Genesis 38

Genesis 38

Here the narrative takes a sideways jump to tell how Judah had a jump.
¹And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
²And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
³And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
His full name was Er.. My Mistake.
⁴And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
⁵And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
⁶And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
⁷And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.

I suppose he wasn't a bigoted misogynist with no qualms with killing innocent people for no reason. Surprised god got his own hands dirty for a change. Wait that's a clue isn't it ?Onan died an accidental death or from a disease god as usual did fuck all.
⁸And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
No working seven years here for a woman ...mind you second hand goods.
⁹And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
Was he a Catholic ?
¹⁰And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
Perhaps Tamar carried a virulent STD.
¹¹Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.
¹²And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheep shearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.
Pretty sure there is some virus or bacteria at work here. Try boiling water before you drink guys.
¹³And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.
¹⁴And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.
Judah must also thought the women of the camp were diseased.

¹⁵When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.
Now tell that to a Muslim.
¹⁶And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?
¹⁷And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?
Love you Long Time.
¹⁸And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.
¹⁹And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.
²⁰And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not.
²¹Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.
²²And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.
²³And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.
What wanting to clear a debt that's something decent, who would have believed it.
²⁴And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

So it's OK to use a whore but the penalty for being one is death and yet a whole community was wiped out for consensual sex only a few years ago?
²⁵When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.
²⁶And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.
Double standards or what.
²⁷And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb.
²⁸And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.
²⁹And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.
³⁰And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.

Genesis 37

Genesis 37

¹And Jacob dwelt in the land wherein his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan.

²These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.

Grassing on your brothers ? Fuck if he was my son I would give him a whippin' surely even in this family you would expect some morality.

³Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.

Perhaps this was Israel's way of making sure everyone knew he was a grass. Make him stand out in a crowd.

⁴And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.

Can't blame them does your street cred no good to be associated with a grass.

⁵And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.

⁶And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed:

Oh yes "dreams" were his fathers excuse for aberrant behaviour.

⁷For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf.

⁸And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words.
⁹And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me.
"The eleven stars", perhaps the universe was a lot smaller back then, or there was much light pollution from all those halo's in that area.
¹⁰And he told it to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, What is this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth?
¹¹And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.
¹²And his brethren went to feed their father's flock in Shechem.
¹³And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, Here am I.
¹⁴And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.
¹⁵And a certain man found him, and, behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou?
¹⁶And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed their flocks.
¹⁷And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.
¹⁸And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him.
¹⁹And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh.
²⁰Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.
Pit is translated from the hebrew word shoel Shoel is also translated as grave and hell at different times in the bible.
²¹And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.
²²And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.
²³And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;
²⁴And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.
²⁵And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.
²⁶And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?
Wouldn't Judah make his grandfather proud ?
²⁷Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.

²⁸Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.
²⁹And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.
³⁰And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?
³¹And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;
³²And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no.
³³And he knew it, and said, It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.
How is it this family, the epitome of untrustworthiness are so trusting in their own family where experience and tradition should have taught them all."My Family are a bunch of Fucking Lowlife Double Dealing Cunts"
³⁴And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
³⁵And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.³⁶And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh's, and captain of the guard.

Genesis 36

Genesis 36

¹Now these are the generations of Esau, who is Edom.

Not another list of non-entities we have enough trouble verifying the main characters in any historical context I see these other people as inconsequential fillers.

²Esau took his wives of the daughters of Canaan; Adah the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon the Hivite;

³And Bashemath Ishmael's daughter, sister of Nebajoth.

⁴And Adah bare to Esau Eliphaz; and Bashemath bare Reuel;

⁵And Aholibamah bare Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah: these are the sons of Esau, which were born unto him in the land of Canaan.
⁶And Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all his substance, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went into the country from the face of his brother Jacob.

There has to be more going on here. Esau moves out from his father's land, where he has been settled for the last 20 years. I can understand him not wanting to live around Jacob and I understand the too many cattle for the land, but Esau has so many reasons for wanting to fuck his brother over and yet he ups and leaves without so much as a few choice words ?

