Exodus 7

Exodus 7

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

Is this the all knowing one changing his mind again ?
Is this the all powerful one failing to guide Moses's speech ?

²Thou shalt speak all that I command thee: and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he send the children of Israel out of his land.
³And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.

Is this the all impotent one covering his arse in case it don't happen?

⁴But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.
⁵And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of Israel from among them.

Or is it a gullible man, a puppet ruler reciting to a scribe in retrospect. Trying to make sense of a cataclysmic disaster that the prisoners used to escape ?

⁶And Moses and Aaron did as the LORD commanded them, so did they.
⁷And Moses was fourscore years old, and Aaron fourscore and three years old, when they spake unto Pharaoh.
⁸And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,
⁹When Pharaoh shall speak unto you, saying, Shew a miracle for you: then thou shalt say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and cast it before Pharaoh, and it shall become a serpent.
¹⁰And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
¹¹Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

Suddenly it's Aaron doing the magic tricks and spokesperson for god.........

¹²For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.
¹³And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
¹⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh's heart is hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
¹⁵Get thee unto Pharaoh in the morning; lo, he goeth out unto the water; and thou shalt stand by the river's brink against he come; and the rod which was turned to a serpent shalt thou take in thine hand.
¹⁶And thou shalt say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.
¹⁷Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that is in mine hand upon the waters which are in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.

Again nothing as wise as hindsight

¹⁸And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.
¹⁹And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of water, that they may become blood; and that there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in vessels of wood, and in vessels of stone.
²⁰And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.

This is the first of the 10 plagues of egypt either god flexing his muscles or a chain of natural occurences easily explained by modern knowledge

²¹And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
²²And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, neither did he hearken unto them; as the LORD had said.
²³And Pharaoh turned and went into his house, neither did he set his heart to this also.
²⁴And all the Egyptians digged round about the river for water to drink; for they could not drink of the water of the river.
²⁵And seven days were fulfilled, after that the LORD had smitten the river.

Exodus 6

Exodus 6

¹Then the LORD said unto Moses, Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh: for with a strong hand shall he let them go, and with a strong hand shall he drive them out of his land.
²And God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I am the LORD:

You would have thought that with the narrator's poor attempts at hiding moses's mental disadvantages Moses would, be able to, at least after prior conversations , recognise his lord and creator. Or perhaps, as is more likely jehova/yhwh is showing his insecurities by announcing himself at every opportunity and only speaking in person to retards.

³And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by the name of God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them.

Remember Jacob knew him as "my lover"

⁴And I have also established my covenant with them, to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their pilgrimage, wherein they were strangers.
⁵And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Israel, whom the Egyptians keep in bondage; and I have remembered my covenant.

This all knowing god is a real forgetful old cunt.

⁶Wherefore say unto the children of Israel, I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great judgments:
⁷And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.

Because being gods favourites they live such a good life..................Thats when he can be arsed to remember them.

⁸And I will bring you in unto the land, concerning the which I did swear to give it to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob; and I will give it you for an heritage: I am the LORD.

Which is as we know, a few days walk away from Egypt, a couple of weeks at most.

⁹And Moses spake so unto the children of Israel: but they hearkened not unto Moses for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage.
¹⁰And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
¹¹Go in, speak unto Pharaoh king of Egypt, that he let the children of Israel go out of his land.
¹²And Moses spake before the LORD, saying, Behold, the children of Israel have not hearkened unto me; how then shall Pharaoh hear me, who am of uncircumcised lips?

I've heard of not knowing your arse from your elbow, but to not know your dick from your mouth. How confused can this guy be ?

¹³And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, and gave them a charge unto the children of Israel, and unto Pharaoh king of Egypt, to bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt.
¹⁴These be the heads of their fathers' houses: The sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel; Hanoch, and Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi: these be the families of Reuben.
¹⁵And the sons of Simeon; Jemuel, and Jamin, and Ohad, and Jachin, and Zohar, and Shaul the son of a Canaanitish woman: these are the families of Simeon.

Oh fuck here we go with the list's again.

