

^{What!? Have I read that right? de lard repented.....Repented....... REPENTED}

¹²And when Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning, it was told Samuel, saying, Saul came to Carmel, and, behold, he set him up a place, and is gone about, and passed on, and gone down to Gilgal.

¹³And Samuel came to Saul: and Saul said unto him, Blessed be thou of the LORD: I have performed the commandment of the LORD.

¹⁴And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?

¹⁵And Saul said, They have brought them from the Amalekites: for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen, to sacrifice unto the LORD thy God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.

¹⁷And Samuel said, When thou wast little in thine own sight, wast thou not made the head of the tribes of Israel, and the LORD anointed thee king over Israel?

¹⁸And the LORD sent thee on a journey, and said, Go and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites, and fight against them until they be consumed.

¹⁹Wherefore then didst thou not obey the voice of the LORD, but didst fly upon the spoil, and didst evil in the sight of the LORD?

²⁰And Saul said unto Samuel, Yea, I have obeyed the voice of the LORD, and have gone the way which the LORD sent me, and have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.

²¹But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the chief of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice unto the LORD thy God in Gilgal.

²²And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

²³For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

Young's literal has this

^{23for a sin of divination [is] rebellion, and iniquity and teraphim [is] stubbornness; because thou hast rejected the word of Jehovah, He also doth reject thee from [being] king.'}

^{The word witch always bothers me. I am convinced it meant wise and the Young's translation shows de lard didn't like Saul thinking for himself. This verse must be the most important verse in the bible to many modern branches of christianity.}

^{Thou shalt not think !}

So why did he give us such a big brain?

²⁴And Saul said unto Samuel, I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice.

²⁵Now therefore, I pray thee, pardon my sin, and turn again with me, that I may worship the LORD.

²⁶And Samuel said unto Saul, I will not return with thee: for thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD hath rejected thee from being king over Israel.

²⁷And as Samuel turned about to go away, he laid hold upon the skirt of his mantle, and it rent.

²⁸And Samuel said unto him, The LORD hath rent the kingdom of Israel from thee this day, and hath given it to a neighbour of thine, that is better than thou.

²⁹And also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor repent: for he is not a man, that he should repent.

On the strength of that line alone. if the "strength of Israel" is de lard then if he has not repented then he is a liar. Or Sam is committing the same "sin" that Saul seems to have committed, either not listening to de lard or deciding he meant something different.

I am wondering whether there is a lover's tiff at the root of all this.

³⁰Then he said, I have sinned: yet honour me now, I pray thee, before the elders of my people, and before Israel, and turn again with me, that I may worship the LORD thy God.

³¹So Samuel turned again after Saul; and Saul worshipped the LORD.

Is this them kissing and making up? Is the tent gonna be rockin' tonight?

³²Then said Samuel, Bring ye hither to me Agag the king of the Amalekites. And Agag came unto him delicately. And Agag said, Surely the bitterness of death is past.

³³And Samuel said, As thy sword hath made women childless, so shall thy mother be childless among women. And Samuel hewed Agag in pieces before the LORD in Gilgal.

Ah! Now I see. Samuel is too old, he is as impotent as his god.

³⁴Then Samuel went to Ramah; and Saul went up to his house to Gibeah of Saul.

³⁵And Samuel came no more to see Saul until the day of his death: nevertheless Samuel mourned for Saul: and the LORD repented that he had made Saul king over Israel.

Mr absolutely fucking perfect has admitted he was wrong, and, get this actually feels sorrow!!!

But the bible is the inherent word of god, and de lard is infallible. Hahahahaha.

Christians and Islamists both are constantly professing that their deity knows all, sees all and does not make mistakes. Yet the bible and the koran both state time and again that de lard knows next to fuck all about everything, sees little and fucks up big time, all the time.

Judges 21

¹Now the men of Israel had sworn in Mizpeh, saying, There shall not any of us give his daughter unto Benjamin to wife.

De lard has taught them well , can't have anyone not inbreeding!

²And the people came to the house of God, and abode there till even before God, and lifted up their voices, and wept sore;

³And said, O LORD God of Israel, why is this come to pass in Israel, that there should be to day one tribe lacking in Israel?

