Judges 4

Judges 4

¹And the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the LORD, when Ehud was dead.

So they were doing good in de lards eyes as long as they have a murderer or assasin in or around thier higher echelons.........Oooohhhhh! Can you feel the love ?

²And the LORD sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan, that reigned in Hazor; the captain of whose host was Sisera, which dwelt in Harosheth of the Gentiles.

So ...the the evil Canaanites capture a city and allow it's people to live whereas the good god fearing israelites have to prove their goodness and earn gods rewarding love by slaughtering every last living thing.

³And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel.

And when they are captured all they can do for twenty years is to cry about it!

⁴And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.

A woman! fuck me !

⁵And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

⁶And she sent and called Barak the son of Abinoam out of Kedeshnaphtali, and said unto him, Hath not the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and take with thee ten thousand men of the children of Naphtali and of the children of Zebulun?

⁷And I will draw unto thee to the river Kishon Sisera, the captain of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his multitude; and I will deliver him into thine hand.

⁸And Barak said unto her, If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go.

What ? She is offering freedom of the mans people but he won't go unless she is there to hold his hand.

⁹And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh.

¹⁰And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh; and he went up with ten thousand men at his feet: and Deborah went up with him.

¹¹Now Heber the Kenite, which was of the children of Hobab the father in law of Moses, had severed himself from the Kenites, and pitched his tent unto the plain of Zaanaim, which is by Kedesh.

We were told Moses only had one wife and she was a Midianite

We were told Moses only had one wife and she was a Ethiopian

We were told Moses only had one wife and her father was Jethro

We were told Moses only had one wife and her father was Ruel

I have asked before whether these point to mistakes or whether Moses is not a name but a title ...Or it might just have been that the mother of Zipporah was a slut and didn't know where her father was from.

¹²And they shewed Sisera that Barak the son of Abinoam was gone up to mount Tabor.

¹³And Sisera gathered together all his chariots, even nine hundred chariots of iron, and all the people that were with him, from Harosheth of the Gentiles unto the river of Kishon.

¹⁴And Deborah said unto Barak, Up; for this is the day in which the LORD hath delivered Sisera into thine hand: is not the LORD gone out before thee? So Barak went down from mount Tabor, and ten thousand men after him.

Well what a surprise ! these Israelites love a fair fight......one with odds of over ten to one is fair in their eyes.

¹⁵And the LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword before Barak; so that Sisera lighted down off his chariot, and fled away on his feet.

¹⁶But Barak pursued after the chariots, and after the host, unto Harosheth of the Gentiles: and all the host of Sisera fell upon the edge of the sword; and there was not a man left.

More about the mercy of de lard later no doubt.

¹⁷Howbeit Sisera fled away on his feet to the tent of Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite: for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite.

¹⁸And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not. And when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.

You would be right in thinking if a bird invites you into her tent you're gonna get nailed.

¹⁹And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.

²⁰Again he said unto her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be, when any man doth come and enquire of thee, and say, Is there any man here? that thou shalt say, No.

But not in the way he expected.

²¹Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.

Don't you just love that"so he died" No shit !

²²And, behold, as Barak pursued Sisera, Jael came out to meet him, and said unto him, Come, and I will shew thee the man whom thou seekest. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the nail was in his temples.

²³So God subdued on that day Jabin the king of Canaan before the children of Israel.

²⁴And the hand of the children of Israel prospered, and prevailed against Jabin the king of Canaan, until they had destroyed Jabin king of Canaan.

Numbers Recap

Well what a palaver.

First as suggested by the title we have literally the numbers of men in the tribes. This is followed by the order of the tribal tents or the hierarchy of the owners of these tents. As said earlier the tribe of the Levites as priests were allocated the top of the food chain. Then the hierarchy of the Levites is described.
Then we move on to great offerings from the twelve tribes chiefs given by the princes of these tribes. This involves some precious things and of course, a lot of sacrifices to de lard.
This has apparently turned the meandering muppets into an army which allegedly are then led by de lard.

It is then dropped in that Moses had married an Ethiopian woman.[ Is this a possible inference that Moses is also a title and this is not the same Moses that led the people from Egypt,further hints that this is a new improved Moses, is that although still psychopathic, does seem to be more level headed]
This inadvertently leads to Aaron and Miriam,(a variant of Mary) coming forward with a few complaints about this other wife.Which for some reason leads to Miriam being apparently struck with leprosy by de lard. Moses then intervenes and she is apparently cured but ejected for a week.

De lard then tells Moses to send out spies to gather information of the surrounding nations. (why couldn't he just give him the info himself ? After all if anyone could know it should be de lard.) Obviously having been brought up with high moral values and strength of character being SO much closer to de lard than the rest of us mortals, lied through their back teeth.

A chap called Korah a grandson of Levi then leads a minor rebellion( some 250 men)Moses utilising all his man management promptly makes arrangements for them and their families(except Korah's for some reason) and anyone who may have the slightest possibility of agreeing with them gassed struck down by de ever lovin' lard with a localised plague.(14,700)
After making sure to dispose of the evidence, Moses then makes the Israelites take special precautions in the disposal of the bodies.

We then see either a repeat of the incident with the water from Edom or as I suspect a mistake made at some point between the possible events and the final edition of this book. Whether a mistake in the Oral tradition or two different scrolls being merged. Either way instead of the battle almost immediately in the first version, the Israelites now go forward on a mission to conquer......Oh wait that may be the same!!!Before they go to "war". Aaron and his son Eleazer are taken up to mount Hor, Eleazer puts on Aarons clothes and, presto ! Aaron is dead. This has a profound effect on de lard, as he stops announcing himself with the prefix..."I am de lard your gawd" every time he speaks to Moses.
In the name of the all merciful lard the Israelites capture some Amorite cities, killing all but virgin girls. Some of these survivors are offered as a "heave offering to de lard" ????.......Can you feel the love and mercy ?

