2 Samuel 9

   ¹And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake?
   ²And there was of the house of Saul a servant whose name was Ziba. And when they had called him unto David, the king said unto him, Art thou Ziba? And he said, Thy servant is he.

So, although Ziba is "of the house of Saul" he is not counted because of his social standing.

   ³And the king said, Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him? And Ziba said unto the king, Jonathan hath yet a son, which is lame on his feet.

 Need I mention delard hates cripples lev 21:18 
Could the reason be that delard made him incorrectly and it shows that he is infallible? 

                                                              Hope Chapel Quartet

                                                       22606 - No Cripples In Heaven
                                                  (R.L. Mabe, Sound Inc Music, BMI)


   ⁴And the king said unto him, Where is he? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he is in the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, in Lodebar.
   ⁵Then king David sent, and fetched him out of the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, from Lodebar.
   ⁶Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant!

Please note when taking a cripple home dont forget his zimmer frame.

 
   ⁷And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually.
   ⁸And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?
   ⁹Then the king called to Ziba, Saul's servant, and said unto him, I have given unto thy master's son all that pertained to Saul and to all his house.
   ¹⁰Thou therefore, and thy sons, and thy servants, shall till the land for him, and thou shalt bring in the fruits, that thy master's son may have food to eat: but Mephibosheth thy master's son shall eat bread always at my table. Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.

So Davids "kindness" to one man that delard despises involves the comtinued enslavement of another mans whole family, and to cap it all another twenty people which are the servants servants.
 Let's face it in delards world these would be either women or people of a different race.

   ¹¹Then said Ziba unto the king, According to all that my lord the king hath commanded his servant, so shall thy servant do. As for Mephibosheth, said the king, he shall eat at my table, as one of the king's sons.
   ¹²And Mephibosheth had a young son, whose name was Micha. And all that dwelt in the house of Ziba were servants unto Mephibosheth.
   ¹³So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem: for he did eat continually at the king's table; and was lame on both his feet.

Judges 18

¹In those days there was no king in Israel: and in those days the tribe of the Danites sought them an inheritance to dwell in; for unto that day all their inheritance had not fallen unto them among the tribes of Israel.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but was their inheritance not the lands and cities so brutally and mercilessly acquired under the rule of Moses(s) and Joshua

²And the children of Dan sent of their family five men from their coasts, men of valour, from Zorah, and from Eshtaol, to spy out the land, and to search it; and they said unto them, Go, search the land: who when they came to mount Ephraim, to the house of Micah, they lodged there.

³When they were by the house of Micah, they knew the voice of the young man the Levite: and they turned in thither, and said unto him, Who brought thee hither? and what makest thou in this place? and what hast thou here?

⁴And he said unto them, Thus and thus dealeth Micah with me, and hath hired me, and I am his priest.

⁵And they said unto him, Ask counsel, we pray thee, of God, that we may know whether our way which we go shall be prosperous.

⁶And the priest said unto them, Go in peace: before the LORD is your way wherein ye go.

There you have it in a nutshell....A priest in the pay of a local landowner giving the same patter yopu would get from one three thousand years later

⁷Then the five men departed, and came to Laish, and saw the people that were therein, how they dwelt careless, after the manner of the Zidonians, quiet and secure; and there was no magistrate in the land, that might put them to shame in any thing; and they were far from the Zidonians, and had no business with any man.

I would read that as they were relatively happy with their existence and lives

⁸And they came unto their brethren to Zorah and Eshtaol: and their brethren said unto them, What say ye?

⁹And they said, Arise, that we may go up against them: for we have seen the land, and, behold, it is very good: and are ye still? be not slothful to go, and to enter to possess the land.

¹⁰When ye go, ye shall come unto a people secure, and to a large land: for God hath given it into your hands; a place where there is no want of any thing that is in the earth.

This I read as the veiw of the religious fanatics of today..."How dare they be happy they can't be happy without our god we must show them they are wrong by bringing our misery to them. And if they won't accept it we will kill them till they do"

¹¹And there went from thence of the family of the Danites, out of Zorah and out of Eshtaol, six hundred men appointed with weapons of war.

¹²And they went up, and pitched in Kirjathjearim, in Judah: wherefore they called that place Mahanehdan unto this day: behold, it is behind Kirjathjearim.

¹³And they passed thence unto mount Ephraim, and came unto the house of Micah.

¹⁴Then answered the five men that went to spy out the country of Laish, and said unto their brethren, Do ye know that there is in these houses an ephod, and teraphim, and a graven image, and a molten image? now therefore consider what ye have to do.

¹⁵And they turned thitherward, and came to the house of the young man the Levite, even unto the house of Micah, and saluted him.

¹⁶And the six hundred men appointed with their weapons of war, which were of the children of Dan, stood by the entering of the gate.

¹⁷And the five men that went to spy out the land went up, and came in thither, and took the graven image, and the ephod, and the teraphim, and the molten image: and the priest stood in the entering of the gate with the six hundred men that were appointed with weapons of war.

¹⁸And these went into Micah's house, and fetched the carved image, the ephod, and the teraphim, and the molten image. Then said the priest unto them, What do ye?

¹⁹And they said unto him, Hold thy peace, lay thine hand upon thy mouth, and go with us, and be to us a father and a priest: is it better for thee to be a priest unto the house of one man, or that thou be a priest unto a tribe and a family in Israel?

So possibly starting a tradition the priest shows his faith in de lard by bravely selling out.

²⁰And the priest's heart was glad, and he took the ephod, and the teraphim, and the graven image, and went in the midst of the people.

I note that he has also carefully ignored the commandment about graven images.

²¹So they turned and departed, and put the little ones and the cattle and the carriage before them.

I hope "the little ones" were his gods images and not his bed partners.

²²And when they were a good way from the house of Micah, the men that were in the houses near to Micah's house were gathered together, and overtook the children of Dan.

²³And they cried unto the children of Dan. And they turned their faces, and said unto Micah, What aileth thee, that thou comest with such a company?

²⁴And he said, Ye have taken away my gods which I made, and the priest, and ye are gone away: and what have I more? and what is this that ye say unto me, What aileth thee?

