Deuteronomy 28

¹And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:

I feel at this point the need to point out that some forms of Buddhism teach their acolytes to listen for the sound of one hand clapping to achieve inner peace. Not to listen for the bellowing of an insane tyrant, bent on the destruction, not only of all who stand AGAINST you but all who do not stand WITH you

²And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.

³Blessed shalt thou be in the city, and blessed shalt thou be in the field.

⁴Blessed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy ground, and the fruit of thy cattle, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.

⁵Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.

⁶Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

⁷The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.

⁸The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto; and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

⁹The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto himself, as he hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, and walk in his ways.

¹⁰And all people of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of the LORD; and they shall be afraid of thee.

There is truth in this statement. There is no enemy more fear inspiring than one that believes his actions are sanctified by a despot that will reward you in an afterlife.

¹¹And the LORD shall make thee plenteous in goods, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy ground, in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

¹²The LORD shall open unto thee his good treasure, the heaven to give the rain unto thy land in his season, and to bless all the work of thine hand: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, and thou shalt not borrow.

¹³And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them:

Especially one that blames you for not being pious enough for anything that is not beneficial

¹⁴And thou shalt not go aside from any of the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

¹⁵But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:

¹⁶Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.

¹⁷Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.

¹⁸Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.

¹⁹Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

²⁰The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the wickedness of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken me.

²¹The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.

²²The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

Does this confirm the "strange fire" that killed the sons of Aaron were a form of gunpowder or explosive.

²³And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron.

²⁴The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

²⁵The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies: thou shalt go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them: and shalt be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth.

²⁶And thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away.

²⁷The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

²⁸The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:

²⁹And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.

³⁰Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.

³¹Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them.

³²Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long; and there shall be no might in thine hand.

³³The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway:

³⁴So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.

³⁵The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.

³⁶The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone.

³⁷And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.

Another of de lards strangely unfulfilled prophecies.

³⁸Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather but little in; for the locust shall consume it.

³⁹Thou shalt plant vineyards, and dress them, but shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worms shall eat them.

⁴⁰Thou shalt have olive trees throughout all thy coasts, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olive shall cast his fruit.

⁴¹Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but thou shalt not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity.

⁴²All thy trees and fruit of thy land shall the locust consume.

Is the god of locusts more powerful than de lard ?

⁴³The stranger that is within thee shall get up above thee very high; and thou shalt come down very low.

Or is the strangers god(s) more powerful

⁴⁴He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him: he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.

⁴⁵Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee:

⁴⁶And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever.

⁴⁷Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things;

⁴⁸Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.

⁴⁹The LORD shall bring a nation against thee from far, from the end of the earth, as swift as the eagle flieth; a nation whose tongue thou shalt not understand;

⁵⁰A nation of fierce countenance, which shall not regard the person of the old, nor shew favour to the young.

These and the next few verses are seen as a fulfilled prophecy citing the events of the second world war. Personally I think it was a self fulfilling prophecy. Herr Hitler is said to have been very interested in myths and religion, believing his rise to power and the third Reich was prophesied by Madame Blavatsky

⁵¹And he shall eat the fruit of thy cattle, and the fruit of thy land, until thou be destroyed: which also shall not leave thee either corn, wine, or oil, or the increase of thy kine, or flocks of thy sheep, until he have destroyed thee.

⁵²And he shall besiege thee in all thy gates, until thy high and fenced walls come down, wherein thou trustedst, throughout all thy land: and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.

⁵³And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee:

⁵⁴So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave:

⁵⁵So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat: because he hath nothing left him in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee in all thy gates.

⁵⁶The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter,

⁵⁷And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall distress thee in thy gates.

⁵⁸If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD;

⁵⁹Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.

⁶⁰Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.

⁶¹Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

⁶²And ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou wouldest not obey the voice of the LORD thy God.

⁶³And it shall come to pass, that as the LORD rejoiced over you to do you good, and to multiply you; so the LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought; and ye shall be plucked from off the land whither thou goest to possess it.

⁶⁴And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods, which neither thou nor thy fathers have known, even wood and stone.