We are introduced to a character Balak king of Moab, son of Zippor.[Any relation to Zipporah, daughter of Jethro,the midianite priest,Moses father in law ]who sends for Balaam to mediate between him and the invaders. Balaam, A man who beats his donkey and manages to fall off and hit his head in such a way that he gives himself Auditory Hallucinations. Believing god has reprimaded him (cos god loves animals) he then, with perfect Old Testament logic sacrifices 7 rams and 7 oxen to de lard. He reports to Balak with his hallucination.
Resistance is futile, the ravening hordes of Israel sweep across Canaan with a finesse not matched until Genghis Khan.




The last few chapters are mostly devoted to the splitting up of the lands,cities,gold, cattle and women.

Conclusion
Aside from yet again underlining de lards impotence, stupidity senility and blindness it just opens more questions.
Was there more than one Moses ?
Why, if the Israelites, who allegedly had seen all this evidence of gods so called power, were there so many dissidents.
Why if these incidents ,especially the conquest of Canaan are not recorded in any of the surrounding lands.
Or are the Israelites actually the "mysterious sea people" recorded in the some of the Amarna letters ?
Why is Moses thought of as good man when historically there are few that have been responsible(in their lifetime) for greater numbers of attrocities and murders of his fellow human beings ?

Leviticus 18

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

You would have thought after this latest sexually charged liason with Aaron he would have talked to him too.

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, I am the LORD your God.

In case they were perhaps blaming Moses from dragging them out of Egypt.

³After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein ye dwelt, shall ye not do: and after the doings of the land of Canaan, whither I bring you, shall ye not do: neither shall ye walk in their ordinances.

⁴Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the LORD your God.

Ok Ok we got. You are god, not Moses....Honest!

⁵Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the LORD.

⁶None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.

⁷The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

⁸The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

⁹The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.

¹⁰The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness.

¹¹The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹²Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman.

¹³Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman.

¹⁴Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt.

¹⁵Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹⁶Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness.

¹⁷Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.

¹⁸Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.

¹⁹Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness.

²⁰Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her.

Was not Pharoah Abraham's Neighbour ? Was not Potiphar Joseph's neighbour ? Is the eternal one whose thought is law changing his mind again ?

²¹And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.

The Amplified bible gives this alternative..... ²¹You shall not give any of your children to pass through the fire and sacrifice them to Molech [the fire god], nor shall you profane the name of your God [by giving it to false gods]. I am the Lord.

Molech is an ancient Owl god I will cover him more in the next chapter.

Obviously god doesn't follow his own laws

Which brings us to this verse

²²Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

This is the one the god botherer's bring up incessantly. To justify thier fear and prejudice against the Gay Community.Well I found this a few weeks ago A chap called Bruce L Gerig has an interesting take on this.

My thought's are...Is this really the same god that had all night "wrestling" sessions with Jacob , not to mention the other references to Gay Sex so far strewn throughout the bible.

²³Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

Again is this the same god that was just in the big tent with Aaron or have we got here laws coming from Moses god as opposed to Jethro god. Perhaps as a direct result of Moses hearing about the "goings on" with his brother.

²⁴Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:

²⁵And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.

So any land that ever has had a goat fucker or a sheep shagger is defiled....I am sure there are many lands that have never housed such people...

²⁶Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you:

²⁷(For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;)

²⁸That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you.

²⁹For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.

I think this confirms Moses heard of the goings on.

³⁰Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God.
Here he goes again with the emphatic I AM DE LARD YOUR'E GAWD shit really!!

Exodus 40

Exodus 40

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²On the first day of the first month shalt thou set up the tabernacle of the tent of the congregation.

³And thou shalt put therein the ark of the testimony, and cover the ark with the vail.

Is it covered so the people that have these laws imposed on them cannot see it was constructed by breaking at least one of the commandments. Or that it was constructed using far less gold than was given taken.

⁴And thou shalt bring in the table, and set in order the things that are to be set in order upon it; and thou shalt bring in the candlestick, and light the lamps thereof.

⁵And thou shalt set the altar of gold for the incense before the ark of the testimony, and put the hanging of the door to the tabernacle.

⁶And thou shalt set the altar of the burnt offering before the door of the tabernacle of the tent of the congregation.

⁷And thou shalt set the laver between the tent of the congregation and the altar, and shalt put water therein.

A laver is apparently a bowl.

⁸And thou shalt set up the court round about, and hang up the hanging at the court gate.

⁹And thou shalt take the anointing oil, and anoint the tabernacle, and all that is therein, and shalt hallow it, and all the vessels thereof: and it shall be holy.

¹⁰And thou shalt anoint the altar of the burnt offering, and all his vessels, and sanctify the altar: and it shall be an altar most holy.

¹¹And thou shalt anoint the laver and his foot, and sanctify it.

¹²And thou shalt bring Aaron and his sons unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and wash them with water.

This still gives me visions of Cher.

¹³And thou shalt put upon Aaron the holy garments, and anoint him, and sanctify him; that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.

¹⁴And thou shalt bring his sons, and clothe them with coats:

¹⁵And thou shalt anoint them, as thou didst anoint their father, that they may minister unto me in the priest's office: for their anointing shall surely be an everlasting priesthood throughout their generations.

¹⁶Thus did Moses: according to all that the LORD commanded him, so did he.

