Joshua 23

¹And it came to pass a long time after that the LORD had given rest unto Israel from all their enemies round about, that Joshua waxed old and stricken in age.

Is this the Readers Digest version ?

²And Joshua called for all Israel, and for their elders, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers, and said unto them, I am old and stricken in age:

Ah! Senility rules. But at least he remembered the last verse.

³And ye have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto all these nations because of you; for the LORD your God is he that hath fought for you.

⁴Behold, I have divided unto you by lot these nations that remain, to be an inheritance for your tribes, from Jordan, with all the nations that I have cut off, even unto the great sea westward.

Yes that has to be alzheimer's !!

⁵And the LORD your God, he shall expel them from before you, and drive them from out of your sight; and ye shall possess their land, as the LORD your God hath promised unto you.

There he goes advertising de lards ineffectiveness.

⁶Be ye therefore very courageous to keep and to do all that is written in the book of the law of Moses, that ye turn not aside therefrom to the right hand or to the left;

⁷That ye come not among these nations, these that remain among you; neither make mention of the name of their gods, nor cause to swear by them, neither serve them, nor bow yourselves unto them:

So no Jewish astronomers then ?

⁸But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day.

So Josh says Jews are gods cleavage ......What a tit.

⁹For the LORD hath driven out from before you great nations and strong: but as for you, no man hath been able to stand before you unto this day.

¹⁰One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you.

Slut!

¹¹Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.

Cos de lard loves the man love.

¹²Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:

¹³Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.

So de lard didn't break his promise to Moses in1939 it was because some one, way back when, polluted his bloodstream.

Again conspicuous by it's absence. De lards renowned omni-prescience failing to make itself known.

¹⁴And, behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth: and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the LORD your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.

¹⁵Therefore it shall come to pass, that as all good things are come upon you, which the LORD your God promised you; so shall the LORD bring upon you all evil things, until he have destroyed you from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.

At least not shifting the blame for a change.

¹⁶When ye have transgressed the covenant of the LORD your God, which he commanded you, and have gone and served other gods, and bowed yourselves to them; then shall the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and ye shall perish quickly from off the good land which he hath given unto you.

Again de lard failing to see global warming etc.

Joshua 22

¹Then Joshua called the Reubenites, and the Gadites, and the half tribe of Manasseh,

Perhaps it's only half a pile of bullshit ?

²And said unto them, Ye have kept all that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, and have obeyed my voice in all that I commanded you:

³Ye have not left your brethren these many days unto this day, but have kept the charge of the commandment of the LORD your God.

Thatof course, is the lesser knon commandments of de lard, the commandments that say, Thou SHALT kill,maim,rape,destroy,covet,steal etc. Not the more well publicised ones that said Thou shalt NOT kill, covert,steal etc.

⁴And now the LORD your God hath given rest unto your brethren, as he promised them: therefore now return ye, and get you unto your tents, and unto the land of your possession, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave you on the other side Jordan.

Because de lard in his infinite wisdom and all powerfulness couldn't just have created extra land with ready built cities. He emphasised his love of mankind by making you steal it from the previous owners, incidentally relieving them of their lives and freedom as well as their possessions.

⁵But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Correct me if I am wrong. But, wasn't the last reported sighting of de lard with Moses on the mount ? So why are not all priest's not walking around with their arse hanging out ?After all many seem to live up to some of his other attributes....selfish,stubborn,stupid and perverse to name but a few.

⁶So Joshua blessed them, and sent them away: and they went unto their tents.

⁷Now to the one half of the tribe of Manasseh Moses had given possession in Bashan: but unto the other half thereof gave Joshua among their brethren on this side Jordan westward. And when Joshua sent them away also unto their tents, then he blessed them,

What ?

Now, this half of the tribe of Manasseh is this the whole half or half of the half ?Now after reading the next sentance it is half of the half tribe does this not make it a quarter ?

⁸And he spake unto them, saying, Return with much riches unto your tents, and with very much cattle, with silver, and with gold, and with brass, and with iron, and with very much raiment: divide the spoil of your enemies with your brethren.

⁹And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh returned, and departed from the children of Israel out of Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan, to go unto the country of Gilead, to the land of their possession, whereof they were possessed, according to the word of the LORD by the hand of Moses.

¹⁰And when they came unto the borders of Jordan, that are in the land of Canaan, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh built there an altar by Jordan, a great altar to see to.