⁴And it came to pass on the morrow, that the people rose early, and built there an altar, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings.

You mean the intoxicating smell from all the burning cities wasn't enough, so de lard's minions had to add another lamb to the fire

⁵And the children of Israel said, Who is there among all the tribes of Israel that came not up with the congregation unto the LORD? For they had made a great oath concerning him that came not up to the LORD to Mizpeh, saying, He shall surely be put to death.

⁶And the children of Israel repented them for Benjamin their brother, and said, There is one tribe cut off from Israel this day.

⁷How shall we do for wives for them that remain, seeing we have sworn by the LORD that we will not give them of our daughters to wives?

⁸And they said, What one is there of the tribes of Israel that came not up to Mizpeh to the LORD? And, behold, there came none to the camp from Jabeshgilead to the assembly.

⁹For the people were numbered, and, behold, there were none of the inhabitants of Jabeshgilead there.

Did perhabs the citizens of Jabeshgilead think maybe the laws of Moses and Joshua already in place should be adhered to, maybe the rape and murder of some blokes bird although abhorrent did not involve them in any way so was buggar all to do with them or perhaps nobody told them?

¹⁰And the congregation sent thither twelve thousand men of the valiantest, and commanded them, saying, Go and smite the inhabitants of Jabeshgilead with the edge of the sword, with the women and the children.

No excuses they must die.

¹¹And this is the thing that ye shall do, Ye shall utterly destroy every male, and every woman that hath lain by man.

¹²And they found among the inhabitants of Jabeshgilead four hundred young virgins, that had known no man by lying with any male: and they brought them unto the camp to Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan.

And it's not just so we can get some virgin pussy to satisfy some of our small membered brothers.....honest!

¹³And the whole congregation sent some to speak to the children of Benjamin that were in the rock Rimmon, and to call peaceably unto them.

¹⁴And Benjamin came again at that time; and they gave them wives which they had saved alive of the women of Jabeshgilead: and yet so they sufficed them not.

Thats the trouble with virgins they have not learned any sexual skills, if they really wanted to satisfy them they would have supplied whores.

¹⁵And the people repented them for Benjamin, because that the LORD had made a breach in the tribes of Israel.
Because their rampage had nothing to do with them, they were doing de work odf de lard.

¹⁶Then the elders of the congregation said, How shall we do for wives for them that remain, seeing the women are destroyed out of Benjamin?

¹⁷And they said, There must be an inheritance for them that be escaped of Benjamin, that a tribe be not destroyed out of Israel.

¹⁸Howbeit we may not give them wives of our daughters: for the children of Israel have sworn, saying, Cursed be he that giveth a wife to Benjamin.

¹⁹Then they said, Behold, there is a feast of the LORD in Shiloh yearly in a place which is on the north side of Bethel, on the east side of the highway that goeth up from Bethel to Shechem, and on the south of Lebonah.

²⁰Therefore they commanded the children of Benjamin, saying, Go and lie in wait in the vineyards;

²¹And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.

There we have the message of love preached by the religious ...Kidnap a woman and force her into a life of sexual slavery.

²²And it shall be, when their fathers or their brethren come unto us to complain, that we will say unto them, Be favourable unto them for our sakes: because we reserved not to each man his wife in the war: for ye did not give unto them at this time, that ye should be guilty.

²³And the children of Benjamin did so, and took them wives, according to their number, of them that danced, whom they caught: and they went and returned unto their inheritance, and repaired the cities, and dwelt in them.

²⁴And the children of Israel departed thence at that time, every man to his tribe and to his family, and they went out from thence every man to his inheritance.

Then the disclaimer that makes all this rape murder, pillage and slavery all ok.......

²⁵In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.

Judges 8

First things first
Wishing A Very Good New Year To You All
Not been posting for a while.....No excuses just been having lots of fun....Celebrating solstice, our silver wedding and the new year

¹ Then the people of Ephraim asked Gideon, “Why have you treated us this way? Why didn’t you send for us when you first went out to fight the Midianites?” And they argued heatedly with Gideon.

I mean what good Israelite wants to be left at home when he can put in a hard days raping and pillaging.