⁷For their riches were more than that they might dwell together; and the land wherein they were strangers could not bear them because of their cattle.
⁸Thus dwelt Esau in mount Seir: Esau is Edom.
⁹And these are the generations of Esau the father of the Edomites in mount Seir:
¹⁰These are the names of Esau's sons; Eliphaz the son of Adah the wife of Esau, Reuel the son of Bashemath the wife of Esau.
¹¹And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, and Gatam, and Kenaz.
¹²And Timna was concubine to Eliphaz Esau's son; and she bare to Eliphaz Amalek: these were the sons of Adah Esau's wife.
¹³And these are the sons of Reuel; Nahath, and Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah: these were the sons of Bashemath Esau's wife.
¹⁴And these were the sons of Aholibamah, the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon, Esau's wife: and she bare to Esau Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah.
¹⁵These were dukes of the sons of Esau: the sons of Eliphaz the firstborn son of Esau; duke Teman, duke Omar, duke Zepho, duke Kenaz,
¹⁶Duke Korah, duke Gatam, and duke Amalek: these are the dukes that came of Eliphaz in the land of Edom; these were the sons of Adah.
¹⁷And these are the sons of Reuel Esau's son; duke Nahath, duke Zerah, duke Shammah, duke Mizzah: these are the dukes that came of Reuel in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Bashemath Esau's wife.
¹⁸And these are the sons of Aholibamah Esau's wife; duke Jeush, duke Jaalam, duke Korah: these were the dukes that came of Aholibamah the daughter of Anah, Esau's wife.
¹⁹These are the sons of Esau, who is Edom, and these are their dukes.
²⁰These are the sons of Seir the Horite, who inhabited the land; Lotan, and Shobal, and Zibeon, and Anah,
²¹And Dishon, and Ezer, and Dishan: these are the dukes of the Horites, the children of Seir in the land of Edom.
²²And the children of Lotan were Hori and Hemam; and Lotan's sister was Timna.
²³And the children of Shobal were these; Alvan, and Manahath, and Ebal, Shepho, and Onam.
²⁴And these are the children of Zibeon; both Ajah, and Anah: this was that Anah that found the mules in the wilderness, as he fed the asses of Zibeon his father.
²⁵And the children of Anah were these; Dishon, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah.
²⁶And these are the children of Dishon; Hemdan, and Eshban, and Ithran, and Cheran.
²⁷The children of Ezer are these; Bilhan, and Zaavan, and Akan.
²⁸The children of Dishan are these; Uz, and Aran.

Perhaps that is the point.When the scribes were first putting these tales down on clay tablets/papyrus or whatever even they realised that they had left the realms of probability so only an inbred goat molester would believe it and then only if he had gone several decades with no human contact, so the scribes decided to bore you into submission. A kind of literary hypnosis.
²⁹These are the dukes that came of the Horites; duke Lotan, duke Shobal, duke Zibeon, duke Anah,
³⁰Duke Dishon, duke Ezer, duke Dishan: these are the dukes that came of Hori, among their dukes in the land of Seir.
³¹And these are the kings that reigned in the land of Edom, before there reigned any king over the children of Israel.
³²And Bela the son of Beor reigned in Edom: and the name of his city was Dinhabah.
³³And Bela died, and Jobab the son of Zerah of Bozrah reigned in his stead.
³⁴And Jobab died, and Husham of the land of Temani reigned in his stead.
³⁵And Husham died, and Hadad the son of Bedad, who smote Midian in the field of Moab, reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Avith.
³⁶And Hadad died, and Samlah of Masrekah reigned in his stead.
³⁷And Samlah died, and Saul of Rehoboth by the river reigned in his stead.
³⁸And Saul died, and Baalhanan the son of Achbor reigned in his stead.
³⁹And Baalhanan the son of Achbor died, and Hadar reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Pau; and his wife's name was Mehetabel, the daughter of Matred, the daughter of Mezahab.
⁴⁰And these are the names of the dukes that came of Esau, according to their families, after their places, by their names; duke Timnah, duke Alvah, duke Jetheth,
⁴¹Duke Aholibamah, duke Elah, duke Pinon,
⁴²Duke Kenaz, duke Teman, duke Mibzar,
⁴³Duke Magdiel, duke Iram: these be the dukes of Edom, according to their habitations in the land of their possession: he is Esau the father of the Edomites.
All those Dukes and no mention of Uncle Jesse, Bo, Luke and how could anyone not mention Daisy.

