Genesis 38

Genesis 38

Here the narrative takes a sideways jump to tell how Judah had a jump.
¹And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
²And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
³And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
His full name was Er.. My Mistake.
⁴And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
⁵And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
⁶And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
⁷And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.

I suppose he wasn't a bigoted misogynist with no qualms with killing innocent people for no reason. Surprised god got his own hands dirty for a change. Wait that's a clue isn't it ?Onan died an accidental death or from a disease god as usual did fuck all.
⁸And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
No working seven years here for a woman ...mind you second hand goods.
⁹And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
Was he a Catholic ?
¹⁰And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
Perhaps Tamar carried a virulent STD.
¹¹Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.
¹²And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheep shearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.
Pretty sure there is some virus or bacteria at work here. Try boiling water before you drink guys.
¹³And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.
¹⁴And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.
Judah must also thought the women of the camp were diseased.

¹⁵When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.
Now tell that to a Muslim.
¹⁶And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?
¹⁷And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?
Love you Long Time.
¹⁸And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.
¹⁹And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.
²⁰And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not.
²¹Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.
²²And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.
²³And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.
What wanting to clear a debt that's something decent, who would have believed it.
²⁴And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

So it's OK to use a whore but the penalty for being one is death and yet a whole community was wiped out for consensual sex only a few years ago?
²⁵When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.
²⁶And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.
Double standards or what.
²⁷And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb.
²⁸And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.
²⁹And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.
³⁰And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.

Genesis34

Genesis 34

¹And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
Or at least thats what she told her family.
²And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
But....But .... he can't do that !

I mean that their.........

..............their not family.

³And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
Not sure but something suggests we are talking about consensual sex not rape.
⁴And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
⁵And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
I must be reading that wrong.
⁶And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
⁷And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done.
Unless they're cousins.
⁸And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
⁹And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
¹⁰And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
¹¹And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
¹²Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
¹³And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
And of course because it was their nature to be lying, cheating bastards.
¹⁴And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
¹⁵But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
¹⁶Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
¹⁷But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
¹⁸And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.
¹⁹And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.
He can be as honourable as he likes but you can bet Jacob has more than an elbow up his sleeve.
²⁰And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
²¹These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
Knowing what the women of this family look like I gather the fashion for veils has taken off.
²²Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.
Perhaps this is really what the phrase "leave a tip " really means.
²³Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
²⁴And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
²⁵And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.

²⁶And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
²⁷The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
Dirty bastards. Snuff sex now and yet sadly no video. So no money to be made there.
²⁸They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
Aside from the looting and pillaging of course.
²⁹And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
And you think you have problem neighbours.
³⁰And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
But has not two of this "few in number" just wiped out the adult male population of a whole city ?
³¹And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?
Did anyone mention payment ?

Genesis 30

Genesis 30

¹And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
She should have took a trip to the temple. Got laid by a real man.
²And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
Just like his father and grandfather blame anyone else but his seedless semen.
³And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.
⁴And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.
Mind you it got him a ride on the maid.
⁵And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.
⁶And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.
⁷And Bilhah Rachel's maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.
⁸And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.
⁹When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.
¹⁰And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a son.
¹¹And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.
What she shagged the Troops ?
¹²And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a second son.
¹³And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.
¹⁴And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.
¹⁵And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.
Just a Gigolo and no mention of Dave le Roth, blasphemy.
¹⁶And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.
What's the betting she was already pregnant, and needed to go through the motions with jacob before she started to show.
¹⁷And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.
¹⁸And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.
¹⁹And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.
²⁰And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.
²¹And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.
²²And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
The old twat is forgetting again when does this all knowing god appear so far he has more in common with Professor Brainard than the omniscient diety we keep getting told about.
²³And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:
He probably forgot where he put it.
²⁴And she called his name Joseph; and said, The LORD shall add to me another son.
That's a well notched bedpost.
²⁵And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.
²⁶Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.
²⁷And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the LORD hath blessed me for thy sake.
²⁸And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.
²⁹And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.
Thats not nice calling Labans Daughters cows.
³⁰For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?
³¹And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.
³²I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.
³³So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.
³⁴And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.
C'mon Laban you must know your about to get fucked over. Think man you can't trust them.
³⁵And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.
³⁶And he set three days' journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.
Over 14 years being treated as a son. Would you do this to Laban ?
³⁷And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.
³⁸And he set the rods which he had piled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
Of course its gods loyalty he's showing.
³⁹And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.
⁴⁰And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban's cattle.
There,s enough witchcraft in this story to satisfy Aliester Crowley (cue Ozzy Osbourne)
⁴¹And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.
⁴²But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's.
You gotta love this family is there no bounds to how low they will stoop.

I don't know the science of this but it sounds suspiciously like genetic manipulation one of the paps new deadly sins.
⁴³And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.

