Exodus 30

Exodus 30

¹And thou shalt make an altar to burn incense upon: of shittim wood shalt thou make it.

So the peasants are still hard at it,slaving away furnishing the big tent. No wonder they want to burn some incense. The smell coming from the peasants encampment must be rank !

²A cubit shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof; foursquare shall it be: and two cubits shall be the height thereof: the horns thereof shall be of the same.

³And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, the top thereof, and the sides thereof round about, and the horns thereof; and thou shalt make unto it a crown of gold round about.

⁴And two golden rings shalt thou make to it under the crown of it, by the two corners thereof, upon the two sides of it shalt thou make it; and they shall be for places for the staves to bear it withal.

⁵And thou shalt make the staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold.

No expense spared, would it be as extravagent if Moses and family had to pay for it ?

⁶And thou shalt put it before the vail that is by the ark of the testimony, before the mercy seat that is over the testimony, where I will meet with thee.

⁷And Aaron shall burn thereon sweet incense every morning: when he dresseth the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

Yup that'll mask the stench alright.

⁸And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the LORD throughout your generations.

⁹Ye shall offer no strange incense thereon, nor burnt sacrifice, nor meat offering; neither shall ye pour drink offering thereon.

Otherwise they might have to clean it themselves, or worse still pay someone else to do it.

¹⁰And Aaron shall make an atonement upon the horns of it once in a year with the blood of the sin offering of atonements: once in the year shall he make atonement upon it throughout your generations: it is most holy unto the LORD.

¹¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹²When thou takest the sum of the children of Israel after their number, then shall they give every man a ransom for his soul unto the LORD, when thou numberest them; that there be no plague among them, when thou numberest them.

Which is to say "count the survivors so we can convince future generations none really died in egypt"

¹³This they shall give, every one that passeth among them that are numbered, half a shekel after the shekel of the sanctuary: (a shekel is twenty gerahs:) an half shekel shall be the offering of the LORD.

They must have run out of gold and jewellery.

¹⁴Every one that passeth among them that are numbered, from twenty years old and above, shall give an offering unto the LORD.

Because we live in a lush forest full of shittim trees and shekel bushes. Not in a desert,at the foot of some mountain.

¹⁵The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel, when they give an offering unto the LORD, to make an atonement for your souls.

Fleece the poor till thier last shekel is gone then they can sell themselves into slavery for the lawd, Hally-fuckin'-loo-bastard -yah.

¹⁶And thou shalt take the atonement money of the children of Israel, and shalt appoint it for the service of the tabernacle of the congregation; that it may be a memorial unto the children of Israel before the LORD, to make an atonement for your souls.

Because, de lawd, creator of the universe, needs gold and is incapable of making any.

¹⁷And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹⁸Thou shalt also make a laver of brass, and his foot also of brass, to wash withal: and thou shalt put it between the tabernacle of the congregation and the altar, and thou shalt put water therein.

¹⁹For Aaron and his sons shall wash their hands and their feet thereat:

Class tent that... Now with bathroom !

²⁰When they go into the tabernacle of the congregation, they shall wash with water, that they die not; or when they come near to the altar to minister, to burn offering made by fire unto the LORD:

²¹So they shall wash their hands and their feet, that they die not: and it shall be a statute for ever to them, even to him and to his seed throughout their generations.

Because as we all know not washing your hands and feet will prove to be fatal

²²Moreover the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

²³Take thou also unto thee principal spices, of pure myrrh five hundred shekels, and of sweet cinnamon half so much, even two hundred and fifty shekels, and of sweet calamus two hundred and fifty shekels,

²⁴And of cassia five hundred shekels, after the shekel of the sanctuary, and of oil olive an hin:

²⁵And thou shalt make it an oil of holy ointment, an ointment compound after the art of the apothecary: it shall be an holy anointing oil.

Because we don't want to be going round smelling like commoners now do we ?

²⁶And thou shalt anoint the tabernacle of the congregation therewith, and the ark of the testimony,

²⁷And the table and all his vessels, and the candlestick and his vessels, and the altar of incense,

²⁸And the altar of burnt offering with all his vessels, and the laver and his foot.

²⁹And thou shalt sanctify them, that they may be most holy: whatsoever toucheth them shall be holy.

Does this actually mean "only the holy may touch it, no grubby peasants to touch the precious things, it's a holy tent for holy people"

nd if it does , does that also mean that the word holy, which we think of as meaning spiritual, and in some way better , actually means possessed by selfish,spiteful thieves who should not be trusted with anything ever?

³⁰And thou shalt anoint Aaron and his sons, and consecrate them, that they may minister unto me in the priest's office.

³¹And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, This shall be an holy anointing oil unto me throughout your generations.

³²Upon man's flesh shall it not be poured, neither shall ye make any other like it, after the composition of it: it is holy, and it shall be holy unto you.

³³Whosoever compoundeth any like it, or whosoever putteth any of it upon a stranger, shall even be cut off from his people.

³⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Take unto thee sweet spices, stacte, and onycha, and galbanum; these sweet spices with pure frankincense: of each shall there be a like weight:

³⁵And thou shalt make it a perfume, a confection after the art of the apothecary, tempered together, pure and holy:

³⁶And thou shalt beat some of it very small, and put of it before the testimony in the tabernacle of the congregation, where I will meet with thee: it shall be unto you most holy.

³⁷And as for the perfume which thou shalt make, ye shall not make to yourselves according to the composition thereof: it shall be unto thee holy for the LORD.

³⁸Whosoever shall make like unto that, to smell thereto, shall even be cut off from his people.

Do you not find it strange ? That we are forever being told that god hates fags/poofs/gays and yet throughout genesis, god and many of the so-called patriarchs were shagging each other silly. Now gods tent has everything "just so",ultra clean and smells like a tarts boudoir, hey, fundy boys and girls I got some news for you...........YOUR GOD MAKES ELTON JOHN LOOK BUTCH !