² But Gideon replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t even the leftover grapes of Ephraim’s harvest better than the entire crop of my little clan of Abiezer? ³ God gave you victory over Oreb and Zeeb, the commanders of the Midianite army. What have I accomplished compared to that?” When the men of Ephraim heard Gideon’s answer, their anger subsided.

Really? No threats from de lard, not even a little bribery......

⁴ Gideon then crossed the Jordan River with his 300 men, and though exhausted, they continued to chase the enemy. ⁵ When they reached Succoth, Gideon asked the leaders of the town, “Please give my warriors some food. They are very tired. I am chasing Zebah and Zalmunna, the kings of Midian.”

⁶ But the officials of Succoth replied, “Catch Zebah and Zalmunna first, and then we will feed your army.”

Now these are the Isrealites of old.

⁷ So Gideon said, “After the Lord gives me victory over Zebah and Zalmunna, I will return and tear your flesh with the thorns and briers from the wilderness.”

⁸ From there Gideon went up to Peniel^[a] and again asked for food, but he got the same answer. ⁹ So he said to the people of Peniel, “After I return in victory, I will tear down this tower.”

You can't call a town Peniel unless it has a large erection.

¹⁰ By this time Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor with 15,000 warriors—all that remained of the allied armies of the east, for 120,000 had already been killed. ¹¹ Gideon circled around by the caravan route east of Nobah and Jogbehah, taking the Midianite army by surprise. ¹² Zebah and Zalmunna, the two Midianite kings, fled, but Gideon chased them down and captured all their warriors.

What?....How many?...... Did I not just read Gideon has 300 men?... Sniff that again, not camel but pure unadulterated bullshit.

¹³ After this, Gideon returned from the battle by way of Heres Pass.

¹⁴ There he captured a young man from Succoth and demanded that he write down the names of all the seventy-seven officials and elders in the town.

I guess Gideon would have been fucked if the guy was illiterate or home skuled

¹⁵ Gideon then returned to Succoth and said to the leaders, “Here are Zebah and Zalmunna. When we were here before, you taunted me, saying, ‘Catch Zebah and Zalmunna first, and then we will feed your exhausted army.’”

¹⁶ Then Gideon took the elders of the town and taught them a lesson, punishing them with thorns and briers from the wilderness.

¹⁷ He also tore down the tower of Peniel and killed all the men in the town.

Is this guy Gideon a real Israelite ?I mean an Israelite keeping his word????

¹⁸ Then Gideon asked Zebah and Zalmunna, “The men you killed at Tabor—what were they like?”

“Like you,” they replied. “They all had the look of a king’s son.”

¹⁹ “They were my brothers, the sons of my own mother!” Gideon exclaimed. “As surely as the Lord lives, I wouldn’t kill you if you hadn’t killed them.”

²⁰ Turning to Jether, his oldest son, he said, “Kill them!” But Jether did not draw his sword, for he was only a boy and was afraid.

²¹ Then Zebah and Zalmunna said to Gideon, “Be a man! Kill us yourself!” So Gideon killed them both and took the royal ornaments from the necks of their camels.

²² Then the Israelites said to Gideon, “Be our ruler! You and your son and your grandson will be our rulers, for you have rescued us from Midian.”

²³ But Gideon replied, “I will not rule over you, nor will my son. The Lord will rule over you!

²⁴ However, I do have one request—that each of you give me an earring from the plunder you collected from your fallen enemies.” (The enemies, being Ishmaelites, all wore gold earrings.)

²⁵ “Gladly!” they replied. They spread out a cloak, and each one threw in a gold earring he had gathered from the plunder. ²⁶ The weight of the gold earrings was forty-three pounds,^[b] not including the royal ornaments and pendants, the purple clothing worn by the kings of Midian, or the chains around the necks of their camels.

²⁷ Gideon made a sacred ephod from the gold and put it in Ophrah, his hometown. But soon all the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshiping it, and it became a trap for Gideon and his family.

He made a forty three pound apron??

²⁸ That is the story of how the people of Israel defeated Midian, which never recovered. Throughout the rest of Gideon’s lifetime—about forty years—there was peace in the land.