²⁵And the children of Dan said unto him, Let not thy voice be heard among us, lest angry fellows run upon thee, and thou lose thy life, with the lives of thy household.

²⁶And the children of Dan went their way: and when Micah saw that they were too strong for him, he turned and went back unto his house.

²⁷And they took the things which Micah had made, and the priest which he had, and came unto Laish, unto a people that were at quiet and secure: and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and burnt the city with fire.

And we think of terrorism as a modern fashion

²⁸And there was no deliverer, because it was far from Zidon, and they had no business with any man; and it was in the valley that lieth by Bethrehob. And they built a city, and dwelt therein.

²⁹And they called the name of the city Dan, after the name of Dan their father, who was born unto Israel: howbeit the name of the city was Laish at the first.

³⁰And the children of Dan set up the graven image: and Jonathan, the son of Gershom, the son of Manasseh, he and his sons were priests to the tribe of Dan until the day of the captivity of the land.

So when they take the land from a peaceful, content people it is liberation but should any one else take it it is captivity.

³¹And they set them up Micah's graven image, which he made, all the time that the house of God was in Shiloh.

Joshua 9

¹And it came to pass, when all the kings which were on this side Jordan, in the hills, and in the valleys, and in all the coasts of the great sea over against Lebanon, the Hittite, and the Amorite, the Canaanite, the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite, heard thereof;

²That they gathered themselves together, to fight with Joshua and with Israel, with one accord.

Who could blame them

³And when the inhabitants of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done unto Jericho and to Ai,

⁴They did work wilily, and went and made as if they had been ambassadors, and took old sacks upon their asses, and wine bottles, old, and rent, and bound up;

⁵And old shoes and clouted upon their feet, and old garments upon them; and all the bread of their provision was dry and mouldy.

Have I got this right ?...........Supplicants are sent to the Israelites. Pretending to be from a land far far away. For provenance they carry mouldy bread and wear old shoes.

⁶And they went to Joshua unto the camp at Gilgal, and said unto him, and to the men of Israel, We be come from a far country: now therefore make ye a league with us.

⁷And the men of Israel said unto the Hivites, Peradventure ye dwell among us; and how shall we make a league with you?

⁸And they said unto Joshua, We are thy servants. And Joshua said unto them, Who are ye? and from whence come ye?

⁹And they said unto him, From a very far country thy servants are come because of the name of the LORD thy God: for we have heard the fame of him, and all that he did in Egypt,

¹⁰And all that he did to the two kings of the Amorites, that were beyond Jordan, to Sihon king of Heshbon, and to Og king of Bashan, which was at Ashtaroth.

¹¹Wherefore our elders and all the inhabitants of our country spake to us, saying, Take victuals with you for the journey, and go to meet them, and say unto them, We are your servants: therefore now make ye a league with us.

¹²This our bread we took hot for our provision out of our houses on the day we came forth to go unto you; but now, behold, it is dry, and it is mouldy:

¹³And these bottles of wine, which we filled, were new; and, behold, they be rent: and these our garments and our shoes are become old by reason of the very long journey.

Well I am convinced!!...........Who could doubt the veracity of such a story.

¹⁴And the men took of their victuals, and asked not counsel at the mouth of the LORD.

¹⁵And Joshua made peace with them, and made a league with them, to let them live: and the princes of the congregation sware unto them.

Cos we all know you can trust the word of the Israelites.

¹⁶And it came to pass at the end of three days after they had made a league with them, that they heard that they were their neighbours, and that they dwelt among them.

It took three days, I am always suspicious when these "mystical numbers" occur, is this supposed to have happened at the winter solstice by any chance ?

¹⁷And the children of Israel journeyed, and came unto their cities on the third day. Now their cities were Gibeon, and Chephirah, and Beeroth, and Kirjathjearim.

¹⁸And the children of Israel smote them not, because the princes of the congregation had sworn unto them by the LORD God of Israel. And all the congregation murmured against the princes.

I thought one of the reasons given for this "campaign" was to kill the unbelievers that break the commandments of de lard. I am sure there was one about not bearing false witness, and yet again we have the servants of de lard rewarding deceit.

¹⁹But all the princes said unto all the congregation, We have sworn unto them by the LORD God of Israel: now therefore we may not touch them.

Since when was the Israelites, or de lards worth as much as half a wank ? Why this sudden attack of honour ? I suspect as with many of these tales, there is something we are not being told.

Things like ....How many men were lost, or wounded enough not to be able to fight during the battle of Ai ?

Would the combined might of the four cities be able to cast serious doubt on the outcome of any battle ?

There must have been some time before the supplicants arrived, was the combined time enough for these cities to gain support or a promise of retribution from a larger force, possibly an existing empire ?

So regardless of the suggestion I suspect cowardice as the reason for allowing these cities to become slaves, as opposed to their initial orders to "execute every motherfuckin' last one of them".

²⁰This we will do to them; we will even let them live, lest wrath be upon us, because of the oath which we sware unto them.

²¹And the princes said unto them, Let them live; but let them be hewers of wood and drawers of water unto all the congregation; as the princes had promised them.

²²And Joshua called for them, and he spake unto them, saying, Wherefore have ye beguiled us, saying, We are very far from you; when ye dwell among us?

Joshua has already shown himself to be a superior tactician, so it follows that he is an intelligent man. So why does he ask this ? to paraphrase "why did you lie to me" has got to go down in the annals of history as one of the most stupidest questions ever asked by a major leader of men, until of course GW Bush hit the world stage.

²³Now therefore ye are cursed, and there shall none of you be freed from being bondmen, and hewers of wood and drawers of water for the house of my God.

²⁴And they answered Joshua, and said, Because it was certainly told thy servants, how that the LORD thy God commanded his servant Moses to give you all the land, and to destroy all the inhabitants of the land from before you, therefore we were sore afraid of our lives because of you, and have done this thing.

Careful boys, Moses never liked people admitting doubt in de lard.

²⁵And now, behold, we are in thine hand: as it seemeth good and right unto thee to do unto us, do.