Genesis 29

<sup>Genesis 29


1</sup>Then Jacob went on his journey, and came into the land of the people of the east.
And like any horny young lad he made straight for the local watering hole.
²And he looked, and behold a well in the field, and, lo, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks: and a great stone was upon the well's mouth.
³And thither were all the flocks gathered: and they rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the sheep, and put the stone again upon the well's mouth in his place.
⁴And Jacob said unto them, My brethren, whence be ye? And they said, Of Haran are we.
⁵And he said unto them, Know ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, We know him.Laban the son of Nahor? WTF. Were we not just told Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian ? Either this translator was crap or some scribe is full of shit !
⁶And he said unto them, Is he well? And they said, He is well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.
Like a badly scripted soap opera isn't it

⁷And he said, Lo, it is yet high day, neither is it time that the cattle should be gathered together: water ye the sheep, and go and feed them.
⁸And they said, We cannot, until all the flocks be gathered together, and till they roll the stone from the well's mouth; then we water the sheep.
⁹And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep; for she kept them.
¹⁰And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.
¹¹And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.
Hey steady on there boy she's not one of your goats. Talking first, a bit of conversation, woo her not just grab her arse and stick your tongue down her throat.
¹²And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's brother, and that he was Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father.
I am beginning to wonder whether some scribe at some time with failing eyesight and failing memory had lost his place and just started writing again when he found a word he recognised because again we have too much coincidence.
¹³And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things.
¹⁴And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month.
¹⁵And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?
¹⁶And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
¹⁷Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.
¹⁸And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.
She was taller than a goat,
Less hairy than a goat,
but smelt about the same nonetheless .
¹⁹And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.
²⁰And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
Jacob should have brought the servant that acquired his mother, He certainly isn'tany good at bargaining.Or perhaps he didn't bring him for that reason.
²¹And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.
²²And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.
²³And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
²⁴And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.
²⁵And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
Jacob listen, conversation first, wooing , foreplay, do not just slam in the lamb as if she was a goat.I know you've been waiting seven years but at least have enough respect to ask"with whom am I haveing the pleasure.
²⁶And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.
So jacobs been doing whatever he's been doing for Laban for seven years and he palms him of with the ugly one. How do I know she is ugly ? Because she hasn't been palmed off on anyone else in seven years.
²⁷Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
²⁸And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.
²⁹And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid.
³⁰And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.
³¹And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.
Or because Jacob was rogering Rachel repetitively Leah was selling her wares down at the Temple.
³²And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.
As I pointed out earlier a Temple prostitution pregnancy was seen as a gift from god.
³³And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon.
³⁴And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi.³⁵And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.

Sudden stop there is there a page missing ? Did the scribe suffer a heart attack ?
She left bearing what?

Genesis 20

Genesis 20

¹And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
On the move again ?
²And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
C'mon people the same old scam as they used in Egypt all those years ago. Isee now why god didn't create optometrists back when Adam was a lad but had old Abimelech got no sense of smell ? Sarah must have hummed more than a pension queue in july. She's over 90 now any evil bunnies have long since turned to dust bunnies. Look granny sex is not something anyone needs to know about, it may not be wrong but please keep it out of my head, I don't want to know. OK. Jeez have you seen Kingpin.... yuch!
³But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife. ⁴But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, LORD, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?
I am sooo pleased.
⁵Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this. God has got to admit they probably had more wrinkles than a camels scrotum ⁶And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
I'll bet Abimelech was thinking you believe what you want theres no way I was going anywhere near her man she wuz ugly.
⁷Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine. ⁸Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid. ⁹Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done. ¹⁰And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing? ¹¹And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife's sake.
Nah! He said Fuck man she might be my wife but I've had to sleep with it for over 80 years all I wanted was for a change to wake in a sweet smelling bed .
¹²And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.
It get's worse fuck it's right they haven't bred.
¹³And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said unto her, This is thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He is my brother.
¹⁴And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.
Scam worked then!
¹⁵And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee.
¹⁶And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
What ?He's given her a bag to put over her head for future victims.
¹⁷So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.
¹⁸For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.
So still no sign whatsoever of this so called omniscience. When does that happen?

Genesis16

¹Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.
²And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.
So Sarai is now a madame.
³And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.
Hang on hang on ! Stop right there ! Ten years ? He was 75 when they left Ur.Time spent in Egypt, going to Canaan,Building a house,managing to acquire at least 160 prostitutes who then give birth to at least 318 boys,raising them to manhood and training them to a higher standard of fighting than the average soldier. I smell bullshit !
⁴And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.
Because Sarai knew it wouldn't have been Abram's limp dick that did it.
⁵And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.
⁶But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.
What a lovely couple.
⁷And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur.
⁸And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.
⁹And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.
There's the voice of a loving God again.
¹⁰And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.
¹¹And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.
¹²And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.
¹³And she called the name of the LORD that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?
His eyesight must be improving, I wonder if he still needs to shave his palms ? ¹⁴Wherefore the well was called Beerlahairoi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.
¹⁵And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son's name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael. ¹⁶And Abram was fourscore and six years old, when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram.