3rd Recap

What have we got?
We may have at last got a vague time frame.Although the existence of Sodom and Gomorrah is still disputed by some, those that do accept them as fact, tend to agree they fell between 2500-2200 BCE.Is this not around the time given for the flood by the 6,000 year old earth theory pushed around by the religious wrong.
Which is it guy's and gal's can't have it both way's ? Even if the flood preceded this by a couple of hundred years we are still aware of many thriving cultures both locally and around the world at this time.
We are tracking one branch of a family tree that due to repetitive elements must have come from an oral tradition, quite possibly formalized as songs.
God appears often but these early narratives seems to be almost if not completely impotent on his own. Needing his agents, either angels or the family of Abraham to do things for him. With the obvious exception that he is given as the cause of natural disasters.
WE see here already some translation difficulties are beginning to be shown as in, was she turned to salt or did she disappear for a perfectly natural reason ?
Are these genuine mistakes or were they attempts by the early church to make the stories fit the myths ?
Raising of stones is something that occurs over much of the world, mostly if not always for astrological observations, but as far as we know the anointing of stones with oil seems to hold more connections with Hinduism from India.
This is not 100% of a surprise as the already recurring numeric details hint at an astrological base for these Abrahmic myths.
These early stories have it all. Excitement, Murder, Intrigue, Sex and Death the only thing missing is irrefutable facts. So far the only things100% factual are slime pits and the city of Ur.

Genesis 35

¹And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.

I guess god wasn't happy with the lingam he raised for him. Or else his poor memory has made him forget the alter Abram raised for him when he named the place bethel, as it was previously called ..................bethel.

²Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:

Of course these aren't "real" gods. These are imaginary gods, as everyone knows you can't touch real gods, you can only touch pretend gods.

Riiight!

³And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.

⁴And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.

As everyone is aware Jacobs word is his bond.

⁵And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.

Terror of god ?

If it really is "the terror of god" would you not expect a bit more elaboration.

Something like god smote the cities with fire and brimstone, a light breeze or maybe a plague descended from the heavens blighting the populace with the squits, headaches ingrowing toenails, anything give us a clue.

Terror of god,on its own just don't wash!
⁶So Jacob came to Luz, which is in the land of Canaan, that is, Bethel, he and all the people that were with him.

So he arrives at luz calling it bethel which it was known as before Abraham ever went there,even though he named it bethel jacob is on a mission from god to rename the place bethel.

Why when god created the earth did he not create a tree of perfect memory or something to help with this retention problem maybe he did but forgot where he put it.

⁷And he built there an altar, and called the place Elbethel: because there God appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.

Ah god has seen the romans coming before rome was invented becausethat is Bethel with an Italian accent.
⁸But Deborah, Rebekah's nurse died, and she was buried beneath Bethel under an oak: and the name of it was called Allonbachuth.

So not going to go with Bethel then, fear of god not doing it for you ?

⁹And God appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padanaram, and blessed him.
¹⁰And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.

Didn't he do this when they had their "Not gay in anyway" all-night "wrestling".
¹¹And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;

Yeah yeah again again, how long is he going to keep promising this to how many generations. Every time the make a start to better themselves god makes them go walkabout and move back in a tent. Perhaps that's why his chosen people live in the middle east he wouldn't have got a Briton to leave a nice warm cave to go traipsing round the country building alters finding cousins to marry and renaming a place by its old name.

¹²And the land which I gave Abraham and Isaac, to thee I will give it, and to thy seed after thee will I give the land.
Fuck! He remembered something.
¹³And God went up from him in the place where he talked with him.
¹⁴And Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he talked with him, even a pillar of stone: and he poured a drink offering thereon, and he poured oil thereon.

Lingham can almost nearly mean standing stone if this family carry on with their erecting there would be a Stonehenge at bethel.

¹⁵And Jacob called the name of the place where God spake with him, Bethel.
¹⁶And they journeyed from Bethel; and there was but a little way to come to Ephrath: and Rachel travailed, and she had hard labour.
¹⁷And it came to pass, when she was in hard labour, that the midwife said unto her, Fear not; thou shalt have this son also.
¹⁸And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.
¹⁹And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.

So Jacob has done what his god asked for him and women you would expect him to care about are dropping like flies.

