Exodus 16

Exodus 16

¹And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt.

And I thought I dwelt in sin

But if you really want to find out about sin go here and here

So no nudies there then. Dissapointed, It seems sin is taken from the moon god or a family name of a some times ruling family of the ancients in Mesopotamia it may relate in some way to the temple prostitution culture prevalent back then and if it does it underlines the sexual inadaquacy of Abraham and his family.

²And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness:

No shit. They may have been worked hard in egypt they may have had more than an occasional beating, but they were not starving, they were not wandering aimlessly in unfamiliar terrirtory uprooted from the only life they had known.

³And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.

⁴Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.

Oh! Rather than perform an actual useful miracle god is going to make them work for it to prove his undying and unlimited love.

⁵And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare that which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily.

⁶And Moses and Aaron said unto all the children of Israel, At even, then ye shall know that the LORD hath brought you out from the land of Egypt:

⁷And in the morning, then ye shall see the glory of the LORD; for that he heareth your murmurings against the LORD: and what are we, that ye murmur against us?

⁸And Moses said, This shall be, when the LORD shall give you in the evening flesh to eat, and in the morning bread to the fulll; for that the LORD heareth your murmurings which ye murmur against him: and what are we? your murmurings are not against us, but against the LORD.

Flesh at night ,bread in the morning, shit, why didn,t he come at noon and dish out meat sammiches. And notice too, the subtle passing of the buck. No no it's not our fault you were dumb enough to follow us it's de lawds doing.

⁹And Moses spake unto Aaron, Say unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, Come near before the LORD: for he hath heard your murmurings.

¹⁰And it came to pass, as Aaron spake unto the whole congregation of the children of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and, behold, the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud.

¹¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

¹²I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God.

¹³And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host.

¹⁴And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground.

¹⁵And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the LORD hath given you to eat.

I was always told bread god said bread Moses say's bread wiki gives numerous possibillities one can be found here in more detail but from verse 13 I would say it was quails shit.

¹⁶This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer for every man, according to the number of your persons; take ye every man for them which are in his tents.

¹⁷And the children of Israel did so, and gathered, some more, some less.

¹⁸And when they did mete it with an omer, he that gathered much had nothing over, and he that gathered little had no lack; they gathered every man according to his eating.

¹⁹And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning.

²⁰Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto Moses; but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms, and stank: and Moses was wroth with them.

That to me is a clue that whatever it was it wasn't bread.

²¹And they gathered it every morning, every man according to his eating: and when the sun waxed hot, it melted.

²²And it came to pass, that on the sixth day they gathered twice as much bread, two omers for one man: and all the rulers of the congregation came and told Moses.

²³And he said unto them, This is that which the LORD hath said, To morrow is the rest of the holy sabbath unto the LORD: bake that which ye will bake to day, and seethe that ye will seethe; and that which remaineth over lay up for you to be kept until the morning.

²⁴And they laid it up till the morning, as Moses bade: and it did not stink, neither was there any worm therein.

What a miracle wow ,hang on read it again. Yes they baked it before storing ,no miracle there.

²⁵And Moses said, Eat that to day; for to day is a sabbath unto the LORD: to day ye shall not find it in the field.

²⁶Six days ye shall gather it; but on the seventh day, which is the sabbath, in it there shall be none.

²⁷And it came to pass, that there went out some of the people on the seventh day for to gather, and they found none.

²⁸And the LORD said unto Moses, How long refuse ye to keep my commandments and my laws?

²⁹See, for that the LORD hath given you the sabbath, therefore he giveth you on the sixth day the bread of two days; abide ye every man in his place, let no man go out of his place on the seventh day.

³⁰So the people rested on the seventh day.

I don't know about you but to me there's alot of difference between rest and house arrest.

³¹And the house of Israel called the name thereof Manna: and it was like coriander seed, white; and the taste of it was like wafers made with honey.

³²And Moses said, This is the thing which the LORD commandeth, Fill an omer of it to be kept for your generations; that they may see the bread wherewith I have fed you in the wilderness, when I brought you forth from the land of Egypt.

