Numbers 24

Numbers 24

¹And when Balaam saw that it pleased the LORD to bless Israel, he went not, as at other times, to seek for enchantments, but he set his face toward the wilderness.

²And Balaam lifted up his eyes, and he saw Israel abiding in his tents according to their tribes; and the spirit of God came upon him.

The holy spirit gave him a pearl necklace ????

Or his injury caused a fit.

³And he took up his parable, and said, Balaam the son of Beor hath said, and the man whose eyes are open hath said:

⁴He hath said, which heard the words of God, which saw the vision of the Almighty, falling into a trance, but having his eyes open:

Might be more than a straightforward head injury it may be some form of epilepsy

⁵How goodly are thy tents, O Jacob, and thy tabernacles, O Israel!

⁶As the valleys are they spread forth, as gardens by the river's side, as the trees of lign aloes which the LORD hath planted, and as cedar trees beside the waters.

⁷He shall pour the water out of his buckets, and his seed shall be in many waters, and his king shall be higher than Agag, and his kingdom shall be exalted.

⁸God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.

⁹He couched, he lay down as a lion, and as a great lion: who shall stir him up? Blessed is he that blesseth thee, and cursed is he that curseth thee.

¹⁰And Balak's anger was kindled against Balaam, and he smote his hands together: and Balak said unto Balaam, I called thee to curse mine enemies, and, behold, thou hast altogether blessed them these three times.

¹¹Therefore now flee thou to thy place: I thought to promote thee unto great honour; but, lo, the LORD hath kept thee back from honour.

¹²And Balaam said unto Balak, Spake I not also to thy messengers which thou sentest unto me, saying,

¹³If Balak would give me his house full of silver and gold, I cannot go beyond the commandment of the LORD, to do either good or bad of mine own mind; but what the LORD saith, that will I speak?

¹⁴And now, behold, I go unto my people: come therefore, and I will advertise thee what this people shall do to thy people in the latter days.

¹⁵And he took up his parable, and said, Balaam the son of Beor hath said, and the man whose eyes are open hath said:

¹⁶He hath said, which heard the words of God, and knew the knowledge of the most High, which saw the vision of the Almighty, falling into a trance, but having his eyes open:

¹⁷I shall see him, but not now: I shall behold him, but not nigh: there shall come a Star out of Jacob, and a Sceptre shall rise out of Israel, and shall smite the corners of Moab, and destroy all the children of Sheth.

Well that has me convinced....What we have here is hallucinations ,probably caused by some swelling on the brain from his falling on his ass when he fell off his ass.

Occipital Lobes: most posterior, at the back of the head

• Defects in vision (Visual Field Cuts).
• Difficulty with locating objects in environment.
• Difficulty with identifying colors (Color Agnosia).
• Production of hallucinations.
• Visual illusions - inaccurately seeing objects.
• Word blindness - inability to recognize words.
• Difficulty in recognizing drawn objects.
• Inability to recognize the movement of object (Movement Agnosia).
• Difficulties with reading and writing.

¹⁸And Edom shall be a possession, Seir also shall be a possession for his enemies; and Israel shall do valiantly.

¹⁹Out of Jacob shall come he that shall have dominion, and shall destroy him that remaineth of the city.

²⁰And when he looked on Amalek, he took up his parable, and said, Amalek was the first of the nations; but his latter end shall be that he perish for ever.

²¹And he looked on the Kenites, and took up his parable, and said, Strong is thy dwellingplace, and thou puttest thy nest in a rock.

²²Nevertheless the Kenite shall be wasted, until Asshur shall carry thee away captive.

²³And he took up his parable, and said, Alas, who shall live when God doeth this!

²⁴And ships shall come from the coast of Chittim, and shall afflict Asshur, and shall afflict Eber, and he also shall perish for ever.

²⁵And Balaam rose up, and went and returned to his place: and Balak also went his way.

Numbers 23

¹And Balaam said unto Balak, Build me here seven altars, and prepare me here seven oxen and seven rams.

Umm was he not just reprimanded for beating his ass

²And Balak did as Balaam had spoken; and Balak and Balaam offered on every altar a bullock and a ram.