Unless of course they now say they are behind him.

²⁶And so did he unto them, and delivered them out of the hand of the children of Israel, that they slew them not.

²⁷And Joshua made them that day hewers of wood and drawers of water for the congregation, and for the altar of the LORD, even unto this day, in the place which he should choose.

Deuteronomy Recap

Well ! That's the last so called book of Moses out of the way. Deuteronomy is often quoted to support bigotry but when you read it thoroughly it does have one or two gems that, to be honest am surprised made it through the original censors. Things like 32:8 which lets slip Adam may not be the father of ALL Mankind. Or 20:16 that states, "you must not allow a single living thing to survive". But what did surprise me was not only does this book reiterate that Moses is a control freak and a misogynist but underlines the facts not only is he a mass murdering slaver, he seems to encourage and channel, most, if not all of the elements of human behaviour that civilization tries to stem. Why people look up to this despicable character from over three thousand years ago is beyond me. If recognised by history at all he should be held aloft as an example of everything we should be striving against. The only people using him as an example should be those taking the idea of war crimes through to their extreme of total atrocities. I am glad to leave these books behind. I just hope that the day is near that the rest of mankind can do the same.
All in all aside from relying on the odd mis-translation the various branches of christianity rely heavily on the followers of whichever doctrine being ignorent of what is actually written. So regardless of their incessant ........"Read your bible", this is the last thing they want, aside from carefully picked excerpts. This "quote mining" is certainly endemic throughout all of the christian faiths with choice quotes used to get thier points across.
I encourage anyone believer or unbeliever read your bible or for that matter koran thouroughly but think about what is written. Remember that all though Man's questions (who we are, where did we come from etc.) Remain the same we now have a great more information about the world and universe around us. The answers change because we understand the questions in a more refined and deeper way. When we finally think we have all the answers as the religions will have us believe, the human race will, and can only stagnate.

Deuteronomy 21

¹If one be found slain in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him:

²Then thy elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain:

³And it shall be, that the city which is next unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wrought with, and which hath not drawn in the yoke;

When they say heifer I cannot help wonder whether they really mean a cow, considering the high esteem they hold their womenfolk.

⁴And the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley, which is neither eared nor sown, and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley:

I really hope they mean a cow ........but why ?

⁵And the priests the sons of Levi shall come near; for them the LORD thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the LORD; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried:

⁶And all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley:

So let me get this right ...Dear old Fred Flintstein is having a stroll and has a heart attack and drops dead. His good friend Barnabas finds him and alerts the "authorities" and some poor cow looses their head and the priesthood come and wash their hands over the cows corpse... I say again why ?

⁷And they shall answer and say, Our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it.

⁸Be merciful, O LORD, unto thy people Israel, whom thou hast redeemed, and lay not innocent blood unto thy people of Israel's charge. And the blood shall be forgiven them.

But if dear old Fred had been a victim of murder most foul with his head and entrails spread over three acres of land and no-one to blame the end result is.........the same.

Ele-fuckin-mentry my dear watson

⁹So shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the LORD.

¹⁰When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,

This will be the Israelites view of war.....find an isolated city minding it's own business and attack it.

¹¹And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;

Because a woman(girl) always looks her most desirable when terrified and grief stricken

¹²Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;

Vidal Sassoon would not approve.

¹³And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.

Raiment of captivity....Ropes ? Shalt go in unto her...Rape her and that is her wedding ceromony wow! get David Bailey to do the pics.So where did the poncy bollocks with the twat in the black and white frock, spouting shit about de lard and wholly matrimony come from ?

¹⁴And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.

So if she is not totally enamoured and impressed by the way you slaughtered her parents, brothers every elderly and male person she has ever known. Then brought to rapturous orgasm as you violently take her virginity, you are within your rights to sling her out on her ear. de lard surely is love.

¹⁵If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated:

¹⁶Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn:

¹⁷But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his.

Isaac and Esau any one ?

¹⁸If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

And what father with a son hasn't.

¹⁹Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

²⁰And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

²¹And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

If this was law I assure you that you would not be reading this......A glutton and a drunkard ....Two of my finest qualities.

²²And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree:

According to the laws of Moses I would have to be ressurected many times to be executed for all the sins worthy of death I have apparently committed, yet here I stand, sitting here with no criminal record

²³His body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

Deuteronomy 20

20:1 When you go to war against your enemies and see chariotry and troops who outnumber you, do not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, is with you.

20:2 As you move forward for battle, the priest will approach and say to the soldiers,

I am reminded of the scene from the original 1953 War of the Worlds, where Father Mathew Collins(played by Lewis Martin) Marches out, bible in hand praying towards the advancing aliens.


With the inevitable result



20:3 “Listen, Israel! Today you are moving forward to do battle with your enemies. Do not be fainthearted. Do not fear and tremble or be terrified because of them,

20:4 for the Lord your God goes with you to fight on your behalf against your enemies to give you victory.”

Just think if the catholics went into war nowadays their opponents could be faced with this or something similar

Frightening thought isn't it

20:5 Moreover, the officers are to say to the troops, “Who among you has built a new house and not dedicated it? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else dedicate it.

20:6 Or who among you has planted a vineyard and not benefited from it? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else benefit from it.

20:7 Or who among you has become engaged to a woman but has not married her? He may go home, lest he die in battle and someone else marry her.”

20:8 In addition, the officers are to say to the troops, “Who among you is afraid and fainthearted? He may go home so that he will not make his fellow soldier’s heart as fearful as his own.”

So cowardice is OK, but surely this would imply lack of faith in de lard.

20:9 Then, when the officers have finished speaking, they must appoint unit commanders to lead the troops.

20:10 When you approach a city to wage war against it, offer it terms of peace.

20:11 If it accepts your terms and submits to you, all the people found in it will become your slaves.

Offer terms of peace ???.....Become our slaves or die.

20:12 If it does not accept terms of peace but makes war with you, then you are to lay siege to it.

20:13 The Lord your God will deliver it over to you and you must kill every single male by the sword.

