I don't think we a talking a brazilian here! But seriously long war? We have just been told that Ishbosheth reigned for only two years. As wars go it, must surely be classed as a fairly short one.
2And unto David were sons born in Hebron: and his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess;
He couldn't have been that busy warring. Mind you with the reputation of his predessesors as lovers taken into consideration perhaps he didn't lose much time from the fighting.
3And his second, Chileab, of Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur;
4And the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital;
5And the sixth, Ithream, by Eglah David's wife. These were born to David in Hebron.
Six wives to take Johnathons place, I wonder whether any resembled him?
6And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul.
7And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine?
The only reason I can think of as to why he should be bothered is he wanted too, unlucky should have been quicker, or maybe nicer and probably better looking.
8Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do shew kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?
I think Issy shouldn't have asked, jealously aside, why do people make judgements of other peoples sex life?
9So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him;
The NLT puts that line this way
11And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.
Now I wouldn't have thought that you would ask someone you feared questions like Who the fuck do you think you are? Fuckin Dad's bird before he's cold. Then again, if you are offendd by such a question, surely a smack in the mouth would be the normal response.
I see that is the answer to my question " Normal" These are not only Israelites sorting out petty sqabbles but royalty and upper class. To satisfy thier ego's they will make thousands of innocent and not so well off people, kill each other.
12And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.
13And he said, Well; I will make a league with thee: but one thing I require of thee, that is, Thou shalt not see my face, except thou first bring Michal Saul's daughter, when thou comest to see my face.
14And David sent messengers to Ishbosheth Saul's son, saying, Deliver me my wife Michal, which I espoused to me for an hundred foreskins of the Philistines.
I'll bet she looked like her brother, infact I reckon on a moonlit night bent over a sleeping camel you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. Well, once she got worn in as well as Johnathen had been.
15And Ishbosheth sent, and took her from her husband, even from Phaltiel the son of Laish.
16And her husband went with her along weeping behind her to Bahurim. Then said Abner unto him, Go, return. And he returned.
Must have been because the price paid was not enought to get him a younger better looking model.
17And Abner had communication with the elders of Israel, saying, Ye sought for David in times past to be king over you:
18Now then do it: for the LORD hath spoken of David, saying, By the hand of my servant David I will save my people Israel out of the hand of the Philistines, and out of the hand of all their enemies.
19And Abner also spake in the ears of Benjamin: and Abner went also to speak in the ears of David in Hebron all that seemed good to Israel, and that seemed good to the whole house of Benjamin.
20So Abner came to David to Hebron, and twenty men with him. And David made Abner and the men that were with him a feast.
21And Abner said unto David, I will arise and go, and will gather all Israel unto my lord the king, that they may make a league with thee, and that thou mayest reign over all that thine heart desireth. And David sent Abner away; and he went in peace.
22And, behold, the servants of David and Joab came from pursuing a troop, and brought in a great spoil with them: but Abner was not with David in Hebron; for he had sent him away, and he was gone in peace.
23When Joab and all the host that was with him were come, they told Joab, saying, Abner the son of Ner came to the king, and he hath sent him away, and he is gone in peace.
24Then Joab came to the king, and said, What hast thou done? behold, Abner came unto thee; why is it that thou hast sent him away, and he is quite gone?
25Thou knowest Abner the son of Ner, that he came to deceive thee, and to know thy going out and thy coming in, and to know all that thou doest.
26And when Joab was come out from David, he sent messengers after Abner, which brought him again from the well of Sirah: but David knew it not.
27And when Abner was returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside in the gate to speak with him quietly, and smote him there under the fifth rib, that he died, for the blood of Asahel his brother.
28And afterward when David heard it, he said, I and my kingdom are guiltless before the LORD for ever from the blood of Abner the son of Ner:
29Let it rest on the head of Joab, and on all his father's house; and let there not fail from the house of Joab one that hath an issue, or that is a leper, or that leaneth on a staff, or that falleth on the sword, or that lacketh bread.
So although Joab got wrongful but understanderble revenge on his brother's killer, he and his fathers family a cursed forever. Now while I understand that from David's point of veiw it could jepordise some if not all of the alliences he and Joab had discussed surely then jumping back a generation is overkill. Sorry I forgot who I was talking about. On second thoughts admire David for showing more restraint than his ancestors.
30So Joab, and Abishai his brother slew Abner, because he had slain their brother Asahel at Gibeon in the battle.
Bier means a kind of hand cart, but now equates to what we would now call a hearse
32And they buried Abner in Hebron: and the king lifted up his voice, and wept at the grave of Abner; and all the people wept.
33And the king lamented over Abner, and said, Died Abner as a fool dieth?
34Thy hands were not bound, nor thy feet put into fetters: as a man falleth before wicked men, so fellest thou. And all the people wept again over him.
35And when all the people came to cause David to eat meat while it was yet day, David sware, saying, So do God to me, and more also, if I taste bread, or ought else, till the sun be down.
36And all the people took notice of it, and it pleased them: as whatsoever the king did pleased all the people.
37For all the people and all Israel understood that day that it was not of the king to slay Abner the son of Ner.
38And the king said unto his servants, Know ye not that there is a prince and a great man fallen this day in Israel?
39And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me: the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness.