1 Samuel 13

¹Saul reigned one year; and when he had reigned two years over Israel,

²Saul chose him three thousand men of Israel; whereof two thousand were with Saul in Michmash and in mount Bethel, and a thousand were with Jonathan in Gibeah of Benjamin: and the rest of the people he sent every man to his tent.

Surely not all at once.

³And Jonathan smote the garrison of the Philistines that was in Geba, and the Philistines heard of it. And Saul blew the trumpet throughout all the land, saying, Let the Hebrews hear.

No surprise there, it's fairly obvious Saul can blow well.

⁴And all Israel heard say that Saul had smitten a garrison of the Philistines, and that Israel also was had in abomination with the Philistines. And the people were called together after Saul to Gilgal.

⁵And the Philistines gathered themselves together to fight with Israel, thirty thousand chariots, and six thousand horsemen, and people as the sand which is on the sea shore in multitude: and they came up, and pitched in Michmash, eastward from Bethaven.

⁶When the men of Israel saw that they were in a strait, (for the people were distressed,) then the people did hide themselves in caves, and in thickets, and in rocks, and in high places, and in pits.

So the Israelites legendary bravery and heroism shows itself.

⁷And some of the Hebrews went over Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead. As for Saul, he was yet in Gilgal, and all the people followed him trembling.

⁸And he tarried seven days, according to the set time that Samuel had appointed: but Samuel came not to Gilgal; and the people were scattered from him.

So these invaders are very patient, surely if you were invading you would subdue the locals as quickly as possible, not allow them to organise a rebellion?

⁹And Saul said, Bring hither a burnt offering to me, and peace offerings. And he offered the burnt offering.

So Samuel can be summoned by a burnt offering does that mean he is equal to de lard or is it just coincidence.

¹⁰And it came to pass, that as soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came; and Saul went out to meet him, that he might salute him.

With what part of his body?

¹¹And Samuel said, What hast thou done? And Saul said, Because I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that thou camest not within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered themselves together at Michmash;

Oh dear they are like an old married couple..."Where the bloody hell have you been? There you are off galavanting around the country turning up a week late when I am trying to clear up this mess you left me with. Not to mention your suppers ruined burnt to a crisp it is."

¹²Therefore said I, The Philistines will come down now upon me to Gilgal, and I have not made supplication unto the LORD: I forced myself therefore, and offered a burnt offering.

¹³And Samuel said to Saul, Thou hast done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the LORD thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the LORD have established thy kingdom upon Israel for ever.

"Don't blame me it is all your fault"

¹⁴But now thy kingdom shall not continue: the LORD hath sought him a man after his own heart, and the LORD hath commanded him to be captain over his people, because thou hast not kept that which the LORD commanded thee.

"and don't go blaming god neither, it's not his fault if he chose the wrong man for the job. Yes I know he is all knowing but you can't expect him to know everything now can you.

¹⁵And Samuel arose, and gat him up from Gilgal unto Gibeah of Benjamin. And Saul numbered the people that were present with him, about six hundred men.

¹⁶And Saul, and Jonathan his son, and the people that were present with them, abode in Gibeah of Benjamin: but the Philistines encamped in Michmash.

¹⁷And the spoilers came out of the camp of the Philistines in three companies: one company turned unto the way that leadeth to Ophrah, unto the land of Shual:

The amplified bible has raider's

¹⁸And another company turned the way to Bethhoron: and another company turned to the way of the border that looketh to the valley of Zeboim toward the wilderness.

¹⁹Now there was no smith found throughout all the land of Israel: for the Philistines said, Lest the Hebrews make them swords or spears:

²⁰But all the Israelites went down to the Philistines, to sharpen every man his share, and his coulter, and his axe, and his mattock.

²¹Yet they had a file for the mattocks, and for the coulters, and for the forks, and for the axes, and to sharpen the goads.

Amplified has the following for the last verse

²¹And the price for plowshares and mattocks was a pim, and a third of a shekel for axes and for setting goads [with resulting blunt edges on the sickles, mattocks, forks, axes, and goads.]

NLT has this

²¹ (The charges were as follows: a quarter of an ounce of silver^[f] for sharpening a plowshare or a pick, and an eighth of an ounce^[g] for sharpening an ax, a sickle, or an ox goad.)