¹⁷And it came to pass in the first month in the second year, on the first day of the month, that the tabernacle was reared up.

¹⁸And Moses reared up the tabernacle, and fastened his sockets, and set up the boards thereof, and put in the bars thereof, and reared up his pillars.

I mentioned Ikea flatpack altars way back in Genesis nice to know they haven't folded.

¹⁹And he spread abroad the tent over the tabernacle, and put the covering of the tent above upon it; as the LORD commanded Moses.

²⁰And he took and put the testimony into the ark, and set the staves on the ark, and put the mercy seat above upon the ark:

²¹And he brought the ark into the tabernacle, and set up the vail of the covering, and covered the ark of the testimony; as the LORD commanded Moses.

²²And he put the table in the tent of the congregation, upon the side of the tabernacle northward, without the vail.

²³And he set the bread in order upon it before the LORD; as the LORD had commanded Moses.

Because Jethro like Jacob many years ago likes his sammiches.

²⁴And he put the candlestick in the tent of the congregation, over against the table, on the side of the tabernacle southward.

²⁵And he lighted the lamps before the LORD; as the LORD commanded Moses.

²⁶And he put the golden altar in the tent of the congregation before the vail:

²⁷And he burnt sweet incense thereon; as the LORD commanded Moses.

²⁸And he set up the hanging at the door of the tabernacle.

²⁹And he put the altar of burnt offering by the door of the tabernacle of the tent of the congregation, and offered upon it the burnt offering and the meat offering; as the LORD commanded Moses.

³⁰And he set the laver between the tent of the congregation and the altar, and put water there, to wash withal.

³¹And Moses and Aaron and his sons washed their hands and their feet there at:

³²When they went into the tent of the congregation, and when they came near unto the altar, they washed; as the LORD commanded Moses.

³³And he reared up the court round about the tabernacle and the altar, and set up the hanging of the court gate. So Moses finished the work.

³⁴Then a cloud covered the tent of the congregation, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle.

After the "appearance of god" on the mountain I am very suspicious of clouds and smoke especially when it involves more manifestations of the alleged almighty. It could well be smoke or some chemical combination giving off a thick vapour.

³⁵And Moses was not able to enter into the tent of the congregation, because the cloud abode thereon, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle.

Especially if Moses or anyone else was unable to enter.

³⁶And when the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the children of Israel went onward in all their journeys:

Perhaps they were just fumigating the Big Tent.

³⁷But if the cloud were not taken up, then they journeyed not till the day that it was taken up.

³⁸For the cloud of the LORD was upon the tabernacle by day, and fire was on it by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel, throughout all their journeys.
Or maybe they are just hiding the breaking of the no fire rule on chilly sabbaths.

I don't know if I am being overly skeptical, I mean coincindences do happen. I have already pointed out similarities with various other myths from the middle and near east, Sargon ,Adapa and others and here I go again the Enuma Elish also contains tablets given from (a)god(ess) to man

Exodus 28

Exodus 28

In saying that, it seems that the whole family is invited to the "big" tent.

¹And take thou unto thee Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him, from among the children of Israel, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office, even Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron's sons.

²And thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty.

I am beginning to wonder.... Is Brothers the proper title for Moses and Aarons relationship ? In all my life I have never worried about how my brother dresses himself, but my lover's well !

³And thou shalt speak unto all that are wise hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they may make Aaron's garments to consecrate him, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.

Yet another bible verse no doubt used by catholic priests and lately in an alarming but inceasing fashion, baptist ministers. To lure the young and innocent.

⁴And these are the garments which they shall make; a breastplate, and an ephod, and a robe, and a broidered coat, a mitre, and a girdle: and they shall make holy garments for Aaron thy brother, and his sons, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.

⁵And they shall take gold, and blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen.

⁶And they shall make the ephod of gold, of blue, and of purple, of scarlet, and fine twined linen, with cunning work.

⁷It shall have the two shoulderpieces thereof joined at the two edges thereof; and so it shall be joined together.

⁸And the curious girdle of the ephod, which is upon it, shall be of the same, according to the work thereof; even of gold, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen.

⁹And thou shalt take two onyx stones, and grave on them the names of the children of Israel:

¹⁰Six of their names on one stone, and the other six names of the rest on the other stone, according to their birth.

¹¹With the work of an engraver in stone, like the engravings of a signet, shalt thou engrave the two stones with the names of the children of Israel: thou shalt make them to be set in ouches of gold.

¹²And thou shalt put the two stones upon the shoulders of the ephod for stones of memorial unto the children of Israel: and Aaron shall bear their names before the LORD upon his two shoulders for a memorial.

¹³And thou shalt make ouches of gold;

¹⁴And two chains of pure gold at the ends; of wreathen work shalt thou make them, and fasten the wreathen chains to the ouches.

¹⁵And thou shalt make the breastplate of judgment with cunning work; after the work of the ephod thou shalt make it; of gold, of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, and of fine twined linen, shalt thou make it.

¹⁶Foursquare it shall be being doubled; a span shall be the length thereof, and a span shall be the breadth thereof.

¹⁷And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row.

¹⁸And the second row shall be an emerald, a sapphire, and a diamond.

¹⁹And the third row a ligure, an agate, and an amethyst.

²⁰And the fourth row a beryl, and an onyx, and a jasper: they shall be set in gold in their inclosings.

²¹And the stones shall be with the names of the children of Israel, twelve, according to their names, like the engravings of a signet; every one with his name shall they be according to the twelve tribes.

²²And thou shalt make upon the breastplate chains at the ends of wreathen work of pure gold.

