Leviticus 24

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Command the children of Israel, that they bring unto thee pure oil olive beaten for the light, to cause the lamps to burn continually.

You would have thought that an all knowing -all seeing god that gets off on the "sweet savour" of burning flesh would have the fore sight and knowledge to get his "minions" to catch the fat dripping off all these burnt offerings and use that for the lamps...giving off both light and the "sweet savour"

³Without the vail of the testimony, in the tabernacle of the congregation, shall Aaron order it from the evening unto the morning before the LORD continually: it shall be a statute for ever in your generations.

⁴He shall order the lamps upon the pure candlestick before the LORD continually.

It only seems right I am doing this chapter at the time of Diwali and Samhien (Halloween)

⁵And thou shalt take fine flour, and bake twelve cakes thereof: two tenth deals shall be in one cake.

Thats some strong hash cake.

⁶And thou shalt set them in two rows, six on a row, upon the pure table before the LORD.

⁷And thou shalt put pure frankincense upon each row, that it may be on the bread for a memorial, even an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

Really, Is, or maybe was, Frankencense, hashish ? It might explain a few things....

⁸Every sabbath he shall set it in order before the LORD continually, being taken from the children of Israel by an everlasting covenant.

All hail the saturday spacecake.

⁹And it shall be Aaron's and his sons'; and they shall eat it in the holy place: for it is most holy unto him of the offerings of the LORD made by fire by a perpetual statute.

¹⁰And the son of an Israelitish woman, whose father was an Egyptian, went out among the children of Israel: and this son of the Israelitish woman and a man of Israel strove together in the camp;

¹¹And the Israelitish woman's son blasphemed the name of the Lord, and cursed. And they brought him unto Moses: (and his mother's name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri, of the tribe of Dan:)

¹²And they put him in ward, that the mind of the LORD might be shewed them.

¹³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹⁴Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.

¹⁵And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Whosoever curseth his God shall bear his sin.

¹⁶And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Your gods a senile old cunt ..... bring it on!

¹⁷And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.

¹⁸And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.

¹⁹And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;

²⁰Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.

²¹And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.

²²Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.

I would really like this one kept up especially here in England.. Fuck your sharia law courts.

²³And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Leviticus 23

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

I have to wonder, whether Moses is making these things up or whether he has lost the plot completely and is actually hearing voices ?

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, Concerning the feasts of the LORD, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, even these are my feasts.

³Six days shall work be done: but the seventh day is the sabbath of rest, an holy convocation; ye shall do no work therein: it is the sabbath of the LORD in all your dwellings.

⁴These are the feasts of the LORD, even holy convocations, which ye shall proclaim in their seasons.

Did the translator learn a new word ?

⁵In the fourteenth day of the first month at even is the LORD's passover.

⁶And on the fifteenth day of the same month is the feast of unleavened bread unto the LORD: seven days ye must eat unleavened bread.

⁷In the first day ye shall have an holy convocation: ye shall do no servile work therein.

⁸But ye shall offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD seven days: in the seventh day is an holy convocation: ye shall do no servile work therein.

⁹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹⁰Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye be come into the land which I give unto you, and shall reap the harvest thereof, then ye shall bring a sheaf of the firstfruits of your harvest unto the priest:

¹¹And he shall wave the sheaf before the LORD, to be accepted for you: on the morrow after the sabbath the priest shall wave it.

¹²And ye shall offer that day when ye wave the sheaf an he lamb without blemish of the first year for a burnt offering unto the LORD.

¹³And the meat offering thereof shall be two tenth deals of fine flour mingled with oil, an offering made by fire unto the LORD for a sweet savour: and the drink offering thereof shall be of wine, the fourth part of an hin.

¹⁴And ye shall eat neither bread, nor parched corn, nor green ears, until the selfsame day that ye have brought an offering unto your God: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations in all your dwellings.

¹⁵And ye shall count unto you from the morrow after the sabbath, from the day that ye brought the sheaf of the wave offering; seven sabbaths shall be complete:

¹⁶Even unto the morrow after the seventh sabbath shall ye number fifty days; and ye shall offer a new meat offering unto the LORD.

¹⁷Ye shall bring out of your habitations two wave loaves of two tenth deals; they shall be of fine flour; they shall be baken with leaven; they are the firstfruits unto the LORD.

¹⁸And ye shall offer with the bread seven lambs without blemish of the first year, and one young bullock, and two rams: they shall be for a burnt offering unto the LORD, with their meat offering, and their drink offerings, even an offering made by fire, of sweet savour unto the LORD.

¹⁹Then ye shall sacrifice one kid of the goats for a sin offering, and two lambs of the first year for a sacrifice of peace offerings.

²⁰And the priest shall wave them with the bread of the firstfruits for a wave offering before the LORD, with the two lambs: they shall be holy to the LORD for the priest.

²¹And ye shall proclaim on the selfsame day, that it may be an holy convocation unto you: ye shall do no servile work therein: it shall be a statute for ever in all your dwellings throughout your generations.

²²And when ye reap the harvest of your land, thou shalt not make clean riddance of the corners of thy field when thou reapest, neither shalt thou gather any gleaning of thy harvest: thou shalt leave them unto the poor, and to the stranger: I am the LORD your God.

²³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁴Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, In the seventh month, in the first day of the month, shall ye have a sabbath, a memorial of blowing of trumpets, an holy convocation.