¹⁶And these are the names of the sons of Levi according to their generations; Gershon, and Kohath, and Merari: and the years of the life of Levi were an hundred thirty and seven years.
¹⁷The sons of Gershon; Libni, and Shimi, according to their families.
¹⁸And the sons of Kohath; Amram, and Izhar, and Hebron, and Uzziel: and the years of the life of Kohath were an hundred thirty and three years.
¹⁹And the sons of Merari; Mahali and Mushi: these are the families of Levi according to their generations.
²⁰And Amram took him Jochebed his father's sister to wife; and she bare him Aaron and Moses: and the years of the life of Amram were an hundred and thirty and seven years.
²¹And the sons of Izhar; Korah, and Nepheg, and Zichri.
²²And the sons of Uzziel; Mishael, and Elzaphan, and Zithri.
²³And Aaron took him Elisheba, daughter of Amminadab, sister of Naashon, to wife; and she bare him Nadab, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.
²⁴And the sons of Korah; Assir, and Elkanah, and Abiasaph: these are the families of the Korhites.
²⁵And Eleazar Aaron's son took him one of the daughters of Putiel to wife; and she bare him Phinehas: these are the heads of the fathers of the Levites according to their families.
²⁶These are that Aaron and Moses, to whom the LORD said, Bring out the children of Israel from the land of Egypt according to their armies.
²⁷These are they which spake to Pharaoh king of Egypt, to bring out the children of Israel from Egypt: these are that Moses and Aaron.
²⁸And it came to pass on the day when the LORD spake unto Moses in the land of Egypt,
²⁹That the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, I am the LORD: speak thou unto Pharaoh king of Egypt all that I say unto thee.
³⁰And Moses said before the LORD, Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips, and how shall Pharaoh hearken unto me?

Exodus 5

Exodus 5

¹And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness.

Not let my people go because you are treating them like shit, but because they have to celebrate in the wilderness...... showing your love for what it is again.

²And Pharaoh said, Who is the LORD, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the LORD, neither will I let Israel go.
³And they said, The God of the Hebrews hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, three days' journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto the LORD our God; lest he fall upon us with pestilence, or with the sword.

Theres that love again.... Let us do it or we will be punished for something that is not our fault!

⁴And the king of Egypt said unto them, Wherefore do ye, Moses and Aaron, let the people from their works? get you unto your burdens.
⁵And Pharaoh said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and ye make them rest from their burdens.
⁶And Pharaoh commanded the same day the taskmasters of the people, and their officers, saying,
⁷Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather straw for themselves.

Ok ! What is wrong with these people would it not make more sense to remove the troublemakers from the equation, imprisonment, execution or the old Sumarian tradition, exile.

⁸And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.
⁹Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words.
¹⁰And the taskmasters of the people went out, and their officers, and they spake to the people, saying, Thus saith Pharaoh, I will not give you straw.
¹¹Go ye, get you straw where ye can find it: yet not ought of your work shall be diminished.
¹²So the people were scattered abroad throughout all the land of Egypt to gather stubble instead of straw.
¹³And the taskmasters hasted them, saying, Fulfil your works, your daily tasks, as when there was straw.
¹⁴And the officers of the children of Israel, which Pharaoh's taskmasters had set over them, were beaten, and demanded, Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore?

How is it that a civilization that was able to survive for so long could be this stupid ?

¹⁵Then the officers of the children of Israel came and cried unto Pharaoh, saying, Wherefore dealest thou thus with thy servants?
¹⁶There is no straw given unto thy servants, and they say to us, Make brick: and, behold, thy servants are beaten; but the fault is in thine own people.

Seems to be a recurrent theme pick on the Hebrews for something that is not their fault, or perhaps there is a reason.

Just a thought, but knowing their family history of disloyalty,lieing, cheating , stealing and general untrustworthiness, is it possible they were imprisoned with forced labour for criminal activities?