20:14 However, the women, little children, cattle, and anything else in the city – all its plunder – you may take for yourselves as spoil. You may take from your enemies the plunder that the Lord your God has given you.
There you have it women and children are equal...........Equal to cattle that is.
So as far as the bible believing christians are concerned its Ok to call your wife a fat cow.
But all in all that's another verse the twats shouting Lev 18:22 never mention.

20:15 This is how you are to deal with all those cities located far from you, those that do not belong to these nearby nations.

20:16 As for the cities of these peoples that the Lord your God is going to give you as an inheritance, you must not allow a single living thing to survive.

So it's true, every time you kill a kitten god masturbates

20:17 Instead you must utterly annihilate them – the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites – just as the Lord your God has commanded you,

So how does offering terms of peace work here .....Open your gates and accept the kiss of death from your ever lovin' lard.


20:18 so that they cannot teach you all the abhorrent ways they worship their gods, causing you to sin against the Lord your God.

20:19 If you besiege a city for a long time while attempting to capture it, you must not chop down its trees, for you may eat fruit from them and should not cut them down. A tree in the field is not human that you should besiege it!

20:20 However, you may chop down any tree you know is not suitable for food, and you may use it to build siege works against the city that is making war with you until that city falls.

Now that has to be the earliest example of fundie logic ever....... to paraphrase "against the city that is trying to protect its citizens from murder and/or enslavement from the rampaging hoardes of the god of peace and love."

Deuteronomy 15

¹At the end of every seven years thou shalt make a release.

Do I sense the tone is about to be lowered

²And this is the manner of the release: Every creditor that lendeth ought unto his neighbour shall release it; he shall not exact it of his neighbour, or of his brother; because it is called the LORD's release.

Oh! Oh! Oh! G g ggod Yesss

³Of a foreigner thou mayest exact it again: but that which is thine with thy brother thine hand shall release;

Aaww noooo...... Not with your Brother....... That's just wrong

⁴Save when there shall be no poor among you; for the LORD shall greatly bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it:

⁵Only if thou carefully hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all these commandments which I command thee this day.

⁶For the LORD thy God blesseth thee, as he promised thee: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, but thou shalt not borrow; and thou shalt reign over many nations, but they shall not reign over thee.

⁷If there be among you a poor man of one of thy brethren within any of thy gates in thy land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not harden thine heart, nor shut thine hand from thy poor brother:

⁸But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need, in that which he wanteth.

How the fuck does that work ? If Jews are forbidden to borrow, how can another Jew lend him anything

⁹Beware that there be not a thought in thy wicked heart, saying, The seventh year, the year of release, is at hand; and thine eye be evil against thy poor brother, and thou givest him nought; and he cry unto the LORD against thee, and it be sin unto thee.

Chalk another one up for de lards biology lessons

¹⁰Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the LORD thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto.

¹¹For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.

¹²And if thy brother, an Hebrew man, or an Hebrew woman, be sold unto thee, and serve thee six years; then in the seventh year thou shalt let him go free from thee.

Your brother can be a Hebrew woman ?

Would that make them a T brew ?

¹³And when thou sendest him out free from thee, thou shalt not let him go away empty:

Pardon !!?? Freshly fisted for de lard.

¹⁴Thou shalt furnish him liberally out of thy flock, and out of thy floor, and out of thy winepress: of that wherewith the LORD thy God hath blessed thee thou shalt give unto him.

¹⁵And thou shalt remember that thou wast a bondman in the land of Egypt, and the LORD thy God redeemed thee: therefore I command thee this thing to day.

¹⁶And it shall be, if he say unto thee, I will not go away from thee; because he loveth thee and thine house, because he is well with thee;

¹⁷Then thou shalt take an aul, and thrust it through his ear unto the door, and he shall be thy servant for ever. And also unto thy maidservant thou shalt do likewise.

Seems like a form of marriage to me. Love is proclaimed and officially bonded for life ?

¹⁸It shall not seem hard unto thee, when thou sendest him away free from thee; for he hath been worth a double hired servant to thee, in serving thee six years: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in all that thou doest.

¹⁹All the firstling males that come of thy herd and of thy flock thou shalt sanctify unto the LORD thy God: thou shalt do no work with the firstling of thy bullock, nor shear the firstling of thy sheep.

A bullock is a castrated bull therefore not unblemished.

²⁰Thou shalt eat it before the LORD thy God year by year in the place which the LORD shall choose, thou and thy household.

²¹And if there be any blemish therein, as if it be lame, or blind, or have any ill blemish, thou shalt not sacrifice it unto the LORD thy God.

This only just occurred. How can you sacrifice an unblemished animal to de lard....Surely a fucking great gash in a beasts throat is a blemish ?

²²Thou shalt eat it within thy gates: the unclean and the clean person shall eat it alike, as the roebuck, and as the hart.

²³Only thou shalt not eat the blood thereof; thou shalt pour it upon the ground as water.

Numbers 5

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Command the children of Israel, that they put out of the camp every leper, and every one that hath an issue, and whosoever is defiled by the dead:

So evict, sick cunts, bleedin' cunts and any cunt that's been near a dead dude.

³Both male and female shall ye put out, without the camp shall ye put them; that they defile not their camps, in the midst whereof I dwell.

⁴And the children of Israel did so, and put them out without the camp: as the LORD spake unto Moses, so did the children of Israel.

⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

⁶Speak unto the children of Israel, When a man or woman shall commit any sin that men commit, to do a trespass against the LORD, and that person be guilty;

⁷Then they shall confess their sin which they have done: and he shall recompense his trespass with the principal thereof, and add unto it the fifth part thereof, and give it unto him against whom he hath trespassed.

⁸But if the man have no kinsman to recompense the trespass unto, let the trespass be recompensed unto the LORD, even to the priest; beside the ram of the atonement, whereby an atonement shall be made for him.

So here we go again "As long as you or somebody close to you is willing to pay".You can commit any crime. That's a long way from the "rich man/camel/needles eye anolagy we are taught nowadays".

⁹And every offering of all the holy things of the children of Israel, which they bring unto the priest, shall be his.