So you are a bad Balaam if you beat your donkey but it's fine to ritually kill fourteen other animals ????? And then burn their flesh and bones so what you have left are piles of ashes.

³And Balaam said unto Balak, Stand by thy burnt offering, and I will go: peradventure the LORD will come to meet me: and whatsoever he sheweth me I will tell thee. And he went to an high place.

⁴And God met Balaam: and he said unto him, I have prepared seven altars, and I have offered upon every altar a bullock and a ram.

I think Balaams brain injury is worse than we thought !!!Or the god here is just a leader, ranking personage

⁵And the LORD put a word in Balaam's mouth, and said, Return unto Balak, and thus thou shalt speak.

What word ???? may I suggest penis

⁶And he returned unto him, and, lo, he stood by his burnt sacrifice, he, and all the princes of Moab.

And proudly stated....all my own work

⁷And he took up his parable, and said, Balak the king of Moab hath brought me from Aram, out of the mountains of the east, saying, Come, curse me Jacob, and come, defy Israel.

Is that not a way of saying .."he started talking bollocks."

⁸How shall I curse, whom God hath not cursed? or how shall I defy, whom the LORD hath not defied?

⁹For from the top of the rocks I see him, and from the hills I behold him: lo, the people shall dwell alone, and shall not be reckoned among the nations.

¹⁰Who can count the dust of Jacob, and the number of the fourth part of Israel? Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his!

Jacob ? Israel as a person? Have we entered another time warp ?

¹¹And Balak said unto Balaam, What hast thou done unto me? I took thee to curse mine enemies, and, behold, thou hast blessed them altogether.

¹²And he answered and said, Must I not take heed to speak that which the LORD hath put in my mouth?

¹³And Balak said unto him, Come, I pray thee, with me unto another place, from whence thou mayest see them: thou shalt see but the utmost part of them, and shalt not see them all: and curse me them from thence.

¹⁴And he brought him into the field of Zophim, to the top of Pisgah, and built seven altars, and offered a bullock and a ram on every altar.

¹⁵And he said unto Balak, Stand here by thy burnt offering, while I meet the LORD yonder.

¹⁶And the LORD met Balaam, and put a word in his mouth, and said, Go again unto Balak, and say thus.

¹⁷And when he came to him, behold, he stood by his burnt offering, and the princes of Moab with him. And Balak said unto him, What hath the LORD spoken?

¹⁸And he took up his parable, and said, Rise up, Balak, and hear; hearken unto me, thou son of Zippor:

¹⁹God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

²⁰Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.

²¹He hath not beheld iniquity in Jacob, neither hath he seen perverseness in Israel: the LORD his God is with him, and the shout of a king is among them.

So by gods standards you are "faithful" if you are capable of betraying, selling, murdering, rapeing any other human being but especially if you are willing to do it to your own family.

²²God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.

First a talking Donkey Now Unicorns, has Balaam wandered through a wardrobe.

²³Surely there is no enchantment against Jacob, neither is there any divination against Israel: according to this time it shall be said of Jacob and of Israel, What hath God wrought!

To me they are a right divvy nation.

²⁴Behold, the people shall rise up as a great lion, and lift up himself as a young lion: he shall not lie down until he eat of the prey, and drink the blood of the slain.

Yes, don't know when, but Balaam has entered Narnia.

²⁵And Balak said unto Balaam, Neither curse them at all, nor bless them at all.

²⁶But Balaam answered and said unto Balak, Told not I thee, saying, All that the LORD speaketh, that I must do?

²⁷And Balak said unto Balaam, Come, I pray thee, I will bring thee unto another place; peradventure it will please God that thou mayest curse me them from thence.

²⁸And Balak brought Balaam unto the top of Peor, that looketh toward jeshimon.

²⁹And Balaam said unto Balak, Build me here seven altars, and prepare me here seven bullocks and seven rams.

³⁰And Balak did as Balaam had said, and offered a bullock and a ram on every altar.

A bad day for bullocks

Numbers 22

¹And the children of Israel set forward, and pitched in the plains of Moab on this side Jordan by Jericho.