²⁵Ye shall do no servile work therein: but ye shall offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

²⁶And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁷Also on the tenth day of this seventh month there shall be a day of atonement: it shall be an holy convocation unto you; and ye shall afflict your souls, and offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

This is the jewish fast fest Yom Kipphur

• Jewish Year 5769: sunset October 8, 2008 - nightfall October 9, 2008
• Jewish Year 5770: sunset September 27, 2009 - nightfall September 28, 2009
• Jewish Year 5771: sunset September 17, 2010 - nightfall September 18, 2010
• Jewish Year 5772: sunset October 7, 2011 - nightfall October 8, 2011

²⁸And ye shall do no work in that same day: for it is a day of atonement, to make an atonement for you before the LORD your God.

²⁹For whatsoever soul it be that shall not be afflicted in that same day, he shall be cut off from among his people.

³⁰And whatsoever soul it be that doeth any work in that same day, the same soul will I destroy from among his people.

³¹Ye shall do no manner of work: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations in all your dwellings.

³²It shall be unto you a sabbath of rest, and ye shall afflict your souls: in the ninth day of the month at even, from even unto even, shall ye celebrate your sabbath.

³³And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

³⁴Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, The fifteenth day of this seventh month shall be the feast of tabernacles for seven days unto the LORD.

³⁵On the first day shall be an holy convocation: ye shall do no servile work therein.

³⁶Seven days ye shall offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD: on the eighth day shall be an holy convocation unto you; and ye shall offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD: it is a solemn assembly; and ye shall do no servile work therein.

³⁷These are the feasts of the LORD, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, to offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD, a burnt offering, and a meat offering, a sacrifice, and drink offerings, every thing upon his day:

³⁸Beside the sabbaths of the LORD, and beside your gifts, and beside all your vows, and beside all your freewill offerings, which ye give unto the LORD.

³⁹Also in the fifteenth day of the seventh month, when ye have gathered in the fruit of the land, ye shall keep a feast unto the LORD seven days: on the first day shall be a sabbath, and on the eighth day shall be a sabbath.

⁴⁰And ye shall take you on the first day the boughs of goodly trees, branches of palm trees, and the boughs of thick trees, and willows of the brook; and ye shall rejoice before the LORD your God seven days.

⁴¹And ye shall keep it a feast unto the LORD seven days in the year. It shall be a statute for ever in your generations: ye shall celebrate it in the seventh month.

⁴²Ye shall dwell in booths seven days; all that are Israelites born shall dwell in booths:

Cos after a hard days gluttony you don't want to have to walk back to your tent.

⁴³That your generations may know that I made the children of Israel to dwell in booths, when I brought them out of the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

⁴⁴And Moses declared unto the children of Israel the feasts of the LORD.

Leviticus 22

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto Aaron and to his sons, that they separate themselves from the holy things of the children of Israel, and that they profane not my holy name in those things which they hallow unto me: I am the LORD.

³Say unto them, Whosoever he be of all your seed among your generations, that goeth unto the holy things, which the children of Israel hallow unto the LORD, having his uncleanness upon him, that soul shall be cut off from my presence: I am the LORD.

⁴What man soever of the seed of Aaron is a leper, or hath a running issue; he shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean. And whoso toucheth any thing that is unclean by the dead, or a man whose seed goeth from him;

God don't like you if you are a leper,have a runny ....anything or are impotent.

Strange, I would have thought he would have liked impotent men, I would have thought he would be reassured it happened to others.

⁵Or whosoever toucheth any creeping thing, whereby he may be made unclean, or a man of whom he may take uncleanness, whatsoever uncleanness he hath;

Who, can go through life never touching an insect or spider,especially living in tents, perhaps this only includes the four legged kinds, or.......the all seeing all knowing is showing that he knows fuck all, yet again!

⁶The soul which hath touched any such shall be unclean until even, and shall not eat of the holy things, unless he wash his flesh with water.

⁷And when the sun is down, he shall be clean, and shall afterward eat of the holy things; because it is his food.

Here's the almighty cleansing power of the darkness again.

⁸That which dieth of itself, or is torn with beasts, he shall not eat to defile himself therewith; I am the LORD.

⁹They shall therefore keep mine ordinance, lest they bear sin for it, and die therefore, if they profane it: I the LORD do sanctify them.

¹⁰There shall no stranger eat of the holy thing: a sojourner of the priest, or an hired servant, shall not eat of the holy thing.

¹¹But if the priest buy any soul with his money, he shall eat of it, and he that is born in his house: they shall eat of his meat. The NLT says...¹¹ However, if the priest buys a slave for himself, the slave may eat from the sacred offerings. And if his slaves have children, they also may share his food.

So with all these laws on sex and diet its still OK to own other human beings??

¹²If the priest's daughter also be married unto a stranger, she may not eat of an offering of the holy things.

How is it OK for anyone to marry their daughter to a stranger ?

¹³But if the priest's daughter be a widow, or divorced, and have no child, and is returned unto her father's house, as in her youth, she shall eat of her father's meat: but there shall be no stranger eat thereof.

I hope this is not meant as wrong as it reads.

¹⁴And if a man eat of the holy thing unwittingly, then he shall put the fifth part thereof unto it, and shall give it unto the priest with the holy thing.

Err what?

¹⁵And they shall not profane the holy things of the children of Israel, which they offer unto the LORD;

Does this mean thou shalt not wank on a cracker ?

¹⁶Or suffer them to bear the iniquity of trespass, when they eat their holy things: for I the LORD do sanctify them.

¹⁷And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

This is Moses god demanding a fine for his wrongdoing with Jethro god earlier in the big tent.

¹⁸Speak unto Aaron, and to his sons, and unto all the children of Israel, and say unto them, Whatsoever he be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers in Israel, that will offer his oblation for all his vows, and for all his freewill offerings, which they will offer unto the LORD for a burnt offering;

¹⁹Ye shall offer at your own will a male without blemish, of the beeves, of the sheep, or of the goats.

²⁰But whatsoever hath a blemish, that shall ye not offer: for it shall not be acceptable for you.

²¹And whosoever offereth a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the LORD to accomplish his vow, or a freewill offering in beeves or sheep, it shall be perfect to be accepted; there shall be no blemish therein.

²²Blind, or broken, or maimed, or having a wen, or scurvy, or scabbed, ye shall not offer these unto the LORD, nor make an offering by fire of them upon the altar unto the LORD.

²³Either a bullock or a lamb that hath any thing superfluous or lacking in his parts, that mayest thou offer for a freewill offering; but for a vow it shall not be accepted.

²⁴Ye shall not offer unto the LORD that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut; neither shall ye make any offering thereof in your land.

As always asking for the best meat.

²⁵Neither from a stranger's hand shall ye offer the bread of your God of any of these; because their corruption is in them, and blemishes be in them: they shall not be accepted for you.

²⁶And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²⁷When a bullock, or a sheep, or a goat, is brought forth, then it shall be seven days under the dam; and from the eighth day and thenceforth it shall be accepted for an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

²⁸And whether it be cow, or ewe, ye shall not kill it and her young both in one day.

²⁹And when ye will offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving unto the LORD, offer it at your own will.

Not that he's coercing them in any way...

³⁰On the same day it shall be eaten up; ye shall leave none of it until the morrow: I am the LORD.

³¹Therefore shall ye keep my commandments, and do them: I am the LORD.

³²Neither shall ye profane my holy name; but I will be hallowed among the children of Israel: I am the LORD which hallow you,

³³That brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the LORD.

Leviticus 21

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Speak unto the priests the sons of Aaron, and say unto them, There shall none be defiled for the dead among his people:

These verses are telling them they are not allowed to help with the preparation for burial with a few exceptions.

²But for his kin, that is near unto him, that is, for his mother, and for his father, and for his son, and for his daughter, and for his brother.

³And for his sister a virgin, that is nigh unto him, which hath had no husband; for her may he be defiled.

⁴But he shall not defile himself, being a chief man among his people, to profane himself.

⁵They shall not make baldness upon their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard, nor make any cuttings in their flesh.

How is it the people which proclaim the loudest for following gods laws(especially for teh gay) are often clean shaven or with really neat trimmed beards in total defience of this rule.

⁶They shall be holy unto their God, and not profane the name of their God: for the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and the bread of their God, they do offer: therefore they shall be holy.

Am I breaking this law when I say JHVH is a cunt

How about if I say Allah is a cunt(apparently I am supposed to write pbuh after his and Mo's name......I think it stands for Pigshit be upon him)Well it does now!

⁷They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God.

⁸Thou shalt sanctify him therefore; for he offereth the bread of thy God: he shall be holy unto thee: for I the LORD, which sanctify you, am holy.

⁹And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.

AAhhh vicars daughters and sons you can always guarantee a good time with them.

¹⁰And he that is the high priest among his brethren, upon whose head the anointing oil was poured, and that is consecrated to put on the garments, shall not uncover his head, nor rend his clothes;

¹¹Neither shall he go in to any dead body, nor defile himself for his father, or for his mother;

¹²Neither shall he go out of the sanctuary, nor profane the sanctuary of his God; for the crown of the anointing oil of his God is upon him: I am the LORD.

Actually all these are going on about defiling and profanity against his god not mine so any defilement that is not against your own god is ok... is that what its saying?

¹³And he shall take a wife in her virginity.

So she won't know two to three inches isn't normal

¹⁴A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife.

¹⁵Neither shall he profane his seed among his people: for I the LORD do sanctify him.

¹⁶And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

Here we find out how the "loving god" feels about the disabled,disfigured that according to him created.

¹⁷Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.

¹⁸For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,

¹⁹Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,

²⁰Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

²¹No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

²²He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.

²³Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the LORD do sanctify them.

Can you feel the love.....gods love

²⁴And Moses told it unto Aaron, and to his sons, and unto all the children of Israel.

Leviticus 20

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Molech has been portrayed as an old horned man,a bull and an owl.

³And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name.

⁴And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not:

this informative but paranoid video.

The link will also offer more even paranoid videos on the subject

⁵Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people.

I am struck with the similarities between the names Molech and Melek. For any of you who have not been reading from the beginning Melek Ta'us is the Peacock Angel.

⁶And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people.

⁷Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God.

I have some socks that are holy are they sanctified ?

⁸And ye shall keep my statutes, and do them: I am the LORD which sanctify you.

⁹For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

This one always makes me laugh, I would have thought it's an impossibillity for anyone to make it through their teenage years without cursing their parents.

¹⁰And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

¹¹And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

These two seem to be from someone who feels totally sexually inadequate.

¹²And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

¹³If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Again consult dear old Bruce for more on this

¹⁴And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.

¹⁵And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

As previously stated this now means Moses has taken over the role of god from Jethro. As we saw in Lev 16 Jethro in his role of god fucked a goat.