Notice that, not gods, but the priests.

¹⁰And every man's hallowed things shall be his: whatsoever any man giveth the priest, it shall be his.

¹¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,

¹³And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;

So is it OK if he gets to watch/join in ?

Have we got an early wife swapping club here ?

¹⁴And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:

Am I getting this right..It don't matter whether she has been playing away from home or not, but whether or not the hubby is insecure and jealous.

¹⁵Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance.

¹⁶And the priest shall bring her near, and set her before the LORD:

¹⁷And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water:

I must question these things...... What is the holy water ?

Why is it holy ?

What does the addition of dust from the floor of the tabernacle expect to achieve ? Apart from the introduction of some bacteria from all the dried animal blood from the doorway that must get trodden through?

¹⁸And the priest shall set the woman before the LORD, and uncover the woman's head, and put the offering of memorial in her hands, which is the jealousy offering: and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse:

Bitter water...Implying an acidic quality

¹⁹And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse:

²⁰But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband:

²¹Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell;

²²And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen.

I am going out on a limb here...Chalky soil + some form of acid relying on the priest getting the proportions right

Not enough soil= acid = woman dying painful death.

Too much soil much gas produced swollen belly + wind

Correct amount =no effect

²³And the priest shall write these curses in a book, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water:

A way of telling how acidic the concoction is perhaps ?

²⁴And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse: and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter.

²⁵Then the priest shall take the jealousy offering out of the woman's hand, and shall wave the offering before the LORD, and offer it upon the altar:

²⁶And the priest shall take an handful of the offering, even the memorial thereof, and burn it upon the altar, and afterward shall cause the woman to drink the water.

²⁷And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people.

²⁸And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed.

²⁹This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled;

So the moral of the tale is if you are fit and want to go astray do it with your priest.

³⁰Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the LORD, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law.

³¹Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity.

On the face of it this initially doesn't read too badly .But if you think a little deeper.......
We have already seen on the whole the women's lot was not a happy one. Marriage had more to do with being sold into sexual slavery than a bond of love. Girls sold off to old men to settle debts or cement family ties.
Taking these facts into consideration I personally doubt many women would think of sexual congress in any way than an uncomfortable but necessary duty of marriage. Now I am not suggesting for one minute extra marital affairs didn't happen, what I am sugesting is rape or just a husbands insecurities may be more common occurances for a woman to be subjected to this ritual.

Not to mention the already banned "witch craft" which so many believe to contain certain elements....including drinking from cups steeped in ritual.

Leviticus 27

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When a man shall make a singular vow, the persons shall be for the LORD by thy estimation.

What follows is basically a set price list for slaves

³And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary.

⁴And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.

⁵And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.

⁶And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.

⁷And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels.

⁸But if he be poorer than thy estimation, then he shall present himself before the priest, and the priest shall value him; according to his ability that vowed shall the priest value him.

So if you were selling Sarah Palin you would be expected to give change from a loaf of bread.

Now we move on to the more usual forms of livestock.

⁹And if it be a beast, whereof men bring an offering unto the LORD, all that any man giveth of such unto the LORD shall be holy.

¹⁰He shall not alter it, nor change it, a good for a bad, or a bad for a good: and if he shall at all change beast for beast, then it and the exchange thereof shall be holy.

¹¹And if it be any unclean beast, of which they do not offer a sacrifice unto the LORD, then he shall present the beast before the priest:

¹²And the priest shall value it, whether it be good or bad: as thou valuest it, who art the priest, so shall it be.

¹³But if he will at all redeem it, then he shall add a fifth part thereof unto thy estimation.

So the priest gets a 20% cut

¹⁴And when a man shall sanctify his house to be holy unto the LORD, then the priest shall estimate it, whether it be good or bad: as the priest shall estimate it, so shall it stand.

¹⁵And if he that sanctified it will redeem his house, then he shall add the fifth part of the money of thy estimation unto it, and it shall be his.

¹⁶And if a man shall sanctify unto the LORD some part of a field of his possession, then thy estimation shall be according to the seed thereof: an homer of barley seed shall be valued at fifty shekels of silver.

¹⁷If he sanctify his field from the year of jubile, according to thy estimation it shall stand.

¹⁸But if he sanctify his field after the jubile, then the priest shall reckon unto him the money according to the years that remain, even unto the year of the jubile, and it shall be abated from thy estimation.

¹⁹And if he that sanctified the field will in any wise redeem it, then he shall add the fifth part of the money of thy estimation unto it, and it shall be assured to him.

So whatever is being sold the priest will go for the highest price possible.

You have to admit ,it's brilliant. To get a society to accept a non elected bunch of parasites as leaders, then allow them the self appointed power to bleed them dry. Then when they are totally penniless you can buy all that they own including themselves to pay off the debt the have accrued with you.

²⁰And if he will not redeem the field, or if he have sold the field to another man, it shall not be redeemed any more.

²¹But the field, when it goeth out in the jubile, shall be holy unto the LORD, as a field devoted; the possession thereof shall be the priest's.

²²And if a man sanctify unto the LORD a field which he hath bought, which is not of the fields of his possession;

²³Then the priest shall reckon unto him the worth of thy estimation, even unto the year of the jubile: and he shall give thine estimation in that day, as a holy thing unto the LORD.

²⁴In the year of the jubile the field shall return unto him of whom it was bought, even to him to whom the possession of the land did belong.

²⁵And all thy estimations shall be according to the shekel of the sanctuary: twenty gerahs shall be the shekel.

²⁶Only the firstling of the beasts, which should be the LORD's firstling, no man shall sanctify it; whether it be ox, or sheep: it is the LORD's.

²⁷And if it be of an unclean beast, then he shall redeem it according to thine estimation, and shall add a fifth part of it thereto: or if it be not redeemed, then it shall be sold according to thy estimation.

Why would some one be breeding an unclean beast.

²⁸Notwithstanding no devoted thing, that a man shall devote unto the LORD of all that he hath, both of man and beast, and of the field of his possession, shall be sold or redeemed: every devoted thing is most holy unto the LORD.

