Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Judges 15

1But it came to pass within a while after, in the time of wheat harvest, that Samson visited his wife with a kid; and he said, I will go in to my wife into the chamber. But her father would not suffer him to go in.

2And her father said, I verily thought that thou hadst utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to thy companion: is not her younger sister fairer than she? take her, I pray thee, instead of her.

Is this an example of the sanctity of "holy marriage" the so called religious right are always professing when slagging off gay marriage ?

3And Samson said concerning them, Now shall I be more blameless than the Philistines, though I do them a displeasure.

4And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails.

Three hundred foxes ? Surely by the time he had trapped three hundred the first he caught would have died from old age ? Unless they were sparten foxes but they would have died before capture

5And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards and olives.

How words change in meaning ....A fox with a hot tail means something different now.

6Then the Philistines said, Who hath done this? And they answered, Samson, the son in law of the Timnite, because he had taken his wife, and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.


7And Samson said unto them, Though ye have done this, yet will I be avenged of you, and after that I will cease.

Eh ?

8And he smote them hip and thigh with a great slaughter: and he went down and dwelt in the top of the rock Etam.

9Then the Philistines went up, and pitched in Judah, and spread themselves in Lehi.

10And the men of Judah said, Why are ye come up against us? And they answered, To bind Samson are we come up, to do to him as he hath done to us.

11Then three thousand men of Judah went to the top of the rock Etam, and said to Samson, Knowest thou not that the Philistines are rulers over us? what is this that thou hast done unto us? And he said unto them, As they did unto me, so have I done unto them.

12And they said unto him, We are come down to bind thee, that we may deliver thee into the hand of the Philistines. And Samson said unto them, Swear unto me, that ye will not fall upon me yourselves.

13And they spake unto him, saying, No; but we will bind thee fast, and deliver thee into their hand: but surely we will not kill thee. And they bound him with two new cords, and brought him up from the rock.

14And when he came unto Lehi, the Philistines shouted against him: and the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and the cords that were upon his arms became as flax that was burnt with fire, and his bands loosed from off his hands.

15And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith.

16And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.

Would "A jaw of an ass" be a way of writing bullshit the same way "son of god" meant bastard ?

17And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking, that he cast away the jawbone out of his hand, and called that place Ramathlehi.

Ramathlehi apparently meaning ..height of an ass in turn possibly meaning complete bullshit ?

18And he was sore athirst, and called on the LORD, and said, Thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst, and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised?

19But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw, and there came water thereout; and when he had drunk, his spirit came again, and he revived: wherefore he called the name thereof Enhakkore, which is in Lehi unto this day.

20And he judged Israel in the days of the Philistines twenty years.

And now nothing to do with the story of samson just too good not to post
as usual click on pic for vid

Friday, 9 April 2010

Judges 14

1And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.

2And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.

In my day all I wanted was a Motorbike, I suppose now it would be a ps2 or a wii.

3Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.

4But his father and his mother knew not that it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines: for at that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel.

5Then went Samson down, and his father and his mother, to Timnath, and came to the vineyards of Timnath: and, behold, a young lion roared against him.

In all the tellings of this tale the word "young" has never been pointed out

6And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid, and he had nothing in his hand: but he told not his father or his mother what he had done.

A teenage boy kills a lion with his bare hands and does not brag....There are only two reasons teenage boys do not brag about something; first it would embarrass them; second it would get them into trouble

7And he went down, and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well.

8And after a time he returned to take her, and he turned aside to see the carcase of the lion: and, behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcase of the lion.

How long ? For it to be long enough for the bees to have built a hive to that degree there could not have been much of the corpse left...especially for such a small kitty kat.

9And he took thereof in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother, and he gave them, and they did eat: but he told not them that he had taken the honey out of the carcase of the lion.

10So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do.

11And it came to pass, when they saw him, that they brought thirty companions to be with him.

12And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the seven days of the feast, and find it out, then I will give you thirty sheets and thirty change of garments:

Why all this "thirty" I would have expected fourty , perhaps this tale is borrowed from somewhere else

13But if ye cannot declare it me, then shall ye give me thirty sheets and thirty change of garments. And they said unto him, Put forth thy riddle, that we may hear it.

14And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness. And they could not in three days expound the riddle.

Is that really a riddle ?......a dictionary definition is as follows...

a question or statement so framed as to exercise one's ingenuity in answering it or discovering its meaning; conundrum.