²³And thou shalt make upon the breastplate two rings of gold, and shalt put the two rings on the two ends of the breastplate.

²⁴And thou shalt put the two wreathen chains of gold in the two rings which are on the ends of the breastplate.

²⁵And the other two ends of the two wreathen chains thou shalt fasten in the two ouches, and put them on the shoulderpieces of the ephod before it.

²⁶And thou shalt make two rings of gold, and thou shalt put them upon the two ends of the breastplate in the border thereof, which is in the side of the ephod inward.

²⁷And two other rings of gold thou shalt make, and shalt put them on the two sides of the ephod underneath, toward the forepart thereof, over against the other coupling thereof, above the curious girdle of the ephod.

²⁸And they shall bind the breastplate by the rings thereof unto the rings of the ephod with a lace of blue, that it may be above the curious girdle of the ephod, and that the breastplate be not loosed from the ephod.

²⁹And Aaron shall bear the names of the children of Israel in the breastplate of judgment upon his heart, when he goeth in unto the holy place, for a memorial before the LORD continually.

³⁰And thou shalt put in the breastplate of judgment the Urim and the Thummim; and they shall be upon Aaron's heart, when he goeth in before the LORD: and Aaron shall bear the judgment of the children of Israel upon his heart before the LORD continually.

³¹And thou shalt make the robe of the ephod all of blue.

³²And there shall be an hole in the top of it, in the midst thereof: it shall have a binding of woven work round about the hole of it, as it were the hole of an habergeon, that it be not rent.

³³And beneath upon the hem of it thou shalt make pomegranates of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, round about the hem thereof; and bells of gold between them round about:

³⁴A golden bell and a pomegranate, a golden bell and a pomegranate, upon the hem of the robe round about.

³⁵And it shall be upon Aaron to minister: and his sound shall be heard when he goeth in unto the holy place before the LORD, and when he cometh out, that he die not.

³⁶And thou shalt make a plate of pure gold, and grave upon it, like the engravings of a signet, HOLINESS TO THE LORD.

³⁷And thou shalt put it on a blue lace, that it may be upon the mitre; upon the forefront of the mitre it shall be.

³⁸And it shall be upon Aaron's forehead, that Aaron may bear the iniquity of the holy things, which the children of Israel shall hallow in all their holy gifts; and it shall be always upon his forehead, that they may be accepted before the LORD.

³⁹And thou shalt embroider the coat of fine linen, and thou shalt make the mitre of fine linen, and thou shalt make the girdle of needlework.

⁴⁰And for Aaron's sons thou shalt make coats, and thou shalt make for them girdles, and bonnets shalt thou make for them, for glory and for beauty.

⁴¹And thou shalt put them upon Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him; and shalt anoint them, and consecrate them, and sanctify them, that they may minister unto me in the priest's office.

⁴²And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach:

Heyy! Magic underpants....... with the magical power of stopping dangly bits dangling.

⁴³And they shall be upon Aaron, and upon his sons, when they come in unto the tabernacle of the congregation, or when they come near unto the altar to minister in the holy place; that they bear not iniquity, and die: it shall be a statute for ever unto him and his seed after him.

If god is
All-knowing
All- seeing
All- powerful, and he apparently has such a gold fetish.
Why did he not make more of it ?

Exodus 27

Moses gets them to put a nice fence round Jethro's house

¹And thou shalt make an altar of shittim wood, five cubits long, and five cubits broad; the altar shall be foursquare: and the height thereof shall be three cubits.

²And thou shalt make the horns of it upon the four corners thereof: his horns shall be of the same: and thou shalt overlay it with brass.

³And thou shalt make his pans to receive his ashes, and his shovels, and his basons, and his fleshhooks, and his firepans: all the vessels thereof thou shalt make of brass.

⁴And thou shalt make for it a grate of network of brass; and upon the net shalt thou make four brasen rings in the four corners thereof.

⁵And thou shalt put it under the compass of the altar beneath, that the net may be even to the midst of the altar.

⁶And thou shalt make staves for the altar, staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with brass.

⁷And the staves shall be put into the rings, and the staves shall be upon the two sides of the altar, to bear it.

⁸Hollow with boards shalt thou make it: as it was shewed thee in the mount, so shall they make it.

⁹And thou shalt make the court of the tabernacle: for the south side southward there shall be hangings for the court of fine twined linen of an hundred cubits long for one side:

¹⁰And the twenty pillars thereof and their twenty sockets shall be of brass; the hooks of the pillars and their fillets shall be of silver.

¹¹And likewise for the north side in length there shall be hangings of an hundred cubits long, and his twenty pillars and their twenty sockets of brass; the hooks of the pillars and their fillets of silver.

¹²And for the breadth of the court on the west side shall be hangings of fifty cubits: their pillars ten, and their sockets ten.

¹³And the breadth of the court on the east side eastward shall be fifty cubits.

¹⁴The hangings of one side of the gate shall be fifteen cubits: their pillars three, and their sockets three.

¹⁵And on the other side shall be hangings fifteen cubits: their pillars three, and their sockets three.

¹⁶And for the gate of the court shall be an hanging of twenty cubits, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen, wrought with needlework: and their pillars shall be four, and their sockets four.

¹⁷All the pillars round about the court shall be filleted with silver; their hooks shall be of silver, and their sockets of brass.

¹⁸The length of the court shall be an hundred cubits, and the breadth fifty every where, and the height five cubits of fine twined linen, and their sockets of brass.

¹⁹All the vessels of the tabernacle in all the service thereof, and all the pins thereof, and all the pins of the court, shall be of brass.