²⁹None devoted, which shall be devoted of men, shall be redeemed; but shall surely be put to death.

³⁰And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the LORD's: it is holy unto the LORD.

³¹And if a man will at all redeem ought of his tithes, he shall add thereto the fifth part thereof.

³²And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

And so if you're selling through a priest he gets a 20% cut if you sell privately or are paid for any services,work etc. The priest still gets 10% for doing fuck all.

³³He shall not search whether it be good or bad, neither shall he change it: and if he change it at all, then both it and the change thereof shall be holy; it shall not be redeemed.

³⁴These are the commandments, which the LORD commanded Moses for the children of Israel in mount Sinai.

Leviticus 25

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses in mount Sinai, saying,

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye come into the land which I give you, then shall the land keep a sabbath unto the LORD.

³Six years thou shalt sow thy field, and six years thou shalt prune thy vineyard, and gather in the fruit thereof;

⁴But in the seventh year shall be a sabbath of rest unto the land, a sabbath for the LORD: thou shalt neither sow thy field, nor prune thy vineyard.

Fuck me gods having a lucid moment, teaching Moses to get his followere to lay a field fallow and let it rest.

⁵That which groweth of its own accord of thy harvest thou shalt not reap, neither gather the grapes of thy vine undressed: for it is a year of rest unto the land.

⁶And the sabbath of the land shall be meat for you; for thee, and for thy servant, and for thy maid, and for thy hired servant, and for thy stranger that sojourneth with thee.

⁷And for thy cattle, and for the beast that are in thy land, shall all the increase thereof be meat.

⁸And thou shalt number seven sabbaths of years unto thee, seven times seven years; and the space of the seven sabbaths of years shall be unto thee forty and nine years.

⁹Then shalt thou cause the trumpet of the jubile to sound on the tenth day of the seventh month, in the day of atonement shall ye make the trumpet sound throughout all your land.

¹⁰And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubile unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family.

¹¹A jubile shall that fiftieth year be unto you: ye shall not sow, neither reap that which groweth of itself in it, nor gather the grapes in it of thy vine undressed.

¹²For it is the jubile; it shall be holy unto you: ye shall eat the increase thereof out of the field.

¹³In the year of this jubile ye shall return every man unto his possession.

¹⁴And if thou sell ought unto thy neighbour, or buyest ought of thy neighbour's hand, ye shall not oppress one another:

¹⁵According to the number of years after the jubile thou shalt buy of thy neighbour, and according unto the number of years of the fruits he shall sell unto thee:

¹⁶According to the multitude of years thou shalt increase the price thereof, and according to the fewness of years thou shalt diminish the price of it: for according to the number of the years of the fruits doth he sell unto thee.

¹⁷Ye shall not therefore oppress one another; but thou shalt fear thy God:for I am the LORD your God.

Why is it those that shout out constantly Leviticus 18:22 never shout out Leviticus 25:17

¹⁸Wherefore ye shall do my statutes, and keep my judgments, and do them; and ye shall dwell in the land in safety.

¹⁹And the land shall yield her fruit, and ye shall eat your fill, and dwell therein in safety.

Yes there is nowhere as safe to live as the West Bank, perhaps we should all move there ?

²⁰And if ye shall say, What shall we eat the seventh year? behold, we shall not sow, nor gather in our increase:

²¹Then I will command my blessing upon you in the sixth year, and it shall bring forth fruit for three years.

Because the weather is so predictable.

²²And ye shall sow the eighth year, and eat yet of old fruit until the ninth year; until her fruits come in ye shall eat of the old store.

So the all powerful one is incapable of preserving peace but can preserve "fruits of the land"......Blessed are the jam makers.

²³The land shall not be sold for ever: for the land is mine, for ye are strangers and sojourners with me.

²⁴And in all the land of your possession ye shall grant a redemption for the land.

²⁵If thy brother be waxen poor, and hath sold away some of his possession, and if any of his kin come to redeem it, then shall he redeem that which his brother sold.

²⁶And if the man have none to redeem it, and himself be able to redeem it;

²⁷Then let him count the years of the sale thereof, and restore the overplus unto the man to whom he sold it; that he may return unto his possession.

²⁸But if he be not able to restore it to him, then that which is sold shall remain in the hand of him that hath bought it until the year of jubile: and in the jubile it shall go out, and he shall return unto his possession.

Ok I had trouble getting my head round this but I checked it against the NLT

²⁴ “With every purchase of land you must grant the seller the right to buy it back. ²⁵ If one of your fellow Israelites falls into poverty and is forced to sell some family land, then a close relative should buy it back for him. ²⁶ If there is no close relative to buy the land, but the person who sold it gets enough money to buy it back, ²⁷ he then has the right to redeem it from the one who bought it. The price of the land will be discounted according to the number of years until the next Year of Jubilee. In this way the original owner can then return to the land.

Got that......

²⁸ But if the original owner cannot afford to buy back the land, it will remain with the new owner until the next Year of Jubilee. In the jubilee year, the land must be returned to the original owners so they can return to their family land.

So they are not buying the land just leasing it hmmm, maybe moses isn't doing so well.......and does "god" get a percentage of the "sale"

²⁹And if a man sell a dwelling house in a walled city, then he may redeem it within a whole year after it is sold; within a full year may he redeem it.

³⁰And if it be not redeemed within the space of a full year, then the house that is in the walled city shall be established for ever to him that bought it throughout his generations: it shall not go out in the jubile.

³¹But the houses of the villages which have no wall round about them shall be counted as the fields of the country: they may be redeemed, and they shall go out in the jubile.

³²Notwithstanding the cities of the Levites, and the houses of the cities of their possession, may the Levites redeem at any time.

³³And if a man purchase of the Levites, then the house that was sold, and the city of his possession, shall go out in the year of jubile: for the houses of the cities of the Levites are their possession among the children of Israel.

³⁴But the field of the suburbs of their cities may not be sold; for it is their perpetual possession.