⁶⁵And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:

⁶⁶And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life:

⁶⁷In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.

⁶⁸And the LORD shall bring thee into Egypt again with ships, by the way whereof I spake unto thee, Thou shalt see it no more again: and there ye shall be sold unto your enemies for bondmen and bondwomen, and no man shall buy you.

I seem to remember that Egypt was one of the lands denied to the Israelites invading armies and pointing out that this denial,had in all probability more to do with the strength of Egypts defence capability than any other reason.

Deuteronomy 25

¹If there be a controversy between men, and they come unto judgment, that the judges may judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked.

²And it shall be, if the wicked man be worthy to be beaten, that the judge shall cause him to lie down, and to be beaten before his face, according to his fault, by a certain number.

³Forty stripes he may give him, and not exceed: lest, if he should exceed, and beat him above these with many stripes, then thy brother should seem vile unto thee.

⁴Thou shalt not muzzle the ox when he treadeth out the corn.

⁵If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.

Hey !.....No !

As much as I love my sister in law ....No No No No No.

⁶And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.

⁷And if the man like not to take his brother's wife, then let his brother's wife go up to the gate unto the elders, and say, My husband's brother refuseth to raise up unto his brother a name in Israel, he will not perform the duty of my husband's brother.

⁸Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak unto him: and if he stand to it, and say, I like not to take her;

⁹Then shall his brother's wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother's house.

¹⁰And his name shall be called in Israel, The house of him that hath his shoe loosed.

So I have loose shoes how can I hold my head up in public ?

¹¹When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:

How could she do that ? If they were fighting clothed surely she would find it difficult to grasp his dangly bits through the layers of robes. Unless of course this was nocturnal nude wrestling as introduced by god or an angel with dear old Jacob.

¹²Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

That's fuckin' stupid, how is the bitch going to do her chores ?

¹³Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small.

¹⁴Thou shalt not have in thine house divers measures, a great and a small.

¹⁵But thou shalt have a perfect and just weight, a perfect and just measure shalt thou have: that thy days may be lengthened in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

¹⁶For all that do such things, and all that do unrighteously, are an abomination unto the LORD thy God.

Fair enough ! Nobody wants to be ripped off, but I am continually amazed at some of the thing de lard thinks are an abomination but not so much as some of the things he encourages.

¹⁷Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt;

¹⁸How he met thee by the way, and smote the hindmost of thee, even all that were feeble behind thee, when thou wast faint and weary; and he feared not God.

¹⁹Therefore it shall be, when the LORD thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it.



Have you got that kiddies. You must remember to dismiss any memory of Amelek and don't you ever dare to forget it.

Deuteronomy 22

¹Thou shalt not see thy brother's ox or his sheep go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt in any case bring them again unto thy brother.

²And if thy brother be not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own house, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again.

That's gotta be one big family if you don't know your own brother,

³In like manner shalt thou do with his ass; and so shalt thou do with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother's, which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou do likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself.

And really, you should steer well clear of your brothers ass.

⁴Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift them up again.

No, I am still going no where near my bro's ass.

⁵The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

So cross dressing is a no no ......What about unisex clothing ? Besides as an impoverished English biker I know that wearing a couple of pairs of tights under your jeans is a cheap way of keeping your legs and wedding tackle toasty during those cold winter months.

⁶If a bird's nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, whether they be young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young:

But its ok to murder parents and children as long as they live nearby ??????

⁷But thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days.

What the fuck is a dam anyway besides a construction to retain water ?

And my partner knows all about retaining water.

⁸When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house, if any man fall from thence.

The style of city houses in these times required entry through the roof a wall surrounding the roof was a good idea.

⁹Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled.

Fair enough

¹⁰Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.

Otherwise you would be ploughing in an ever decreasing spiral till you disappeared up your asses or ox's ass.

¹¹Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

That's a blow to the fashion industry.

¹²Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself.

That has completely passed me by any ideas anyone.

¹³If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,

That'll be about 90% of married men.

