Numbers 31

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou be gathered unto thy people.

Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites.... I know many of us don't always see eye to eye with our in-laws but really.

³And Moses spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the LORD of Midian.

Now I understand de lards promise of peace....They get it when they have killed every one else.

⁴Of every tribe a thousand, throughout all the tribes of Israel, shall ye send to the war.

⁵So there were delivered out of the thousands of Israel, a thousand of every tribe, twelve thousand armed for war.

⁶And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand.

⁷And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.

⁸And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword.

Perhaps if he hadn't hit his head and turned coward and traitor he may have lived.

⁹And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.

¹⁰And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.

¹¹And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts.

¹²And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho.

¹³And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp.

¹⁴And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.

¹⁵And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?

¹⁶Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.

¹⁷Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

Can you feel the love....

¹⁸But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

So all the women they probably raped were killed, and the ones they didn't the could rape another day.

¹⁹And do ye abide without the camp seven days: whosoever hath killed any person, and whosoever hath touched any slain, purify both yourselves and your captives on the third day, and on the seventh day.

²⁰And purify all your raiment, and all that is made of skins, and all work of goats' hair, and all things made of wood.

²¹And Eleazar the priest said unto the men of war which went to the battle, This is the ordinance of the law which the LORD commanded Moses;

So the laws demanding purification after being around a dead body far more importent than that irritating "Thou shalt not kill"

²²Only the gold, and the silver, the brass, the iron, the tin, and the lead,

²³Every thing that may abide the fire, ye shall make it go through the fire, and it shall be clean: nevertheless it shall be purified with the water of separation: and all that abideth not the fire ye shall make go through the water.

²⁴And ye shall wash your clothes on the seventh day, and ye shall be clean, and afterward ye shall come into the camp.

And that other one "thou shalt not steal"

²⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

Does it really matter what de lard said as the so gods chosen people have turned into a murdering hoard, ignoring god knows how many of de lards commandments in the process.

²⁶Take the sum of the prey that was taken, both of man and of beast, thou, and Eleazar the priest, and the chief fathers of the congregation:

²⁷And divide the prey into two parts; between them that took the war upon them, who went out to battle, and between all the congregation:

²⁸And levy a tribute unto the LORD of the men of war which went out to battle: one soul of five hundred, both of the persons, and of the beeves, and of the asses, and of the sheep:

²⁹Take it of their half, and give it unto Eleazar the priest, for an heave offering of the LORD.

³⁰And of the children of Israel's half, thou shalt take one portion of fifty, of the persons, of the beeves, of the asses, and of the flocks, of all manner of beasts, and give them unto the Levites, which keep the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD.

³¹And Moses and Eleazar the priest did as the LORD commanded Moses.

³²And the booty, being the rest of the prey which the men of war had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep,

³³And threescore and twelve thousand beeves,

³⁴And threescore and one thousand asses,

³⁵And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him.

32,000 young women and girls, so how many married women were just murdered because they were married ?

³⁶And the half, which was the portion of them that went out to war, was in number three hundred thousand and seven and thirty thousand and five hundred sheep:

³⁷And the LORD'S tribute of the sheep was six hundred and threescore and fifteen.

³⁸And the beeves were thirty and six thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute was threescore and twelve.

³⁹And the asses were thirty thousand and five hundred; of which the LORD'S tribute was threescore and one.

⁴⁰And the persons were sixteen thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute was thirty and two persons.

Does this mean they were sacrificed to de lard ?

Or does it mean they were brought to the priesthood so they wouldn't miss out on the debauchery ?

⁴¹And Moses gave the tribute, which was the LORD'S heave offering, unto Eleazar the priest, as the LORD commanded Moses.

⁴²And of the children of Israel's half, which Moses divided from the men that warred,

⁴³(Now the half that pertained unto the congregation was three hundred thousand and thirty thousand and seven thousand and five hundred sheep,

⁴⁴And thirty and six thousand beeves,

⁴⁵And thirty thousand asses and five hundred,

⁴⁶And sixteen thousand persons;)

⁴⁷Even of the children of Israel's half, Moses took one portion of fifty, both of man and of beast, and gave them unto the Levites, which kept the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD; as the LORD commanded Moses.

⁴⁸And the officers which were over thousands of the host, the captains of thousands, and captains of hundreds, came near unto Moses:

⁴⁹And they said unto Moses, Thy servants have taken the sum of the men of war which are under our charge, and there lacketh not one man of us.

⁵⁰We have therefore brought an oblation for the LORD, what every man hath gotten, of jewels of gold, chains, and bracelets, rings, earrings, and tablets, to make an atonement for our souls before the LORD.

⁵¹And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of them, even all wrought jewels.

⁵²And all the gold of the offering that they offered up to the LORD, of the captains of thousands, and of the captains of hundreds, was sixteen thousand seven hundred and fifty shekels.