So the reason for doing gods bidding is ..............?

Or god so enjoyed their "wrestling" he is jealous of Jacobs other "wrestling" partners

²⁰And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar of Rachel's grave unto this day.

He loves his erections

and so apparently,

does,

god.

²¹And Israel journeyed, and spread his tent beyond the tower of Edar.
²²And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine: and Israel heard it. Now the sons of Jacob were twelve:
I am assuming that Israel was Jacob not the whole country.
If it was the whole country you can understand how he has got four women, and god lining up that'll prove he was from the wrong side of the blanket.
²³The sons of Leah; Reuben, Jacob's firstborn, and Simeon, and Levi, and Judah, and Issachar, and Zebulun:
²⁴The sons of Rachel; Joseph, and Benjamin:
²⁵And the sons of Bilhah, Rachel's handmaid; Dan, and Naphtali:
²⁶And the sons of Zilpah, Leah's handmaid: Gad, and Asher: these are the sons of Jacob, which were born to him in Padanaram.
²⁷And Jacob came unto Isaac his father unto Mamre, unto the city of Arbah, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac sojourned.
²⁸And the days of Isaac were an hundred and fourscore years.
²⁹And Isaac gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, being old and full of days: and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.

Genesis34

Genesis 34

¹And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
Or at least thats what she told her family.
²And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
But....But .... he can't do that !

I mean that their.........

..............their not family.

³And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
Not sure but something suggests we are talking about consensual sex not rape.
⁴And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
⁵And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
I must be reading that wrong.
⁶And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
⁷And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done.
Unless they're cousins.
⁸And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
⁹And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
¹⁰And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
¹¹And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
¹²Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
¹³And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
And of course because it was their nature to be lying, cheating bastards.
¹⁴And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
¹⁵But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
¹⁶Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
¹⁷But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
¹⁸And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.
¹⁹And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.
He can be as honourable as he likes but you can bet Jacob has more than an elbow up his sleeve.
²⁰And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
²¹These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
Knowing what the women of this family look like I gather the fashion for veils has taken off.
²²Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.
Perhaps this is really what the phrase "leave a tip " really means.
²³Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
²⁴And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
²⁵And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.

²⁶And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
²⁷The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
Dirty bastards. Snuff sex now and yet sadly no video. So no money to be made there.
²⁸They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
Aside from the looting and pillaging of course.
²⁹And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
And you think you have problem neighbours.
³⁰And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
But has not two of this "few in number" just wiped out the adult male population of a whole city ?
³¹And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?
Did anyone mention payment ?

Genesis 33

Genesis 33

¹And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids.
²And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost.
With bravery like this you'd have thought he was french.
³And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.
Duck and cover ?
⁴And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.
Kiss and make up girls, just watch out for that knife coming at your backs.
Has he washed or is he snogging his brother with dried god cum in his beard ?
⁵And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who are those with thee? And he said, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.
⁶Then the handmaidens came near, they and their children, and they bowed themselves.
⁷And Leah also with her children came near, and bowed themselves: and after came Joseph near and Rachel, and they bowed themselves.
⁸And he said, What meanest thou by all this drove which I met? And he said, These are to find grace in the sight of my lord.
⁹And Esau said, I have enough, my brother; keep that thou hast unto thyself.
Whose son is he ? He's not come from Abrams line for sure.
¹⁰And Jacob said, Nay, I pray thee, if now I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand: for therefore I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.
¹¹Take, I pray thee, my blessing that is brought to thee; because God hath dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. And he urged him, and he took it.
All night long......cue Rainbow.
¹²And he said, Let us take our journey, and let us go, and I will go before thee.
¹³And he said unto him, My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.
Are we getting into cannibalism now?
¹⁴Let my lord, I pray thee, pass over before his servant: and I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children be able to endure, until I come unto my lord unto Seir.
¹⁵And Esau said, Let me now leave with thee some of the folk that are with me. And he said, What needeth it? let me find grace in the sight of my lord.
I thought Noah got that damn dog out of gods eye?
¹⁶So Esau returned that day on his way unto Seir.
And Jacob showing trust in his brother fucks off to a different place. Going against god,s orders, perhaps the sex wasn't that good after all.
¹⁷And Jacob journeyed to Succoth, and built him an house, and made booths for his cattle: therefore the name of the place is called Succoth.
¹⁸And Jacob came to Shalem, a city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Padanaram; and pitched his tent before the city.
Only a true grandson of Abram would do that, build himself a house then go and live in a tent outside a city.
¹⁹And he bought a parcel of a field, where he had spread his tent, at the hand of the children of Hamor, Shechem's father, for an hundred pieces of money.
²⁰And he erected there an altar, and called it EleloheIsrael.
Erected yet another Lingam