²⁰And thou shalt command the children of Israel, that they bring thee pure oil olive beaten for the light, to cause the lamp to burn always.

²¹In the tabernacle of the congregation without the vail, which is before the testimony, Aaron and his sons shall order it from evening to morning before the LORD: it shall be a statute for ever unto their generations on the behalf of the children of Israel.
I so want to ridicule this but I can't . Yes I have no doubt that either Moses, Aaron or Jethro benefited immensely from this endeavour, but I also accept It would have helped focus the Israelites, giving them a common cause and at its completion communal ownership and a focal point.

Exodus 26

Moses makes the Israelites knit a temple tent for the Ark

¹Moreover thou shalt make the tabernacle with ten curtains of fine twined linen, and blue, and purple, and scarlet: with cherubims of cunning work shalt thou make them.

²The length of one curtain shall be eight and twenty cubits, and the breadth of one curtain four cubits: and every one of the curtains shall have one measure.

What ? That's an awful lot of curtain. 28 cubits long, Noahs ark was only 30 cubits high. And they are making ten of them, OK finding them something to do is one thing but this is just taking the piss !

³The five curtains shall be coupled together one to another; and other five curtains shall be coupled one to another.

⁴And thou shalt make loops of blue upon the edge of the one curtain from the selvedge in the coupling; and likewise shalt thou make in the uttermost edge of another curtain, in the coupling of the second.

⁵Fifty loops shalt thou make in the one curtain, and fifty loops shalt thou make in the edge of the curtain that is in the coupling of the second; that the loops may take hold one of another.

⁶And thou shalt make fifty taches of gold, and couple the curtains together with the taches: and it shall be one tabernacle.

⁷And thou shalt make curtains of goats' hair to be a covering upon the tabernacle: eleven curtains shalt thou make.

⁸The length of one curtain shall be thirty cubits, and the breadth of one curtain four cubits: and the eleven curtains shall be all of one measure.

⁹And thou shalt couple five curtains by themselves, and six curtains by themselves, and shalt double the sixth curtain in the forefront of the tabernacle.

¹⁰And thou shalt make fifty loops on the edge of the one curtain that is outmost in the coupling, and fifty loops in the edge of the curtain which coupleth the second.

¹¹And thou shalt make fifty taches of brass, and put the taches into the loops, and couple the tent together, that it may be one.

¹²And the remnant that remaineth of the curtains of the tent, the half curtain that remaineth, shall hang over the backside of the tabernacle.

¹³And a cubit on the one side, and a cubit on the other side of that which remaineth in the length of the curtains of the tent, it shall hang over the sides of the tabernacle on this side and on that side, to cover it.

¹⁴And thou shalt make a covering for the tent of rams' skins dyed red, and a covering above of badgers' skins.

¹⁵And thou shalt make boards for the tabernacle of shittim wood standing up.

¹⁶Ten cubits shall be the length of a board, and a cubit and a half shall be the breadth of one board.

¹⁷Two tenons shall there be in one board, set in order one against another: thus shalt thou make for all the boards of the tabernacle.

¹⁸And thou shalt make the boards for the tabernacle, twenty boards on the south side southward.

¹⁹And thou shalt make forty sockets of silver under the twenty boards; two sockets under one board for his two tenons, and two sockets under another board for his two tenons.

²⁰And for the second side of the tabernacle on the north side there shall be twenty boards:

²¹And their forty sockets of silver; two sockets under one board, and two sockets under another board.

²²And for the sides of the tabernacle westward thou shalt make six boards.

²³And two boards shalt thou make for the corners of the tabernacle in the two sides.

²⁴And they shall be coupled together beneath, and they shall be coupled together above the head of it unto one ring: thus shall it be for them both; they shall be for the two corners.

²⁵And they shall be eight boards, and their sockets of silver, sixteen sockets; two sockets under one board, and two sockets under another board.

²⁶And thou shalt make bars of shittim wood; five for the boards of the one side of the tabernacle,

²⁷And five bars for the boards of the other side of the tabernacle, and five bars for the boards of the side of the tabernacle, for the two sides westward.

²⁸And the middle bar in the midst of the boards shall reach from end to end.

²⁹And thou shalt overlay the boards with gold, and make their rings of gold for places for the bars: and thou shalt overlay the bars with gold.

³⁰And thou shalt rear up the tabernacle according to the fashion thereof which was shewed thee in the mount.

³¹And thou shalt make a vail of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen of cunning work: with cherubims shall it be made:

³²And thou shalt hang it upon four pillars of shittim wood overlaid with gold: their hooks shall be of gold, upon the four sockets of silver.

³³And thou shalt hang up the vail under the taches, that thou mayest bring in thither within the vail the ark of the testimony: and the vail shall divide unto you between the holy place and the most holy.

³⁴And thou shalt put the mercy seat upon the ark of the testimony in the most holy place.

³⁵And thou shalt set the table without the vail, and the candlestick over against the table on the side of the tabernacle toward the south: and thou shalt put the table on the north side.

³⁶And thou shalt make an hanging for the door of the tent, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen, wrought with needlework.

³⁷And thou shalt make for the hanging five pillars of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, and their hooks shall be of gold: and thou shalt cast five sockets of brass for them.
There's not much to say on this, like the construction of the Ark itself it is overly decadent but for occupying the people and giving them a reason to be, the psychology is sound.
Jethro was a very clever man!

It just so happens that he had a very luxurious tent built for him.

Exodus 25

Exodus 25

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying.

For the purposes of this era feel free of course to substitute the name Jethro for lord unless you can make scheming con artist into the dialogue.

²Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering.