¹⁴And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:

That'll be about 98.8% of married men

¹⁵Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:

Tokens of the damsels virginity, what's that letters from any number of males declaring they have not fucked her ?

¹⁶And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;

¹⁷And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.

Ah ! now I think I understand. Until fairly recently, maybe 200 years or so it was the custom in some parts of england that the bride was gathered up by the village and carried to the marriage bed, a bed with spotlessly clean sheets the groom was also thrown on to the bed, the following morning the sheets would be examined and blood from the loss of her virginity was expected.

I am not sure as I cannot remember were I got this from but I think if there was no blood then the marriage was void.

¹⁸And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;

That I believe is as near to women's rights as it got.

¹⁹And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

²⁰But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:

²¹Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Wow sexual equality at its best. Just think if girls if your new husband had a little dick(as is implied as a family trait of the family of Abraham) and you laughed you could be stoned if he did not make you bleed on your wedding night.

²²If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.

So .... does this mean if someone catches someone raping someone they both must die ?

²³If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;

²⁴Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

Betrothed../...wife surely there is a difference

²⁵But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die.

So if a girl goes out with the intention of being raped she had better do it in a field.

²⁶But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:

²⁷For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.

²⁸If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

²⁹Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

So if she is not betrothed (promised by her father to someone) and she is raped and he is caught for the princely sum of fifty shekels, he keeps her as his wife. Well thats fine as long as the father profits and don't go forgetting the levites cut.

Surprising and also sickening a variation of this horrible practice still continues today in Ethiopia

³⁰A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt.


What was said in verse 5 again ?

By the way . This is not me.(Wrong shade of pink).

Deuteronomy 18

¹The priests the Levites, and all the tribe of Levi, shall have no part nor inheritance with Israel: they shall eat the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and his inheritance.

At last ! An admission that de lard had a father, else how would de lard have inheritance ?

²Therefore shall they have no inheritance among their brethren: the LORD is their inheritance, as he hath said unto them.

Not directly of course, but through oracles or prophets

³And this shall be the priest's due from the people, from them that offer a sacrifice, whether it be ox or sheep; and they shall give unto the priest the shoulder, and the two cheeks, and the maw.

Funny how these sacrifices to de lard always end up with a good meal for the priesthood.

⁴The firstfruit also of thy corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the first of the fleece of thy sheep, shalt thou give him.

⁵For the LORD thy God hath chosen him out of all thy tribes, to stand to minister in the name of the LORD, him and his sons for ever.

If de lard had really chosen these people from his chosen it would imply a breeding programme. The fact that there are now not any specific differences between the levites descendants and the rest of humanity implies one of several things,either the levites have been fucking out of their desired genetic pool, de lard has the attention span of a retarded galactic goldfish or de lard just don't exist.

⁶And if a Levite come from any of thy gates out of all Israel, where he sojourned, and come with all the desire of his mind unto the place which the LORD shall choose;

⁷Then he shall minister in the name of the LORD his God, as all his brethren the Levites do, which stand there before the LORD.

⁸They shall have like portions to eat, beside that which cometh of the sale of his patrimony.

They must have been some fat fuckers.

⁹When thou art come into the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations.

Like freedom of thought, bacon and seafood.

¹⁰There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch.

¹¹Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.

Does this not incude speaking bollocks in tongues ?

¹²For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

¹³Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.

Fuck me! According to his own propaganda de lard started with a clean slate and fucked it up. He couldn't out wit a woman so naive she was beyond innocence, who was coerced by persuasive python to disobey an order she couldn't have really understood.

Now he wants a minuscule portion of her alleged descendants not to strive for perfection but to be perfect, what a cunt why should he expect more from us than he is capable of himself.

¹⁴For these nations, which thou shalt possess, hearkened unto observers of times, and unto diviners: but as for thee, the LORD thy God hath not suffered thee so to do.

¹⁵The LORD thy God will raise up unto thee a Prophet from the midst of thee, of thy brethren, like unto me; unto him ye shall hearken;

So what exactly is the difference between an embodied oracle, a seer and a prophet ?

¹⁶According to all that thou desiredst of the LORD thy God in Horeb in the day of the assembly, saying, Let me not hear again the voice of the LORD my God, neither let me see this great fire any more, that I die not.

¹⁷And the LORD said unto me, They have well spoken that which they have spoken.

¹⁸I will raise them up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command him.

Is this what Mr Tedder referred to ? If so it says prophet not messiah.

¹⁹And it shall come to pass, that whosoever will not hearken unto my words which he shall speak in my name, I will require it of him.

²⁰But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

I say de lard said to me "Tell my children they have made me up and I don't exist"

²¹And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken?

A while back it talked of your heart being circumcised, now you can speak through your heart. I say this , If you can hear your heart speak you know it's talking bollocks

²²When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.

Deuteronomy 16

¹Observe the month of Abib, and keep the passover unto the LORD thy God: for in the month of Abib the LORD thy God brought thee forth out of Egypt by night.

²Thou shalt therefore sacrifice the passover unto the LORD thy God, of the flock and the herd, in the place which the LORD shall choose to place his name there.

³Thou shalt eat no leavened bread with it; seven days shalt thou eat unleavened bread therewith, even the bread of affliction; for thou camest forth out of the land of Egypt in haste: that thou mayest remember the day when thou camest forth out of the land of Egypt all the days of thy life.

They left in haste but managed to take lots of precious metals and jewellery not to mention cattle not bad for so called slaves.

⁴And there shall be no leavened bread seen with thee in all thy coast seven days; neither shall there any thing of the flesh, which thou sacrificedst the first day at even, remain all night until the morning.

⁵Thou mayest not sacrifice the passover within any of thy gates, which the LORD thy God giveth thee:

Cos' they wouldn't want blood spilt in their towns, aside from the previous occupants blood of course.

⁶But at the place which the LORD thy God shall choose to place his name in, there thou shalt sacrifice the passover at even, at the going down of the sun, at the season that thou camest forth out of Egypt.

⁷And thou shalt roast and eat it in the place which the LORD thy God shall choose: and thou shalt turn in the morning, and go unto thy tents.

What ? They get to eat the sacrifice, that's not a sacrifice that's dinner.

⁸Six days thou shalt eat unleavened bread: and on the seventh day shall be a solemn assembly to the LORD thy God: thou shalt do no work therein.

"Solemn assembly" That's not the way the hallelujah brigade do it. Funny how they put so much emphasis on certain laws of de lard and yet totally reject or ignore other ones.

⁹Seven weeks shalt thou number unto thee: begin to number the seven weeks from such time as thou beginnest to put the sickle to the corn.

¹⁰And thou shalt keep the feast of weeks unto the LORD thy God with a tribute of a freewill offering of thine hand, which thou shalt give unto the LORD thy God, according as the LORD thy God hath blessed thee:

¹¹And thou shalt rejoice before the LORD thy God, thou, and thy son, and thy daughter, and thy manservant, and thy maidservant, and the Levite that is within thy gates, and the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow, that are among you, in the place which the LORD thy God hath chosen to place his name there.

Back to being nice to strangers but I thought the fatherless were damned for generations.

¹²And thou shalt remember that thou wast a bondman in Egypt: and thou shalt observe and do these statutes.

¹³Thou shalt observe the feast of tabernacles seven days, after that thou hast gathered in thy corn and thy wine:

¹⁴And thou shalt rejoice in thy feast, thou, and thy son, and thy daughter, and thy manservant, and thy maidservant, and the Levite, the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow, that are within thy gates.

¹⁵Seven days shalt thou keep a solemn feast unto the LORD thy God in the place which the LORD shall choose: because the LORD thy God shall bless thee in all thine increase, and in all the works of thine hands, therefore thou shalt surely rejoice.

How do you solemnly rejoice ?

¹⁶Three times in a year shall all thy males appear before the LORD thy God in the place which he shall choose; in the feast of unleavened bread, and in the feast of weeks, and in the feast of tabernacles: and they shall not appear before the LORD empty:

¹⁷Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD thy God which he hath given thee.

