First of all I would like to apologise for the long break, but after several requests I am resuming it now, I am hoping that my break has given me the refreshment to regain the initial humour and provide not only my observations but also the odd giggle or two. I must say I have failed in that respect with this post, I am not apologising for this, incest and rape are not funny.

 

There has also been a comment that I am treating as a request. The commentor complained that I was, in his words

" ;reading the Kike portion of the Bible

;attacking Christians for it

;being this retarded"

 You can find it and my reply in the comments of Lev 19

So once I have finished second Samuel I shall move foreward to the New testement and do a gospel or two. I think it will be fun. 

2 Samuel 13 King James Version (KJV)

13 And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.

2 And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her.

Well I'll agree with that, if you fancy your sister you are pretty damn sick.

3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.

4 And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.

5 And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.

6 So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand.

7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat.

Is this really the David from first Sam? The David that knew not to trust family, the David that through deceit was able to overthrow his boyfriends father. Are we also expected to believe that this young man is able to hide his desires to sire his sister?

8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes.

9 And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him.

10 And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.

11 And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.

Yes that does mean come fuck me.

12 And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.

13 And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.

What? Ask our dad and he will give her to him. That's really wrong, she's ok with shagging her brother, but only if her father knows about it.

14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.

15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.

16 And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.

17 Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.

18 And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.

19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying.

20 And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.

21 But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.

I have to wonder about Davids wrath, by Mosaic law she should have been taken out and stoned after Amnon rejected her. The text does not say this happened, nor does it say it didn't.

22 And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.

In modern english he sent him to Coventry(refused to speak to him).

23 And it came to pass after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baalhazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king's sons.

24 And Absalom came to the king, and said, Behold now, thy servant hath sheepshearers; let the king, I beseech thee, and his servants go with thy servant.

25 And the king said to Absalom, Nay, my son, let us not all now go, lest we be chargeable unto thee. And he pressed him: howbeit he would not go, but blessed him.

26 Then said Absalom, If not, I pray thee, let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said unto him, Why should he go with thee?

27 But Absalom pressed him, that he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him.

28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say unto you, Smite Amnon; then kill him, fear not: have not I commanded you? be courageous, and be valiant.

29 And the servants of Absalom did unto Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and every man gat him up upon his mule, and fled.

30 And it came to pass, while they were in the way, that tidings came to David, saying, Absalom hath slain all the king's sons, and there is not one of them left.

31 Then the king arose, and tare his garments, and lay on the earth; and all his servants stood by with their clothes rent.

With all this tearing and renting of garments, I wonder if this is why there are so many jewish tailors?

32 And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king's sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar.

33 Now therefore let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king's sons are dead: for Amnon only is dead.

34 But Absalom fled. And the young man that kept the watch lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, there came much people by the way of the hill side behind him.

35 And Jonadab said unto the king, Behold, the king's sons come: as thy servant said, so it is.

36 And it came to pass, as soon as he had made an end of speaking, that, behold, the king's sons came, and lifted up their voice and wept: and the king also and all his servants wept very sore.

37 But Absalom fled, and went to Talmai, the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day.

38 So Absalom fled, and went to Geshur, and was there three years.

39 And the soul of king David longed to go forth unto Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead.

So Absalom has ran away, no doubt worrying that David would not agree with the justice he served for the incestuous rape of his sister, Davids daughter, and yet on the face of it David seems to be happy that Amnon is dead. I have to wonder why he did not do anything about it himself.

Genesis 8

¹And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters assuaged;
God forgot Noah ? You would think from his publicity that he was above things like absent mindedness. Mind you that must have been one hell of a fart.
²The fountains also of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained;
³And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated.
⁴And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.
⁵And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month: in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, were the tops of the mountains seen.
⁶And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made:
I wonder If the stench of the ark prepared them for the fug of our fathers fart. One does wonder that in a watertight environment with all those millions of occupants how .
1. They didn't suffocate.
2.They could see.
⁷And he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.
⁸Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground;
⁹But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark.
Doves and pigeons are known for their "homing " abilities whereas Ravens are not that is assuming it survived IF it was a worldwide flood.
¹⁰And he stayed yet other seven days; and again he sent forth the dove out of the ark;
¹¹And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth.
Must have been either a fast growing or highly resilient olive tree .
¹²And he stayed yet other seven days; and sent forth the dove; which returned not again unto him any more.
¹³And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.
¹⁴And in the second month, on the seven and twentieth day of the month, was the earth dried.
¹⁵And God spake unto Noah, saying,
¹⁶Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons' wives with thee.
¹⁷Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth.
¹⁸And Noah went forth, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him:
¹⁹Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepeth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark.
²⁰And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.
So after going through months struggling to keep all these things alive, He sacrifices them to the arrogant, absent minded, spiteful twat that has killed all his freinds, destroyed his home, made him his wife and children breath the fetid, fecal, fug in a dark cramped enviorement.
²¹And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.
²²While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.
So let's recap
There's this enormous omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent sky dude who existed before anything was anything.One day before there were days he got bored. So for his own entertainment he.....
1. Creates the universe, Light and dark.
2.Creates the earth , seas and all life on earth.
3.Creates the sun, forgets he has already created man and woman and creates another man. Who is wrongly referred to from now on as the first man. Using this man's newly created naievety, god forces this man to tend a garden, for nothing apart from a restricted diet. He then clones the gardener and performs a sex change on the clone.
4.Gives this newly formed clone for some reason an inability to follow orders, an urge to talk instead of a need to communicate and a shape that makes the man think with a different organ than the brain.
5.Is unaware that another of his creations is undermining his orders.
6.Cannot find the man and his clone.
7.Loses his temper when they follow the instincts he designed.
8.Shows favouritism, and again misses what one or two of a handful of people are doing.
9.Gets upset centuries later because people are not doing what he wanted.
10.Didn't see any of this coming.
11. Consistently blamed man for all of his own fuck ups.
Conclusion

At this time although he was powerful to create the earth and all living things his alleged foresight is strangely lacking otherwise he may have realized he would have been better off creating optometrists, massage parlours and prozac first.
There is much of God in all of humanity, not much humanity in God.