³And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; gold, and silver, and brass,

⁴And blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen, and goats' hair,

⁵And rams' skins dyed red, and badgers' skins, and shittim wood,

⁶Oil for the light, spices for anointing oil, and for sweet incense,

⁷Onyx stones, and stones to be set in the ephod, and in the breastplate.

⁸And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them.

A wealth of possessions, especially for former slaves, did they steal them, were they "spoils of war" from the battle with Amelek and his people at Rephidim ?

⁹According to all that I shew thee, after the pattern of the tabernacle, and the pattern of all the instruments thereof, even so shall ye make it.

Now, The text tells us for a change in great detail how they constructed the Ark of the Covenent.

¹⁰And they shall make an ark of shittim wood: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.

¹¹And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, within and without shalt thou overlay it, and shalt make upon it a crown of gold round about.

¹²And thou shalt cast four rings of gold for it, and put them in the four corners thereof; and two rings shall be in the one side of it, and two rings in the other side of it.

¹³And thou shalt make staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold.

¹⁴And thou shalt put the staves into the rings by the sides of the ark, that the ark may be borne with them.

¹⁵The staves shall be in the rings of the ark: they shall not be taken from it.

Now let us look at the construct from a different point of view.

Make a box from an insulating material.

Cover it inside and out with a conductive material.

Give it fixtures so insulated handles can be attached, so it can be moved without touching it directly.

This, in laymens terms is basically what is now known as a Leyden Jar or its more modern counterpart a capacitor.

You may want to read this

¹⁶And thou shalt put into the ark the testimony which I shall give thee.

¹⁷And thou shalt make a mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof.

¹⁸And thou shalt make two cherubims of gold, of beaten work shalt thou make them, in the two ends of the mercy seat.

¹⁹And make one cherub on the one end, and the other cherub on the other end: even of the mercy seat shall ye make the cherubims on the two ends thereof.

²⁰And the cherubims shall stretch forth their wings on high, covering the mercy seat with their wings, and their faces shall look one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubims be.

²¹And thou shalt put the mercy seat above upon the ark; and in the ark thou shalt put the testimony that I shall give thee.

²²And there I will meet with thee, and I will commune with thee from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubims which are upon the ark of the testimony, of all things which I will give thee in commandment unto the children of Israel.

Strange no mention of two tin cans and a piece of string.

Or perhaps the cherubims are the tin cans and its only the string missing ?

Umm Exodus 20 v4: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."

For that matter what about thou shalt not steal, lie, etc. How many of the ten commandments were broken in the commandeering and building of the ark and ancillaries ?

²³Thou shalt also make a table of shittim wood: two cubits shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.

²⁴And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, and make thereto a crown of gold round about.

²⁵And thou shalt make unto it a border of an hand breadth round about, and thou shalt make a golden crown to the border thereof round about.

²⁶And thou shalt make for it four rings of gold, and put the rings in the four corners that are on the four feet thereof.

²⁷Over against the border shall the rings be for places of the staves to bear the table.

Ok, Ok! Enough is enough, the ark body itself I can understand the use of gold( it can be beaten really thin to cover a large surface area) but a chair, table and snuff trays, that is just sheer decadence. For a religion that prides itself (allegedly) for giving hope to the poor why does it need them to be bled dry.

Perhaps once all physical hope is gone you can only turn to the supernatural, fuck these midianite priests could teach modern psychologists a thing or two about mind control, even Scientology comes up a long way behind.

²⁸And thou shalt make the staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, that the table may be borne with them.

²⁹And thou shalt make the dishes thereof, and spoons thereof, and covers thereof, and bowls thereof, to cover withal: of pure gold shalt thou make them.

³⁰And thou shalt set upon the table shewbread before me alway.

³¹And thou shalt make a candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work shall the candlestick be made: his shaft, and his branches, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, shall be of the same.

³²And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side:

³³Three bowls made like unto almonds, with a knop and a flower in one branch; and three bowls made like almonds in the other branch, with a knop and a flower: so in the six branches that come out of the candlestick.

³⁴And in the candlesticks shall be four bowls made like unto almonds, with their knops and their flowers.

³⁵And there shall be a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches that proceed out of the candlestick.

³⁶Their knops and their branches shall be of the same: all it shall be one beaten work of pure gold.

³⁷And thou shalt make the seven lamps thereof: and they shall light the lamps thereof, that they may give light over against it.

³⁸And the tongs thereof, and the snuffdishes thereof, shall be of pure gold.

Snuff dishes are not dishes for taking snuff or some other sniffable drug but are for snuffing lamps

³⁹Of a talent of pure gold shall he make it, with all these vessels.

⁴⁰And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.

Great ! The refugees are stuck at the foot of a mountain now having to support a parasitical hierarchy , while Moses and his acolytes are fleecing them of their worldly goods to make a box, a table, some candlesticks and associated tools.
It's probably good psychology to give the otherwise aimless people direction, Just a bonus that it removed valuble commodities from people one question remains to be asked .....Was all given utilised in the constructions or did "god" take his 10% ?

Exodus 24

Exodus 24

¹And he said unto Moses, Come up unto the LORD, thou, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel; and worship ye afar off.

Which is to say fuck off peasants, we have some scheming to do.

²And Moses alone shall come near the LORD: but they shall not come nigh; neither shall the people go up with him.

³And Moses came and told the people all the words of the LORD, and all the judgments: and all the people answered with one voice, and said, All the words which the LORD hath said will we do.

⁴And Moses wrote all the words of the LORD, and rose up early in the morning, and builded an altar under the hill, and twelve pillars, according to the twelve tribes of Israel.

Still with the erections.