Genesis 32

Genesis 32

¹And Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him.
²And when Jacob saw them, he said, This is God's host: and he called the name of that place Mahanaim.
³And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother unto the land of Seir, the country of Edom.

⁴And he commanded them, saying, Thus shall ye speak unto my lord Esau; Thy servant Jacob saith thus, I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed there until now:
Are these "messengers/angels of god the winged ones fluttering down from heaven with divine campness or are they messengers from the king or Esau ?
⁵And I have oxen, and asses, flocks, and menservants, and womenservants: and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find grace in thy sight.
⁶And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.
⁷Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed: and he divided the people that was with him, and the flocks, and herds, and the camels, into two bands;
That's showing faith in the almighty , the one that is all knowing all seeing all powerful that has gone on record as having a covenant to guarantee a good life etc.
One thing I have noticed the god here doesn't promise this mythical afterlife we get told about as the collection plate is getting handed round today. Has god changed his mind or is somebody taxing the gullible ?
⁸And said, If Esau come to the one company, and smite it, then the other company which is left shall escape.
⁹And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:
¹⁰I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.
Deep Purple and Whitesnake.
¹¹Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.
Again he seem's to be more afraid of Esau than the fear demanding deity.
¹²And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.
Yup ! He's shitting a brick.
¹³And he lodged there that same night; and took of that which came to his hand a present for Esau his brother;
¹⁴Two hundred she goats, and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes, and twenty rams,
¹⁵Thirty milch camels with their colts, forty kine, and ten bulls, twenty she asses, and ten foals.
I don't get how this works.
Jacob is gonna give Easau some of his shit hoping Esau won't kill him and take all of his shit. Knowing full well that Esau probably has not only not forgiven him for stealing his father's blessing but stewed about it for the last twenty years. So even if they do kiss and make up.......
¹⁶And he delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by themselves; and said unto his servants, Pass over before me, and put a space betwixt drove and drove.
¹⁷And he commanded the foremost, saying, When Esau my brother meeteth thee, and asketh thee, saying, Whose art thou? and whither goest thou? and whose are these before thee?
¹⁸Then thou shalt say, They be thy servant Jacob's; it is a present sent unto my lord Esau: and, behold, also he is behind us.
Where else would you expect a double dealing coward to be ?
¹⁹And so commanded he the second, and the third, and all that followed the droves, saying, On this manner shall ye speak unto Esau, when ye find him.
²⁰And say ye moreover, Behold, thy servant Jacob is behind us. For he said, I will appease him with the present that goeth before me, and afterward I will see his face; peradventure he will accept of me.
²¹So went the present over before him: and himself lodged that night in the company.
²²And he rose up that night, and took his two wives, and his two womenservants, and his eleven sons, and passed over the ford Jabbok.
ford Jabbok is that some kind of camel powered coupe.
²³And he took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had.
²⁴And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
²⁵And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
That's gotta be some real rough sex.
²⁶And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

So the all knowing almighty arsehole asks

²⁷And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
So tell me again what is wrong with same sex relationships, because theres only one reason that two guys are going to wrestle all night, and it aint for the love of god.Unless god is well oiled and has a hard on the size of Massachusetts. (Will the Bee Gees ever sound the same?)
²⁸And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

Which I have on good authority means ..........

.........swings both ways.

²⁹And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
³⁰And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
³¹And as he passed over Peniel the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.
Peniel ?
³²Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank.
Peniel ? Certainly that's the only "sinew" I know of that shrinks after use.
Yup, No gay sex, not now not ever.........
So why do I see it actively encouraged ?