I cannot believe I am reading this correctly.

The Philistines are apparently invading, thousands of israelites have shat themselves and ran away.

The Israelites have managed to round up six hundred men willing to fight, but have no weapons, save a few assorted, but blunt farming implements. These are then taken to the Philistines to be sharpened and they pay for them to do this. The Philistines actually do this.

This does not come across as the actions of an invading army more like a band of traveling artisans.

²²So it came to pass in the day of battle, that there was neither sword nor spear found in the hand of any of the people that were with Saul and Jonathan: but with Saul and with Jonathan his son was there found.

Six hundred farmers bravely sending an army (from verse 5)"And the Philistines gathered themselves together to fight with Israel, thirty thousand chariots, and six thousand horsemen, and people as the sand which is on the sea shore in multitude" running with their tails between thier legs

Or six hundred bloodthirsty bastards attacking an unsuspecting gypsy caravan tryng to earn an honest living?

²³And the garrison of the Philistines went out to the passage of Michmash.

Numbers 4

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,

²Take the sum of the sons of Kohath from among the sons of Levi, after their families, by the house of their fathers,

³From thirty years old and upward even until fifty years old, all that enter into the host, to do the work in the tabernacle of the congregation.

Thirty years old.....So no more young men will try to impress they know what's going off and won't blow themselves up maybe ??

⁴This shall be the service of the sons of Kohath in the tabernacle of the congregation, about the most holy things:

⁵And when the camp setteth forward, Aaron shall come, and his sons, and they shall take down the covering vail, and cover the ark of testimony with it:

⁶And shall put thereon the covering of badgers' skins, and shall spread over it a cloth wholly of blue, and shall put in the staves thereof.

The English Standard Version translates "Badgers skins" as Goat's skins, the Amplified Bible gives the translation "Dolphin or Porpoise" skins. Although most other translations seem to agree with Badgers ????

⁷And upon the table of shewbread they shall spread a cloth of blue, and put thereon the dishes, and the spoons, and the bowls, and covers to cover withal: and the continual bread shall be thereon:

⁸And they shall spread upon them a cloth of scarlet, and cover the same with a covering of badgers' skins, and shall put in the staves thereof.

⁹And they shall take a cloth of blue, and cover the candlestick of the light, and his lamps, and his tongs, and his snuffdishes, and all the oil vessels thereof, wherewith they minister unto it:

¹⁰And they shall put it and all the vessels thereof within a covering of badgers' skins, and shall put it upon a bar.

¹¹And upon the golden altar they shall spread a cloth of blue, and cover it with a covering of badgers' skins, and shall put to the staves thereof:

¹²And they shall take all the instruments of ministry, wherewith they minister in the sanctuary, and put them in a cloth of blue, and cover them with a covering of badgers' skins, and shall put them on a bar:

¹³And they shall take away the ashes from the altar, and spread a purple cloth thereon:

That's got to be a job that has to be permanently manned.

¹⁴And they shall put upon it all the vessels thereof, wherewith they minister about it, even the censers, the fleshhooks, and the shovels, and the basons, all the vessels of the altar; and they shall spread upon it a covering of badgers' skins, and put to the staves of it.

You would have thought they would leave the old badgers/dolphins/porpoises alone and just make do with fore skins.

¹⁵And when Aaron and his sons have made an end of covering the sanctuary, and all the vessels of the sanctuary, as the camp is to set forward; after that, the sons of Kohath shall come to bear it: but they shall not touch any holy thing, lest they die. These things are the burden of the sons of Kohath in the tabernacle of the congregation.

¹⁶And to the office of Eleazar the son of Aaron the priest pertaineth the oil for the light, and the sweet incense, and the daily meat offering, and the anointing oil, and the oversight of all the tabernacle, and of all that therein is, in the sanctuary, and in the vessels thereof.

¹⁷And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron saying,

¹⁸Cut ye not off the tribe of the families of the Kohathites from among the Levites:

¹⁹But thus do unto them, that they may live, and not die, when they approach unto the most holy things: Aaron and his sons shall go in, and appoint them every one to his service and to his burden:

²⁰But they shall not go in to see when the holy things are covered, lest they die.

