Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Genesis 32

Genesis 32

1And Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him.
2And when Jacob saw them, he said, This is God's host: and he called the name of that place Mahanaim.
3And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother unto the land of Seir, the country of Edom.

4And he commanded them, saying, Thus shall ye speak unto my lord Esau; Thy servant Jacob saith thus, I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed there until now:
Are these "messengers/angels of god the winged ones fluttering down from heaven with divine campness or are they messengers from the king or Esau ?
5And I have oxen, and asses, flocks, and menservants, and womenservants: and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find grace in thy sight.
6And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.
7Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed: and he divided the people that was with him, and the flocks, and herds, and the camels, into two bands;
That's showing faith in the almighty , the one that is all knowing all seeing all powerful that has gone on record as having a covenant to guarantee a good life etc.
One thing I have noticed the god here doesn't promise this mythical afterlife we get told about as the collection plate is getting handed round today. Has god changed his mind or is somebody taxing the gullible ?

8And said, If Esau come to the one company, and smite it, then the other company which is left shall escape.
9And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:
10I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.
Deep Purple and Whitesnake.
11Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.
Again he seem's to be more afraid of Esau than the fear demanding deity.
12And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.
Yup ! He's shitting a brick.
13And he lodged there that same night; and took of that which came to his hand a present for Esau his brother;
14Two hundred she goats, and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes, and twenty rams,
15Thirty milch camels with their colts, forty kine, and ten bulls, twenty she asses, and ten foals.
I don't get how this works.
Jacob is gonna give Easau some of his shit hoping Esau won't kill him and take all of his shit. Knowing full well that Esau probably has not only not forgiven him for stealing his father's blessing but stewed about it for the last twenty years. So even if they do kiss and make up.......

16And he delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by themselves; and said unto his servants, Pass over before me, and put a space betwixt drove and drove.
17And he commanded the foremost, saying, When Esau my brother meeteth thee, and asketh thee, saying, Whose art thou? and whither goest thou? and whose are these before thee?
18Then thou shalt say, They be thy servant Jacob's; it is a present sent unto my lord Esau: and, behold, also he is behind us.
Where else would you expect a double dealing coward to be ?
19And so commanded he the second, and the third, and all that followed the droves, saying, On this manner shall ye speak unto Esau, when ye find him.
20And say ye moreover, Behold, thy servant Jacob is behind us. For he said, I will appease him with the present that goeth before me, and afterward I will see his face; peradventure he will accept of me.
21So went the present over before him: and himself lodged that night in the company.
22And he rose up that night, and took his two wives, and his two womenservants, and his eleven sons, and passed over the ford Jabbok.
ford Jabbok is that some kind of camel powered coupe.
23And he took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had.
24And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
25And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
That's gotta be some real rough sex.
26And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

So the all knowing almighty arsehole asks

27And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
So tell me again what is wrong with same sex relationships, because theres only one reason that two guys are going to wrestle all night, and it aint for the love of god.Unless god is well oiled and has a hard on the size of Massachusetts. (Will the Bee Gees ever sound the same?)
28And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

Which I have on good authority means ..........

.........swings both ways.

29And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
30And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
31And as he passed over Peniel the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.
Peniel ?
32Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank.
Peniel ? Certainly that's the only "sinew" I know of that shrinks after use.
Yup, No gay sex, not now not ever.........
So why do I see it actively encouraged ?

1 comment:

Baal's Bum said...

Picture Especially for Poodles