³³And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a pot, and put an omer full of manna therein, and lay it up before the LORD, to be kept for your generations.

³⁴As the LORD commanded Moses, so Aaron laid it up before the Testimony, to be kept.

³⁵And the children of Israel did eat manna forty years, until they came to a land inhabited; they did eat manna, until they came unto the borders of the land of Canaan.

What ?

Cast your mind back. Now Jacob travelled from Canaan to Ur the long way round, Moses and his exaggerated entourage are taking forty years to travel a third of the distance that Jacob did in a matter of weeks. Come on that is either some seriously bad map reading or yet again some one some where has injected a little bit of bullshit into the story.

Or it just means in rememberance of the journey, they ate the baked/preserved manna in a ritualised manner till it ran out, possibly echoed in the eucharist today

³⁶Now an omer is the tenth part of an ephah.

Exodus 15

Exodus 15

¹Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the LORD, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

Oh wow it's an answered prayer

Still said today by god botherer's when things go their way as to the more usually said "It is the will of god", or" god works in mysterious ways". when things don't go their way

²The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Still said today especially just before the collection plate goes round.

³The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.

Not a god of peace and love then

⁴Pharaoh's chariots and his host hath he cast into the sea: his chosen captains also are drowned in the Red sea.

Red sea ?

⁵The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.

⁶Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.

⁷And in the greatness of thine excellency thou hast overthrown them that rose up against thee: thou sentest forth thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble.

Did they not burn stubble ?

⁸And with the blast of thy nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.

⁹The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.

¹⁰Thou didst blow with thy wind, the sea covered them: they sank as lead in the mighty waters.

¹¹Who is like unto thee, O LORD, among the gods? who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?

Still not the only one then perhaps the other gods aren't demented sadistic cunts.

¹²Thou stretchedst out thy right hand, the earth swallowed them.

¹³Thou in thy mercy hast led forth the people which thou hast redeemed: thou hast guided them in thy strength unto thy holy habitation.

¹⁴The people shall hear, and be afraid: sorrow shall take hold on the inhabitants of Palestina.

¹⁵Then the dukes of Edom shall be amazed; the mighty men of Moab, trembling shall take hold upon them; all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away.

Poor old Moses it's all been a bit much for him. His already tentative grasp on reality has gone off for a well earned rest. He has completely gone off hiss rocker.

¹⁶Fear and dread shall fall upon them; by the greatness of thine arm they shall be as still as a stone; till thy people pass over, O LORD, till the people pass over, which thou hast purchased.

Ummm!

Was there a selling of slaves, or ransome paid where did they mention that ?

¹⁷Thou shalt bring them in, and plant them in the mountain of thine inheritance, in the place, O LORD, which thou hast made for thee to dwell in, in the Sanctuary, O LORD, which thy hands have established.

¹⁸The LORD shall reign for ever and ever.

Or until the human race grows up and comes to it's senses.

¹⁹For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them; but the children of Israel went on dry land in the midst of the sea.

²⁰And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances.

²¹And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

²²So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.

Well that lasted well didn't it? Is there no beginning to gods power ?

²³And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.

²⁴And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?

So they left the beer of egypt and rather than go to palastine directly they go the other way towards africa. They must have a deity that really knows what he wants.

²⁵And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,

²⁶And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

Since that time no jew has suffered illness pain or injustice thus proving the existance of god ,his honesty and his love.......

²⁷And they came to Elim, where were twelve wells of water, and threescore and ten palm trees: and they encamped there by the waters.

Theres that twelve and seven-ty again

George Carlin

I join with many of my online friends to raise a glass in tribute to the loss of a great comedian.
Famous for many things including Seven words

I give you my seven words for the late great G.C

Seven Words
Intelligent
Funny
Talented
Blasphemous
Observant
Revered
Incorrigible
















Nothing I can say, can say enough!


Tributes have poured in from all over the world you can read as many as you wish here

Exodus 14

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pihahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, over against Baalzephon: before it shall ye encamp by the sea.