¹⁷But he said, Ye are idle, ye are idle: therefore ye say, Let us go and do sacrifice to the LORD.
¹⁸Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of bricks.
¹⁹And the officers of the children of Israel did see that they were in evil case, after it was said, Ye shall not minish ought from your bricks of your daily task.
²⁰And they met Moses and Aaron, who stood in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh:
²¹And they said unto them, The LORD look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savour to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to slay us.

Looking at modern day Palastine/Israel I find it difficult to believe that they wouldn't just rip them apart.

²²And Moses returned unto the LORD, and said, LORD, wherefore hast thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that thou hast sent me?

"Because my son you are a deluded gullible fool"

²³For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.

Exodus 4

Exodus 4

¹And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.

Well you would wouldn't you, perhaps all the other Hebrews had got the good sense not to marry their sisters and therefore had not got a congenital deficiency causing them to not grow out of a childhood belief in an invisible friend.

²And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.
³And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.

I have had a rod in my hand, and it has cast on the ground then became a wriggly serpent. Only ever my own. But my gay friends assure me this is often what happens down their local "cottage"

⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:

The lord must recover quickly especially for one so old.

⁵That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.

So god wants him to toss off the unbelievers..... Cool!

⁶And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.
⁷And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh.

This is an easy "parlor trick". It can easily be done with the application and release of a tourniquet. It would also be more apparent on a person with a darker skin than your average Caucasian.

⁸And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign.

⁹And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land.

Again a simple parlour trick, should be obvious to any first year chemistry student outside of Texas.

¹⁰And Moses said unto the LORD, O my LORD, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.

Even the bible suggests the stupidity and no doubt associated gullibility of Moses

¹¹And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?

Anyone who has ever used a glory hole will agree "A mouth is a mouth"

¹²Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.
¹³And he said, O my LORD, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.
¹⁴And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.

So why does the all knowing all loving god chose an idiot to do his dirty work when all he has to do is make a public appearance and make his wishes known ?

¹⁵And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.
¹⁶And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God.
¹⁷And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.
¹⁸And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace.
¹⁹And the LORD said unto Moses in Midian, Go, return into Egypt: for all the men are dead which sought thy life.
²⁰And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand.

No doubt about it. God is gayer than George Michael's haidresser.

²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.

And a total cunt at that.

²²And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:

So god is Jacob/Israel's father not Isaac. Hmmm how many "only begotten sons does that make so far ?

²³And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.
²⁴And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.

god IS love !

²⁵Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.
²⁶So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

An oath uttered by all wives to all husbands for almost any reason.

²⁷And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him.

No ! No tongues, not gay or incestuous in any way. Honest !

²⁸And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.

And Aaron being the clever brother believed his halfwit brother.
Is it just me or is anyone else getting the idea Aaron may be pulling moses's strings ?

²⁹And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel:
³⁰And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people.
³¹And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.

Exodus 3

Exodus 3

¹Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb.

Now I know the family relationships so far are pretty fucked up, but it is only a few short lines since the introduction of the girls father the priest, and his name was Reuel. Now it is Jethro. Is the scribe as forgetful as god ?

²And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.

³And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.

⁴And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.

⁵And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.

Is he hallucinating as has recently been suggested?

or is some one just fucking with him?

⁶Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.

Yep! Showing the family trait of having no balls.

⁷And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;

So the all powerful all mighty almighty has since he managed to notice his favourite family are having a hard time, has....
...Sat back and watched.

⁸And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.

Which is a couple of weeks walk away from Egypt.

⁹Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.
¹⁰Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
¹¹And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?

Who indeed ?

¹²And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou hast brought forth the people out of Egypt, ye shall serve God upon this mountain.

Multiple personality disorder anyone ?

¹³And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?
¹⁴And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

Now he's fucking Popeye.

perhaps that's why he went to mount olive...yuk yuk yuk yuk

¹⁵And God said moreover unto Moses, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, the LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath sent me unto you: this is my name for ever, and this is my memorial unto all generations.
¹⁶Go, and gather the elders of Israel together, and say unto them, The LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob, appeared unto me, saying, I have surely visited you, and seen that which is done to you in Egypt:
¹⁷And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt unto the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, unto a land flowing with milk and honey.

