Exodus 1

Exodus 1

¹Now these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt; every man and his household came with Jacob.
²Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah,
³Issachar, Zebulun, and Benjamin,
⁴Dan, and Naphtali, Gad, and Asher.
⁵And all the souls that came out of the loins of Jacob were seventy souls: for Joseph was in Egypt already.

I thought it said earlier twelve,yep count'em eleven plus joseph = 12
Is seventy a mistranslation ?

⁶And Joseph died, and all his brethren, and all that generation
⁷And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them.

I can see it coming, they are going to wish they had built a fucking great wall round egypt instead of all them fucking pyramids.

⁸Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph.
⁹And he said unto his people, Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we:
¹⁰Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there falleth out any war, they join also unto our enemies, and fight against us, and so get them up out of the land.
¹¹Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict them with their burdens. And they built for Pharaoh treasure cities, Pithom and Raamses.

Note that after that statement there is no mention of putting them in the middle of a hostile territory and supporting all their efforts to force themselves into a dominant position.

¹²But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.

So what is implied here is the so called children of Israel have got into BDSM, After a hard days whipping they go home horney as hell and shag each other silly.

¹³And the Egyptians made the children of Israel to serve with rigour:
¹⁴And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, in morter, and in brick, and in all manner of service in the field: all their service, wherein they made them serve, was with rigour.

Note; one meaning of rigour is stiffness.

¹⁵And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:

Hang on, only two midwives to service all those hebrews would someone be exaggerating a little bit ?

¹⁶And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.

Surely it would make more sense to kill the girls to restrict a population. Or even the midwives as that would increase the incidence of birth mortality, am I smelling a hint of bullshit.

¹⁷But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.
¹⁸And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?
¹⁹And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them.

Ah! back to minges like a hippo's yawn.

²⁰Therefore God dealt well with the midwives: and the people multiplied, and waxed very mighty.
²¹And it came to pass, because the midwives feared God, that he made them houses.²²And Pharaoh charged all his people, saying, Every son that is born ye shall cast into the river, and every daughter ye shall save alive.