Genesis 31

Genesis 31

¹And he heard the words of Laban's sons, saying, Jacob hath taken away all that was our father's; and of that which was our father's hath he gotten all this glory.
²And Jacob beheld the countenance of Laban, and, behold, it was not toward him as before.
No shit Sherlock. Laban has just found out his friend and son in law has ripped off his livelihood.
³And the LORD said unto Jacob, Return unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and I will be with thee.
So god is supporting the actions of a thief......
Relieving the gullible of funds I wonder where that transposes to modern society.
⁴And Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah to the field unto his flock,
⁵And said unto them, I see your father's countenance, that it is not toward me as before; but the God of my father hath been with me.
⁶And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.
⁷And your father hath deceived me, and changed my wages ten times; but God suffered him not to hurt me.
10 times ? Once maybe.
⁸If he said thus, The speckled shall be thy wages; then all the cattle bare speckled: and if he said thus, The ringstraked shall be thy hire; then bare all the cattle ringstraked.
⁹Thus God hath taken away the cattle of your father, and given them to me.
Nothing to do with the selective poisoning/mutation/witchcraft or whatever you want to call the ritual with the tree sap from the last chapter.
That or god is a liar and a thief.
¹⁰And it came to pass at the time that the cattle conceived, that I lifted up mine eyes, and saw in a dream, and, behold, the rams which leaped upon the cattle were ringstraked, speckled, and grisled.
Joseph is definately a liar. Perhaps he also lies about talking to god ?
¹¹And the angel of God spake unto me in a dream, saying, Jacob: And I said, Here am I.
In a dream who would have thought it must have been witnessed by oh, nobody.
¹²And he said, Lift up now thine eyes, and see, all the rams which leap upon the cattle are ringstraked, speckled, and grisled: for I have seen all that Laban doeth unto thee.
The god of Adam would have sided with Laban surely, as the precedent he already showed with Cain and Able.
¹³I am the God of Bethel, where thou anointedst the pillar, and where thou vowedst a vow unto me: now arise, get thee out from this land, and return unto the land of thy kindred.
So it's a different God the one that he raised the Lingam to.
¹⁴And Rachel and Leah answered and said unto him, Is there yet any portion or inheritance for us in our father's house?
What ? Women having rights to their father's estate when they have brothers.
¹⁵Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money.
Women slaves at that.
¹⁶For all the riches which God hath taken from our father, that is ours, and our children's: now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do.
¹⁷Then Jacob rose up, and set his sons and his wives upon camels;
¹⁸And he carried away all his cattle, and all his goods which he had gotten, the cattle of his getting, which he had gotten in Padanaram, for to go to Isaac his father in the land of Canaan.
¹⁹And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that were her father's.
Images being "household gods"
²⁰And Jacob stole away unawares to Laban the Syrian, in that he told him not that he fled.
²¹So he fled with all that he had; and he rose up, and passed over the river, and set his face toward the mount Gilead.
²²And it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob was fled.
See kiddies how would you like that ? No mobiles.
²³And he took his brethren with him, and pursued after him seven days' journey; and they overtook him in the mount Gilead.
²⁴And God came to Laban the Syrian in a dream by night, and said unto him, Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.
Another dream, must be true.
²⁵Then Laban overtook Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the mount: and Laban with his brethren pitched in the mount of Gilead.
²⁶And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with the sword ?
Were they not sold and paid for done dusted and well used. (by more than their owner/husband worthless to anyone else, soiled goods)
²⁷Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and with songs, with tabret, and with harp?
²⁸And hast not suffered me to kiss my sons and my daughters? thou hast now done foolishly in so doing.
Fair points, nothing so far has suggested otherwise.
²⁹It is in the power of my hand to do you hurt: but the God of your father spake unto me yesternight, saying, Take thou heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.
³⁰And now, though thou wouldest needs be gone, because thou sore longedst after thy father's house, yet wherefore hast thou stolen my gods?
Now the crux of the matter he cares not about his daughters let alone their handmaids or his grandsons but about his lost household gods. I fucking hate this family, this alone should prove the nonexistance of a benevolent god.
Why ?I hear you ask.
Because if a god was truly benevolent he would have practised his accuracy with lightning bolts at these arseholes they all deserve to die. Painfully slowly and with malice. They have no concepts of love, loyalty or charity if I was to lower myself and become god I would go biblical on the whole family tree, you can't help wonder how much better off the world would be without their genes contaminating the genepool.
³¹And Jacob answered and said to Laban, Because I was afraid: for I said, Peradventure thou wouldest take by force thy daughters from me.
Bullshit.
³²With whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not that Rachel had stolen them.
Yes right. Jacobs slave bitch thinking for herself ,I am sure he would have allowed that.
³³And Laban went into Jacob's tent, and into Leah's tent, and into the two maidservants' tents; but he found them not. Then went he out of Leah's tent, and entered into Rachel's tent.
³⁴Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not.
³⁵And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched but found not the images.
So the bleeding cunts cunt was bleeding.
³⁶And Jacob was wroth, and chode with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me?
³⁷Whereas thou hast searched all my stuff, what hast thou found of all thy household stuff? set it here before my brethren and thy brethren, that they may judge betwixt us both.
³⁸This twenty years have I been with thee; thy ewes and thy she goats have not cast their young, and the rams of thy flock have I not eaten.
³⁹That which was torn of beasts I brought not unto thee; I bare the loss of it; of my hand didst thou require it, whether stolen by day, or stolen by night.
⁴⁰Thus I was; in the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night; and my sleep departed from mine eyes.
⁴¹Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times.
⁴²Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.
⁴³And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born?
⁴⁴Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee.
⁴⁵And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar.