¹⁸Judges and officers shalt thou make thee in all thy gates, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, throughout thy tribes: and they shall judge the people with just judgment.

¹⁹Thou shalt not wrest judgment; thou shalt not respect persons, neither take a gift: for a gift doth blind the eyes of the wise, and pervert the words of the righteous.

²⁰That which is altogether just shalt thou follow, that thou mayest live, and inherit the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

²¹Thou shalt not plant thee a grove of any trees near unto the altar of the LORD thy God, which thou shalt make thee.

²²Neither shalt thou set thee up any image; which the LORD thy God hateth.

Is de lard just plain fucking ugly ? Why else would he have such a downer on images ?

Deuteronomy 14

¹Ye are the children of the LORD your God: ye shall not cut yourselves, nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead.

²For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.

³Thou shalt not eat any abominable thing.

Does that mean snowmen, or the Mother In Laws cooking ?

⁴These are the beasts which ye shall eat: the ox, the sheep, and the goat,

⁵The hart, and the roebuck, and the fallow deer, and the wild goat, and the pygarg, and the wild ox, and the chamois.

What the fuck is a pygarg

? I looked it up and it's definitely an antelope, or an eagle, or a rabbit, or perhaps one of these four legged birds or insects we have been told about.To be honest nobody is sure so it must have tasted real good as there are none left

⁶And every beast that parteth the hoof, and cleaveth the cleft into two claws, and cheweth the cud among the beasts, that ye shall eat.

⁷Nevertheless these ye shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the cloven hoof; as the camel, and the hare, and the coney: for they chew the cud, but divide not the hoof; therefore they are unclean unto you.

⁸And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.

But ...but... but...they taste soooo good.

No really, you can keep your ambrosia the real food of the gods is pork and bacon.

⁹These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:

¹⁰And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.

¹¹Of all clean birds ye shall eat.

¹²But these are they of which ye shall not eat: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,

¹³And the glede, and the kite, and the vulture after his kind,

¹⁴And every raven after his kind,

¹⁵And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind,

¹⁶The little owl, and the great owl, and the swan,

¹⁷And the pelican, and the gier eagle, and the cormorant,

¹⁸And the stork, and the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

The bat! fuck me am I stupid ?There was me thinking it was a mammal

¹⁹And every creeping thing that flieth is unclean unto you: they shall not be eaten.

You try riding a motorcycle and not eating the odd flying creeping thing. It happens, you can't help it, but come those balmy summer nights and autumn evenings I could keep a large family of bats healthy on the amount of flying insects I must digest. I don't even notice the taste half the time. The consistency however, is another matter.

²⁰But of all clean fowls ye may eat.

Are there any left ?

²¹Ye shall not eat of anything that dieth of itself: thou shalt give it unto the stranger that is in thy gates, that he may eat it; or thou mayest sell it unto an alien: for thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.

He does go on about this, I must admit I have never eaten a kid boiled in milk but if I did I would make sure I milked it's mother personally.

²²Thou shalt truly tithe all the increase of thy seed, that the field bringeth forth year by year.

What ? de lard wants 10% of the wet spot when you and your lover have finished.

²³And thou shalt eat before the LORD thy God, in the place which he shall choose to place his name there, the tithe of thy corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the firstlings of thy herds and of thy flocks; that thou mayest learn to fear the LORD thy God always.

You try having a picnic halfway through a service, especially if you do your grovelling at one of the mega churches with thier gun toting ushers.

²⁴And if the way be too long for thee, so that thou art not able to carry it; or if the place be too far from thee, which the LORD thy God shall choose to set his name there, when the LORD thy God hath blessed thee:

²⁵Then shalt thou turn it into money, and bind up the money in thine hand, and shalt go unto the place which the LORD thy God shall choose:

Yea verily !de lard he has chosen your local preachers back pocket.

Fuck me you read lines like this and think how can people be this fucking stupid ?