¹⁶And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

From the way women are treated I doubt many of them actually enjoyed sexual congress with their husbands or anyone else for that matter. I sincerely doubt any of them would go out of their way to dabble with a donkey, this is another law I think comes from feelings of sexual inadequacy. Yes I know it happens now, but I really don't think many if any do it from their own volition.

¹⁷And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.

¹⁸And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

¹⁹And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister, nor of thy father's sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.

²⁰And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.

²¹And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless.

Was Onan not made to marry and lay with his brothers wife ?......Gen 38:⁸And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.Not to mention Abraham sending his boys to get wives from thier uncle.

²²Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.

²³And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

²⁴But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people.

This verse alone shows how ineffectual and impotent thier god is. Here we are over 3,ooo years later and the israelites are still fighting to get thier claim to this land accepted by the people they have been trying to take it from for all those years. Until it ceases to be fought over, it will never really be theirs.

²⁵Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean.

²⁶And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine.

²⁷A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Is it me or does that last verse seem tacked on ?

Leviticus 19

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, Ye shall be holy: for I the LORD your God am holy.

³Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.

⁴Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the LORD your God.

Were these not already covered in the big ten?

⁵And if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the LORD, ye shall offer it at your own will.

All these peace offerings work well. After over 3,000 years of peace offerings, Israel is the veritable epitome of peace

⁶It shall be eaten the same day ye offer it, and on the morrow: and if ought remain until the third day, it shall be burnt in the fire.

Possibly a wise precaution

⁷And if it be eaten at all on the third day, it is abominable; it shall not be accepted.

⁸Therefore every one that eateth it shall bear his iniquity, because he hath profaned the hallowed thing of the LORD: and that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

The last thing one would want if feeling bad from a severe bout of food poisoning,however if your prone to violent expulsions being apart from the camp would be less embarrassing not to mention more pleasant for your family.

⁹And when ye reap the harvest of your land, thou shalt not wholly reap the corners of thy field, neither shalt thou gather the gleanings of thy harvest.

¹⁰And thou shalt not glean thy vineyard, neither shalt thou gather every grape of thy vineyard; thou shalt leave them for the poor and stranger: I am the LORD your God.

Yes that will work in the modern world

¹¹Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.

We are still talking about the human race ?

¹²And ye shall not swear by my name falsely, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.

JeesusHMotherfuckinGodBastardinChrist how can those following that Shit Allah the Arsehole and the not like bacon and beer.

¹³Thou shalt not defraud thy neighbour, neither rob him: the wages of him that is hired shall not abide with thee all night until the morning.

How did monthly pay come about ?

¹⁴Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumblingblock before the blind, but shalt fear thy God: I am the LORD.

The deaf can't hear you curse them, why does that matter ?

Stumbling blocks before the blind, no you shouldn't do it,no matter how funny it is.(nothing about roller skates on stairs)

¹⁵Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.

¹⁶Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the LORD.

¹⁷Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

I must admit the world would definately be a better place, if people would adhere to those last three verses

¹⁸Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.

I have a feeling this one went out of the window before glass was put in windows.

¹⁹Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

Oh no! no selective breeding, and no mixed fabric ??

²⁰And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.

So if you rape a female slave she gets a beating.....Your god IS loving, wise and full of justice.

²¹And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering.

She gets a beating and he has to pay for a meal for the high priest....Ah well that's alright then.

²²And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the LORD for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him.

He's totally forgiven,she is degraded beaten and probably pregnant and thought of as a whore....How can anyone say this is not fair.....'Cos any lawgiver whether it be god,King,Priest or Judge that goes by that rule is a complete and utter CUNT.

²³And when ye shall come into the land, and shall have planted all manner of trees for food, then ye shall count the fruit thereof as uncircumcised: three years shall it be as uncircumcised unto you: it shall not be eaten of.

Uncircumsised fruit........Ummm !

²⁴But in the fourth year all the fruit thereof shall be holy to praise the LORD withal.

So god gets the "four skin"

²⁵And in the fifth year shall ye eat of the fruit thereof, that it may yield unto you the increase thereof: I am the LORD your God.

²⁶Ye shall not eat any thing with the blood: neither shall ye use enchantment, nor observe times.

Is this the blood of fruit circumsised or not ?

Enchantment, well what is all this ritualised sacrifice ?

Observe times ?What if you don't observe times how would you know when various feasts/fastings/sabbaths etc. are ?

Youngs literal has the line "observe clouds" instead, again would you not look for rain ?

²⁷Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

Round the corners of your head.. is this a referance to head binding or just a euphamism for haircut. What if your beard grows without corners ?

²⁸Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

No tattoos ? C,mon

²⁹Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.

Another one I fully agree with.

³⁰Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the LORD.

Fuck off, double time!

³¹Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.

Regard not them that have familiar spirits. Whisky,Vodka,Rum no sorry these are people I must regard.

³²Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD.

³³And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him.

³⁴But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

Yes this one lasted well didn't it ?

³⁵Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment, in meteyard, in weight, or in measure.

³⁶Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall ye have: I am the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt.

³⁷Therefore shall ye observe all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: I am the LORD.

Meme

Uzza tagged me.
Although Initially I said I was not going to do these Meme thingies,I now think that it would be rude not to,so here goes

Can You Remember The Day That You Officially Became An Atheist?

No. I do remember it was a point where I was reading through the bible and realised that this guy Jesus probably did not believe in the god I was being taught about.Or at the very least had a very different veiw of god. This coupled with my already growing problem with the creationist veiw.(I never could accept that the earth was only a few thousand years old and evolution was a myth.)

Do you remember the day you officially became an agnostic?