⁴⁶And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap.
⁴⁷And Laban called it Jegarsahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed.
⁴⁸And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed;
More substantial than a dream.
⁴⁹And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.
⁵⁰If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.
⁵¹And Laban said to Jacob, Behold this heap, and behold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee:
⁵²This heap be witness, and this pillar be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to thee, and that thou shalt not pass over this heap and this pillar unto me, for harm.
So did Jacob worship Shiva ?
⁵³The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge betwixt us. And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac.
⁵⁴Then Jacob offered sacrifice upon the mount, and called his brethren to eat bread: and they did eat bread, and tarried all night in the mount.
⁵⁵And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them: and Laban departed, and returned unto his place.

Genesis 30

Genesis 30

¹And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
She should have took a trip to the temple. Got laid by a real man.
²And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
Just like his father and grandfather blame anyone else but his seedless semen.
³And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.
⁴And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.
Mind you it got him a ride on the maid.
⁵And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.
⁶And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.
⁷And Bilhah Rachel's maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.
⁸And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.
⁹When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.
¹⁰And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a son.
¹¹And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.
What she shagged the Troops ?
¹²And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a second son.
¹³And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.
¹⁴And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.
¹⁵And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.
Just a Gigolo and no mention of Dave le Roth, blasphemy.
¹⁶And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.
What's the betting she was already pregnant, and needed to go through the motions with jacob before she started to show.
¹⁷And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.
¹⁸And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.
¹⁹And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.
²⁰And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.
²¹And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.
²²And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
The old twat is forgetting again when does this all knowing god appear so far he has more in common with Professor Brainard than the omniscient diety we keep getting told about.
²³And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:
He probably forgot where he put it.
²⁴And she called his name Joseph; and said, The LORD shall add to me another son.
That's a well notched bedpost.
²⁵And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.
²⁶Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.
²⁷And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the LORD hath blessed me for thy sake.
²⁸And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.
²⁹And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.
Thats not nice calling Labans Daughters cows.
³⁰For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?
³¹And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.
³²I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.
³³So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.
³⁴And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.
C'mon Laban you must know your about to get fucked over. Think man you can't trust them.
³⁵And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.
³⁶And he set three days' journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.
Over 14 years being treated as a son. Would you do this to Laban ?
³⁷And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.
³⁸And he set the rods which he had piled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
Of course its gods loyalty he's showing.
³⁹And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.
⁴⁰And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban's cattle.
There,s enough witchcraft in this story to satisfy Aliester Crowley (cue Ozzy Osbourne)
⁴¹And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.
⁴²But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's.
You gotta love this family is there no bounds to how low they will stoop.

I don't know the science of this but it sounds suspiciously like genetic manipulation one of the paps new deadly sins.
⁴³And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.