Seriously tho' are we sure yhvh is pronounced jehova or yar wey could it not just as easily been Shiva

⁵And he sent young men of the children of Israel, which offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD.

Oh pity the starving millions.

⁶And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar.

Is he going to make some black pudding ?

⁷And he took the book of the covenant, and read in the audience of the people: and they said, All that the LORD hath said will we do, and be obedient.

⁸And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the LORD hath made with you concerning all these words.

I thought that was supposed to be a satanic ritual. Have them christians been lying ? Oh no, we haven't been introduced to Satan yet the serpent in Eden was just a serpent.

⁹Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel:

¹⁰And they saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness.

Some strong hallucinogenic there or a slight stretching of the truth.

¹¹And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.

Yay space cake and shrooms washed down with a nice chianti

¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.

¹³And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.

¹⁴And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you: and, behold, Aaron and Hur are with you: if any man have any matters to do, let him come unto them.

¹⁵And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.

Hey man he's got some serious toking to do if he wants to see god.

¹⁶And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud.

Honest guv ! Oh and Jethro's nowhere to be seen and again, Honest guv !

¹⁷And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel.

¹⁸And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Carving all those laws must have taken a while no wonder they didn't use vowels.

Exodus 23

Exodus 23

This starts with an attempt at justice.
¹Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.
²Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil; neither shalt thou speak in a cause to decline after many to wrest judgment:
³Neither shalt thou countenance a poor man in his cause.
⁴If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.
⁵If thou see the ass of him that hateth thee lying under his burden, and wouldest forbear to help him, thou shalt surely help with him.
⁶Thou shalt not wrest the judgment of thy poor in his cause.
This seems to be saying no matter if a man is poor or your enemy he deserves respect and justice, are they at last getting the idea of a society.

⁷Keep thee far from a false matter; and the innocent and righteous slay thou not: for I will not justify the wicked.

Innocent and Righteous !! remember that.

⁸And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous.

No Bribes.

⁹Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.

See verses 23 and 24 !

¹⁰And six years thou shalt sow thy land, and shalt gather in the fruits thereof:

¹¹But the seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still; that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy oliveyard.

They gonna start farming the desert now ? Does peyote grow out in the arse end of Egypt/Israel/Palestine ? I know they aint gonna grow olives or grapes out there.

¹²Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.

¹³And in all things that I have said unto you be circumspect: and make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth.

¹⁴Three times thou shalt keep a feast unto me in the year.

¹⁵Thou shalt keep the feast of unleavened bread: (thou shalt eat unleavened bread seven days, as I commanded thee, in the time appointed of the month Abib; for in it thou camest out from Egypt: and none shall appear before me empty:)

¹⁶And the feast of harvest, the firstfruits of thy labours, which thou hast sown in the field: and the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.

¹⁷Three times in the year all thy males shall appear before the LORD God.

That'll be males only, are they meeting at a gay bar ?

cue Electric 6

¹⁸Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread; neither shall the fat of my sacrifice remain until the morning.

¹⁹The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring into the house of the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.

????

²⁰Behold, I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.

²¹Beware of him, and obey his voice, provoke him not; for he will not pardon your transgressions: for my name is in him.

²²But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries.

²³For mine Angel shall go before thee, and bring thee in unto the Amorites, and the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites: and I will cut them off.

²⁴Thou shalt not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do after their works: but thou shalt utterly overthrow them, and quite break down their images.

What was that bit earlier about not oppressing strangers ?

²⁵And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.

²⁶There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil.

²⁷I will send my fear before thee, and will destroy all the people to whom thou shalt come, and I will make all thine enemies turn their backs unto thee.

²⁸And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite, from before thee.

Are the afore mentioned not strangers ?

²⁹I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.

Is the almighty admitting a weakness here ?

³⁰By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

Here we are over 3,000 years later and he still hasn't managed it, why do people fear him ?

³¹And I will set thy bounds from the Red sea even unto the sea of the Philistines, and from the desert unto the river: for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand; and thou shalt drive them out before thee.

Really ! It's like me wishing to spend a week with half a dozen playboy models, I can wish all I want, but it ain't gonna happen !

³²Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor with their gods.

Gods again !

³³They shall not dwell in thy land, lest they make thee sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee.
This ones true ! by sharing the same land they make the Israelites descendants kill and maim many innocents.

Exodus 22

Exodus 22

So the first few laws were about the owning of human beings, ranging from contracted service through to outright slavery with more laws about protecting the slave owners rights, rather than protecting PEOPLE from abusive masters.
The next set is about thieves. theft and personal properties. Considering the Israelites allegedly were slaves till recent events this just underlines the fact they must have been the most prosperous slaves in history, and also raises the question, if they saw thier slavery as so wrong why do they feel it is alright to enslave others.
Slaves in more recent history didn't even own the clothes on their backs.
¹If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep.
²If a thief be found breaking up, and be smitten that he die, there shall no blood be shed for him.
³If the sun be risen upon him, there shall be blood shed for him; for he should make full restitution; if he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.
⁴If the theft be certainly found in his hand alive, whether it be ox, or ass, or sheep; he shall restore double.
⁵If a man shall cause a field or vineyard to be eaten, and shall put in his beast, and shall feed in another man's field; of the best of his own field, and of the best of his own vineyard, shall he make restitution.
⁶If fire break out, and catch in thorns, so that the stacks of corn, or the standing corn, or the field, be consumed therewith; he that kindled the fire shall surely make restitution.
⁷If a man shall deliver unto his neighbour money or stuff to keep, and it be stolen out of the man's house; if the thief be found, let him pay double.
⁸If the thief be not found, then the master of the house shall be brought unto the judges, to see whether he have put his hand unto his neighbour's goods.
⁹For all manner of trespass, whether it be for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, or for any manner of lost thing which another challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; and whom the judges shall condemn, he shall pay double unto his neighbour.
¹⁰If a man deliver unto his neighbour an ass, or an ox, or a sheep, or any beast, to keep; and it die, or be hurt, or driven away, no man seeing it:
¹¹Then shall an oath of the LORD be between them both, that he hath not put his hand unto his neighbour's goods; and the owner of it shall accept thereof, and he shall not make it good.
¹²And if it be stolen from him, he shall make restitution unto the owner thereof.
¹³If it be torn in pieces, then let him bring it for witness, and he shall not make good that which was torn.
¹⁴And if a man borrow ought of his neighbour, and it be hurt, or die, the owner thereof being not with it, he shall surely make it good.
¹⁵But if the owner thereof be with it, he shall not make it good: if it be an hired thing, it came for his hire.
¹⁶And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
¹⁷If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Still on women as a possession then.
Now a change of tack.