This implies I became agnostic before I became atheist. Once I realised it was bullshit that was it.

How about the last time you spoke or prayed to God with actual thought that someone was listening?

Again, part of the same day.

Did anger towards God or religion help cause you to be an atheist or agnostic?

Anger toward god.. Not an issue.Anger toward myself for being so stupid was certainly a factor.
Anger toward religion..Yes.for corruption,hate,leeching off society and any of the countless other qualities that fools(like I was)do to their fellow man in the name of whatever imaginary freind/master they choose to follow.

Here is a good one: Were you agnostic towards ghosts, even after you became an atheist?

Yes. It took a while longer.

Do you want to be wrong?

Although I really would not want anyone to suffer either the proclaimed lap dog experience of heaven or the eternal pain of hell it would suit my sense of humour to see these religious fools find out they were totally wrong.

Leviticus 18

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

You would have thought after this latest sexually charged liason with Aaron he would have talked to him too.

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, I am the LORD your God.

In case they were perhaps blaming Moses from dragging them out of Egypt.

³After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein ye dwelt, shall ye not do: and after the doings of the land of Canaan, whither I bring you, shall ye not do: neither shall ye walk in their ordinances.

⁴Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the LORD your God.

Ok Ok we got. You are god, not Moses....Honest!

⁵Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the LORD.

⁶None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.

⁷The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

⁸The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

⁹The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.

¹⁰The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness.

¹¹The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹²Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman.

¹³Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman.

¹⁴Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt.

¹⁵Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.

¹⁶Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness.

¹⁷Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.

¹⁸Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.

¹⁹Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness.

²⁰Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her.

Was not Pharoah Abraham's Neighbour ? Was not Potiphar Joseph's neighbour ? Is the eternal one whose thought is law changing his mind again ?

²¹And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.

The Amplified bible gives this alternative..... ²¹You shall not give any of your children to pass through the fire and sacrifice them to Molech [the fire god], nor shall you profane the name of your God [by giving it to false gods]. I am the Lord.

Molech is an ancient Owl god I will cover him more in the next chapter.

Obviously god doesn't follow his own laws

Which brings us to this verse

²²Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

This is the one the god botherer's bring up incessantly. To justify thier fear and prejudice against the Gay Community.Well I found this a few weeks ago A chap called Bruce L Gerig has an interesting take on this.

My thought's are...Is this really the same god that had all night "wrestling" sessions with Jacob , not to mention the other references to Gay Sex so far strewn throughout the bible.

²³Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

Again is this the same god that was just in the big tent with Aaron or have we got here laws coming from Moses god as opposed to Jethro god. Perhaps as a direct result of Moses hearing about the "goings on" with his brother.

²⁴Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:

²⁵And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.

So any land that ever has had a goat fucker or a sheep shagger is defiled....I am sure there are many lands that have never housed such people...

²⁶Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you:

²⁷(For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;)

²⁸That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you.

²⁹For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.

I think this confirms Moses heard of the goings on.

³⁰Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God.
Here he goes again with the emphatic I AM DE LARD YOUR'E GAWD shit really!!

Leviticus 17

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

2Speak unto Aaron, and unto his sons, and unto all the children of Israel, and say unto them; This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, saying,

3What man soever there be of the house of Israel, that killeth an ox, or lamb, or goat, in the camp, or that killeth it out of the camp,
A couple of questions have just hit me.
If, as was mentioned earlier there are MILLIONS of israelites, where are all these animals coming from to cover all these sacrifices, are they not supposed to be in the wilderness.
The queue to the big tent must have stretched back days. How could you have guaranteed an unblemished sacrifice when queueing for so long?
Also I get the impression the carcasses are not completely burned there must be by now at the very least a huge pile of scorched skeletal remains.
Or maybe as I pointed out earlier somebody somewhere has exaggerated the number.

4And bringeth it not unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, to offer an offering unto the LORD before the tabernacle of the LORD; blood shall be imputed unto that man; he hath shed blood; and that man shall be cut off from among his people:

5To the end that the children of Israel may bring their sacrifices, which they offer in the open field, even that they may bring them unto the LORD, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest, and offer them for peace offerings unto the LORD.

6And the priest shall sprinkle the blood upon the altar of the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and burn the fat for a sweet savour unto the LORD.

7And they shall no more offer their sacrifices unto devils, after whom they have gone a whoring. This shall be a statute for ever unto them throughout their generations.

This confused me for a second, as I am faily sure "devils" are not part of the Hebrew theology so I checked a different translation..Young's literal... ⁷and they sacrifice not any more their sacrifices to goats after which they are going a-whoring; a statute age-during is this to them, to their generations.
And who was fucking a goat in the last chapter ?

8And thou shalt say unto them, Whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers which sojourn among you, that offereth a burnt offering or sacrifice,

9And bringeth it not unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, to offer it unto the LORD; even that man shall be cut off from among his people.

10And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people.

There's me fucked again ..I love black pudding

11For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.

12Therefore I said unto the children of Israel, No soul of you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger that sojourneth among you eat blood.

Mmmm Black pudding in a synagogue, there's a thought.

13And whatsoever man there be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, which hunteth and catcheth any beast or fowl that may be eaten; he shall even pour out the blood thereof, and cover it with dust.

14For it is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof: therefore I said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh: for the life of all flesh is the blood thereof: whosoever eateth it shall be cut off.

And I like my steaks blue

15And every soul that eateth that which died of itself, or that which was torn with beasts, whether it be one of your own country, or a stranger, he shall both wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even: then shall he be clean.