The ESV translates "covered" as swallowed ?? Makes me wonder whether certain passages about people covering their manhood actually say something different.

²¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²²Take also the sum of the sons of Gershon, throughout the houses of their fathers, by their families;

²³From thirty years old and upward until fifty years old shalt thou number them; all that enter in to perform the service, to do the work in the tabernacle of the congregation.

²⁴This is the service of the families of the Gershonites, to serve, and for burdens:

²⁵And they shall bear the curtains of the tabernacle, and the tabernacle of the congregation, his covering, and the covering of the badgers' skins that is above upon it, and the hanging for the door of the tabernacle of the congregation,

²⁶And the hangings of the court, and the hanging for the door of the gate of the court, which is by the tabernacle and by the altar round about, and their cords, and all the instruments of their service, and all that is made for them: so shall they serve.

²⁷At the appointment of Aaron and his sons shall be all the service of the sons of the Gershonites, in all their burdens, and in all their service: and ye shall appoint unto them in charge all their burdens.

²⁸This is the service of the families of the sons of Gershon in the tabernacle of the congregation: and their charge shall be under the hand of Ithamar the son of Aaron the priest.

²⁹As for the sons of Merari, thou shalt number them after their families, by the house of their fathers;

³⁰From thirty years old and upward even unto fifty years old shalt thou number them, every one that entereth into the service, to do the work of the tabernacle of the congregation.

³¹And this is the charge of their burden, according to all their service in the tabernacle of the congregation; the boards of the tabernacle, and the bars thereof, and the pillars thereof, and sockets thereof,

³²And the pillars of the court round about, and their sockets, and their pins, and their cords, with all their instruments, and with all their service: and by name ye shall reckon the instruments of the charge of their burden.

³³This is the service of the families of the sons of Merari, according to all their service, in the tabernacle of the congregation, under the hand of Ithamar the son of Aaron the priest.

³⁴And Moses and Aaron and the chief of the congregation numbered the sons of the Kohathites after their families, and after the house of their fathers,

³⁵From thirty years old and upward even unto fifty years old, every one that entereth into the service, for the work in the tabernacle of the congregation:

³⁶And those that were numbered of them by their families were two thousand seven hundred and fifty.

³⁷These were they that were numbered of the families of the Kohathites, all that might do service in the tabernacle of the congregation, which Moses and Aaron did number according to the commandment of the LORD by the hand of Moses.

³⁸And those that were numbered of the sons of Gershon, throughout their families, and by the house of their fathers,

³⁹From thirty years old and upward even unto fifty years old, every one that entereth into the service, for the work in the tabernacle of the congregation,

⁴⁰Even those that were numbered of them, throughout their families, by the house of their fathers, were two thousand and six hundred and thirty.

⁴¹These are they that were numbered of the families of the sons of Gershon, of all that might do service in the tabernacle of the congregation, whom Moses and Aaron did number according to the commandment of the LORD.

⁴²And those that were numbered of the families of the sons of Merari, throughout their families, by the house of their fathers,

⁴³From thirty years old and upward even unto fifty years old, every one that entereth into the service, for the work in the tabernacle of the congregation,

⁴⁴Even those that were numbered of them after their families, were three thousand and two hundred.

⁴⁵These be those that were numbered of the families of the sons of Merari, whom Moses and Aaron numbered according to the word of the LORD by the hand of Moses.

⁴⁶All those that were numbered of the Levites, whom Moses and Aaron and the chief of Israel numbered, after their families, and after the house of their fathers,

⁴⁷From thirty years old and upward even unto fifty years old, every one that came to do the service of the ministry, and the service of the burden in the tabernacle of the congregation.

⁴⁸Even those that were numbered of them, were eight thousand and five hundred and fourscore,

⁴⁹According to the commandment of the LORD they were numbered by the hand of Moses, every one according to his service, and according to his burden: thus were they numbered of him, as the LORD commanded Moses.

For fucks sake ! you get one line telling you to not kill people, but entire chapters dedicating thousands upon thousands of people to polish and launder the big tent and all it contains. Surely this in itself is a major clue to how fucked up the whole idea of this fucked up clueless cunt of a deity is.
Millions of people die each year through poverty while churches gather in millions upon millions of dollars/pounds euro's and spend hardly any of it, and then still beg for more to fix a church roof.