Following the glow and smoke from Thera they could not arrive anywhere else. Or maybe they just wanted to build sandcastles and have a paddle

3For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.
4And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.

Here he goes with the heart hardening again. Is he really this insecure that he has to boost his ego by torturing his chosen ?

5And it was told the king of Egypt that the people fled: and the heart of Pharaoh and of his servants was turned against the people, and they said, Why have we done this, that we have let Israel go from serving us?

Have they forgotten the plagues already ? Or is it likely that some time had passed since those events.

6And he made ready his chariot, and took his people with him:
7And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them.

Six hundred chariots to turn back and capture six hundred thousand men plus flocks and herds, also fuck knows how many boys, not to mention the unmentioned women and girls, we could conceivably be talking with polygamy the norm, easily anything up to two or three million people possibly many more, or maybe, just maybe, someone, somewhere has exaggerated a little bit.

8And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, and he pursued after the children of Israel: and the children of Israel went out with an high hand.
9But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.

Really millions of people setting up camp whilst running away don't make much sense especially as they would be travelling at walking speed and their pursuers are on chariots.Also if moses WAS the great leader we are told then surely he would have no difficulty organizing men of fighting age say 30 to 40,000 to set about six hundred egyptians.

10And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.

I can't speak for the bigger american festivals, but the English festivals especially events such as the Outlaws Rock and Blues Custom bike show and the Hells Angels Bulldog Bash have proportionately a similar number of law enforcement personel.
e.g. around six policemen to 20,000 punters. Not enough to seem the least bit intimidating. If and I do mean IF the figures given for the number of isrealites and egyptians were correct then if anyone was sore afraid it would be the egyptians.

11And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

No graves in egypt ? There was me thinking graves is thier main tourist attraction.

12Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.

So the Isrealites didn't want to go.....

13And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
14The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

That's gotta be a first

15And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:
16But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.
17And I, behold, I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
18And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.

I mean what else could an omnipotent god do to convince an unbelieving populace ? Aside from just dropping by and saying "hello chaps you don't know me but......."

19And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:
20And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.
21And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.
22And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
23And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.
24And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians,
25And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the LORD fighteth for them against the Egyptians.
26And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.
27And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it; and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea.

Because with unlimited power and knowledge god decided yet again.....

... to be a total cunt

28And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
29But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
30Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.
31And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses.

Exodus 13

Exodus 13

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2Sanctify unto me all the firstborn, whatsoever openeth the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and of beast: it is mine.

Has god been doing some fucking, man AND beast ? Not having a go on the women then ? These Israelite women must be some real mingers or maybe god just can't do straight sex.

3And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out from this place: there shall no leavened bread be eaten.

That's only because he don't want them wasting good brewing yeast on breadmaking.

4This day came ye out in the month Abib.
5And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee, a land flowing with milk and honey, that thou shalt keep this service in this month.
6Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, and in the seventh day shall be a feast to the LORD.
7Unleavened bread shall be eaten seven days; and there shall no leavened bread be seen with thee, neither shall there be leaven seen with thee in all thy quarters.

It is really going on a bit about no yeast in bread. In fact more than "thou shalt not kill" makes you wonder which is the bigger sin in de lawds eyes ?

8And thou shalt shew thy son in that day, saying, This is done because of that which the LORD did unto me when I came forth out of Egypt.
9And it shall be for a sign unto thee upon thine hand, and for a memorial between thine eyes, that the LORD's law may be in thy mouth: for with a strong hand hath the LORD brought thee out of Egypt.
10Thou shalt therefore keep this ordinance in his season from year to year.
11And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, as he sware unto thee and to thy fathers, and shall give it thee,
12That thou shalt set apart unto the LORD all that openeth the matrix, and every firstling that cometh of a beast which thou hast; the males shall be the LORD's


Where is Keannu Reeves when you need him.

13And every firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb; and if thou wilt not redeem it, then thou shalt break his neck: and all the firstborn of man among thy children shalt thou redeem.