²⁶And thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatsoever thy soul desireth: and thou shalt eat there before the LORD thy God, and thou shalt rejoice, thou, and thine household,

²⁷And the Levite that is within thy gates; thou shalt not forsake him; for he hath no part nor inheritance with thee.

For levite substitute you local religious leader

²⁸At the end of three years thou shalt bring forth all the tithe of thine increase the same year, and shalt lay it up within thy gates:

²⁹And the Levite, (because he hath no part nor inheritance with thee,) and the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow, which are within thy gates, shall come, and shall eat and be satisfied; that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all the work of thine hand which thou doest.

Deuteronomy 7

¹When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;

²And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:

³Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

Hang on was not Mrs Moses no.1 a Midianite and Mrs Moses no.2 Ethiopian ?

Why is it Ok for Moses to fuck outside his ethnicity and no one else.

⁴For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

Well as soon as Moses and his crew can get to you anyway.

⁵But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.

⁶For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.

⁷The LORD did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people:

How very democratic of him.

You know the more I read about this so called god the less I believe he is worthy of worship. Invite him into my heart ......I wouldn't even want him in the same universe.

⁸But because the LORD loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the LORD brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

⁹Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;

Arn't we talking about the god who managed to almost drown the contents of the Ark because he forgot about Noah, the god who managed to forget his promise to Abaraham for 400 years,the god that has apparently chosen a small segment ofthe alleged descendants of Noah and his family and turned his back on the rest, the god that encourages behaviour that us mere mortals are trying to put behind us as we strive for true civilization.

¹⁰And repayeth them that hate him to their face, to destroy them: he will not be slack to him that hateth him, he will repay him to his face.

And he calls himself our Father ?

¹¹Thou shalt therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which I command thee this day, to do them.

Because obeying his laws is much better than being nice to your fellow man

¹²Wherefore it shall come to pass, if ye hearken to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that the LORD thy God shall keep unto thee the covenant and the mercy which he sware unto thy fathers:

1,000 generations he said , well modern Israel must have exceeded that so now thy are in the same boat as the rest of us. That means all these religious kooks are as fucked as the rest of us.

¹³And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

If this were true surely the Israelites and their descendant would be living peacefully and would own the world a sort of Jewtopia.

¹⁴Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.

No ! don't believe a word.

¹⁵And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.

Take away all sickness. Fuck me these are some of the sickest bastards I have ever read about. and they encourage children to read this shit.

¹⁶And thou shalt consume all the people which the LORD thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity upon them: neither shalt thou serve their gods; for that will be a snare unto thee.

Yup ! That is definitely sick.

¹⁷If thou shalt say in thine heart, These nations are more than I; how can I dispossess them?

¹⁸Thou shalt not be afraid of them: but shalt well remember what the LORD thy God did unto Pharaoh, and unto all Egypt;

Take the credit for natural disasters.

¹⁹The great temptations which thine eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders, and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the LORD thy God brought thee out: so shall the LORD thy God do unto all the people of whom thou art afraid.

²⁰Moreover the LORD thy God will send the hornet among them, until they that are left, and hide themselves from thee, be destroyed.

²¹Thou shalt not be affrighted at them: for the LORD thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible.

He might be terrible but his only might is the ignorence and sheer bloody mindedness of his followers.

²²And the LORD thy God will put out those nations before thee by little and little: thou mayest not consume them at once, lest the beasts of the field increase upon thee.

²³But the LORD thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed.

²⁴And he shall deliver their kings into thine hand, and thou shalt destroy their name from under heaven: there shall no man be able to stand before thee, until thou have destroyed them.

²⁵The graven images of their gods shall ye burn with fire: thou shalt not desire the silver or gold that is on them, nor take it unto thee, lest thou be snared therin: for it is an abomination to the LORD thy God.

I'll bet this is another commandment that somehow gets adjusted.

²⁶Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.

What is an abomination save the believe that you can commit evil acts to please your imaginary freind.