²⁹ Then Gideon^[c] son of Joash returned home. ³⁰ He had seventy sons born to him, for he had many wives. ³¹ He also had a concubine in Shechem, who gave birth to a son, whom he named Abimelech. ³² Gideon died when he was very old, and he was buried in the grave of his father, Joash, at Ophrah in the land of the clan of Abiezer.

³³ As soon as Gideon died, the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshiping the images of Baal, making Baal-berith their god.

So they worshipped de lard not out of love ,respect or fear of him, but because they were scared of Gideon

³⁴ They forgot the Lord their God, who had rescued them from all their enemies surrounding them.

"rescued"in the sense coerceing them into murdering and or enslaving

³⁵ Nor did they show any loyalty to the family of Jerub-baal (that is, Gideon), despite all the good he had done for Israel.

Judges 1

So with Joshua dead, cities invaded and massacred, there should be be peace throughout the land. The Israelites that are so inherently peaceful and trustworthy, shall now return to their former reserved,restrained and tolerant selves.

Unfortunately not.

¹Now after the death of Joshua it came to pass, that the children of Israel asked the LORD, saying, Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first, to fight against them?

It's more of a..."Who shall we kill next ?"

²And the LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand.

³And Judah said unto Simeon his brother, Come up with me into my lot, that we may fight against the Canaanites; and I likewise will go with thee into thy lot. So Simeon went with him.

⁴And Judah went up; and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men.

Cos they really needed more land. Perhaps that's it ? They needed to spread out so far that they couldn't see, hear or smell each other, as when they did they couldn't help but recoil with disgust.

⁵And they found Adonibezek in Bezek: and they fought against him, and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites.

⁶But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes.

⁷And Adonibezek said, Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath requited me. And they brought him to Jerusalem, and there he died.

From the nlt for clarification

⁷ Adoni-bezek said, “I once had seventy kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off, eating scraps from under my table. Now God has paid me back for what I did to them.” They took him to Jerusalem, and he died there.

⁸Now the children of Judah had fought against Jerusalem, and had taken it, and smitten it with the edge of the sword, and set the city on fire.

⁹And afterward the children of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites, that dwelt in the mountain, and in the south, and in the valley.

¹⁰And Judah went against the Canaanites that dwelt in Hebron: (now the name of Hebron before was Kirjatharba:) and they slew Sheshai, and Ahiman, and Talmai.

¹¹And from thence he went against the inhabitants of Debir: and the name of Debir before was Kirjathsepher:

¹²And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife.

De lard must love this Caleb chap....prostituting his daughter to a live of sexual slavery to the nastiest mother fucker around.

¹³And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife.

¹⁴And it came to pass, when she came to him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted from off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wilt thou?

¹⁵And she said unto him, Give me a blessing: for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And Caleb gave her the upper springs and the nether springs.

Seems odd they give her a field with springs, you would have thought a well sprung bed better for newly weds. Is it a mis-translation ?

Did they mean her husband made her wet ?

¹⁶And the children of the Kenite, Moses' father in law, went up out of the city of palm trees with the children of Judah into the wilderness of Judah, which lieth in the south of Arad; and they went and dwelt among the people.

¹⁷And Judah went with Simeon his brother, and they slew the Canaanites that inhabited Zephath, and utterly destroyed it. And the name of the city was called Hormah.

¹⁸Also Judah took Gaza with the coast thereof, and Askelon with the coast thereof, and Ekron with the coast thereof.

¹⁹And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

Followers of de lard insist the all answers are in the bible, so there is one to use against them.
Why ? De lard was with Judah and he could NOT drive out the people with iron chariots

Still not with me

Iron chariots = latest technology = more advanced therefore Science beats superstition.......and its in the bible so it must be trooo.

²⁰And they gave Hebron unto Caleb, as Moses said: and he expelled thence the three sons of Anak.

²¹And the children of Benjamin did not drive out the Jebusites that inhabited Jerusalem; but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Benjamin in Jerusalem unto this day.

²²And the house of Joseph, they also went up against Bethel: and the LORD was with them.

²³And the house of Joseph sent to descry Bethel. (Now the name of the city before was Luz.)

