Monday, 1 November 2010

1 Samuel 11

1Then Nahash the Ammonite came up, and encamped against Jabeshgilead: and all the men of Jabesh said unto Nahash, Make a covenant with us, and we will serve thee.

Did they or would they have given the Midianites and Canaanites the same consideration when they were on their rampage?

2And Nahash the Ammonite answered them, On this condition will I make a covenant with you, that I may thrust out all your right eyes, and lay it for a reproach upon all Israel.

Seems a bit harsh at first but considering the catalogue of war crimes committed by them, I think that can be regarded as getting off lightly.

3And the elders of Jabesh said unto him, Give us seven days' respite, that we may send messengers unto all the coasts of Israel: and then, if there be no man to save us, we will come out to thee.

Why am I thinking that the Ammonites( could they be Egyptians?)would be better off giving the Israelites a taste of their own medicine and killing every living thing ?

4Then came the messengers to Gibeah of Saul, and told the tidings in the ears of the people: and all the people lifted up their voices, and wept.

5And, behold, Saul came after the herd out of the field; and Saul said, What aileth the people that they weep? And they told him the tidings of the men of Jabesh.

6And the Spirit of God came upon Saul when he heard those tidings, and his anger was kindled greatly.

So de lards holy spirit came on Saul and he was angry? Why is it nowadays that when people apparently have the holy spirit come on them they start jumping around like twats and speaking gibberish.

7And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers, saying, Whosoever cometh not forth after Saul and after Samuel, so shall it be done unto his oxen. And the fear of the LORD fell on the people, and they came out with one consent.

There is still a lot of coming and coming out going on. But I digress, fear of de lard I don't think so. Fear of Sam's Sperm receptacle maybe but unlike Sam I don't think de lard came into it.

8And when he numbered them in Bezek, the children of Israel were three hundred thousand, and the men of Judah thirty thousand.

9And they said unto the messengers that came, Thus shall ye say unto the men of Jabeshgilead, To morrow, by that time the sun be hot, ye shall have help. And the messengers came and shewed it to the men of Jabesh; and they were glad.

It seems I was right. Does that make me a prophet?

10Therefore the men of Jabesh said, To morrow we will come out unto you, and ye shall do with us all that seemeth good unto you.

Does that really say that?

Quite a few years ago a well known set of children's books were censored because Noddy had gay curtains and Noddy and Big Ears slept in the same bed. Modern editions say Noddy has cheerful curtains, and of course Noddy and Big Ears no longer share the same bed.

If they can insist this is done for innocent children's books why is the same not done for this seemingly endless catalogue of crimes against humanity?

11And it was so on the morrow, that Saul put the people in three companies; and they came into the midst of the host in the morning watch, and slew the Ammonites until the heat of the day: and it came to pass, that they which remained were scattered, so that two of them were not left together.

So loving thy neighbor, not killing, being nice to strangers and repaying what you owe, not being important commandments then.

12And the people said unto Samuel, Who is he that said, Shall Saul reign over us? bring the men, that we may put them to death.

13And Saul said, There shall not a man be put to death this day: for to day the LORD hath wrought salvation in Israel.

Well, that proves the things I have been saying over the last few chapters. If Saul is not gay then neither is Elton John.

14Then said Samuel to the people, Come, and let us go to Gilgal, and renew the kingdom there.

15And all the people went to Gilgal; and there they made Saul king before the LORD in Gilgal; and there they sacrificed sacrifices of peace offerings before the LORD; and there Saul and all the men of Israel rejoiced greatly.

Yep after a long bloodthirsty battle you can't beat a long bloodthirsty line of sacrificial peace offerings can you.

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