Again from the NLT

³² “The Levites always have the right to buy back a house they have sold within the towns allotted to them. ³³ And any property that is sold by the Levites—all houses within the Levitical towns—must be returned in the Year of Jubilee. After all, the houses in the towns reserved for the Levites are the only property they own in all Israel. ³⁴ The open pastureland around the Levitical towns may never be sold. It is their permanent possession.

³⁵And if thy brother be waxen poor, and fallen in decay with thee; then thou shalt relieve him: yea, though he be a stranger, or a sojourner; that he may live with thee.

³⁶Take thou no usury of him, or increase: but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee.

³⁷Thou shalt not give him thy money upon usury, nor lend him thy victuals for increase.

³⁸I am the LORD your God, which brought you forth out of the land of Egypt, to give you the land of Canaan, and to be your God.

³⁹And if thy brother that dwelleth by thee be waxen poor, and be sold unto thee; thou shalt not compel him to serve as a bondservant:

⁴⁰But as an hired servant, and as a sojourner, he shall be with thee, and shall serve thee unto the year of jubile.

⁴¹And then shall he depart from thee, both he and his children with him, and shall return unto his own family, and unto the possession of his fathers shall he return.

⁴²For they are my servants, which I brought forth out of the land of Egypt: they shall not be sold as bondmen.

⁴³Thou shalt not rule over him with rigour; but shalt fear thy God.

⁴⁴Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.

⁴⁵Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.

⁴⁶And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.

⁴⁷And if a sojourner or stranger wax rich by thee, and thy brother that dwelleth by him wax poor, and sell himself unto the stranger or sojourner by thee, or to the stock of the stranger's family:

⁴⁸After that he is sold he may be redeemed again; one of his brethren may redeem him:

⁴⁹Either his uncle, or his uncle's son, may redeem him, or any that is nigh of kin unto him of his family may redeem him; or if he be able, he may redeem himself.

⁵⁰And he shall reckon with him that bought him from the year that he was sold to him unto the year of jubile: and the price of his sale shall be according unto the number of years, according to the time of an hired servant shall it be with him.

⁵¹If there be yet many years behind, according unto them he shall give again the price of his redemption out of the money that he was bought for.

⁵²And if there remain but few years unto the year of jubile, then he shall count with him, and according unto his years shall he give him again the price of his redemption.

⁵³And as a yearly hired servant shall he be with him: and the other shall not rule with rigour over him in thy sight.

⁵⁴And if he be not redeemed in these years, then he shall go out in the year of jubile, both he, and his children with him.

⁵⁵For unto me the children of Israel are servants; they are my servants whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

So you can "buy" land property and people but every 50 years it all reverts back to the original owner....

Leviticus 22

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto Aaron and to his sons, that they separate themselves from the holy things of the children of Israel, and that they profane not my holy name in those things which they hallow unto me: I am the LORD.

³Say unto them, Whosoever he be of all your seed among your generations, that goeth unto the holy things, which the children of Israel hallow unto the LORD, having his uncleanness upon him, that soul shall be cut off from my presence: I am the LORD.

⁴What man soever of the seed of Aaron is a leper, or hath a running issue; he shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean. And whoso toucheth any thing that is unclean by the dead, or a man whose seed goeth from him;

God don't like you if you are a leper,have a runny ....anything or are impotent.

Strange, I would have thought he would have liked impotent men, I would have thought he would be reassured it happened to others.

⁵Or whosoever toucheth any creeping thing, whereby he may be made unclean, or a man of whom he may take uncleanness, whatsoever uncleanness he hath;

Who, can go through life never touching an insect or spider,especially living in tents, perhaps this only includes the four legged kinds, or.......the all seeing all knowing is showing that he knows fuck all, yet again!

⁶The soul which hath touched any such shall be unclean until even, and shall not eat of the holy things, unless he wash his flesh with water.

⁷And when the sun is down, he shall be clean, and shall afterward eat of the holy things; because it is his food.

Here's the almighty cleansing power of the darkness again.

⁸That which dieth of itself, or is torn with beasts, he shall not eat to defile himself therewith; I am the LORD.

⁹They shall therefore keep mine ordinance, lest they bear sin for it, and die therefore, if they profane it: I the LORD do sanctify them.

¹⁰There shall no stranger eat of the holy thing: a sojourner of the priest, or an hired servant, shall not eat of the holy thing.

¹¹But if the priest buy any soul with his money, he shall eat of it, and he that is born in his house: they shall eat of his meat. The NLT says...¹¹ However, if the priest buys a slave for himself, the slave may eat from the sacred offerings. And if his slaves have children, they also may share his food.

So with all these laws on sex and diet its still OK to own other human beings??

¹²If the priest's daughter also be married unto a stranger, she may not eat of an offering of the holy things.

How is it OK for anyone to marry their daughter to a stranger ?

¹³But if the priest's daughter be a widow, or divorced, and have no child, and is returned unto her father's house, as in her youth, she shall eat of her father's meat: but there shall be no stranger eat thereof.

I hope this is not meant as wrong as it reads.

¹⁴And if a man eat of the holy thing unwittingly, then he shall put the fifth part thereof unto it, and shall give it unto the priest with the holy thing.

Err what?

¹⁵And they shall not profane the holy things of the children of Israel, which they offer unto the LORD;

Does this mean thou shalt not wank on a cracker ?

¹⁶Or suffer them to bear the iniquity of trespass, when they eat their holy things: for I the LORD do sanctify them.

¹⁷And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

This is Moses god demanding a fine for his wrongdoing with Jethro god earlier in the big tent.

¹⁸Speak unto Aaron, and to his sons, and unto all the children of Israel, and say unto them, Whatsoever he be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers in Israel, that will offer his oblation for all his vows, and for all his freewill offerings, which they will offer unto the LORD for a burnt offering;

¹⁹Ye shall offer at your own will a male without blemish, of the beeves, of the sheep, or of the goats.

²⁰But whatsoever hath a blemish, that shall ye not offer: for it shall not be acceptable for you.

²¹And whosoever offereth a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the LORD to accomplish his vow, or a freewill offering in beeves or sheep, it shall be perfect to be accepted; there shall be no blemish therein.