²⁴And the spies saw a man come forth out of the city, and they said unto him, Shew us, we pray thee, the entrance into the city, and we will shew thee mercy.

²⁵And when he shewed them the entrance into the city, they smote the city with the edge of the sword; but they let go the man and all his family.

²⁶And the man went into the land of the Hittites, and built a city, and called the name thereof Luz: which is the name thereof unto this day.

We have seen this since Adam's day one guy goes off and presto! there's a city. If it's that easy why are these bastards going round taking every other fuckers ? I suppose there wouldn't be the gold,and other spoils and of course don't forget the rape.

²⁷Neither did Manasseh drive out the inhabitants of Bethshean and her towns, nor Taanach and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Dor and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Ibleam and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Megiddo and her towns: but the Canaanites would dwell in that land.

²⁸And it came to pass, when Israel was strong, that they put the Canaanites to tribute, and did not utterly drive them out.

So did de lard change his mind or just forget about it ?

²⁹Neither did Ephraim drive out the Canaanites that dwelt in Gezer; but the Canaanites dwelt in Gezer among them.

³⁰Neither did Zebulun drive out the inhabitants of Kitron, nor the inhabitants of Nahalol; but the Canaanites dwelt among them, and became tributaries.

³¹Neither did Asher drive out the inhabitants of Accho, nor the inhabitants of Zidon, nor of Ahlab, nor of Achzib, nor of Helbah, nor of Aphik, nor of Rehob:

³²But the Asherites dwelt among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land: for they did not drive them out.

³³Neither did Naphtali drive out the inhabitants of Bethshemesh, nor the inhabitants of Bethanath; but he dwelt among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land: nevertheless the inhabitants of Bethshemesh and of Bethanath became tributaries unto them.

³⁴And the Amorites forced the children of Dan into the mountain: for they would not suffer them to come down to the valley:

³⁵But the Amorites would dwell in mount Heres in Aijalon, and in Shaalbim: yet the hand of the house of Joseph prevailed, so that they became tributaries.

³⁶And the coast of the Amorites was from the going up to Akrabbim, from the rock, and upward.

Yet again I think we have much exaggeration coming from oral tradition many years probably centuries before the story we now read was written down

Joshua 14

¹And these are the countries which the children of Israel inherited in the land of Canaan, which Eleazar the priest, and Joshua the son of Nun, and the heads of the fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel, distributed for inheritance to them.

Umm, can I just get you to look again at the penultimate verse of the last chapter

Joshua 13: ³² These are the countries which Moses did distribute for inheritance in the plains of Moab, on the other side Jordan, by Jericho, eastward.

²By lot was their inheritance, as the LORD commanded by the hand of Moses, for the nine tribes, and for the half tribe.

³For Moses had given the inheritance of two tribes and an half tribe on the other side Jordan: but unto the Levites he gave none inheritance among them.

Did I miss the bit where Moses came back from the dead ?

⁴For the children of Joseph were two tribes, Manasseh and Ephraim: therefore they gave no part unto the Levites in the land, save cities to dwell in, with their suburbs for their cattle and for their substance.

⁵As the LORD commanded Moses, so the children of Israel did, and they divided the land.

⁶Then the children of Judah came unto Joshua in Gilgal: and Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenezite said unto him, Thou knowest the thing that the LORD said unto Moses the man of God concerning me and thee in Kadeshbarnea.

⁷Forty years old was I when Moses the servant of the LORD sent me from Kadeshbarnea to espy out the land; and I brought him word again as it was in mine heart.

⁸Nevertheless my brethren that went up with me made the heart of the people melt: but I wholly followed the LORD my God.

⁹And Moses sware on that day, saying, Surely the land whereon thy feet have trodden shall be thine inheritance, and thy children's for ever, because thou hast wholly followed the LORD my God.

¹⁰And now, behold, the LORD hath kept me alive, as he said, these forty and five years, even since the LORD spake this word unto Moses, while the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness: and now, lo, I am this day fourscore and five years old.

¹¹As yet I am as strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then, even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.

Now although this is not totally out of the realms of possibility it is highly doubtful I suspect they are still using the two years per year system.