Exodus 22

Exodus 22

So the first few laws were about the owning of human beings, ranging from contracted service through to outright slavery with more laws about protecting the slave owners rights, rather than protecting PEOPLE from abusive masters.
The next set is about thieves. theft and personal properties. Considering the Israelites allegedly were slaves till recent events this just underlines the fact they must have been the most prosperous slaves in history, and also raises the question, if they saw thier slavery as so wrong why do they feel it is alright to enslave others.
Slaves in more recent history didn't even own the clothes on their backs.
¹If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep.
²If a thief be found breaking up, and be smitten that he die, there shall no blood be shed for him.
³If the sun be risen upon him, there shall be blood shed for him; for he should make full restitution; if he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.
⁴If the theft be certainly found in his hand alive, whether it be ox, or ass, or sheep; he shall restore double.
⁵If a man shall cause a field or vineyard to be eaten, and shall put in his beast, and shall feed in another man's field; of the best of his own field, and of the best of his own vineyard, shall he make restitution.
⁶If fire break out, and catch in thorns, so that the stacks of corn, or the standing corn, or the field, be consumed therewith; he that kindled the fire shall surely make restitution.
⁷If a man shall deliver unto his neighbour money or stuff to keep, and it be stolen out of the man's house; if the thief be found, let him pay double.
⁸If the thief be not found, then the master of the house shall be brought unto the judges, to see whether he have put his hand unto his neighbour's goods.
⁹For all manner of trespass, whether it be for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, or for any manner of lost thing which another challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; and whom the judges shall condemn, he shall pay double unto his neighbour.
¹⁰If a man deliver unto his neighbour an ass, or an ox, or a sheep, or any beast, to keep; and it die, or be hurt, or driven away, no man seeing it:
¹¹Then shall an oath of the LORD be between them both, that he hath not put his hand unto his neighbour's goods; and the owner of it shall accept thereof, and he shall not make it good.
¹²And if it be stolen from him, he shall make restitution unto the owner thereof.
¹³If it be torn in pieces, then let him bring it for witness, and he shall not make good that which was torn.
¹⁴And if a man borrow ought of his neighbour, and it be hurt, or die, the owner thereof being not with it, he shall surely make it good.
¹⁵But if the owner thereof be with it, he shall not make it good: if it be an hired thing, it came for his hire.
¹⁶And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
¹⁷If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Still on women as a possession then.
Now a change of tack.

¹⁸Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

The above line in itself responsible for MILLIONS of church sanctioned ritual tortures and murders from the 15th century. Sanctioned by the not so innocent pope Innocent the eighth in his Malleus maleficarum and unfortunately occasionally still occurring today. And it's a mis-translation a more accurate translation would be "thou shalt not suffer a POISONER to live". But is still translated a sorceress(nlt)

¹⁹Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.

Does this even apply in Wales, Australia and New Zealand

²⁰He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.

Still more evidence for more gods.

²¹Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
²²Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child.
²³If thou afflict them in any wise, and they cry at all unto me, I will surely hear their cry;

Has god had his ears cleaned out ?

²⁴And my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless.

That'll be hot earwax then. But what does an alpowerful diety need with a sword ? Zeus or Thor would have used a thunderbolt, Odin and and others an earthquake not that powerful in the gods then is old yhvh.

²⁵If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.
²⁶If thou at all take thy neighbour's raiment to pledge, thou shalt deliver it unto him by that the sun goeth down:
²⁷For that is his covering only, it is his raiment for his skin: wherein shall he sleep? and it shall come to pass, when he crieth unto me, that I will hear; for I am gracious.

What ?
Something altruistic ? Where did this come from?

²⁸Thou shalt not revile the gods, nor curse the ruler of thy people.

Guess I'm in deep shit then.

²⁹Thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors: the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.

Is this in a "he will grow up to be a preist" kind of way or a "rip his heart out on a bloodstained altar" kind of way.

³⁰Likewise shalt thou do with thine oxen, and with thy sheep: seven days it shall be with his dam; on the eighth day thou shalt give it me.

Looks like it may be the bloodstained alter kind of way, not what I consider a good method of contraception.

³¹And ye shall be holy men unto me: neither shall ye eat any flesh that is torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.