At risk of repeating myself why ? If they have conquered all theses cities why do they need to carry on conquering if all they want is somewhere to live ?

²And Balak the son of Zippor saw all that Israel had done to the Amorites.

Is not Zipporah Mrs Moses could that mean that Balak might be Moses's nephew ?

³And Moab was sore afraid of the people, because they were many: and Moab was distressed because of the children of Israel.

Moab should be afraid as contrary to the popular presupposition that Moses and his minions are the force of law and a structured society. The laws of mob rule are the only laws apparent here, but it's alright 'cos it's done in the name of de lard.

⁴And Moab said unto the elders of Midian, Now shall this company lick up all that are round about us, as the ox licketh up the grass of the field. And Balak the son of Zippor was king of the Moabites at that time.

⁵He sent messengers therefore unto Balaam the son of Beor to Pethor, which is by the river of the land of the children of his people, to call him, saying, Behold, there is a people come out from Egypt: behold, they cover the face of the earth, and they abide over against me:

⁶Come now therefore, I pray thee, curse me this people; for they are too mighty for me: peradventure I shall prevail, that we may smite them, and that I may drive them out of the land: for I wot that he whom thou blessest is blessed, and he whom thou cursest is cursed.

⁷And the elders of Moab and the elders of Midian departed with the rewards of divination in their hand; and they came unto Balaam, and spake unto him the words of Balak.

⁸And he said unto them, Lodge here this night, and I will bring you word again, as the LORD shall speak unto me: and the princes of Moab abode with Balaam.

⁹And God came unto Balaam, and said, What men are these with thee?

Omniscient as ever !

¹⁰And Balaam said unto God, Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, hath sent unto me, saying,

¹¹Behold, there is a people come out of Egypt, which covereth the face of the earth: come now, curse me them; peradventure I shall be able to overcome them, and drive them out.

¹²And God said unto Balaam, Thou shalt not go with them; thou shalt not curse the people: for they are blessed.

¹³And Balaam rose up in the morning, and said unto the princes of Balak, Get you into your land: for the LORD refuseth to give me leave to go with you.

¹⁴And the princes of Moab rose up, and they went unto Balak, and said, Balaam refuseth to come with us.

¹⁵And Balak sent yet again princes, more, and more honourable than they.

¹⁶And they came to Balaam, and said to him, Thus saith Balak the son of Zippor, Let nothing, I pray thee, hinder thee from coming unto me:

¹⁷For I will promote thee unto very great honour, and I will do whatsoever thou sayest unto me: come therefore, I pray thee, curse me this people.

¹⁸And Balaam answered and said unto the servants of Balak, If Balak would give me his house full of silver and gold, I cannot go beyond the word of the LORD my God, to do less or more.

¹⁹Now therefore, I pray you, tarry ye also here this night, that I may know what the LORD will say unto me more.

²⁰And God came unto Balaam at night, and said unto him, If the men come to call thee, rise up, and go with them; but yet the word which I shall say unto thee, that shalt thou do.

²¹And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.

²²And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.

Funny that ! the word adversary in almost any other context in the bible would be translated by it's sound...Shaitan or Satan. But god couldn,t have appointed Satan to do the dirty work as he cast him out of heaven(allegedly) in or before Enoch.

The fact that he's fucked eitherway implies to me however this is obviously just a fairy story, or the messenger was either ugly or smelly enough to startle a donkey.

²³And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.

²⁴But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.

I know from personal experience that if you are walking down a dark narrow alley your own shadow can suddenly leap out at you. It may not be butch but when you are young it can give you a bit of a start, the same I imagine is for a donkey.

²⁵And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he smote her again.

²⁶And the angel of the LORD went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.

²⁷And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.

Note the text doesn't mention Balaam seeing the angel.

²⁸And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

I think Balaam hit his head.

²⁹And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

³⁰And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

³¹Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.

³²And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because thy way is perverse before me:

³³And the ass saw me, and turned from me these three times: unless she had turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive.

'cos we all know how god likes saving innocents especially the ones that complain about thier masters.

³⁴And Balaam said unto the angel of the LORD, I have sinned; for I knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me: now therefore, if it displease thee, I will get me back again.

³⁵And the angel of the LORD said unto Balaam, Go with the men: but only the word that I shall speak unto thee, that thou shalt speak. So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.

³⁶And when Balak heard that Balaam was come, he went out to meet him unto a city of Moab, which is in the border of Arnon, which is in the utmost coast.

³⁷And Balak said unto Balaam, Did I not earnestly send unto thee to call thee? wherefore camest thou not unto me? am I not able indeed to promote thee to honour?

³⁸And Balaam said unto Balak, Lo, I am come unto thee: have I now any power at all to say any thing? the word that God putteth in my mouth, that shall I speak.

³⁹And Balaam went with Balak, and they came unto Kirjathhuzoth.

⁴⁰And Balak offered oxen and sheep, and sent to Balaam, and to the princes that were with him.

⁴¹And it came to pass on the morrow, that Balak took Balaam, and brought him up into the high places of Baal, that thence he might see the utmost part of the people.

So the crux of the matter here is not that god created a miracle and made Balaam's ass talk,but Balaam was a spineless ass that sold out his own mates to save his own ass and made up a bullshit story about his ass to cover his ass so some dumbass would believe him.

Exodus 33

Exodus 33

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Depart, and go up hence, thou and the people which thou hast brought up out of the land of Egypt, unto the land which I sware unto Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, saying, Unto thy seed will I give it:

Oh dear! The alzheimers has kicked in again, gods repeating himself.

²And I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out the Canaanite, the Amorite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite:

But....but..... surely they're strangers, I thought god said to be nice to strangers(just don't take sweeties from them children)

³Unto a land flowing with milk and honey: for I will not go up in the midst of thee; for thou art a stiffnecked people: lest I consume thee in the way.

A land flowing with milk and honey.......with newspaper taxi's an marmalade skies perhaps.

Honestly where did the scribes come up with this shit ?

⁴And when the people heard these evil tidings, they mourned: and no man did put on him his ornaments.

No man put on his ornaments.... could that be because they had all been utilised by Jethro god for the big tents furniture ?

⁵For the LORD had said unto Moses, Say unto the children of Israel, Ye are a stiffnecked people: I will come up into the midst of thee in a moment, and consume thee: therefore now put off thy ornaments from thee, that I may know what to do unto thee.

⁶And the children of Israel stripped themselves of their ornaments by the mount Horeb.

If they weren't wearing their "ornaments", how could they remove them ?

⁷And Moses took the tabernacle, and pitched it without the camp, afar off from the camp, and called it the Tabernacle of the congregation. And it came to pass, that every one which sought the LORD went out unto the tabernacle of the congregation, which was without the camp.

⁸And it came to pass, when Moses went out unto the tabernacle, that all the people rose up, and stood every man at his tent door, and looked after Moses, until he was gone into the tabernacle.

⁹And it came to pass, as Moses entered into the tabernacle, the cloudy pillar descended, and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses.

Jethro god must be making an appearance they have moved off so people can't see too clearly.

¹⁰And all the people saw the cloudy pillar stand at the tabernacle door: and all the people rose up and worshipped, every man in his tent door.

Where there's smoke there's liar.

¹¹And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle.

Are Moses and Jethro spit roasting Joshua ?

¹²And Moses said unto the LORD, See, thou sayest unto me, Bring up this people: and thou hast not let me know whom thou wilt send with me. Yet thou hast said, I know thee by name, and thou hast also found grace in my sight.

¹³Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people.

¹⁴And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.

¹⁵And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.

¹⁶For wherein shall it be known here that I and thy people have found grace in thy sight? is it not in that thou goest with us? so shall we be separated, I and thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth.

¹⁷And the LORD said unto Moses, I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.

¹⁸And he said, I beseech thee, shew me thy glory.

Is there anyway of reading this that does not mean get your kit off ?

¹⁹And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy.

²⁰And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.

When Jacob was "wrestling" with god did he not see him or were gods testicles dangling in his eyes ?

²¹And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock:

²²And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: ²³And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

Reads like gay porn.

Exodus 24

Exodus 24

¹And he said unto Moses, Come up unto the LORD, thou, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel; and worship ye afar off.

Which is to say fuck off peasants, we have some scheming to do.

²And Moses alone shall come near the LORD: but they shall not come nigh; neither shall the people go up with him.

³And Moses came and told the people all the words of the LORD, and all the judgments: and all the people answered with one voice, and said, All the words which the LORD hath said will we do.

⁴And Moses wrote all the words of the LORD, and rose up early in the morning, and builded an altar under the hill, and twelve pillars, according to the twelve tribes of Israel.

Still with the erections.

Seriously tho' are we sure yhvh is pronounced jehova or yar wey could it not just as easily been Shiva

⁵And he sent young men of the children of Israel, which offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD.

Oh pity the starving millions.

⁶And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar.

Is he going to make some black pudding ?

⁷And he took the book of the covenant, and read in the audience of the people: and they said, All that the LORD hath said will we do, and be obedient.

⁸And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the LORD hath made with you concerning all these words.

I thought that was supposed to be a satanic ritual. Have them christians been lying ? Oh no, we haven't been introduced to Satan yet the serpent in Eden was just a serpent.

⁹Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel:

¹⁰And they saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness.

Some strong hallucinogenic there or a slight stretching of the truth.

¹¹And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.

Yay space cake and shrooms washed down with a nice chianti

¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.

¹³And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.

¹⁴And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you: and, behold, Aaron and Hur are with you: if any man have any matters to do, let him come unto them.

¹⁵And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.

Hey man he's got some serious toking to do if he wants to see god.

¹⁶And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud.

Honest guv ! Oh and Jethro's nowhere to be seen and again, Honest guv !

¹⁷And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel.

¹⁸And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Carving all those laws must have taken a while no wonder they didn't use vowels.

Exodus 5

Exodus 5

¹And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness.

Not let my people go because you are treating them like shit, but because they have to celebrate in the wilderness...... showing your love for what it is again.

²And Pharaoh said, Who is the LORD, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the LORD, neither will I let Israel go.
³And they said, The God of the Hebrews hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, three days' journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto the LORD our God; lest he fall upon us with pestilence, or with the sword.

Theres that love again.... Let us do it or we will be punished for something that is not our fault!

⁴And the king of Egypt said unto them, Wherefore do ye, Moses and Aaron, let the people from their works? get you unto your burdens.
⁵And Pharaoh said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and ye make them rest from their burdens.
⁶And Pharaoh commanded the same day the taskmasters of the people, and their officers, saying,
⁷Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather straw for themselves.

Ok ! What is wrong with these people would it not make more sense to remove the troublemakers from the equation, imprisonment, execution or the old Sumarian tradition, exile.

⁸And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.
⁹Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words.
¹⁰And the taskmasters of the people went out, and their officers, and they spake to the people, saying, Thus saith Pharaoh, I will not give you straw.
¹¹Go ye, get you straw where ye can find it: yet not ought of your work shall be diminished.
¹²So the people were scattered abroad throughout all the land of Egypt to gather stubble instead of straw.
¹³And the taskmasters hasted them, saying, Fulfil your works, your daily tasks, as when there was straw.
¹⁴And the officers of the children of Israel, which Pharaoh's taskmasters had set over them, were beaten, and demanded, Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore?

How is it that a civilization that was able to survive for so long could be this stupid ?

¹⁵Then the officers of the children of Israel came and cried unto Pharaoh, saying, Wherefore dealest thou thus with thy servants?
¹⁶There is no straw given unto thy servants, and they say to us, Make brick: and, behold, thy servants are beaten; but the fault is in thine own people.

Seems to be a recurrent theme pick on the Hebrews for something that is not their fault, or perhaps there is a reason.

Just a thought, but knowing their family history of disloyalty,lieing, cheating , stealing and general untrustworthiness, is it possible they were imprisoned with forced labour for criminal activities?