16But if he wash them not, nor bathe his flesh; then he shall bear his iniquity.

Leviticus 16

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses after the death of the two sons of Aaron, when they offered before the LORD, and died;

Remember... When they set fire to themselves or blew themselves up fucking around with Jethro's gods,fire chemicals

²And the LORD said unto Moses, Speak unto Aaron thy brother, that he come not at all times into the holy place within the vail before the mercy seat, which is upon the ark; that he die not: for I will appear in the cloud upon the mercy seat.

³Thus shall Aaron come into the holy place: with a young bullock for a sin offering, and a ram for a burnt offering.

He shall bring dinner

⁴He shall put on the holy linen coat, and he shall have the linen breeches upon his flesh, and shall be girded with a linen girdle, and with the linen mitre shall he be attired: these are holy garments; therefore shall he wash his flesh in water, and so put them on.

We keep going back to the quote from Cher........"Have him washed and sent to my room".

Although as far as I am aware Cher did not ask for the object of her desire to wear strange fetish gear.

⁵And he shall take of the congregation of the children of Israel two kids of the goats for a sin offering, and one ram for a burnt offering.

⁶And Aaron shall offer his bullock of the sin offering, which is for himself, and make an atonement for himself, and for his house.

After all How dare he be upset at the death of two of his sons ?

⁷And he shall take the two goats, and present them before the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

⁸And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat.

I thought there was something against "casting lots".

⁹And Aaron shall bring the goat upon which the LORD's lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering.

Are we back to semen ?

Is casting lots a masturbatory metaphor?

¹⁰But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness.

Is god now goat fucking ?

¹¹And Aaron shall bring the bullock of the sin offering, which is for himself, and shall make an atonement for himself, and for his house, and shall kill the bullock of the sin offering which is for himself:

I suppose he needs to amuse himself while Aaron is preparing dinner

¹²And he shall take a censer full of burning coals of fire from off the altar before the LORD, and his hands full of sweet incense beaten small, and bring it within the vail:

¹³And he shall put the incense upon the fire before the LORD, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is upon the testimony, that he die not:

¹⁴And he shall take of the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it with his finger upon the mercy seat eastward; and before the mercy seat shall he sprinkle of the blood with his finger seven times.

¹⁵Then shall he kill the goat of the sin offering, that is for the people, and bring his blood within the vail, and do with that blood as he did with the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it upon the mercy seat, and before the mercy seat:

Is the sprinkling of fresh blood a bronze age version of viagra.

¹⁶And he shall make an atonement for the holy place, because of the uncleanness of the children of Israel, and because of their transgressions in all their sins: and so shall he do for the tabernacle of the congregation, that remaineth among them in the midst of their uncleanness.

I suppose we should be grateful that he considers the children of Israel unclean.

¹⁷And there shall be no man in the tabernacle of the congregation when he goeth in to make an atonement in the holy place, until he come out, and have made an atonement for himself, and for his household, and for all the congregation of Israel.

We know that "goeth in" is a euphemism for fucking.

¹⁸And he shall go out unto the altar that is before the LORD, and make an atonement for it; and shall take of the blood of the bullock, and of the blood of the goat, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about.

¹⁹And he shall sprinkle of the blood upon it with his finger seven times, and cleanse it, and hallow it from the uncleanness of the children of Israel.

²⁰And when he hath made an end of reconciling the holy place, and the tabernacle of the congregation, and the altar, he shall bring the live goat:

²¹And Aaron shall lay both his hands upon the head of the live goat, and confess over him all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their transgressions in all their sins, putting them upon the head of the goat, and shall send him away by the hand of a fit man into the wilderness:

²²And the goat shall bear upon him all their iniquities unto a land not inhabited: and he shall let go the goat in the wilderness.

Why ? In case the goat talks ?

²³And Aaron shall come into the tabernacle of the congregation, and shall put off the linen garments, which he put on when he went into the holy place, and shall leave them there:

²⁴And he shall wash his flesh with water in the holy place, and put on his garments, and come forth, and offer his burnt offering, and the burnt offering of the people, and make an atonement for himself, and for the people.

²⁵And the fat of the sin offering shall he burn upon the altar.

²⁶And he that let go the goat for the scapegoat shall wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in water, and afterward come into the camp.

As I see this

Aaron has gone into the big tent with dinner plus one goat.

Jethro god has kinky goat sex while Aaron prepares dinner, at the same time a "fit" man waits to take the goat away. No doubt hearing if not seeing a figure humping away in the smoky inner sanctum.

Is this "fit" man a regular lover of Jethro? Therefore unable to speak of the truth.

Is Aaron now being blackmailed to stop complaining of the death of his sons or to be forever revealed as Aaron the goat fucker ? As the secreted Jethro was not there and it couldn't have been god fucking the goat.

²⁷And the bullock for the sin offering, and the goat for the sin offering, whose blood was brought in to make atonement in the holy place, shall one carry forth without the camp; and they shall burn in the fire their skins, and their flesh, and their dung.

²⁸And he that burneth them shall wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in water, and afterward he shall come into the camp.

²⁹And this shall be a statute for ever unto you: that in the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, ye shall afflict your souls, and do no work at all, whether it be one of your own country, or a stranger that sojourneth among you:

³⁰For on that day shall the priest make an atonement for you, to cleanse you, that ye may be clean from all your sins before the LORD.

³¹It shall be a sabbath of rest unto you, and ye shall afflict your souls, by a statute for ever.