⁵³(For the men of war had taken spoil, every man for himself.)

⁵⁴And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of the captains of thousands and of hundreds, and brought it into the tabernacle of the congregation, for a memorial for the children of Israel before the LORD.

I am in no way justifying the persecution of the jews that has happened in the last 2,000 -3,0000 or so years but it does make me wonder whether there is any truth in Karma.

Leviticus 2

Leviticus 2

¹And when any will offer a meat offering unto the LORD, his offering shall be of fine flour; and he shall pour oil upon it, and put frankincense thereon:

Jethro has got bored with nice slabs of meat he fancies pies and pasties.

²And he shall bring it to Aaron's sons the priests: and he shall take thereout his handful of the flour thereof, and of the oil thereof, with all the frankincense thereof; and the priest shall burn the memorial of it upon the altar, to be an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD:

³And the remnant of the meat offering shall be Aaron's and his sons': it is a thing most holy of the offerings of the LORD made by fire.

At least they are admitting the "priesthood" is getting the leftovers.

⁴And if thou bring an oblation of a meat offering baken in the oven, it shall be unleavened cakes of fine flour mingled with oil, or unleavened wafers anointed with oil.

⁵And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in a pan, it shall be of fine flour unleavened, mingled with oil.

Pies,pasties and crispy pancakes.

Seems to be working like fast food in reverse, I hope those robes have plenty of room in them, Aaron and co must be getting fat.

⁶Thou shalt part it in pieces, and pour oil thereon: it is a meat offering.

⁷And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in the fryingpan, it shall be made of fine flour with oil.

I see god is still showing his divine knowledge of all things..... He seems to know fuck all about cholesterol.

Then again he has mentioned "hardening of hearts" perhaps it meant hardening of arteries.

⁸And thou shalt bring the meat offering that is made of these things unto the LORD: and when it is presented unto the priest, he shall bring it unto the altar.

⁹And the priest shall take from the meat offering a memorial thereof, and shall burn it upon the altar: it is an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.

¹⁰And that which is left of the meat offering shall be Aaron's and his sons': it is a thing most holy of the offerings of the LORD made by fire.

¹¹No meat offering, which ye shall bring unto the LORD, shall be made with leaven: for ye shall burn no leaven, nor any honey, in any offering of the LORD made by fire.

I assume leaven is yeast....no destroying things for brewing then.

¹²As for the oblation of the firstfruits, ye shall offer them unto the LORD: but they shall not be burnt on the altar for a sweet savour.

¹³And every oblation of thy meat offering shalt thou season with salt; neither shalt thou suffer the salt of the covenant of thy God to be lacking from thy meat offering: with all thine offerings thou shalt offer salt.

¹⁴And if thou offer a meat offering of thy firstfruits unto the LORD, thou shalt offer for the meat offering of thy firstfruits green ears of corn dried by the fire, even corn beaten out of full ears.

¹⁵And thou shalt put oil upon it, and lay frankincense thereon: it is a meat offering.

¹⁶And the priest shall burn the memorial of it, part of the beaten corn thereof, and part of the oil thereof, with all the frankincense thereof: it is an offering made by fire unto the LORD

Genesis 28

Genesis 28

¹And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, -
Blessed him! Blessed him ? After the con job he's just done on his father and brother.
- , Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
²Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughers of Laban thy mother's brother.
I dunno they must be falling a bit far from the tree now or are Canaanite women just downright ugly or perhaps as is more like, the Canaanites are a bit more picky on who they will marry. Given the reputation of Abraham's family I wouldn't want my daughters anywhere near them.
Is Padanaram ancient Hebrew for Royston Vasey ?
³And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people;
You can cut off the extra toes as necessary, try and ignore the gills, and the tendancy for the red colour on their necks.
⁴And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.
⁵And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padanaram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob's and Esau's mother.
⁶When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan;
⁷And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;
⁸And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;
⁹Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham's son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.

¹⁰And Jacob went out from Beersheba, and went toward Haran.
¹¹And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.
¹²And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.

So much has been made of this dream, but that's all it was . A dream.

Picture this, A young boy asking questions about the "big city" .It being described to the boy and he is told about a big tower with steps reaching up to heaven, which "angels" use. Some years later that same boy is headed toward the city and in his slumber his dreams build a distorted but glorious "vision" of that scene. Who has not done a similar thing when excited about a forthcoming event ?
Especially when you know you are going to get laid at the end of it.....
......With something other than a goat.

¹³And, behold, the LORD stood above it, and said, I am the LORD God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;
¹⁴And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
¹⁵And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.
¹⁶And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not.

This family sure does have a problem separating fantasy and fact.

¹⁷And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.
¹⁸And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it.

Umm ?

¹⁹And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first.

Was it not called Bethel when Abram left for Egypt the first time ?

²⁰And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on,
²¹So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God:
²²And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee.

How do you think Jacob would do here ?