Happy new year to you all.
1And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire;
2And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way.
That makes the Amalakites relative humanitarians, they even kept the fat birds alive.
3So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives.
4Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep.
5And David's two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite.
6And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.
Sureley not the time to be masturbating?
7And David said to Abiathar the priest, Ahimelech's son, I pray thee, bring me hither the ephod. And Abiathar brought thither the ephod to David.
At least if he uses the ephod he will not make a mess(An ephod is the ritual apron used when sacrificing and otherwise kissing de lards arse)
8And David enquired at the LORD, saying, Shall I pursue after this troop? shall I overtake them? And he answered him, Pursue: for thou shalt surely overtake them, and without fail recover all.
9So David went, he and the six hundred men that were with him, and came to the brook Besor, where those that were left behind stayed.
10But David pursued, he and four hundred men: for two hundred abode behind, which were so faint that they could not go over the brook Besor.
Two hundred or one third of his supposed battle hardened men are too "faint" to cross a brooke to go rescue thier loved ones.
Fucking cowards. I would risk death for my freinds let alone my family.
11And they found an Egyptian in the field, and brought him to David, and gave him bread, and he did eat; and they made him drink water;
12And they gave him a piece of a cake of figs, and two clusters of raisins: and when he had eaten, his spirit came again to him: for he had eaten no bread, nor drunk any water, three days and three nights.
After three days without they gave him bread ad made him drink water ?
I would have thought untill he had water he would have been unable to eat and I doubt they would have had much trouble making him drink.Keeping it down may have been a problem initially but drinking sureley not!
13And David said unto him, To whom belongest thou? and whence art thou? And he said, I am a young man of Egypt, servant to an Amalekite; and my master left me, because three days agone I fell sick.
14We made an invasion upon the south of the Cherethites, and upon the coast which belongeth to Judah, and upon the south of Caleb; and we burned Ziklag with fire.
15And David said to him, Canst thou bring me down to this company? And he said, Swear unto me by God, that thou wilt neither kill me, nor deliver me into the hands of my master, and I will bring thee down to this company.
I would have thought if he wanted some one to swear it would be gods plural or a named diety.
16And when he had brought him down, behold, they were spread abroad upon all the earth, eating and drinking, and dancing, because of all the great spoil that they had taken out of the land of the Philistines, and out of the land of Judah.
17And David smote them from the twilight even unto the evening of the next day: and there escaped not a man of them, save four hundred young men, which rode upon camels, and fled.
It seems the Isralites scribes are suffering from discalculia again.
18And David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away: and David rescued his two wives.
19And there was nothing lacking to them, neither small nor great, neither sons nor daughters, neither spoil, nor any thing that they had taken to them: David recovered all.
20And David took all the flocks and the herds, which they drave before those other cattle, and said, This is David's spoil.
21And David came to the two hundred men, which were so faint that they could not follow David, whom they had made also to abide at the brook Besor: and they went forth to meet David, and to meet the people that were with him: and when David came near to the people, he saluted them.
22Then answered all the wicked men and men of Belial, of those that went with David, and said, Because they went not with us, we will not give them ought of the spoil that we have recovered, save to every man his wife and his children, that they may lead them away, and depart.
23Then said David, Ye shall not do so, my brethren, with that which the LORD hath given us, who hath preserved us, and delivered the company that came against us into our hand.
Of course it must be de lards work, nothing to do with the efforts of the Israelites to get thier property back and no mention of the Egyptian slave that led them to do this.
24For who will hearken unto you in this matter? but as his part is that goeth down to the battle, so shall his part be that tarrieth by the stuff: they shall part alike.
25And it was so from that day forward, that he made it a statute and an ordinance for Israel unto this day.
Didn't Moses already do that?
26And when David came to Ziklag, he sent of the spoil unto the elders of Judah, even to his friends, saying, Behold a present for you of the spoil of the enemies of the LORD;
27To them which were in Bethel, and to them which were in south Ramoth, and to them which were in Jattir,
28And to them which were in Aroer, and to them which were in Siphmoth, and to them which were in Eshtemoa,
29And to them which were in Rachal, and to them which were in the cities of the Jerahmeelites, and to them which were in the cities of the Kenites,
30And to them which were in Hormah, and to them which were in Chorashan, and to them which were in Athach,
31And to them which were in Hebron, and to all the places where David himself and his men were wont to haunt.
The NLT puts verse 27 0nwards as
27 The gifts were sent to the people of the following towns David had visited: Bethel, Ramoth-negev, Jattir, 28 Aroer, Siphmoth, Eshtemoa, 29 Racal,[a] the towns of the Jerahmeelites, the towns of the Kenites, 30 Hormah, Bor-ashan, Athach, 31 Hebron, and all the other places David and his men had visited
The greek version has Carmel insted of Racal