Have I got this right ?
God manages not only to forget his "chosen people", fails to notice their servitude. Finally when he does notice/remember his chosen he piss balls around for fuck knows how long before he arranges for them to be freed. In circumstances, that by his own admission, dragged out much longer than necessary. Then has the gall to expect tribute/token payment for the privilage

14And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What is this? that thou shalt say unto him, By strength of hand the LORD brought us out from Egypt, from the house of bondage:

Instead of the obvious "Well son ! I am retarded enough to believe in the fairy tales of my ancestors."

15And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast: therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem.

16And it shall be for a token upon thine hand, and for frontlets between thine eyes: for by strength of hand the LORD brought us forth out of Egypt.

17And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:

18But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
I always find this both interesting and ridiculous that even though the original has long been known to be a mistake or even a mis-print the Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds is still even in modern translations written down as the red sea.

19And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him: for he had straitly sworn the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you; and ye shall carry up my bones away hence with you.
20And they took their journey from Succoth, and encamped in Etham, in the edge of the wilderness.
21And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:
22He took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.

As suggested earlier the eruption of Thera, modern day Santorini would account for the pillar of cloud and pillar of fire. following this would have taken them north westerly to the Mediterranean sea, from there they would have turned right across the sea of reeds, around the red sea.

Atheist Blog Challenge.

Buffy from The Gaytheist Agenda “Tapped” me for this meme, although I had vowed I would not take part in any such thing her announcement of her forthcoming marriage has prompted me to indulge her as a “wedding present”
So here goes………

Q1. How would you define “atheism”?
The non-belief in any form of deity

Q2. Was your upbringing religious? If so, what tradition?
Tricky !
I started life in a small village called Walsingham in Norfolk, England. The whole village is steeped in religion(Look it up) I attended St Mary’s of Walsingham (very high C of E)
A major influence was my Nan (Grandmother) who talked about god and jesus in the same manner she would talk about Mr and Mrs Whoever from down the street. God and jc were real people I had not yet met.
I then was heavily influenced by a Teacher whose Idea of education was everything revolved around de lawd. This worked well as a vehicle and he was an excellent teacher, giving me a lust for knowledge for life the universe and everything.
I then moved house and changed schools, god and jc taking a secondary role to rushing hormones and teenage angst.
After leaving school I met a guy who re-convinced me of the need to go to church so with him I attended an Elim pentacostel and also got involved with a bunch of Bat Shit Crazies centered in the village of Foxton, Cambridgeshire these prompted me to attend an Assemblies of god near where I was living.
The crazies convinced me to stop reading Sci Fi and only read the bible, Thank fuck for that reading this piece of shit opened my eyes to exactly how ridiculous the whole belief and set up of the christian religion is…………I was reborn hally fuckin loo yah!

Q3. How would you describe “Intelligent Design”, using only one word?
Bollocks !

Q4. What scientific endeavour really excites you?
The human genome project
It should stick a huge one to christians and racists when the genome map is complete.

Q5. If you could change one thing about the “atheist community”, what would it be and why?
The need for there to be an “Atheist Community” Because it is just another pigeon hole/means of segregation.

Q6. If your child came up to you and said “I’m joining the clergy”, what would be your first response?
Laugh out loud for days on end then kill them.
No seriously I would feel I had failed them.

Q7. What’s your favourite theistic argument, and how do you usually refute it?
God is Love.
The Bible.

Q8. What’s your most “controversial” (as far as general attitudes amongst other atheists goes) viewpoint?
Paedophiles should be used for vivisection.

Q9. Of the “Four Horsemen” (Dawkins, Dennett, Hitchens and Harris) who is your favourite, and why?
Can’t say depends who I am reading at the time.

Q10. If you could convince just one theistic person to abandon their beliefs, who would it be?
The next god peddler that knocks on my door.

Well Buffy I hope that suffices.
Congratulations and best wishes for your marriage. I hope you will both be as content as my partner and I.

Exodus 12

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying,
²This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.
³Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house: ⁴And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

For any veggies amongst you here is a warning what follows is nothing less than a recipe for a roast lamb sammich.