¹²Now therefore give me this mountain, whereof the LORD spake in that day; for thou heardest in that day how the Anakims were there, and that the cities were great and fenced: if so be the LORD will be with me, then I shall be able to drive them out, as the LORD said.

¹³And Joshua blessed him, and gave unto Caleb the son of Jephunneh Hebron for an inheritance.

¹⁴Hebron therefore became the inheritance of Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenezite unto this day, because that he wholly followed the LORD God of Israel.

¹⁵And the name of Hebron before was Kirjatharba; which Arba was a great man among the Anakims. And the land had rest from war.

When you read this ,you can see it sort of romanticises the conquests. I can't help but wonder. If it contained graphic descriptions of the killings,tortures and rapes.Would it be so highly thought of ?

Joshua 8

¹And the LORD said unto Joshua, Fear not, neither be thou dismayed: take all the people of war with thee, and arise, go up to Ai: see, I have given into thy hand the king of Ai, and his people, and his city, and his land:

²And thou shalt do to Ai and her king as thou didst unto Jericho and her king: only the spoil thereof, and the cattle thereof, shall ye take for a prey unto yourselves: lay thee an ambush for the city behind it.

³So Joshua arose, and all the people of war, to go up against Ai: and Joshua chose out thirty thousand mighty men of valour, and sent them away by night.

So what Josh has done is to have shown them that if they dare to run away again, he will no doubt find someone else who has "accidently" pocketed something he should either have burned or handed over. At least if they die in battle they had a fighting chance.

⁴And he commanded them, saying, Behold, ye shall lie in wait against the city, even behind the city: go not very far from the city, but be ye all ready:

⁵And I, and all the people that are with me, will approach unto the city: and it shall come to pass, when they come out against us, as at the first, that we will flee before them,

⁶(For they will come out after us) till we have drawn them from the city; for they will say, They flee before us, as at the first: therefore we will flee before them.

⁷Then ye shall rise up from the ambush, and seize upon the city: for the LORD your God will deliver it into your hand.

Thirty thousand "men of valour" to sack an unguarded city mainly full of women and children. Perhaps valour meant sick genocidal bastards back when the kjv was translated.

⁸And it shall be, when ye have taken the city, that ye shall set the city on fire: according to the commandment of the LORD shall ye do. See, I have commanded you.

This i struggle to understand. If they wanted the city to live in I can see a reason, not a reason I can agree with but a reason all the same. If it was about conquest, why kill the conquered ? But it seems to be mostly about the gold, with destruction and murder as part of the reward.

⁹Joshua therefore sent them forth: and they went to lie in ambush, and abode between Bethel and Ai, on the west side of Ai: but Joshua lodged that night among the people.

¹⁰And Joshua rose up early in the morning, and numbered the people, and went up, he and the elders of Israel, before the people to Ai.

¹¹And all the people, even the people of war that were with him, went up, and drew nigh, and came before the city, and pitched on the north side of Ai: now there was a valley between them and Ai.

¹²And he took about five thousand men, and set them to lie in ambush between Bethel and Ai, on the west side of the city.

¹³And when they had set the people, even all the host that was on the north of the city, and their liers in wait on the west of the city, Joshua went that night into the midst of the valley.

¹⁴And it came to pass, when the king of Ai saw it, that they hasted and rose up early, and the men of the city went out against Israel to battle, he and all his people, at a time appointed, before the plain; but he wist not that there were liers in ambush against him behind the city.

¹⁵And Joshua and all Israel made as if they were beaten before them, and fled by the way of the wilderness.

¹⁶And all the people that were in Ai were called together to pursue after them: and they pursued after Joshua, and were drawn away from the city.

¹⁷And there was not a man left in Ai or Bethel, that went not out after Israel: and they left the city open, and pursued after Israel.

¹⁸And the LORD said unto Joshua, Stretch out the spear that is in thy hand toward Ai; for I will give it into thine hand. And Joshua stretched out the spear that he had in his hand toward the city.

¹⁹And the ambush arose quickly out of their place, and they ran as soon as he had stretched out his hand: and they entered into the city, and took it, and hasted and set the city on fire.