Is the milk reference another Hindu connection ?

¹⁸And they shall hearken to thy voice: and thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and ye shall say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath met with us: and now let us go, we beseech thee, three days' journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to the LORD our God.
¹⁹And I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand.
²⁰And I will stretch out my hand, and smite Egypt with all my wonders which I will do in the midst thereof: and after that he will let you go.
²¹And I will give this people favour in the sight of the Egyptians: and it shall come to pass, that, when ye go, ye shall not go empty.²²But every woman shall borrow of her neighbour, and of her that sojourneth in her house, jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment: and ye shall put them upon your sons, and upon your daughters; and ye shall spoil the Egyptians.

Seems a lot of messing around for an entity that could allegedly transport the Hebrews elsewhere or just kill the Egyptians

Exodus 2

¹And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi.

Theres no breeding if it ain't inbreeding.

²And the woman conceived, and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.

I do query the use of the word goodly, Why ? Well the inbreeding for one reason another being it felt necessary to mention the health of the child. Were there many born NOT so goodly ?

³And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river's brink.
⁴And his sister stood afar off, to wit what would be done to him.
⁵And the daughter of Pharaoh came down to wash herself at the river; and her maidens walked along by the river's side; and when she saw the ark among the flags, she sent her maid to fetch it.
⁶And when she had opened it, she saw the child: and, behold, the babe wept. And she had compassion on him, and said, This is one of the Hebrews' children.
⁷Then said his sister to Pharaoh's daughter, Shall I go and call to thee a nurse of the Hebrew women, that she may nurse the child for thee?

This Pharoah whoever they may be must have been one of the most ineffectual Pharaohs in the history of Egypt. So many people are blatantly ignoring his orders regarding the hebrew offspring.

⁸And Pharaoh's daughter said to her, Go. And the maid went and called the child's mother.
⁹And Pharaoh's daughter said unto her, Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages. And the women took the child, and nursed it.
¹⁰And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.

And here we jump to adulthood carefully ignoring Pharaohs reaction to a refusal of his wishes by his dughter/household, again ignoring his education as an Egyptian that he would have gotten as a member of the royal household.

Or was he raised purely as a toy knowing he was only there as a plaything of the pharoahs daughter.

¹¹And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting an Hebrew, one of his brethren.

If he had been raised as an Egyptian this would not have happened.

¹²And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand.

If he had been raised as royalty then surely the need to hide the body would not have arisen.

¹³And when he went out the second day, behold, two men of the Hebrews strove together: and he said to him that did the wrong, Wherefore smitest thou thy fellow?
¹⁴And he said, Who made thee a prince and a judge over us? intendest thou to kill me, as thou killedst the Egyptian? And Moses feared, and said, Surely this thing is known.

If he had been raised as royalty he would not have been quizzed by hebrew slaves.

¹⁵Now when Pharaoh heard this thing, he sought to slay Moses. But Moses fled from the face of Pharaoh, and dwelt in the land of Midian: and he sat down by a well.

The old pick up a bird at your local watering hole trick,a sure staple for any stranger in any town at any time.

¹⁶Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters: and they came and drew water, and filled the troughs to water their father's flock.
¹⁷And the shepherds came and drove them away: but Moses stood up and helped them, and watered their flock.

You would expect these shepherds to be relatives, from being midianites and bullying arseholes.

¹⁸And when they came to Reuel their father, he said, How is it that ye are come so soon to day?

¹⁹And they said, An Egyptian delivered us out of the hand of the shepherds, and also drew water enough for us, and watered the flock.

Hows that work in Midian he passes for an Egyptian but in Egypt no one mistakes his heritage.

²⁰And he said unto his daughters, And where is he? why is it that ye have left the man? call him, that he may eat bread.
²¹And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter.

Is there some connotation of "may eat bread" that I don't understand?

²²And she bare him a son, and he called his name Gershom: for he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land.
²³And it came to pass in process of time, that the king of Egypt died: and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage.

Yay BDSM.

²⁴And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.