Genesis 29

<sup>Genesis 29


1</sup>Then Jacob went on his journey, and came into the land of the people of the east.
And like any horny young lad he made straight for the local watering hole.
²And he looked, and behold a well in the field, and, lo, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks: and a great stone was upon the well's mouth.
³And thither were all the flocks gathered: and they rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the sheep, and put the stone again upon the well's mouth in his place.
⁴And Jacob said unto them, My brethren, whence be ye? And they said, Of Haran are we.
⁵And he said unto them, Know ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, We know him.Laban the son of Nahor? WTF. Were we not just told Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian ? Either this translator was crap or some scribe is full of shit !
⁶And he said unto them, Is he well? And they said, He is well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.
Like a badly scripted soap opera isn't it

⁷And he said, Lo, it is yet high day, neither is it time that the cattle should be gathered together: water ye the sheep, and go and feed them.
⁸And they said, We cannot, until all the flocks be gathered together, and till they roll the stone from the well's mouth; then we water the sheep.
⁹And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep; for she kept them.
¹⁰And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.
¹¹And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.
Hey steady on there boy she's not one of your goats. Talking first, a bit of conversation, woo her not just grab her arse and stick your tongue down her throat.
¹²And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's brother, and that he was Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father.
I am beginning to wonder whether some scribe at some time with failing eyesight and failing memory had lost his place and just started writing again when he found a word he recognised because again we have too much coincidence.
¹³And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things.
¹⁴And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month.
¹⁵And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?
¹⁶And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
¹⁷Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.
¹⁸And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.
She was taller than a goat,
Less hairy than a goat,
but smelt about the same nonetheless .
¹⁹And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.
²⁰And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
Jacob should have brought the servant that acquired his mother, He certainly isn'tany good at bargaining.Or perhaps he didn't bring him for that reason.
²¹And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.
²²And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.
²³And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
²⁴And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.
²⁵And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
Jacob listen, conversation first, wooing , foreplay, do not just slam in the lamb as if she was a goat.I know you've been waiting seven years but at least have enough respect to ask"with whom am I haveing the pleasure.
²⁶And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.
So jacobs been doing whatever he's been doing for Laban for seven years and he palms him of with the ugly one. How do I know she is ugly ? Because she hasn't been palmed off on anyone else in seven years.
²⁷Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
²⁸And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.
²⁹And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid.
³⁰And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.
³¹And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.
Or because Jacob was rogering Rachel repetitively Leah was selling her wares down at the Temple.
³²And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.
As I pointed out earlier a Temple prostitution pregnancy was seen as a gift from god.
³³And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon.
³⁴And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi.³⁵And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.

Sudden stop there is there a page missing ? Did the scribe suffer a heart attack ?
She left bearing what?

Genesis 28

Genesis 28

¹And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, -
Blessed him! Blessed him ? After the con job he's just done on his father and brother.
- , Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
²Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughers of Laban thy mother's brother.
I dunno they must be falling a bit far from the tree now or are Canaanite women just downright ugly or perhaps as is more like, the Canaanites are a bit more picky on who they will marry. Given the reputation of Abraham's family I wouldn't want my daughters anywhere near them.
Is Padanaram ancient Hebrew for Royston Vasey ?
³And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people;
You can cut off the extra toes as necessary, try and ignore the gills, and the tendancy for the red colour on their necks.
⁴And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.
⁵And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padanaram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob's and Esau's mother.
⁶When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan;
⁷And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;
⁸And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;
⁹Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham's son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.

¹⁰And Jacob went out from Beersheba, and went toward Haran.
¹¹And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.
¹²And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.

So much has been made of this dream, but that's all it was . A dream.

Picture this, A young boy asking questions about the "big city" .It being described to the boy and he is told about a big tower with steps reaching up to heaven, which "angels" use. Some years later that same boy is headed toward the city and in his slumber his dreams build a distorted but glorious "vision" of that scene. Who has not done a similar thing when excited about a forthcoming event ?
Especially when you know you are going to get laid at the end of it.....
......With something other than a goat.

¹³And, behold, the LORD stood above it, and said, I am the LORD God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;
¹⁴And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
¹⁵And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.
¹⁶And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not.

This family sure does have a problem separating fantasy and fact.

¹⁷And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.
¹⁸And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it.

Umm ?

¹⁹And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first.

Was it not called Bethel when Abram left for Egypt the first time ?

²⁰And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on,
²¹So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God:
²²And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee.

How do you think Jacob would do here ?