Exodus 15

Exodus 15

¹Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the LORD, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

Oh wow it's an answered prayer

Still said today by god botherer's when things go their way as to the more usually said "It is the will of god", or" god works in mysterious ways". when things don't go their way

²The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Still said today especially just before the collection plate goes round.

³The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.

Not a god of peace and love then

⁴Pharaoh's chariots and his host hath he cast into the sea: his chosen captains also are drowned in the Red sea.

Red sea ?

⁵The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.

⁶Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.

⁷And in the greatness of thine excellency thou hast overthrown them that rose up against thee: thou sentest forth thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble.

Did they not burn stubble ?

⁸And with the blast of thy nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.

⁹The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.

¹⁰Thou didst blow with thy wind, the sea covered them: they sank as lead in the mighty waters.

¹¹Who is like unto thee, O LORD, among the gods? who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?

Still not the only one then perhaps the other gods aren't demented sadistic cunts.

¹²Thou stretchedst out thy right hand, the earth swallowed them.

¹³Thou in thy mercy hast led forth the people which thou hast redeemed: thou hast guided them in thy strength unto thy holy habitation.

¹⁴The people shall hear, and be afraid: sorrow shall take hold on the inhabitants of Palestina.

¹⁵Then the dukes of Edom shall be amazed; the mighty men of Moab, trembling shall take hold upon them; all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away.

Poor old Moses it's all been a bit much for him. His already tentative grasp on reality has gone off for a well earned rest. He has completely gone off hiss rocker.

¹⁶Fear and dread shall fall upon them; by the greatness of thine arm they shall be as still as a stone; till thy people pass over, O LORD, till the people pass over, which thou hast purchased.

Ummm!

Was there a selling of slaves, or ransome paid where did they mention that ?

¹⁷Thou shalt bring them in, and plant them in the mountain of thine inheritance, in the place, O LORD, which thou hast made for thee to dwell in, in the Sanctuary, O LORD, which thy hands have established.

¹⁸The LORD shall reign for ever and ever.

Or until the human race grows up and comes to it's senses.

¹⁹For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them; but the children of Israel went on dry land in the midst of the sea.

²⁰And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances.

²¹And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

²²So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.

Well that lasted well didn't it? Is there no beginning to gods power ?

²³And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.

²⁴And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?

So they left the beer of egypt and rather than go to palastine directly they go the other way towards africa. They must have a deity that really knows what he wants.

²⁵And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,

²⁶And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

Since that time no jew has suffered illness pain or injustice thus proving the existance of god ,his honesty and his love.......

²⁷And they came to Elim, where were twelve wells of water, and threescore and ten palm trees: and they encamped there by the waters.

Theres that twelve and seven-ty again

George Carlin

I join with many of my online friends to raise a glass in tribute to the loss of a great comedian.
Famous for many things including Seven words

I give you my seven words for the late great G.C

Seven Words
Intelligent
Funny
Talented
Blasphemous
Observant
Revered
Incorrigible
















Nothing I can say, can say enough!


Tributes have poured in from all over the world you can read as many as you wish here

Exodus 14

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pihahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, over against Baalzephon: before it shall ye encamp by the sea.

Following the glow and smoke from Thera they could not arrive anywhere else. Or maybe they just wanted to build sandcastles and have a paddle

3For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.
4And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.

Here he goes with the heart hardening again. Is he really this insecure that he has to boost his ego by torturing his chosen ?

5And it was told the king of Egypt that the people fled: and the heart of Pharaoh and of his servants was turned against the people, and they said, Why have we done this, that we have let Israel go from serving us?

Have they forgotten the plagues already ? Or is it likely that some time had passed since those events.

6And he made ready his chariot, and took his people with him:
7And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them.

Six hundred chariots to turn back and capture six hundred thousand men plus flocks and herds, also fuck knows how many boys, not to mention the unmentioned women and girls, we could conceivably be talking with polygamy the norm, easily anything up to two or three million people possibly many more, or maybe, just maybe, someone, somewhere has exaggerated a little bit.

8And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, and he pursued after the children of Israel: and the children of Israel went out with an high hand.
9But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.

Really millions of people setting up camp whilst running away don't make much sense especially as they would be travelling at walking speed and their pursuers are on chariots.Also if moses WAS the great leader we are told then surely he would have no difficulty organizing men of fighting age say 30 to 40,000 to set about six hundred egyptians.

10And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.

I can't speak for the bigger american festivals, but the English festivals especially events such as the Outlaws Rock and Blues Custom bike show and the Hells Angels Bulldog Bash have proportionately a similar number of law enforcement personel.
e.g. around six policemen to 20,000 punters. Not enough to seem the least bit intimidating. If and I do mean IF the figures given for the number of isrealites and egyptians were correct then if anyone was sore afraid it would be the egyptians.

11And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

No graves in egypt ? There was me thinking graves is thier main tourist attraction.

12Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.

So the Isrealites didn't want to go.....

13And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
14The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

That's gotta be a first

15And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:
16But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.
17And I, behold, I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
18And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.

I mean what else could an omnipotent god do to convince an unbelieving populace ? Aside from just dropping by and saying "hello chaps you don't know me but......."

19And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:
20And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.
21And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.
22And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
23And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.
24And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians,
25And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the LORD fighteth for them against the Egyptians.
26And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.
27And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it; and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea.

Because with unlimited power and knowledge god decided yet again.....

... to be a total cunt

28And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
29But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
30Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.
31And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses.

