Joshua 22

¹Then Joshua called the Reubenites, and the Gadites, and the half tribe of Manasseh,

Perhaps it's only half a pile of bullshit ?

²And said unto them, Ye have kept all that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, and have obeyed my voice in all that I commanded you:

³Ye have not left your brethren these many days unto this day, but have kept the charge of the commandment of the LORD your God.

Thatof course, is the lesser knon commandments of de lard, the commandments that say, Thou SHALT kill,maim,rape,destroy,covet,steal etc. Not the more well publicised ones that said Thou shalt NOT kill, covert,steal etc.

⁴And now the LORD your God hath given rest unto your brethren, as he promised them: therefore now return ye, and get you unto your tents, and unto the land of your possession, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave you on the other side Jordan.

Because de lard in his infinite wisdom and all powerfulness couldn't just have created extra land with ready built cities. He emphasised his love of mankind by making you steal it from the previous owners, incidentally relieving them of their lives and freedom as well as their possessions.

⁵But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Correct me if I am wrong. But, wasn't the last reported sighting of de lard with Moses on the mount ? So why are not all priest's not walking around with their arse hanging out ?After all many seem to live up to some of his other attributes....selfish,stubborn,stupid and perverse to name but a few.

⁶So Joshua blessed them, and sent them away: and they went unto their tents.

⁷Now to the one half of the tribe of Manasseh Moses had given possession in Bashan: but unto the other half thereof gave Joshua among their brethren on this side Jordan westward. And when Joshua sent them away also unto their tents, then he blessed them,

What ?

Now, this half of the tribe of Manasseh is this the whole half or half of the half ?Now after reading the next sentance it is half of the half tribe does this not make it a quarter ?

⁸And he spake unto them, saying, Return with much riches unto your tents, and with very much cattle, with silver, and with gold, and with brass, and with iron, and with very much raiment: divide the spoil of your enemies with your brethren.

⁹And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh returned, and departed from the children of Israel out of Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan, to go unto the country of Gilead, to the land of their possession, whereof they were possessed, according to the word of the LORD by the hand of Moses.

¹⁰And when they came unto the borders of Jordan, that are in the land of Canaan, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh built there an altar by Jordan, a great altar to see to.

So this great alter Josh had built it is a major tourist attraction......?

Oh no .. that's right, one of de lards lesser known miracles Josh built it out of

Snow

¹¹And the children of Israel heard say, Behold, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh have built an altar over against the land of Canaan, in the borders of Jordan, at the passage of the children of Israel.

¹²And when the children of Israel heard of it, the whole congregation of the children of Israel gathered themselves together at Shiloh, to go up to war against them.

Have I missed something ?

Surely someone,somewhere has fucked this tale up.

Let me get this straight.

The tribes of Gad,Rueben and Manassah are heading home and decide to erect an altar. Something that seems to be a cultural thing from at least the time of Abraham. Yet the other tribes have got their knickers in a knot over it.

I think these cunts just like killing now they have massacred all the natives they just want to pick a fight with anyone.

¹³And the children of Israel sent unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the half tribe of Manasseh, into the land of Gilead, Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest,

¹⁴And with him ten princes, of each chief house a prince throughout all the tribes of Israel; and each one was an head of the house of their fathers among the thousands of Israel.

¹⁵And they came unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the half tribe of Manasseh, unto the land of Gilead, and they spake with them, saying,

¹⁶Thus saith the whole congregation of the LORD, What trespass is this that ye have committed against the God of Israel, to turn away this day from following the LORD, in that ye have builded you an altar, that ye might rebel this day against the LORD?

¹⁷Is the iniquity of Peor too little for us, from which we are not cleansed until this day, although there was a plague in the congregation of the LORD,

¹⁸But that ye must turn away this day from following the LORD? and it will be, seeing ye rebel to day against the LORD, that to morrow he will be wroth with the whole congregation of Israel.

¹⁹Notwithstanding, if the land of your possession be unclean, then pass ye over unto the land of the possession of the LORD, wherein the LORD's tabernacle dwelleth, and take possession among us: but rebel not against the LORD, nor rebel against us, in building you an altar beside the altar of the LORD our God.

I am confused, There is nothing saying the new altar is dedicated to any god other than de lard. Yet the other Israelites are seriously pissed. Why is this new altar bigger.more beautifully cared ? Is it aligned incorrectly ? I think I shall stick with blood-lust and madness as reasons.

²⁰Did not Achan the son of Zerah commit a trespass in the accursed thing, and wrath fell on all the congregation of Israel? and that man perished not alone in his iniquity.

²¹Then the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh answered, and said unto the heads of the thousands of Israel,

²²The LORD God of gods, the LORD God of gods, he knoweth, and Israel he shall know; if it be in rebellion, or if in transgression against the LORD, (save us not this day,)

Yet another admission there are other gods, but when did that poxy weasel of a god get promoted to god of gods ?

²³That we have built us an altar to turn from following the LORD, or if to offer thereon burnt offering or meat offering, or if to offer peace offerings thereon, let the LORD himself require it;

²⁴And if we have not rather done it for fear of this thing, saying, In time to come your children might speak unto our children, saying, What have ye to do with the LORD God of Israel?

²⁵For the LORD hath made Jordan a border between us and you, ye children of Reuben and children of Gad; ye have no part in the LORD: so shall your children make our children cease from fearing the LORD.

²⁶Therefore we said, Let us now prepare to build us an altar, not for burnt offering, nor for sacrifice:

²⁷But that it may be a witness between us, and you, and our generations after us, that we might do the service of the LORD before him with our burnt offerings, and with our sacrifices, and with our peace offerings; that your children may not say to our children in time to come, Ye have no part in the LORD.

Because nothing seals a deal like the ritual slaughter of innocent flesh.

²⁸Therefore said we, that it shall be, when they should so say to us or to our generations in time to come, that we may say again, Behold the pattern of the altar of the LORD, which our fathers made, not for burnt offerings, nor for sacrifices; but it is a witness between us and you.

²⁹God forbid that we should rebel against the LORD, and turn this day from following the LORD, to build an altar for burnt offerings, for meat offerings, or for sacrifices, beside the altar of the LORD our God that is before his tabernacle.

³⁰And when Phinehas the priest, and the princes of the congregation and heads of the thousands of Israel which were with him, heard the words that the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the children of Manasseh spake, it pleased them.

³¹And Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest said unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the children of Manasseh, This day we perceive that the LORD is among us, because ye have not committed this trespass against the LORD: now ye have delivered the children of Israel out of the hand of the LORD.

³²And Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, and the princes, returned from the children of Reuben, and from the children of Gad, out of the land of Gilead, unto the land of Canaan, to the children of Israel, and brought them word again.

³³And the thing pleased the children of Israel; and the children of Israel blessed God, and did not intend to go up against them in battle, to destroy the land wherein the children of Reuben and Gad dwelt.

³⁴And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar Ed: for it shall be a witness between us that the LORD is God.