I may have mentioned this before but why does this so called all knowing,all seeing, everywhere living god keep not seeing ,forgetting and missing shit. I mean if he can't keep abreast of a few goat fucking misogynist conmen how the fuck can he keep up with the billions more people alive today ?

²⁵And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God had respect unto them.
Umm yeah. The respect of ignoring them after promising to look after them how long ago ?

Just to throw a spanner in the works here is a translation of text around 1,000 years previous
The Legend of Sargon of Akkadê, c. 2300 BCE

---

1. Sargon, the mighty king, king of Akkadê am I,

2. My mother was lowly; my father I did not know;

3. The brother of my father dwelt in the mountain.

4. My city is Azupiranu, which is situated on the bank of the Purattu [Euphrates],

5. My lowly mother conceived me, in secret she brought me forth.

6. She placed me in a basket of reeds, she closed my entrance with bitumen,

7. She cast me upon the rivers which did not overflow me.

8. The river carried me, it brought me to Akki, the irrigator.

9. Akki, the irrigator, in the goodness of his heart lifted me out,

10. Akki, the irrigator, as his own son brought me up;

11. Akki, the irrigator, as his gardener appointed me.

12. When I was a gardener the goddess Ishtar loved me,

13. And for four years I ruled the kingdom.

14. The black-headed peoples I ruled, I governed;

15. Mighty mountains with axes of bronze I destroyed (?).

16. I ascended the upper mountains;

17. I burst through the lower mountains.

18. The country of the sea I besieged three times;

19. Dilmun I captured (?).

20. Unto the great Dur-ilu I went up, I . . . . . . . . .

21 . . . . . . . . . .I altered. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

22. Whatsoever king shall be exalted after me,

23. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

24. Let him rule, let him govern the black-headed peoples;

25. Mighty mountains with axes of bronze let him destroy;

26. Let him ascend the upper mountains,

27. Let him break through the lower mountains;

28. The country of the sea let him besiege three times;

29. Dilmun let him capture;

30. To great Dur-ilu let him go up.

From the Ancient History Sourcebook:

Exodus 1

Exodus 1

¹Now these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt; every man and his household came with Jacob.
²Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah,
³Issachar, Zebulun, and Benjamin,
⁴Dan, and Naphtali, Gad, and Asher.
⁵And all the souls that came out of the loins of Jacob were seventy souls: for Joseph was in Egypt already.

I thought it said earlier twelve,yep count'em eleven plus joseph = 12
Is seventy a mistranslation ?

⁶And Joseph died, and all his brethren, and all that generation
⁷And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them.

I can see it coming, they are going to wish they had built a fucking great wall round egypt instead of all them fucking pyramids.

⁸Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph.
⁹And he said unto his people, Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we:
¹⁰Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there falleth out any war, they join also unto our enemies, and fight against us, and so get them up out of the land.
¹¹Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict them with their burdens. And they built for Pharaoh treasure cities, Pithom and Raamses.

Note that after that statement there is no mention of putting them in the middle of a hostile territory and supporting all their efforts to force themselves into a dominant position.

¹²But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.

So what is implied here is the so called children of Israel have got into BDSM, After a hard days whipping they go home horney as hell and shag each other silly.

¹³And the Egyptians made the children of Israel to serve with rigour:
¹⁴And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, in morter, and in brick, and in all manner of service in the field: all their service, wherein they made them serve, was with rigour.

Note; one meaning of rigour is stiffness.

¹⁵And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:

Hang on, only two midwives to service all those hebrews would someone be exaggerating a little bit ?

¹⁶And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.

Surely it would make more sense to kill the girls to restrict a population. Or even the midwives as that would increase the incidence of birth mortality, am I smelling a hint of bullshit.

¹⁷But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.
¹⁸And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?
¹⁹And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them.

Ah! back to minges like a hippo's yawn.

²⁰Therefore God dealt well with the midwives: and the people multiplied, and waxed very mighty.
²¹And it came to pass, because the midwives feared God, that he made them houses.²²And Pharaoh charged all his people, saying, Every son that is born ye shall cast into the river, and every daughter ye shall save alive.