So this great alter Josh had built it is a major tourist attraction......?

Oh no .. that's right, one of de lards lesser known miracles Josh built it out of

Snow

¹¹And the children of Israel heard say, Behold, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh have built an altar over against the land of Canaan, in the borders of Jordan, at the passage of the children of Israel.

¹²And when the children of Israel heard of it, the whole congregation of the children of Israel gathered themselves together at Shiloh, to go up to war against them.

Have I missed something ?

Surely someone,somewhere has fucked this tale up.

Let me get this straight.

The tribes of Gad,Rueben and Manassah are heading home and decide to erect an altar. Something that seems to be a cultural thing from at least the time of Abraham. Yet the other tribes have got their knickers in a knot over it.

I think these cunts just like killing now they have massacred all the natives they just want to pick a fight with anyone.

¹³And the children of Israel sent unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the half tribe of Manasseh, into the land of Gilead, Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest,

¹⁴And with him ten princes, of each chief house a prince throughout all the tribes of Israel; and each one was an head of the house of their fathers among the thousands of Israel.

¹⁵And they came unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the half tribe of Manasseh, unto the land of Gilead, and they spake with them, saying,

¹⁶Thus saith the whole congregation of the LORD, What trespass is this that ye have committed against the God of Israel, to turn away this day from following the LORD, in that ye have builded you an altar, that ye might rebel this day against the LORD?

¹⁷Is the iniquity of Peor too little for us, from which we are not cleansed until this day, although there was a plague in the congregation of the LORD,

¹⁸But that ye must turn away this day from following the LORD? and it will be, seeing ye rebel to day against the LORD, that to morrow he will be wroth with the whole congregation of Israel.

¹⁹Notwithstanding, if the land of your possession be unclean, then pass ye over unto the land of the possession of the LORD, wherein the LORD's tabernacle dwelleth, and take possession among us: but rebel not against the LORD, nor rebel against us, in building you an altar beside the altar of the LORD our God.

I am confused, There is nothing saying the new altar is dedicated to any god other than de lard. Yet the other Israelites are seriously pissed. Why is this new altar bigger.more beautifully cared ? Is it aligned incorrectly ? I think I shall stick with blood-lust and madness as reasons.

²⁰Did not Achan the son of Zerah commit a trespass in the accursed thing, and wrath fell on all the congregation of Israel? and that man perished not alone in his iniquity.

²¹Then the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh answered, and said unto the heads of the thousands of Israel,

²²The LORD God of gods, the LORD God of gods, he knoweth, and Israel he shall know; if it be in rebellion, or if in transgression against the LORD, (save us not this day,)

Yet another admission there are other gods, but when did that poxy weasel of a god get promoted to god of gods ?

²³That we have built us an altar to turn from following the LORD, or if to offer thereon burnt offering or meat offering, or if to offer peace offerings thereon, let the LORD himself require it;

²⁴And if we have not rather done it for fear of this thing, saying, In time to come your children might speak unto our children, saying, What have ye to do with the LORD God of Israel?

²⁵For the LORD hath made Jordan a border between us and you, ye children of Reuben and children of Gad; ye have no part in the LORD: so shall your children make our children cease from fearing the LORD.

²⁶Therefore we said, Let us now prepare to build us an altar, not for burnt offering, nor for sacrifice:

²⁷But that it may be a witness between us, and you, and our generations after us, that we might do the service of the LORD before him with our burnt offerings, and with our sacrifices, and with our peace offerings; that your children may not say to our children in time to come, Ye have no part in the LORD.

Because nothing seals a deal like the ritual slaughter of innocent flesh.

²⁸Therefore said we, that it shall be, when they should so say to us or to our generations in time to come, that we may say again, Behold the pattern of the altar of the LORD, which our fathers made, not for burnt offerings, nor for sacrifices; but it is a witness between us and you.

²⁹God forbid that we should rebel against the LORD, and turn this day from following the LORD, to build an altar for burnt offerings, for meat offerings, or for sacrifices, beside the altar of the LORD our God that is before his tabernacle.

³⁰And when Phinehas the priest, and the princes of the congregation and heads of the thousands of Israel which were with him, heard the words that the children of Reuben and the children of Gad and the children of Manasseh spake, it pleased them.