⁵Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:
⁶And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.
⁷And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.
⁸And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.
⁹Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.

With the explanation put forward earlier(wet grain contaminated with locust crap)which may have stretched over other foodstuffs the isrealites barbie made from dry flour and unblemished roasted fresh meat meant they did not suffer from the same levels of contamination at a crucial time.

¹⁰And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.
¹¹And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.
¹²For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.
Note: It don't say good judgement

¹³And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.
¹⁴And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁵Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.
Again this almost makes sense. Unleavened bread needs to be eaten fresh cooked otherwise it rapidly becomes unpalatable, eaten fresh it the likelyhood of contamination would remain low.

¹⁶And in the first day there shall be an holy convocation, and in the seventh day there shall be an holy convocation to you; no manner of work shall be done in them, save that which every man must eat, that only may be done of you.
¹⁷And ye shall observe the feast of unleavened bread; for in this selfsame day have I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt: therefore shall ye observe this day in your generations by an ordinance for ever.
¹⁸In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.
Fuck everyone is entitled to a yearly party

¹⁹Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.
²⁰Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.
²¹Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel, and said unto them, Draw out and take you a lamb according to your families, and kill the passover.
²²And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
I can't see a reason for this apart from a bit of decoration possible fore runner of hanging wreaths on your door at new year.

²³For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.
²⁴And ye shall observe this thing for an ordinance to thee and to thy sons for ever.
²⁵And it shall come to pass, when ye be come to the land which the LORD will give you, according as he hath promised, that ye shall keep this service.
²⁶And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you, What mean ye by this service?
²⁷That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.
²⁸And the children of Israel went away, and did as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
²⁹And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

³⁰And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
³¹And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
³²Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
³³And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.
³⁴And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneading troughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.
Kept dry ?

³⁵And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:
³⁶And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.
Giving of gifts ?

³⁷And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.
I think a little exaggeration has occurred here.

³⁸And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.
³⁹And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.
So they had to eat freshly prepared food.

⁴⁰Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.
⁴¹And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt.
⁴²It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.
⁴³And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:
⁴⁴But every man's servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.
⁴⁵A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.
⁴⁶In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.
⁴⁷All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.
⁴⁸And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.
⁴⁹One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you.
⁵⁰Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.
⁵¹And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.
I have to say the plague scenario actually seems to be based in fact, possibly two or three seperate events lumped together, either coincidently or through errors or manipulations in the re-telling of the stories.
The first being the red algae infestation in the nile followed by the natural succession of infestations ,dead fish, frogs ,lice, flies, diseased cattle and boils.
Secondly either as suggested by Dr Marr's theory a massive hailstorm covering the hail , darkness and wet grain followed by a sandstorm and or as suggested by the equinox the later cataclysmic eruption of the Santorini volcano raining down stones and ash with a darkness that could be felt including rainstorms caused by all the dust in the higher atmosphere.
The locusts just being incidental but a good reason for the deaths afterwards.
I can see why this is seen as god's plan as it does stretch the realms of coincidence a long way IF they all happened one after the other as it is written.
However if they are seen as consequences of two different natural disasters not necessarily happening at the same time. Three if you count the locusts separately. These events then shoved together we should now see them as inevitable occurrences, that, even with modern science and medicins we would have trouble dealing with and containing today.

Exodus 11

Exodus 11

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.

so god has been making the lives of the Egyptians a misery and yet making the pharoah stubborn so he can go on making the Egyptians lives a misery.

²Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.

Here we go again these so called slaves with possessions including gold and jewellery.

³And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians. Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh's servants, and in the sight of the people.

Hang on where did that come from ?

We were told Moses was a tongue tied retard, he has plagued the Pharoah with plagues and been told to never darken the Pharoahs door again. Now he is a big man on campus.

⁴And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:
⁵And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

This again explained here with a more in depth explanation of the offending bacteria here

⁶And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.

No shit!

⁷But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.
⁸And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger.

Now I don't know about you but if I felt some little shit was responsible for the death of my child(ren) I would do more than ask him politely to leave,and that is as a modern englishman not a greiving highly pissed off and bloodthirsty ancient egyptian crowd.