15And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they said unto Samson's wife, Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father's house with fire: have ye called us to take that we have? is it not so?

Ah they are phillistines they follow a different set of rules

Ah here it is Bollocks 13 :13 And if thy neighbour doth confound thee. Thy must take his wife and in-laws and burn them with fire until one or all of them the beans doth spilleth.

16And Samson's wife wept before him, and said, Thou dost but hate me, and lovest me not: thou hast put forth a riddle unto the children of my people, and hast not told it me. And he said unto her, Behold, I have not told it my father nor my mother, and shall I tell it thee?

17And she wept before him the seven days, while their feast lasted: and it came to pass on the seventh day, that he told her, because she lay sore upon him: and she told the riddle to the children of her people.

18And the men of the city said unto him on the seventh day before the sun went down, What is sweeter than honey? And what is stronger than a lion? and he said unto them, If ye had not ploughed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle.

Samson seems to have taken after his stepfather rather than his real father with his ability to keep their women satisfied. I doubt they were but does anyone know if steroids were available back then?

19And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father's house.

20But Samson's wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.

Are we talking wife swapping or just passed on like a second hand car and are we saying samson swung both ways?

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Judges 13

And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD delivered them into the hand of the Philistines forty years.

2And there was a certain man of Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren, and bare not.

After all ,it would be totally inconceivable(no pun intended) that Manoah was sexually dysfunctional in any way. Or even the merest suggestion that he might bat for the other side.

3And the angel of the LORD appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, Behold now, thou art barren, and bearest not: but thou shalt conceive, and bear a son.

4Now therefore beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing:

5For, lo, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines.

6Then the woman came and told her husband, saying, A man of God came unto me, and his countenance was like the countenance of an angel of God, very terrible: but I asked him not whence he was, neither told he me his name:

A likely story.........Any divorce lawyer today would be jumping up and down with glee.

7But he said unto me, Behold, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and now drink no wine nor strong drink, neither eat any unclean thing: for the child shall be a Nazarite to God from the womb to the day of his death.

8Then Manoah intreated the LORD, and said, O my Lord, let the man of God which thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born.

9And God hearkened to the voice of Manoah; and the angel of God came again unto the woman as she sat in the field: but Manoah her husband was not with her.

10And the woman made haste, and ran, and shewed her husband, and said unto him, Behold, the man hath appeared unto me, that came unto me the other day.

This reads to me like a tale of cuckolding. We have a sexually dysfunctional male and a woman that needs, wants, and so it seems gets a damn good seeing to.

11And Manoah arose, and went after his wife, and came to the man, and said unto him, Art thou the man that spakest unto the woman? And he said, I am.

12And Manoah said, Now let thy words come to pass. How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?

With fries and a side please!

13And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Of all that I said unto the woman let her beware.

14She may not eat of any thing that cometh of the vine, neither let her drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing: all that I commanded her let her observe.

Strange ! Seems to be a muslim attitude.

15And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, I pray thee, let us detain thee, until we shall have made ready a kid for thee.

16And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Though thou detain me, I will not eat of thy bread: and if thou wilt offer a burnt offering, thou must offer it unto the LORD. For Manoah knew not that he was an angel of the LORD.

Perhaps the whole "please fuck my wife" scenario left a foul taste in his mouth.

17And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, What is thy name, that when thy sayings come to pass we may do thee honour?

18And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret?

Or like many modern singles networks(so I am told) he wanted to remain anonymous.

19So Manoah took a kid with a meat offering, and offered it upon a rock unto the LORD: and the angel did wonderously; and Manoah and his wife looked on.

I am sure that's another line that catholic priests misunderstand

20For it came to pass, when the flame went up toward heaven from off the altar, that the angel of the LORD ascended in the flame of the altar. And Manoah and his wife looked on it, and fell on their faces to the ground.

So de lard beamed the kid and the lover up or did they just make it up so he could cover his impotence or homosexuality and she could cover that rosy glow of the "I've just had a damn good rogering"look

21But the angel of the LORD did no more appear to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD.

So the passing stranger moved on....It would be totally wrong to suggest that "Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD. " Means in any way that Manoah in a fit of jealousy killed him

22And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God.

Just as it would be to suggest that means in any way that Manoa sat watching and beating his strangely aroused member.

23But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these.

24And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him.

25And the Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times in the camp of Dan between

I had not realised before how many elements in this conception myth are repeated in some other story I may have heard somewhere....

.................Maybe not the immaculate conception but by this account pretty damn good