2 Samuel 11

   ¹And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.

"tarried in jerusalem" 
Or to put it another way..........Far from the fighting, living in the lap of luxury surrounded by servants and sycophants.

   ²And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. 

Three things here.
1. "eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed" lazy bastard, while people are warring for him he lazes around all day in his pit.
2. A woman? I repeat a woman?
3."very beautiful to look upon" I assume that means she was flat chested and had narrow hips.


   ³And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

Would this be the time to recall the tenth commandment.
Thou shalt not covert thy neighbours  wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's

   ⁴And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

Need I say "thou shalt not commit adultery

   ⁵And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child. 
   ⁶And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.
   ⁷And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
   ⁸And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.
   ⁹But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

So Davids idea to pass the buck on Uriah did not work.
 
   ¹⁰And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?
   ¹¹And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing. 

Oooh bitchy! but true.

   ¹²And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.
   ¹³And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
   ¹⁴And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.
   ¹⁵And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

What a bastard! None the less, a way of getting around breaking another one of the commandments.

   ¹⁶And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were.
   ¹⁷And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.
   ¹⁸Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;
   ¹⁹And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,
   ²⁰And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?
   ²¹Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
   ²²So the messenger went, and came and shewed David all that Joab had sent him for.
   ²³And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate.
   ²⁴And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king's servants be dead, and thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
   ²⁵Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him.
   ²⁶And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.
   ²⁷And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD.

So delard is displeased?
I am now confused, for centuries if not millenia delard has positively rewarded his people for being murderous, decietful and total bastards. You would have thought David would have been given a huge bounty by delard.