²⁰And when the men of Ai looked behind them, they saw, and, behold, the smoke of the city ascended up to heaven, and they had no power to flee this way or that way: and the people that fled to the wilderness turned back upon the pursuers.

²¹And when Joshua and all Israel saw that the ambush had taken the city, and that the smoke of the city ascended, then they turned again, and slew the men of Ai.

²²And the other issued out of the city against them; so they were in the midst of Israel, some on this side, and some on that side: and they smote them, so that they let none of them remain or escape.

²³And the king of Ai they took alive, and brought him to Joshua.

²⁴And it came to pass, when Israel had made an end of slaying all the inhabitants of Ai in the field, in the wilderness wherein they chased them, and when they were all fallen on the edge of the sword, until they were consumed, that all the Israelites returned unto Ai, and smote it with the edge of the sword.

²⁵And so it was, that all that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand, even all the men of Ai.

²⁶For Joshua drew not his hand back, wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai.

²⁷Only the cattle and the spoil of that city Israel took for a prey unto themselves, according unto the word of the LORD which he commanded Joshua.

I cant fault the tactics. Similar tactics have been used time and again throughout history, and have continued to work time and again.

However. It is an occurrence that disgusts me. I find this story as difficult to understand as the atrocities committed by the Nazi's in WW2, and certainly no more justifiable.

²⁸And Joshua burnt Ai, and made it an heap for ever, even a desolation unto this day.

²⁹And the king of Ai he hanged on a tree until eventide: and as soon as the sun was down, Joshua commanded that they should take his carcase down from the tree, and cast it at the entering of the gate of the city, and raise thereon a great heap of stones, that remaineth unto this day.

³⁰Then Joshua built an altar unto the LORD God of Israel in mount Ebal,

³¹As Moses the servant of the LORD commanded the children of Israel, as it is written in the book of the law of Moses, an altar of whole stones, over which no man hath lift up any iron: and they offered thereon burnt offerings unto the LORD, and sacrificed peace offerings.

³²And he wrote there upon the stones a copy of the law of Moses, which he wrote in the presence of the children of Israel.

Has anyone unearthed a stone in the area with the words"Thou shalt be Cunts" inscribed

³³And all Israel, and their elders, and officers, and their judges, stood on this side the ark and on that side before the priests the Levites, which bare the ark of the covenant of the LORD, as well the stranger, as he that was born among them; half of them over against mount Gerizim, and half of them over against mount Ebal; as Moses the servant of the LORD had commanded before, that they should bless the people of Israel.

³⁴And afterward he read all the words of the law, the blessings and cursings, according to all that is written in the book of the law.

All these laws telling you what you can and can't do to, or with who. I have said it before you only need two laws.

³⁵There was not a word of all that Moses commanded, which Joshua read not before all the congregation of Israel, with the women, and the little ones, and the strangers that were conversant among them.

Who the fuck are these strangers ?

Joshua 7

¹But the children of Israel committed a trespass in the accursed thing: for Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took of the accursed thing: and the anger of the LORD was kindled against the children of Israel.

Would it have been too much to ask to be told what accursed thing? I mean de lard is so touchy about so many things. For fucks sake give us a clue.What did he do ?Eat a bacon sammich.

Whatever it was I'll be betting it's used as an excuse for Josh's men getting an arse kicking.

²And Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is beside Bethaven, on the east of Bethel, and spake unto them, saying, Go up and view the country. And the men went up and viewed Ai.

³And they returned to Joshua, and said unto him, Let not all the people go up; but let about two or three thousand men go up and smite Ai; and make not all the people to labour thither; for they are but few.

⁴So there went up thither of the people about three thousand men: and they fled before the men of Ai.

What ? Did the Israelites only outnumber the men of Ai ten to one ? Or were these men that actually fought back instead of being cosseted city dwellers ?

⁵And the men of Ai smote of them about thirty and six men: for they chased them from before the gate even unto Shebarim, and smote them in the going down: wherefore the hearts of the people melted, and became as water.

De lard is still struggling with biology then !

⁶And Joshua rent his clothes, and fell to the earth upon his face before the ark of the LORD until the eventide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust upon their heads.