⁹And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt.
¹⁰And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.

Exodus 10

Exodus 10

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

If god can "harden somebody's heart then surely he could soften one too.
Does he just enjoy being a cunt ?
The underlying message of this tale so far is to have fuck all to do with yhwh or his followers.

²And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the LORD.

How insecure can a deity feel ?

³And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

Fuck me ifall he wants is serving why don't he just get his own sammiches.

⁴Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

At least they wont be starving plenty of good eating in them locusts.

⁵And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:
⁶And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.
⁷And Pharaoh's servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed?
⁸And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

So Moses "people" are so insignificant he is not even sure who they are

⁹And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.
¹⁰And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.
¹¹Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh's presence.
¹²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.

Did I get that right... The threat was do as I say OR I will send locusts.

Nice to know the word of god can be trusted.

Or would it be the locusts had fuck all to do with god as did all the other plagues and this was all written with a bit of poetic licence.

¹³And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
¹⁴And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

Cool! Not just ordinary locusts but extra large super locusts. Oh for some kryptonite.

¹⁵For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
¹⁶Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.
¹⁷Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.
¹⁸And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
¹⁹And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

Does god fart kryptonite?

²⁰But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.
²²And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

²³They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
²⁴And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.
²⁵And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.
²⁶Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.
²⁷But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
²⁸And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

At last!

²⁹And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

Exodus 9

Exodus 9

¹Then the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh, and tell him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
²For if thou refuse to let them go, and wilt hold them still,
³Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain.

For the life of me I can't understand why the almighty needs all this subterfuge to get things done. Why can't he either just do it or appear to pharoah with all his scary persona and tell pharoah himself ?

Unless of course he is only a figment of someones imagination.

⁴And the LORD shall sever between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children's of Israel.

Neat trick if you can do it, but would slaves or prisoners own cattle ?

⁵And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, To morrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land.
⁶And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died: but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.

The bullshit I'm smelling here don't come from the cattle.

⁷And Pharaoh sent, and, behold, there was not one of the cattle of the Israelites dead. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, and he did not let the people go.
⁸And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.

⁹And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁰And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.
¹¹And the magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the boil was upon the magicians, and upon all the Egyptians.

No shit! Piles of rotting frogs and cattle and the Egyptians get diseases

¹²And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.
¹³And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
¹⁴For I will at this time send all my plagues upon thine heart, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people; that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth.
¹⁵For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with pestilence; and thou shalt be cut off from the earth.

Why if this unnamed pharoah is such a bastard, does he not just execute this annoying troll that claims to be the vessel through which his god is working ?

¹⁶And in very deed for this cause have I raised thee up, for to shew in thee my power; and that my name may be declared throughout all the earth.

Which is why nobody in the rest of the world had heard of this insignificant tribal deity till the Romans adopted him 1500 or so years later.

¹⁷As yet exaltest thou thyself against my people, that thou wilt not let them go?
¹⁸Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as hath not been in Egypt since the foundation thereof even until now.
¹⁹Send therefore now, and gather thy cattle, and all that thou hast in the field; for upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die.
²⁰He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle flee into the houses:
²¹And he that regarded not the word of the LORD left his servants and his cattle in the field.
²²And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt.

As mentioned from the link in the previous chapter channel fours Equinox programme. the eruption of the Santorini volcano explains not only this scene but also the pillar of fire and smoke that led the escaping Isrealites.

²³And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt.
²⁴So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.
²⁵And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast; and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.
²⁶Only in the land of Goshen, where the children of Israel were, was there no hail.
²⁷And Pharaoh sent, and called for Moses and Aaron, and said unto them, I have sinned this time: the LORD is righteous, and I and my people are wicked.
²⁸Intreat the LORD (for it is enough) that there be no more mighty thunderings and hail; and I will let you go, and ye shall stay no longer.
²⁹And Moses said unto him, As soon as I am gone out of the city, I will spread abroad my hands unto the LORD; and the thunder shall cease, neither shall there be any more hail; that thou mayest know how that the earth is the LORD's.
³⁰But as for thee and thy servants, I know that ye will not yet fear the LORD God.
³¹And the flax and the barley was smitten: for the barley was in the ear, and the flax was bolled.