¹⁸Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

The above line in itself responsible for MILLIONS of church sanctioned ritual tortures and murders from the 15th century. Sanctioned by the not so innocent pope Innocent the eighth in his Malleus maleficarum and unfortunately occasionally still occurring today. And it's a mis-translation a more accurate translation would be "thou shalt not suffer a POISONER to live". But is still translated a sorceress(nlt)

¹⁹Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.

Does this even apply in Wales, Australia and New Zealand

²⁰He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.

Still more evidence for more gods.

²¹Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
²²Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child.
²³If thou afflict them in any wise, and they cry at all unto me, I will surely hear their cry;

Has god had his ears cleaned out ?

²⁴And my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless.

That'll be hot earwax then. But what does an alpowerful diety need with a sword ? Zeus or Thor would have used a thunderbolt, Odin and and others an earthquake not that powerful in the gods then is old yhvh.

²⁵If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.
²⁶If thou at all take thy neighbour's raiment to pledge, thou shalt deliver it unto him by that the sun goeth down:
²⁷For that is his covering only, it is his raiment for his skin: wherein shall he sleep? and it shall come to pass, when he crieth unto me, that I will hear; for I am gracious.

What ?
Something altruistic ? Where did this come from?

²⁸Thou shalt not revile the gods, nor curse the ruler of thy people.

Guess I'm in deep shit then.

²⁹Thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors: the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.

Is this in a "he will grow up to be a preist" kind of way or a "rip his heart out on a bloodstained altar" kind of way.

³⁰Likewise shalt thou do with thine oxen, and with thy sheep: seven days it shall be with his dam; on the eighth day thou shalt give it me.

Looks like it may be the bloodstained alter kind of way, not what I consider a good method of contraception.

³¹And ye shall be holy men unto me: neither shall ye eat any flesh that is torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.

Exodus Recap

Just to break up the Lawgiving and because I thought it's about time here's another recap.
So far we have learned that god is not worth a wank.
We have learned that he is at best a loosely based amalgam of sadistic senile psychopaths at worst a totally fictional character utilised as an excuse for the "followers" of god to be sadistic senile psychopaths.
Oh! and forgetful don't forget forgetful.
We have seen how the "chosen" people had settled in egypt and been told(No matter of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary) how their lives over generations degraded into slavery, but the still have gold and silver so must have been the richest slaves in history.
We are then introduced to a character whose birth and early years mirrors a real historical figure from about 1,000 years earlier, Sargon of Accad.
We are told how after committing murder or at least manslaughter, Moses goes on the run, meets(in the family fashion at the local watering hole) his wife to be.
Her father , who also happens to be a midianite priest is nearby.An average man hardly mentioned, although he manages to change his name from Ruel to Jethro in record time allows the by now old man Moses to marry his daughter.
Then we are told that Moses is spoken to by a burning bush and taught how to do simple conjuring tricks to impress the pharoah.
Who incidently remains unimpressed.
At this time the priest, Jethro is conspicuous in his absence.
Real History then interjects with the successive plagues.
Moses then un-succesively claims his invisible friend is responsible with the message ............let my people go or else !
HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY easy come, easy go, will you let me go Bismillah! NO! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO Bismillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Bismillah! We WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Will not let you go Let me go Will not let you go Let me go
Apologies to Freddie and Queen
Huge Eruption
and no that wasn't Freddie
.....final plague
Moses jumping up and down like a epileptic Kangaroo going godidit,godidit,godidit,godidit
Pharoah finally relents and Moses takes his people to the seaside.
Pharoah then relents his relenting and gives chase after them, although outnumbered allegedly by........ just counting .............men........ only men........1,000 to one.
Just men, Not counting goats,cows,children,lice,fleas oh and of course women.
But they were saved by god as they would have been massacred with odds like that.
They know no Isrealites were killed during the plagues and the tidal wave because they had a head count afterwards and all the survivors were there.
The troupe then get lost in the desert and although we are told time and again that they have goats cows children etc. god is forced to save them from starvation by sending them all manner of manna.
Just after Moses "miraculously" finds some water, they also then find some people to fight with, not connected at all.
Somehow Jethro manages to find the lost legion,then to EVERY BODIES surprise three days later god shows himself accompanied by trumpets,fire and smoke.Today there would be lasers and inflatables too.
Perhaps Scoobie and Shaggy would get to the bottom of it but three thousand years later people believe god really appeared and god gave Moses ten commandments.
Yeah Right!
Jethro then says K Bye Thanx
Moses sprouts laws