¹⁷But he said, Ye are idle, ye are idle: therefore ye say, Let us go and do sacrifice to the LORD.
¹⁸Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of bricks.
¹⁹And the officers of the children of Israel did see that they were in evil case, after it was said, Ye shall not minish ought from your bricks of your daily task.
²⁰And they met Moses and Aaron, who stood in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh:
²¹And they said unto them, The LORD look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savour to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to slay us.

Looking at modern day Palastine/Israel I find it difficult to believe that they wouldn't just rip them apart.

²²And Moses returned unto the LORD, and said, LORD, wherefore hast thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that thou hast sent me?

"Because my son you are a deluded gullible fool"

²³For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.

Exodus 3

Exodus 3

¹Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb.

Now I know the family relationships so far are pretty fucked up, but it is only a few short lines since the introduction of the girls father the priest, and his name was Reuel. Now it is Jethro. Is the scribe as forgetful as god ?

²And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.

³And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.

⁴And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.

⁵And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.

Is he hallucinating as has recently been suggested?

or is some one just fucking with him?

⁶Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.

Yep! Showing the family trait of having no balls.

⁷And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;

So the all powerful all mighty almighty has since he managed to notice his favourite family are having a hard time, has....
...Sat back and watched.

⁸And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.

Which is a couple of weeks walk away from Egypt.

⁹Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.
¹⁰Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
¹¹And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?

Who indeed ?

¹²And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou hast brought forth the people out of Egypt, ye shall serve God upon this mountain.

Multiple personality disorder anyone ?

¹³And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?
¹⁴And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

Now he's fucking Popeye.

perhaps that's why he went to mount olive...yuk yuk yuk yuk

¹⁵And God said moreover unto Moses, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, the LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath sent me unto you: this is my name for ever, and this is my memorial unto all generations.
¹⁶Go, and gather the elders of Israel together, and say unto them, The LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob, appeared unto me, saying, I have surely visited you, and seen that which is done to you in Egypt:
¹⁷And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt unto the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, unto a land flowing with milk and honey.

Is the milk reference another Hindu connection ?

¹⁸And they shall hearken to thy voice: and thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and ye shall say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath met with us: and now let us go, we beseech thee, three days' journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to the LORD our God.
¹⁹And I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand.
²⁰And I will stretch out my hand, and smite Egypt with all my wonders which I will do in the midst thereof: and after that he will let you go.
²¹And I will give this people favour in the sight of the Egyptians: and it shall come to pass, that, when ye go, ye shall not go empty.²²But every woman shall borrow of her neighbour, and of her that sojourneth in her house, jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment: and ye shall put them upon your sons, and upon your daughters; and ye shall spoil the Egyptians.

Seems a lot of messing around for an entity that could allegedly transport the Hebrews elsewhere or just kill the Egyptians

Genesis 15

Genesis 15

¹After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.
Another word for vision is hallucination. Out in the sun too long ?
²And Abram said, LORD God, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus?
³And Abram said, Behold, to me thou hast given no seed: and, lo, one born in my house is mine heir.
Still worrying about his impotence.
⁴And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.
Not sure how to read that does it mean...

• A gay lover will be his heir ?
• Abram will give birth ?
• His heir will be shit ?
  

⁵And he brought him forth abroad, and said, Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he said unto him, So shall thy seed be.
⁶And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.
⁷And he said unto him, I am the LORD that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it.
⁸And he said, LORD God, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?
⁹And he said unto him, Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.
¹⁰And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against another: but the birds divided he not.
¹¹And when the fowls came down upon the carcases, Abram drove them away.
¹²And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him.
Yup, sunstroke.
¹³And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years;
So Abram's hallucination thinks his imaginary descendants are gonna get fucked over. Can you call it a prophecy if it's not recorded till after a coincidental event ?
¹⁴And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and afterward shall they come out with great substance.
¹⁵And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age.
That could have meant any time soon he was already a good age.
¹⁶But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full.
¹⁷And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces.
Hallucinating well. Do magic mushrooms grow in Canaan ?
¹⁸In the same day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed have I given this land, from the river of Egypt unto the great river, the river Euphrates:
In his dreams. Literally!
¹⁹The Kenites, and the Kenizzites, and the Kadmonites,
²⁰And the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims,
²¹And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.