2 Samuel 8

   ¹And after this it came to pass that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them: and David took Methegammah out of the hand of the Philistines.

There's gratitude for you. After the Philistines sheltered him from Saul. You would have thought that this would be the prime time top forge a new alliance with mutual understanding and a fusion of ideas and prosperity.

   ²And he smote Moab, and measured them with a line, casting them down to the ground; even with two lines measured he to put to death, and with one full line to keep alive. And so the Moabites became David's servants, and brought gifts.

Slavery still ok then.
 
   ³David smote also Hadadezer, the son of Rehob, king of Zobah, as he went to recover his border at the river Euphrates.

All the way to the Euphrates. hmm!
Now here's the thing. The bible would have us believe that David at this time was able to establish an empire that covered  an area of nearly the same size as Great Britain. I have looked and find that as usual any supporting evidence is so far almost non existant and the little there is, is very open to interpretation.Aside from a few pots here and there (which could have migrated via travellers) there is nothing. The only maps of Davids empire I can find cite the bible as thier inspiration.

  There has just been announced some evidence of a cult, you can read some details here
How this equates to the vast armies we read of here can only be but one of the many  problems with the oral tradition. 

   ⁴And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: and David houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them for an hundred chariots.

Houghed means hamstrung. A means of "hobbling" cutting some ligaments to the feet to restrict movement. I have to ask WHY! What the fuck is the point. Training horses for chariots takes time, If he had more than he needed, why not use them for other things? Even food, horse meat tastes yummy and would make a nice change from goat.

   ⁵And when the Syrians of Damascus came to succour Hadadezer king of Zobah, David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men.

Funny how no other record of this has ever been found. As usual though, there is much written in support of it. Citing paper after paper all ultinately going back to the same source. You guessed it the fucking bible. How are they still getting away with the"it's in the bible so it must be true"shit?

   ⁶Then David put garrisons in Syria of Damascus: and the Syrians became servants to David, and brought gifts. And the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went.

The Syrian city Ebla did fall around 900 bce

   ⁷And David took the shields of gold that were on the servants of Hadadezer, and brought them to Jerusalem.

Shields of gold ? I don't buy it ! Wooden ones were heavy enough. Brass,bronze or copper could be feasable, but they would be golden not gold surely

   ⁸And from Betah, and from Berothai, cities of Hadadezer, king David took exceeding much brass.
   ⁹When Toi king of Hamath heard that David had smitten all the host of Hadadezer,
   ¹⁰Then Toi sent Joram his son unto king David, to salute him, and to bless him, because he had fought against Hadadezer, and smitten him: for Hadadezer had wars with Toi. And Joram brought with him vessels of silver, and vessels of gold, and vessels of brass:

So a man called Toi sent David his son to "salute him" A boy Toi indeed! I wonder who stood more at attention?

 
   ¹¹Which also king David did dedicate unto the LORD, with the silver and gold that he had dedicated of all nations which he subdued;

Dedicated? How does stolen change to dedicated

from the online etymology dictionary 
 dedicate (v.)

early 15c. (of churches), from L. dedicatus, pp. of dedicare "consecrate, proclaim, affirm, set apart," from de- "away" (see de-) + dicare "proclaim," from stem of dicere "to speak, to say" (see diction). Dedicated "devoted to one's aims or vocation" is first attested 1944.

   ¹²Of Syria, and of Moab, and of the children of Ammon, and of the Philistines, and of Amalek, and of the spoil of Hadadezer, son of Rehob, king of Zobah.
   ¹³And David gat him a name when he returned from smiting of the Syrians in the valley of salt, being eighteen thousand men.
   ¹⁴And he put garrisons in Edom; throughout all Edom put he garrisons, and all they of Edom became David's servants. And the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went.
   ¹⁵And David reigned over all Israel; and David executed judgment and justice unto all his people.

So David had Justice and Judgement executed did he.?
At least he was honest about it.

 That seems to be happening again somewhere.............
Without the honesty of course.


   ¹⁶And Joab the son of Zeruiah was over the host; and Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud was recorder;
   ¹⁷And Zadok the son of Ahitub, and Ahimelech the son of Abiathar, were the priests; and Seraiah was the scribe;
   ¹⁸And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over both the Cherethites and the Pelethites; and David's sons were chief rulers.

Why do I get the feeling that the first fifteen verses are just filler to contain the names of those in the last three.