Exodus 13

Exodus 13

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2Sanctify unto me all the firstborn, whatsoever openeth the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and of beast: it is mine.

Has god been doing some fucking, man AND beast ? Not having a go on the women then ? These Israelite women must be some real mingers or maybe god just can't do straight sex.

3And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out from this place: there shall no leavened bread be eaten.

That's only because he don't want them wasting good brewing yeast on breadmaking.

4This day came ye out in the month Abib.
5And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee, a land flowing with milk and honey, that thou shalt keep this service in this month.
6Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, and in the seventh day shall be a feast to the LORD.
7Unleavened bread shall be eaten seven days; and there shall no leavened bread be seen with thee, neither shall there be leaven seen with thee in all thy quarters.

It is really going on a bit about no yeast in bread. In fact more than "thou shalt not kill" makes you wonder which is the bigger sin in de lawds eyes ?

8And thou shalt shew thy son in that day, saying, This is done because of that which the LORD did unto me when I came forth out of Egypt.
9And it shall be for a sign unto thee upon thine hand, and for a memorial between thine eyes, that the LORD's law may be in thy mouth: for with a strong hand hath the LORD brought thee out of Egypt.
10Thou shalt therefore keep this ordinance in his season from year to year.
11And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, as he sware unto thee and to thy fathers, and shall give it thee,
12That thou shalt set apart unto the LORD all that openeth the matrix, and every firstling that cometh of a beast which thou hast; the males shall be the LORD's


Where is Keannu Reeves when you need him.

13And every firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb; and if thou wilt not redeem it, then thou shalt break his neck: and all the firstborn of man among thy children shalt thou redeem.

Have I got this right ?
God manages not only to forget his "chosen people", fails to notice their servitude. Finally when he does notice/remember his chosen he piss balls around for fuck knows how long before he arranges for them to be freed. In circumstances, that by his own admission, dragged out much longer than necessary. Then has the gall to expect tribute/token payment for the privilage

14And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What is this? that thou shalt say unto him, By strength of hand the LORD brought us out from Egypt, from the house of bondage:

Instead of the obvious "Well son ! I am retarded enough to believe in the fairy tales of my ancestors."

15And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast: therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem.

16And it shall be for a token upon thine hand, and for frontlets between thine eyes: for by strength of hand the LORD brought us forth out of Egypt.

17And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:

18But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
I always find this both interesting and ridiculous that even though the original has long been known to be a mistake or even a mis-print the Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds is still even in modern translations written down as the red sea.

19And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him: for he had straitly sworn the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you; and ye shall carry up my bones away hence with you.
20And they took their journey from Succoth, and encamped in Etham, in the edge of the wilderness.
21And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:
22He took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.

As suggested earlier the eruption of Thera, modern day Santorini would account for the pillar of cloud and pillar of fire. following this would have taken them north westerly to the Mediterranean sea, from there they would have turned right across the sea of reeds, around the red sea.

Atheist Blog Challenge.

Buffy from The Gaytheist Agenda “Tapped” me for this meme, although I had vowed I would not take part in any such thing her announcement of her forthcoming marriage has prompted me to indulge her as a “wedding present”
So here goes………

Q1. How would you define “atheism”?
The non-belief in any form of deity

Q2. Was your upbringing religious? If so, what tradition?
Tricky !
I started life in a small village called Walsingham in Norfolk, England. The whole village is steeped in religion(Look it up) I attended St Mary’s of Walsingham (very high C of E)
A major influence was my Nan (Grandmother) who talked about god and jesus in the same manner she would talk about Mr and Mrs Whoever from down the street. God and jc were real people I had not yet met.
I then was heavily influenced by a Teacher whose Idea of education was everything revolved around de lawd. This worked well as a vehicle and he was an excellent teacher, giving me a lust for knowledge for life the universe and everything.
I then moved house and changed schools, god and jc taking a secondary role to rushing hormones and teenage angst.
After leaving school I met a guy who re-convinced me of the need to go to church so with him I attended an Elim pentacostel and also got involved with a bunch of Bat Shit Crazies centered in the village of Foxton, Cambridgeshire these prompted me to attend an Assemblies of god near where I was living.
The crazies convinced me to stop reading Sci Fi and only read the bible, Thank fuck for that reading this piece of shit opened my eyes to exactly how ridiculous the whole belief and set up of the christian religion is…………I was reborn hally fuckin loo yah!

Q3. How would you describe “Intelligent Design”, using only one word?
Bollocks !

Q4. What scientific endeavour really excites you?
The human genome project
It should stick a huge one to christians and racists when the genome map is complete.

Q5. If you could change one thing about the “atheist community”, what would it be and why?
The need for there to be an “Atheist Community” Because it is just another pigeon hole/means of segregation.

Q6. If your child came up to you and said “I’m joining the clergy”, what would be your first response?
Laugh out loud for days on end then kill them.
No seriously I would feel I had failed them.

Q7. What’s your favourite theistic argument, and how do you usually refute it?
God is Love.
The Bible.

Q8. What’s your most “controversial” (as far as general attitudes amongst other atheists goes) viewpoint?
Paedophiles should be used for vivisection.

Q9. Of the “Four Horsemen” (Dawkins, Dennett, Hitchens and Harris) who is your favourite, and why?
Can’t say depends who I am reading at the time.

Q10. If you could convince just one theistic person to abandon their beliefs, who would it be?
The next god peddler that knocks on my door.

Well Buffy I hope that suffices.
Congratulations and best wishes for your marriage. I hope you will both be as content as my partner and I.