³¹And Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest said unto the children of Reuben, and to the children of Gad, and to the children of Manasseh, This day we perceive that the LORD is among us, because ye have not committed this trespass against the LORD: now ye have delivered the children of Israel out of the hand of the LORD.

³²And Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, and the princes, returned from the children of Reuben, and from the children of Gad, out of the land of Gilead, unto the land of Canaan, to the children of Israel, and brought them word again.

³³And the thing pleased the children of Israel; and the children of Israel blessed God, and did not intend to go up against them in battle, to destroy the land wherein the children of Reuben and Gad dwelt.

³⁴And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar Ed: for it shall be a witness between us that the LORD is God.

Joshua 21

¹Then came near the heads of the fathers of the Levites unto Eleazar the priest, and unto Joshua the son of Nun, and unto the heads of the fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel;

So thats a lot of head.... things must be looking up!!!

²And they spake unto them at Shiloh in the land of Canaan, saying, The LORD commanded by the hand of Moses to give us cities to dwell in, with the suburbs thereof for our cattle.

³And the children of Israel gave unto the Levites out of their inheritance, at the commandment of the LORD, these cities and their suburbs.

I must admit I am still struggling with the fact that they only have these cities to give because the broke at least three of the ten commandments.

And here we go again with the inevitable accountants list.

⁴And the lot came out for the families of the Kohathites: and the children of Aaron the priest, which were of the Levites, had by lot out of the tribe of Judah, and out of the tribe of Simeon, and out of the tribe of Benjamin, thirteen cities.

⁵And the rest of the children of Kohath had by lot out of the families of the tribe of Ephraim, and out of the tribe of Dan, and out of the half tribe of Manasseh, ten cities.

There's that stupid number again.."half a tribe"...surely thats like saying half infinity ?

⁶And the children of Gershon had by lot out of the families of the tribe of Issachar, and out of the tribe of Asher, and out of the tribe of Naphtali, and out of the half tribe of Manasseh in Bashan, thirteen cities.

⁷The children of Merari by their families had out of the tribe of Reuben, and out of the tribe of Gad, and out of the tribe of Zebulun, twelve cities.

⁸And the children of Israel gave by lot unto the Levites these cities with their suburbs, as the LORD commanded by the hand of Moses.

⁹And they gave out of the tribe of the children of Judah, and out of the tribe of the children of Simeon, these cities which are here mentioned by name.

¹⁰Which the children of Aaron, being of the families of the Kohathites, who were of the children of Levi, had: for theirs was the first lot.

¹¹And they gave them the city of Arba the father of Anak, which city is Hebron, in the hill country of Judah, with the suburbs thereof round about it.

¹²But the fields of the city, and the villages thereof, gave they to Caleb the son of Jephunneh for his possession.

¹³Thus they gave to the children of Aaron the priest Hebron with her suburbs, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Libnah with her suburbs,

¹⁴And Jattir with her suburbs, and Eshtemoa with her suburbs,

¹⁵And Holon with her suburbs, and Debir with her suburbs,

¹⁶And Ain with her suburbs, and Juttah with her suburbs, and Bethshemesh with her suburbs; nine cities out of those two tribes.

¹⁷And out of the tribe of Benjamin, Gibeon with her suburbs, Geba with her suburbs,

¹⁸Anathoth with her suburbs, and Almon with her suburbs; four cities.

¹⁹All the cities of the children of Aaron, the priests, were thirteen cities with their suburbs.

²⁰And the families of the children of Kohath, the Levites which remained of the children of Kohath, even they had the cities of their lot out of the tribe of Ephraim.

²¹For they gave them Shechem with her suburbs in mount Ephraim, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Gezer with her suburbs,

²²And Kibzaim with her suburbs, and Bethhoron with her suburbs; four cities.

²³And out of the tribe of Dan, Eltekeh with her suburbs, Gibbethon with her suburbs,

²⁴Aijalon with her suburbs, Gathrimmon with her suburbs; four cities.

²⁵And out of the half tribe of Manasseh, Tanach with her suburbs, and Gathrimmon with her suburbs; two cities.

²⁶All the cities were ten with their suburbs for the families of the children of Kohath that remained.

²⁷And unto the children of Gershon, of the families of the Levites, out of the other half tribe of Manasseh they gave Golan in Bashan with her suburbs, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Beeshterah with her suburbs; two cities.