Fuck Up's from 2008

I have been doing this blog for just under a year now and for those of you that have been reading for a while you will have noticed. in my sidebar, the ever growing number of news reports from all over the world, reports that show the stupid and often downright evil done by the religious. I have been truly shocked at some of the things people have done in the name of their god(s) and I am not just on about terrorist atrocities. If you have not read any please take the time before the links die as so many already have. Many, I feel need to be known about to help prevent them happening again, some are just plain funny.

• Taking the Pitta
• Christ in a Kitchen
• Jeezuz that's Hard
• Abuse Campaigner Abused
• Boom Boom
• Roseannes Revalation
• Pope Mis Quote
• Catholic Science
• PayPew
• No fantasies except mine
• Pot calls Kettle Black
• Divorced Adultary
• Clergy Bashing Bishps
• Jean Djinn
• Just Wrong
• Tithes well spent
• Bent vows
• No prophet in this
• Embezzlement and Murder
• Demon Hammer
• Sick Hasidic
• High Church
• !00% Deluded
• Soliciting Sectarianism
• Copulating Counseller
• 90%..??????
• jesus Rocks
• god made me do it
• Say's it all
• What next ? Big Mac at B K
• Silly Sally Standards
• Nigerian Nutjob
• christmess Eid
• Rowlet Rent Row
• Thou shalt not not steal
• Islams peace + christs love
• purple brain
• Ejukayshun iz rong
• Toilet us pray
• Preaching the Truth ???
• god protects the faithful
• Baptist Blessing
• Witchcraft or murder
• Advice Vicars Vice
• Exorcism !! Are you mad ?
• Monk ???
• Nude Preist
• Just seems like it
• Dallas donations
• Need more money Ta !
• The Naked word
• Advent Advantagous
• Un Pc PC
• Give me a nooooh
• Quote....god is doing his job
  
• jesus that's tasteless
• Pope slams communion
• Hells Bells
• Bible Thumping
  
• A Demon didit
• Pot Calls Kettle
• Exorcise Video
• Unnaturally Gnomeless
• Swinging Vicar
• Candlestick Crisis
• Well Bugger me Ted
• Fuck For Jesus
• god Is Pretty Useless
• Wife Beating for allah
  
• Stifling the Gifted
• Catholic Cover up
• Please Persecute Us
• Bloody Students
• Bashing a Bishop ?
• Sad Victory for hate filled bigots
• Guilty of being raped
• No trousers no yoga
• Medium cop
• The lords Horse
• Love in a box
• It's Bull
• God loves Allah hates
• Sex test
• Picture this
• Pigs but No Bacon
• Mountain god
  
• Spud U Like
• Crapture Ready
  
• Preist talks sense...almost
• Looks like Slartibartfast to me
• god Censors Preist
• 'Ark at this
  
• Oooh ! the HuMANity.
• Bring your Children
• Yes... By Suicide.
• Koran fuck up ????
• Got Munchies ?
  
• Baptist kiddie Porn
• Its Murder I say !
• Beat it!
  
• Ganesha
• Dozy Witch
  
• Thats all right then
• What's in a name ?
  
• Focus on gay
• Give us our daily ...child
• Satan or Psycho ?
• Hahahahahaha!!!!
• Hitler's Whore
• The Answer, Abstinance.
• Mass Debate
• Oops!
• Munchausen's by Hedgehog
• Prayer ?
• Stab 'im Stab'im Stab'im
• Absurd
• It's Healing People !
• Who woulc Believe it ?
• Depressed ?.....Lose god
• Naughty America
• Indian Uprising
• Quick Hide
• Behave he's Watching
  
• Dope or Dope
• Bash him Blessing
• Anti Wanking Wankers
• Vatican Non Violence ????
• god goes Glossy
• Prostituting Preist
• Pot Head Preist
• Creationist Challenge
• Canadian hate monger
• Muslim Morons Mango
• No to Noah
  
• Atheist in a Foxhole
  
• Magic Messiah
• Palin on tightrope
• Xtian Terrorists
• More mary Morons
• Teaching Twattish Theory
• Pricks pwn Publisher
• Exercising your rights
• Not Again
  
• Eye Eye
  
• Duck and Cover
  
• Palin
• Frito Lay
  
• More on paedo Evangalist
• J W Prince
• Passionate Priest
• Bakri's Babe
• Practice what you Preach
• Badass
  
• over 50%........Oh dear !!?
• Hang 'em High
• An Honest christian
  
• Do It Do It Do It..............
• Thirsty ?
  