So Josh definitely following the degree of sanity displayed by past servants of de lard.

⁷And Joshua said, Alas, O LORD God, wherefore hast thou at all brought this people over Jordan, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us? would to God we had been content, and dwelt on the other side Jordan!

Joshua and Moses before him have murdered the inhabitants of how many cities ? Enslaved some of the pretty girls with no thought to how they may feel about the loss of their loved ones. Not to mention the thousands Moses apparently murdered after the minor revolt in Numbers 16 and yet like his god is behaving like a teenage girl because he has lost about 0.1% of the murdering bastards he sent to do more murdering.

⁸O LORD, what shall I say, when Israel turneth their backs before their enemies!

⁹For the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land shall hear of it, and shall environ us round, and cut off our name from the earth: and what wilt thou do unto thy great name?

¹⁰And the LORD said unto Joshua, Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face?

¹¹Israel hath sinned, and they have also transgressed my covenant which I commanded them: for they have even taken of the accursed thing, and have also stolen, and dissembled also, and they have put it even among their own stuff.

Incredible isn't it ? de lard couldn't find Adam and Steve in the garden of eden when it was alleged there was no-one else around, and yet can pick out one guy slipping a few coffers and a posh frock into his back pack amidst a hoard of bastards murdering, raping ,pillaging and burning.Which is fine as long as all pillaging is declared so the levites who are bravely staying at home get their 10%.

Oh no! That's slanderous. After all it's not the levites that get all the precious things, it's de lard. Cos we all know how much the malevolent, omnipotent, spiritual entity needs his gold and silver

¹²Therefore the children of Israel could not stand before their enemies, but turned their backs before their enemies, because they were accursed: neither will I be with you any more, except ye destroy the accursed from among you.

So they got their arses kicked not because the men of Ai were in a superior tactical position, or because they are a bunch of cowards but because one man decided he wanted more out of the atrocities he was committing than just murder and rape.

¹³Up, sanctify the people, and say, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow: for thus saith the LORD God of Israel, There is an accursed thing in the midst of thee, O Israel: thou canst not stand before thine enemies, until ye take away the accursed thing from among you.

¹⁴In the morning therefore ye shall be brought according to your tribes: and it shall be, that the tribe which the LORD taketh shall come according to the families thereof; and the family which the LORD shall take shall come by households; and the household which the LORD shall take shall come man by man.

¹⁵And it shall be, that he that is taken with the accursed thing shall be burnt with fire, he and all that he hath: because he hath transgressed the covenant of the LORD, and because he hath wrought folly in Israel.

¹⁶So Joshua rose up early in the morning, and brought Israel by their tribes; and the tribe of Judah was taken:

¹⁷And he brought the family of Judah; and he took the family of the Zarhites: and he brought the family of the Zarhites man by man; and Zabdi was taken:

¹⁸And he brought his household man by man; and Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, was taken.

¹⁹And Joshua said unto Achan, My son, give, I pray thee, glory to the LORD God of Israel, and make confession unto him; and tell me now what thou hast done; hide it not from me.

²⁰And Achan answered Joshua, and said, Indeed I have sinned against the LORD God of Israel, and thus and thus have I done:

²¹When I saw among the spoils a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight, then I coveted them, and took them; and, behold, they are hid in the earth in the midst of my tent, and the silver under it.

²²So Joshua sent messengers, and they ran unto the tent; and, behold, it was hid in his tent, and the silver under it.

²³And they took them out of the midst of the tent, and brought them unto Joshua, and unto all the children of Israel, and laid them out before the LORD.

²⁴And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver, and the garment, and the wedge of gold, and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep, and his tent, and all that he had: and they brought them unto the valley of Achor.

²⁵And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones.

²⁶And they raised over him a great heap of stones unto this day. So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Wherefore the name of that place was called, The valley of Achor, unto this day.

As much as I think this is serious overkill for a crime that really is minimal under all the other atrocities commited by the murderous hoard, I cannoy help to think that this man had pissed off someone to be singled out in this manner. My logic tells me almost any man could have been found guilty of this crime. I will bet the rest of them breathed a sigh of relief when it was all over.