Genesis 12

Genesis 12

¹Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
So the last person God spoke to in person was Noah since then (over 1,000 years) he waits until Abram has with his parents trekked across to Haran get settled and tells him to move again. Leave yet another City they have been involved in building. Its not as if they could just call Pickfords and shoot over to this other land.
²And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
³And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.
Now God seems to think he is a Cheerleader.
⁴So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.
⁵And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
⁶And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.
⁷And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.
So this 75 year old man has been told to up roots trek over the complete length of modern Syria with a wife not much younger.
⁸And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.
⁹And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.
¹⁰And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.
Sureley if God told him where to go and he had been that impressed or frightened of De Lawd that he was willing to walk over 500 miles (cue the proclaimers)over hot arid terrain .

1.On arrival Abram would have stayed put.

2.God would have wished him to be comfortable.

¹¹And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:
Are we now expected to believe Sarai is much younger than Abram I have always been taught she was in her sixties.
¹²Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.
Ah! I see it's not Sarai that's barren, it's Abram that can't get it up because he has no balls.
¹³Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.
¹⁴And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.
¹⁵The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house.
¹⁶And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.
So Abram whored his wife out, after dragging her all that way. Nice man!
¹⁷And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife.
Would it not have been easier and nicer to have ensured that the original destination was not in famine ?
¹⁸And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?
Because he was a spineless turd and Pharoah was paying well for her services.
¹⁹Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way.
²⁰And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.

Now correct me if I am wrong but I get the distinct impression that this God either coudn,t organise a piss up at a brewery or he is just a sadistic monster, and the great Abram father of the Jewish nation is just a weak willed, impotent abusive and sad little man.

The Sumerian King List

Now before we approach chapter 10 read this.

The Sumerian King List

Is dated by the scribe who wrote it in the reign of King Utukhegal of Erech (Uruk), which places it around 2125 B.C.

The Sumerian King List

1-39After the kingship descended from heaven, the kingship was in Eridug. In Eridug, Alulim became king; he ruled for 28800 years. Alaljar ruled for 36000 years. 2 kings; they ruled for 64800 years. Then Eridug fell and the kingship was taken to Bad-tibira. In Bad-tibira, En-men-lu-ana ruled for 43200 years. En-men-gal-ana ruled for 28800 years. Dumuzid, the shepherd, ruled for 36000 years. 3 kings; they ruled for 108000 years. Then Bad-tibira fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Larag. In Larag, En-sipad-zid-ana ruled for 28800 years.
1 king; he ruled for 28800 years. Then Larag fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Zimbir. In Zimbir, En-men-dur-ana became king; he ruled for 21000 years. 1 king; he ruled for 21000 years. Then Zimbir fell (?) and the kingship was taken to Curuppag. In Curuppag, Ubara-Tutu became king; he ruled for 18600 years. 1 king; he ruled for 18600 years. In 5 cities 8 kings; they ruled for 241200 years. Then the flood swept over."Total: Five Cities, eight kings, reigned 241,200 years.
"The FLOOD then swept over. After the Flood had swept over, and kingship had descended from heaven, Kish became the seat of Kingship. In Kish .... Total:
twenty-three kings, reigned 24,510 years, 3 months, 3 1/2 days. Kish was defeated; its kingship was carried off to Eanna."In Eanna, Meskiaggasher, the son of (the sun god) Utu reigned as En (Priest) and Lugal (King) 324 years--Meskiaggasher entered the sea, ascended the mountains. Enmerkar, the son of Meskiaggasher, the king of erech who had built Erech, reigned 420 years as king. Lugalbanda, the shepherd, reigned 1,200 years. Dumuzi the fisherman, whose city was Kua, reigned 100 years. Gilgamesh, whose father was a nomad (?) reigned 126 years. Urnungal, the son of Gilgamesh, reigned 30 years. Labasher reigned 9 years. Ennundaranna reigned 8 years. Meshede reigned 36 years. Melamanna reigned 6 years. Lugalkidul reigned 36 years. Total: twelve kings, reigned 2,130 years. Erech was defeated, its kingship was carried off to Ur...."

There are older fragments of copies known and also more recent ones where the list is continued. You will note after Gilgamesch the lengths of rule are believable.
Also some translations of different copies will identify Gilgamesch's father as either a spirit or a God.
This no doubt because of the sacred prostitution of the followers of Innana/Ishtar
Lets face it in the Ancient world if you were born out of wedlock you were not called a Bastard you were known as either a Demi God or the son of some god or other.