³²And the priest, whom he shall anoint, and whom he shall consecrate to minister in the priest's office in his father's stead, shall make the atonement, and shall put on the linen clothes, even the holy garments:

³³And he shall make an atonement for the holy sanctuary, and he shall make an atonement for the tabernacle of the congregation, and for the altar, and he shall make an atonement for the priests, and for all the people of the congregation.

³⁴And this shall be an everlasting statute unto you, to make an atonement for the children of Israel for all their sins once a year. And he did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Leviticus 15

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying,

²Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When any man hath a running issue out of his flesh, because of his issue he is unclean.

Do they mean semen ?

³And this shall be his uncleanness in his issue: whether his flesh run with his issue, or his flesh be stopped from his issue, it is his uncleanness.

Yes I am sure they are talking of semen

⁴Every bed, whereon he lieth that hath the issue, is unclean: and every thing, whereon he sitteth, shall be unclean.

Only one way I can think of that would cause semen to come where one sitteth....Funny how when god botherers are quoting from Leviticus at how wrong gay sex is, they never mention this chapter.I suppose it could also cover masturbation and wet dreams.

⁵And whosoever toucheth his bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

Definately a man on man relationship here.

⁶And he that sitteth on any thing whereon he sat that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁷And he that toucheth the flesh of him that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁸And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

⁹And what saddle soever he rideth upon that hath the issue shall be unclean.

¹⁰And whosoever toucheth any thing that was under him shall be unclean until the even: and he that beareth any of those things shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹¹And whomsoever he toucheth that hath the issue, and hath not rinsed his hands in water, shall he wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹²And the vessel of earth, that he toucheth which hath the issue, shall be broken: and every vessel of wood shall be rinsed in water.

¹³And when he that hath an issue is cleansed of his issue; then he shall number to himself seven days for his cleansing, and wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in running water, and shall be clean.

Now if gay sex is so wrong why are all these men having to wash all this issue that has come from other men. Also if you swallow then according to this there is no issue to contaminate, therefore no sin.

¹⁴And on the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and give them unto the priest:

¹⁵And the priest shall offer them, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD for his issue.

¹⁶And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.

¹⁷And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.

How much "seed of copulation is there"...And there was me thinking bukkake was a Japanese thing.

¹⁸The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.

Although they go on about man on man sex more (christians still do) the penance is the same for heterosexual "issue" but menstruation is far worse.

¹⁹And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.

²⁰And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.

²¹And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

How many men are "visiting" these women ? That's one hell of a wet patch.

²²And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

²³And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.

²⁴And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.

What...flowers......I think this must mean flows

²⁵And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.

²⁶Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.

²⁷And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

²⁸But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.

So what this means is ....Any bleedin' cunt that touches a bleeding cunt shall be marked as a dirty cunt and the cunt whose cunt is bleeding shall be a dirty cunt for a week. And if the cunt with a bleeding cunt can't not be a dirty cunt and not keep her blood controlled the bleedin' cunts cunt blood must be washed from the dirty cunts clothing.

²⁹And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

Wow! I'll bet women rejoiced when the tampon was invented. Can you imagine the discomfort....oooooohhhhh.

³⁰And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

³¹Thus shall ye separate the children of Israel from their uncleanness; that they die not in their uncleanness, when they defile my tabernacle that is among them.

³²This is the law of him that hath an issue, and of him whose seed goeth from him, and is defiled therewith;

³³And of her that is sick of her flowers, and of him that hath an issue, of the man, and of the woman, and of him that lieth with her that is unclean.

Leviticus 14

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²This shall be the law of the leper in the day of his cleansing: He shall be brought unto the priest:

³And the priest shall go forth out of the camp; and the priest shall look, and, behold, if the plague of leprosy be healed in the leper;

Did you notice the word "IF" there ?

⁴Then shall the priest command to take for him that is to be cleansed two birds alive and clean, and cedar wood, and scarlet, and hyssop:

⁵And the priest shall command that one of the birds be killed in an earthen vessel over running water:

⁶As for the living bird, he shall take it, and the cedar wood, and the scarlet, and the hyssop, and shall dip them and the living bird in the blood of the bird that was killed over the running water:

⁷And he shall sprinkle upon him that is to be cleansed from the leprosy seven times, and shall pronounce him clean, and shall let the living bird loose into the open field.

A meaningless ritual that celebrates the fact that the priest misdiagnosed the "leper" in the first place.

⁸And he that is to be cleansed shall wash his clothes, and shave off all his hair, and wash himself in water, that he may be clean: and after that he shall come into the camp, and shall tarry abroad out of his tent seven days.

⁹But it shall be on the seventh day, that he shall shave all his hair off his head and his beard and his eyebrows, even all his hair he shall shave off: and he shall wash his clothes, also he shall wash his flesh in water, and he shall be clean.

Hedge your bets...make sure you haven't fucked up some more and drag it out to impress your audience.

¹⁰And on the eighth day he shall take two he lambs without blemish, and one ewe lamb of the first year without blemish, and three tenth deals of fine flour for a meat offering, mingled with oil, and one log of oil.