²⁸And out of the tribe of Issachar, Kishon with her suburbs, Dabareh with her suburbs,

²⁹Jarmuth with her suburbs, Engannim with her suburbs; four cities.

³⁰And out of the tribe of Asher, Mishal with her suburbs, Abdon with her suburbs,

³¹Helkath with her suburbs, and Rehob with her suburbs; four cities.

³²And out of the tribe of Naphtali, Kedesh in Galilee with her suburbs, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Hammothdor with her suburbs, and Kartan with her suburbs; three cities.

³³All the cities of the Gershonites according to their families were thirteen cities with their suburbs.

³⁴And unto the families of the children of Merari, the rest of the Levites, out of the tribe of Zebulun, Jokneam with her suburbs, and Kartah with her suburbs,

³⁵Dimnah with her suburbs, Nahalal with her suburbs; four cities.

³⁶And out of the tribe of Reuben, Bezer with her suburbs, and Jahazah with her suburbs,

³⁷Kedemoth with her suburbs, and Mephaath with her suburbs; four cities.

³⁸And out of the tribe of Gad, Ramoth in Gilead with her suburbs, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Mahanaim with her suburbs,

³⁹Heshbon with her suburbs, Jazer with her suburbs; four cities in all.

⁴⁰So all the cities for the children of Merari by their families, which were remaining of the families of the Levites, were by their lot twelve cities.

⁴¹All the cities of the Levites within the possession of the children of Israel were forty and eight cities with their suburbs.

⁴²These cities were every one with their suburbs round about them: thus were all these cities.

⁴³And the LORD gave unto Israel all the land which he sware to give unto their fathers; and they possessed it, and dwelt therein.

⁴⁴And the LORD gave them rest round about, according to all that he sware unto their fathers: and there stood not a man of all their enemies before them; the LORD delivered all their enemies into their hand.

⁴⁵There failed not ought of any good thing which the LORD had spoken unto the house of Israel; all came to pass.

Does anybody know where this great division of the land is recorded outside the oral tradition of the Jews ?
Call me suspicious or even cynical, but this is a major event in world history. Happening mid point between two highly literate civilizations, and yet nobody seems to have mentioned,even slightly in passing. That a bunch of dirty nomads have suddenly, almost overnight become a dominant power, encompassing a large empire.

Joshua 20

Well I am back.

Sorry if you have missed me but I have been working my arse off until I went on holiday a week or so ago. So hopefully refreshed, we begin again

So there was me looking forwards to something I could get my teeth into and what have i found, A slight expansion of Moses idea, offering a theoretical "sanctuary" from vengeance in the event of accidental deaths.

¹The LORD also spake unto Joshua, saying,

²Speak to the children of Israel, saying, Appoint out for you cities of refuge, whereof I spake unto you by the hand of Moses:

³That the slayer that killeth any person unawares and unwittingly may flee thither: and they shall be your refuge from the avenger of blood.

I got to ask.....At that time how do you unwittingly kill someone and be unaware of it ?

"I was cleaning my spear and it went off "????

Ok times haven't changed that much I suppose a brawl where one party suffers a serious injury and later dies

⁴And when he that doth flee unto one of those cities shall stand at the entering of the gate of the city, and shall declare his cause in the ears of the elders of that city, they shall take him into the city unto them, and give him a place, that he may dwell among them.

⁵And if the avenger of blood pursue after him, then they shall not deliver the slayer up into his hand; because he smote his neighbour unwittingly, and hated him not beforetime.

⁶And he shall dwell in that city, until he stand before the congregation for judgment, and until the death of the high priest that shall be in those days: then shall the slayer return, and come unto his own city, and unto his own house, unto the city from whence he fled.

So if you do accidentally kill someone try and flee to a city where the high preist is young and healthy or your sanctury may be short lived.

⁷And they appointed Kedesh in Galilee in mount Naphtali, and Shechem in mount Ephraim, and Kirjatharba, which is Hebron, in the mountain of Judah.

⁸And on the other side Jordan by Jericho eastward, they assigned Bezer in the wilderness upon the plain out of the tribe of Reuben, and Ramoth in Gilead out of the tribe of Gad, and Golan in Bashan out of the tribe of Manasseh.

⁹These were the cities appointed for all the children of Israel, and for the stranger that sojourneth among them, that whosoever killeth any person at unawares might flee thither, and not die by the hand of the avenger of blood, until he stood before the congregation.