• That's big of 'im
  
• Catholic Cancer
• Will Williams Wash
• Paedo Evangelist
  
• Enviro Mental Rape
• Creationism....the Facts
• Manic Street Pastors
• Porn
• Satanic Symbol
  
• Drywall Jeebus
• Ceiling Jeebus
• Pope calling Kettle Black
• There are Witches .....Riot
  
• Might be Witches........Riot
• Mosh for allah
• Caught !
• Fatwa on Mickey
• Sorry!!
• Mid life Crisis
• It's the Real Thing
  
• Curses!!!!
• End of the World........
• Wrights Wrong
• Plague for Pilgrims
• Pain of Palin
• Driving for jeebus
  
• Girls=Hell
• Pennywise
• Halleluja
• Honour Horrors
• Ban Books ????
• Naked Campus
• Mary was Graped
• Abstinence at Work
• Gas for god
• Drop Kick Jeebus
• Pray for the End
• Holy Batshit Batman
• Relieved Mother
• Westminster Weirdo
• Plank !
• Brians Mother
• All Fucking Arseholes
• Self Abuse
• For Croc's sake
• Buffy the godslayer
• Cowboy Cowshit
• Anti anti
• Butter Knife for jesus
• Exhumed Ex-Homo
• Honour !!!?
• Christian Teaching
• Cult Parental Love
• Too Little, Too late, Too Local
• W'boro' Wankers
• Mind how you go !
• Divine Retribution
• Cunt in Country
• Scandal........Never!
• Saints'n'Sinners
• Road Rage
• Cheesus
• Prey for the desperate
• Jesus on Pussy
• Kermit's Cross
• Holy Trinity
• Good Vibrations
• Freezers Christ
• Blindin'
• Just a piss stain
• What? this is England
• Tithing ?
• Another church shooting
• Wants Jesus, Meets Jesus
• Baptist oops
• Vatican Values
• Yet Another clergy Pervert
• Somebodies Lying
• More Mormon Molestation
• The Mergin' Mary
• Success ?
• Ooh Noo, Potterism
• Practice what you Preach ?
• Baptism or Boating ?
• Undressed Utahrians
• Opposites Attract
• Hissss Love ?
• Islamic Truths
• Texas ????
• Christian Parenting
• own goal ?
• godidit
• Wafer Stray
• No Shit Sherlock
• No Shit
• Ha Ha Ha
• It.s a Dogs Life
• Mean Minister
• Exorcise your rights inTexas
• INGT......Twat
• Masturbating Monk
• Barking Mad
• Twisted Wood
• Flying Fuckwit
• And yet Another
• Another Pervert Pastor
• Molesting Minister
• Jump to pay
• W T F
• Mark of De lawd
• Hear the Good News
• Hungry for god ?
• Power of Prayer
• jesus that's Penis Envy ?
• Paralysed Passion
• Prey for Gain
• Burning Ambition
• Competing for competition
• Preying Baptist
• Christian love
• Granny 's in the bathroom
• Father of the Year
• Victims Version
• Exercising Exorcism
• Sheer Stupidity
• Mathew Murray + 2
• Madeline Neumann
• Worthless Worthingtons
• More Worthless Worthingtons
  
• ?
• Bashing Benedict
  
• Abort Hoo
• Mormans Mock
  
• Papal Pap
• Izzat Islam
  
• Allah Saves
• Abstinence Education ?
• Bishop Bigot
• Desperate ?
• Toms Twats
• Naked Nut
• Crackpot christians
  
• Carlovin' Churchman
• Rampant Rev
  
• Pervy Priest
• Pervy Pastor
  
• Worlds End Wankers
• Bishop Eddie Long
• Sister Barbara Markey