¹¹And the priest that maketh him clean shall present the man that is to be made clean, and those things, before the LORD, at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation:

¹²And the priest shall take one he lamb, and offer him for a trespass offering, and the log of oil, and wave them for a wave offering before the LORD:

¹³And he shall slay the lamb in the place where he shall kill the sin offering and the burnt offering, in the holy place: for as the sin offering is the priest's, so is the trespass offering: it is most holy:

¹⁴And the priest shall take some of the blood of the trespass offering, and the priest shall put it upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot:

¹⁵And the priest shall take some of the log of oil, and pour it into the palm of his own left hand:

¹⁶And the priest shall dip his right finger in the oil that is in his left hand, and shall sprinkle of the oil with his finger seven times before the LORD:

I'll bet there's many choir boys and ex choir boys that associate priests with an oiled up finger with something other than a cure for leprosy.

¹⁷And of the rest of the oil that is in his hand shall the priest put upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot, upon the blood of the trespass offering:

¹⁸And the remnant of the oil that is in the priest's hand he shall pour upon the head of him that is to be cleansed: and the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD.

¹⁹And the priest shall offer the sin offering, and make an atonement for him that is to be cleansed from his uncleanness; and afterward he shall kill the burnt offering:

²⁰And the priest shall offer the burnt offering and the meat offering upon the altar: and the priest shall make an atonement for him, and he shall be clean.

²¹And if he be poor, and cannot get so much; then he shall take one lamb for a trespass offering to be waved, to make an atonement for him, and one tenth deal of fine flour mingled with oil for a meat offering, and a log of oil;

²²And two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, such as he is able to get; and the one shall be a sin offering, and the other a burnt offering.

²³And he shall bring them on the eighth day for his cleansing unto the priest, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, before the LORD.

²⁴And the priest shall take the lamb of the trespass offering, and the log of oil, and the priest shall wave them for a wave offering before the LORD:

²⁵And he shall kill the lamb of the trespass offering, and the priest shall take some of the blood of the trespass offering, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot:

²⁶And the priest shall pour of the oil into the palm of his own left hand:

²⁷And the priest shall sprinkle with his right finger some of the oil that is in his left hand seven times before the LORD:

²⁸And the priest shall put of the oil that is in his hand upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot, upon the place of the blood of the trespass offering:

²⁹And the rest of the oil that is in the priest's hand he shall put upon the head of him that is to be cleansed, to make an atonement for him before the LORD.

³⁰And he shall offer the one of the turtledoves, or of the young pigeons, such as he can get;

³¹Even such as he is able to get, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering, with the meat offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for him that is to be cleansed before the LORD.

³²This is the law of him in whom is the plague of leprosy, whose hand is not able to get that which pertaineth to his cleansing.

³³And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,

³⁴When ye be come into the land of Canaan, which I give to you for a possession, and I put the plague of leprosy in a house of the land of your possession;

What ? Is this a glimmer of the alleged omniscience ?

Shit I nearly forgot this was all written down much later, there is nothing as wise as hindsight.

³⁵And he that owneth the house shall come and tell the priest, saying, It seemeth to me there is as it were a plague in the house:

³⁶Then the priest shall command that they empty the house, before the priest go into it to see the plague, that all that is in the house be not made unclean: and afterward the priest shall go in to see the house:

³⁷And he shall look on the plague, and, behold, if the plague be in the walls of the house with hollow strakes, greenish or reddish, which in sight are lower than the wall;

³⁸Then the priest shall go out of the house to the door of the house, and shut up the house seven days:

³⁹And the priest shall come again the seventh day, and shall look: and, behold, if the plague be spread in the walls of the house;

So if your house is damp and suffering from mildew or you are just crap at doing housework and your a dirty cunt the remedy is ......

⁴⁰Then the priest shall command that they take away the stones in which the plague is, and they shall cast them into an unclean place without the city:

Tear down your house.

⁴¹And he shall cause the house to be scraped within round about, and they shall pour out the dust that they scrape off without the city into an unclean place:

⁴²And they shall take other stones, and put them in the place of those stones; and he shall take other morter, and shall plaister the house.

⁴³And if the plague come again, and break out in the house, after that he hath taken away the stones, and after he hath scraped the house, and after it is plaistered;

⁴⁴Then the priest shall come and look, and, behold, if the plague be spread in the house, it is a fretting leprosy in the house; it is unclean.

⁴⁵And he shall break down the house, the stones of it, and the timber thereof, and all the morter of the house; and he shall carry them forth out of the city into an unclean place.

⁴⁶Moreover he that goeth into the house all the while that it is shut up shall be unclean until the even.

⁴⁷And he that lieth in the house shall wash his clothes; and he that eateth in the house shall wash his clothes.

⁴⁸And if the priest shall come in, and look upon it, and, behold, the plague hath not spread in the house, after the house was plaistered: then the priest shall pronounce the house clean, because the plague is healed.

⁴⁹And he shall take to cleanse the house two birds, and cedar wood, and scarlet, and hyssop:

⁵⁰And he shall kill the one of the birds in an earthen vessel over running water:

⁵¹And he shall take the cedar wood, and the hyssop, and the scarlet, and the living bird, and dip them in the blood of the slain bird, and in the running water, and sprinkle the house seven times:

⁵²And he shall cleanse the house with the blood of the bird, and with the running water, and with the living bird, and with the cedar wood, and with the hyssop, and with the scarlet:

⁵³But he shall let go the living bird out of the city into the open fields, and make an atonement for the house: and it shall be clean.

⁵⁴This is the law for all manner of plague of leprosy, and scall,

⁵⁵And for the leprosy of a garment, and of a house,

⁵⁶And for a rising, and for a scab, and for a bright spot:

⁵⁷To teach when it is unclean, and when it is clean: this is the law of leprosy.