Oh no god has smitten the barley

³²But the wheat and the rie were not smitten: for they were not grown up.

These must be gods chosen cereal crops, perhaps near the beginning if able had grown wheat and rye god would have preferred his offering and the worlds history would have been a bed of roses.

³³And Moses went out of the city from Pharaoh, and spread abroad his hands unto the LORD: and the thunders and hail ceased, and the rain was not poured upon the earth.

Nice work if you can get it.

³⁴And when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders were ceased, he sinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants.
³⁵And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go; as the LORD had spoken by Moses.

Now if the Pharoah in question did not believe this was judgement from de lawd why on earth should anyone believe it now.

Exodus 8

Exodus 8

¹And the LORD spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.

Are Aaron and Moses twins ?god seems to have trouble making up his mind who he is talking to.

Or perhaps it is just multiple personalities

²And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs:

I hope he doesn't mean the French not even the god of the jews could be that cruel.

³And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs:

⁴And the frogs shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants.

It's ok no mention of bicycles and onions they should be safe.

⁵And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt.
⁶And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.

Don't know that's sure way to attract the french, both sexes.

⁷And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.

If pharoah's magicians are summoning them it can only be real frogs. No one and I mean no one would summon the French to their own country.

⁸Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, Intreat the LORD, that he may take away the frogs from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the LORD.
⁹And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I intreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the frogs from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the river only?
¹⁰And he said, To morrow. And he said, Be it according to thy word: that thou mayest know that there is none like unto the LORD our God.

Well we have already seen that the red algae led to the frogs which in turn will lead to flies and "lice"

¹¹And the frogs shall depart from thee, and from thy houses, and from thy servants, and from thy people; they shall remain in the river only.
¹²And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the LORD because of the frogs which he had brought against Pharaoh.
¹³And the LORD did according to the word of Moses; and the frogs died out of the houses, out of the villages, and out of the fields.
¹⁴And they gathered them together upon heaps: and the land stank.
¹⁵But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
¹⁶And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁷And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
¹⁸And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
¹⁹Then the magicians said unto Pharaoh, This is the finger of God: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
²⁰And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
²¹Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.

Not suprising as flies lay thier eggs in dead things such as piles of dead frogs

²²And I will sever in that day the land of Goshen, in which my people dwell, that no swarms of flies shall be there; to the end thou mayest know that I am the LORD in the midst of the earth.
²³And I will put a division between my people and thy people: to morrow shall this sign be.
²⁴And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants' houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.
²⁵And Pharaoh called for Moses and for Aaron, and said, Go ye, sacrifice to your God in the land.
²⁶And Moses said, It is not meet so to do; for we shall sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians to the LORD our God: lo, shall we sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians before their eyes, and will they not stone us?
²⁷We will go three days' journey into the wilderness, and sacrifice to the LORD our God, as he shall command us.
²⁸And Pharaoh said, I will let you go, that ye may sacrifice to the LORD your God in the wilderness; only ye shall not go very far away: intreat for me.
²⁹And Moses said, Behold, I go out from thee, and I will intreat the LORD that the swarms of flies may depart from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people, to morrow: but let not Pharaoh deal deceitfully any more in not letting the people go to sacrifice to the LORD.
³⁰And Moses went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
³¹And the LORD did according to the word of Moses; and he removed the swarms of flies from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people; there remained not one.
³²And Pharaoh hardened his heart at this time also, neither would he let the people go.

So what we see here is an unpleasant but wholly natural succession of events that were possibly utilised by some glib tongued conman approximately 3,500 years ago. But although Moses gets the credit we have already seen that he was a bit lacking in cerebral diplomacy department.
What is even stranger is people believe that these events happened because the almighty creator of the universe was feeling unloved and he wanted "his people" to take a break and throw him a barbecue party

Aahh !