²²Blind, or broken, or maimed, or having a wen, or scurvy, or scabbed, ye shall not offer these unto the LORD, nor make an offering by fire of them upon the altar unto the LORD.

²³Either a bullock or a lamb that hath any thing superfluous or lacking in his parts, that mayest thou offer for a freewill offering; but for a vow it shall not be accepted.

²⁴Ye shall not offer unto the LORD that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut; neither shall ye make any offering thereof in your land.

As always asking for the best meat.

²⁵Neither from a stranger's hand shall ye offer the bread of your God of any of these; because their corruption is in them, and blemishes be in them: they shall not be accepted for you.

²⁶And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁷When a bullock, or a sheep, or a goat, is brought forth, then it shall be seven days under the dam; and from the eighth day and thenceforth it shall be accepted for an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

²⁸And whether it be cow, or ewe, ye shall not kill it and her young both in one day.

²⁹And when ye will offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving unto the LORD, offer it at your own will.

Not that he's coercing them in any way...

³⁰On the same day it shall be eaten up; ye shall leave none of it until the morrow: I am the LORD.

³¹Therefore shall ye keep my commandments, and do them: I am the LORD.

³²Neither shall ye profane my holy name; but I will be hallowed among the children of Israel: I am the LORD which hallow you,

³³That brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the LORD.

Exodus 21

Exodus 21

¹Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them.

Now we can all agree that a civilised society needs to, in some degree ,work together for the success of the greater community. To do this successfully a societies members should have respect for other members needs and circumstances. So any fledgling society should be based on this criteria for the mutual benefit of all its members.

²If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.

So straight in there with contracted servitude, in a city state maybe not such a bad idea a person can sell themselves into a contract for an agreed sum, but hang on they are still living in tents in the desert. An environment that ok would need something as a cohesive force for the mutual protection of the community but surely this would only be the start of a class structure akin to the one that they have just left.

³If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him.

Ok I can see that but.....

⁴If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the wife and her children shall be her master's, and he shall go out by himself.

Umm.... No equality for women and no respect for the sanctity of marriage.

⁵And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:

The words Either and Or not included as that would mean being blackmailed into service to stay with your family.

And if the servant shall plainly say,EITHER I love my master, OR my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:

⁶Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.

So the reward for liking your employer and or your family eternal servitude and an earring.

⁷And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.

Some translations are more honest and do say slave

⁸If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.

But the master can sell her back if she does not wholly satisfy him ?

Would that not brand her as

A) Not a virgin therefore unclean

B) A lousy lay

⁹And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.

After the manner of daughters ? What the option to sell her off ?

Is this just an escape clause to sell on someone else's daughter as long as you go through a formal betrothal?

¹⁰If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

If he has another wife it's fine as long as he feeds clothes and slips her one occasionally

¹¹And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.

But if he doesn't she can fuck off !
Am I mis-reading something here or is the implication that, the women at least were better off in Egypt?

¹²He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death.

¹³And if a man lie not in wait, but God deliver him into his hand; then I will appoint thee a place whither he shall flee.

This apparently covers the difference between murder and manslaughter.

¹⁴But if a man come presumptuously upon his neighbour, to slay him with guile; thou shalt take him from mine altar, that he may die.

No sanctury for murder, except is that not excactly why moses fled from egypt when he first met Jethro/Ruel

¹⁵And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.

¹⁶And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.

Joseph didn't do that he just fucked their heads for a while.

¹⁷And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

Be honest here what child ever in the whole history of the world has ever gone through their teenage years without ever cursing their parents?

¹⁸And if men strive together, and one smite another with a stone, or with his fist, and he die not, but keepeth his bed:

¹⁹If he rise again, and walk abroad upon his staff, then shall he that smote him be quit: only he shall pay for the loss of his time, and shall cause him to be thoroughly healed.

So if you twat someone too hard but they recover it's ok as long as you give them some sick pay ?

²⁰And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.

²¹Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

So you can beat a slave nearly to death, as long as they recover, and not expect punishment.

²²If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.

²³And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life,

²⁴Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,

²⁵Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

It's ok to have physical disagreements but if in doing so you cause a pregnant woman to miscarry you must pay compensation.

²⁶And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake.

After all who would want a one-eyed slave .

²⁷And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake.

I wonder was there a blackmarket for shed teeth ..... is this where we get the idea of the tooth fairy. Freedom available get your master to strike you in front of witnesses and spit out a tooth.

²⁸If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be quit.

Tell me again about these starving people ?

²⁹But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past, and it hath been testified to his owner, and he hath not kept him in, but that he hath killed a man or a woman; the ox shall be stoned, and his owner also shall be put to death.

Bit unfortunate, especially if someone else unwittingly let out the ox.

³⁰If there be laid on him a sum of money, then he shall give for the ransom of his life whatsoever is laid upon him.

Compensation,compensation,compensation.

³¹Whether he have gored a son, or have gored a daughter, according to this judgment shall it be done unto him.

Compensation,compensation,compensation.

³²If the ox shall push a manservant or a maidservant; he shall give unto their master thirty shekels of silver, and the ox shall be stoned.

limited compensation not for the family of the gored but for his/her master.

³³And if a man shall open a pit, or if a man shall dig a pit, and not cover it, and an ox or an ass fall therein;

I would have thought an open pit was less of a liability than a covered one !

³⁴The owner of the pit shall make it good, and give money unto the owner of them; and the dead beast shall be his.

³⁵And if one man's ox hurt another's, that he die; then they shall sell the live ox, and divide the money of it; and the dead ox also they shall divide.

³⁶Or if it be known that the ox hath used to push in time past, and his owner hath not kept him in; he shall surely pay ox for ox; and the dead shall be his own.

Is it me or are oxen given more resposibility for their own actions than women ?
Now I am confused.
I thought the whole point of getting out of Egypt was to raise the personal freedoms of the poor underprivileged Hebrews.
Now there maybe some ruling/judging over class that may be prospering from this legislation, but to me this is coming over as a recipe for class differences that actively encourages slavery and would in time lead to a slave culture and a caste system. Is this yet another connection with the Hindu culture ?