Monday, 31 August 2009

Joshua 23

1And it came to pass a long time after that the LORD had given rest unto Israel from all their enemies round about, that Joshua waxed old and stricken in age.

Is this the Readers Digest version ?

2And Joshua called for all Israel, and for their elders, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers, and said unto them, I am old and stricken in age:

Ah! Senility rules. But at least he remembered the last verse.

3And ye have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto all these nations because of you; for the LORD your God is he that hath fought for you.

4Behold, I have divided unto you by lot these nations that remain, to be an inheritance for your tribes, from Jordan, with all the nations that I have cut off, even unto the great sea westward.

Yes that has to be alzheimer's !!

5And the LORD your God, he shall expel them from before you, and drive them from out of your sight; and ye shall possess their land, as the LORD your God hath promised unto you.

There he goes advertising de lards ineffectiveness.

6Be ye therefore very courageous to keep and to do all that is written in the book of the law of Moses, that ye turn not aside therefrom to the right hand or to the left;

7That ye come not among these nations, these that remain among you; neither make mention of the name of their gods, nor cause to swear by them, neither serve them, nor bow yourselves unto them:

So no Jewish astronomers then ?

8But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day.

So Josh says Jews are gods cleavage ......What a tit.

9For the LORD hath driven out from before you great nations and strong: but as for you, no man hath been able to stand before you unto this day.

10One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you.


11Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.

Cos de lard loves the man love.

12Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:

13Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.

So de lard didn't break his promise to Moses in1939 it was because some one, way back when, polluted his bloodstream.

Again conspicuous by it's absence. De lards renowned omni-prescience failing to make itself known.

14And, behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth: and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the LORD your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.

15Therefore it shall come to pass, that as all good things are come upon you, which the LORD your God promised you; so shall the LORD bring upon you all evil things, until he have destroyed you from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.

At least not shifting the blame for a change.

16When ye have transgressed the covenant of the LORD your God, which he commanded you, and have gone and served other gods, and bowed yourselves to them; then shall the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and ye shall perish quickly from off the good land which he hath given unto you.

Again de lard failing to see global warming etc.


Anonymous said...

You're just a hater. Sad.....

Baal's Bum said...

Would you care to elaborate ?
As I have always been told what a good lover I am.

Anonymous said...

do you think you're clever or something? this is just... lame.

Baal's Bum said...

Are you the same anonymous, or a different one ?......Honestly ! I am not clever enough to know.....or clever enough to decipher exactly what you are on about.
Perhaps you could help stupid old me by listing your concerns, and call me old fashioned it would also help immensely if you would choose a screen name.
My only other recourse will be to pray to de lard to tell me what the fuck you mean and whether I should stop. If I receive no reply I will accept he is fully behind me.

Chad said...

I do feel sorry for you that you only believe that what you can see touch taste and feel are the only things credible in life. I do however want to offer you a gift, it is eternal life. You need to understand that you are a sinner (as we all are) and because of that sin we are unable to save ourselves from the imminent death and eternal judgment of being sent to Hell. But God loves us enough to send a savior from that eternal punishment and his name is Jesus Christ. God not only sent his savior, but instructions on how to be saved from Hell by him. It is called the Bible, something that you cannot possibly understand without the understanding of God that comes to every believer that has asked Jesus Christ (with a believing heart) to be their savior.
Because sin is a supernatural malady, God has provided a supernatural cure. You just need to accept it.
All you need is to pray this prayer;
Lord God, I come before you now knowing that I am a sinner and in need of the Savior. Jesus Christ, I believe that you died for my sins, that you were buried, and rose again. I ask you now the best way I know how, to come into my life, and be my savior, and to forgive and cleanse my sins. Amen.

Baal's Bum said...

Welcome! I must ask are you one, if not both of the anonymous comments posted here?
I find it odd that you feel sorrow for me, most that know me are envious of most of my life.
You say you want to give me a gift, the gift of eternal life. Why on earth do you think I would want such a gift?
Why should I try and convince myself I am a "sinner"? I do no conscious act that I consider to be wrong.Much of my behaviour that you consider "sin" I consider FUN and Fun is compulsory.
Imminent death...well the one thing we are all guaranteed to do is die. As for eternal judgement well; At your fingertips you have the best research tool so far invented. With a little effort it is very easy to find out that the word hell is just an archaic spelling of the modern word hole. If you also use this same tool you will NOT be able to find any direct evidence that your so called saviour ever existed.
You also might like to know that according to your bible, I am not able to go to heaven for many reasons, some of which are
I was born illegitimate so I and my children to 10 generations are barred.
I am not a jew(only 144,000 jews can supposedly go up to heben.
I seem to remember something about drunkards that again comes under fun.
Oh! not last or to probably you mind least
I would not worship any idea of god I have yet come across, not that I have come across your threefold god as I think all of his aspects ain't worth a wank.
Still want to "save" me?

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