Monday, 1 November 2010

1 Samuel 10

1Then Samuel took a vial of oil, and poured it upon his head, and kissed him, and said, Is it not because the LORD hath anointed thee to be captain over his inheritance?

Hope you are remembering this boys and girls first Samuel is full of Samuel breaking the taboos apparently laid down in Leviticus. While Saul is apparently full of Samuel.

2When thou art departed from me to day, then thou shalt find two men by Rachel's sepulchre in the border of Benjamin at Zelzah; and they will say unto thee, The asses which thou wentest to seek are found: and, lo, thy father hath left the care of the asses, and sorroweth for you, saying, What shall I do for my son?

Is that the grave of Jacob's wife?

3Then shalt thou go on forward from thence, and thou shalt come to the plain of Tabor, and there shall meet thee three men going up to God to Bethel, one carrying three kids, and another carrying three loaves of bread, and another carrying a bottle of wine:

4And they will salute thee, and give thee two loaves of bread; which thou shalt receive of their hands.

5After that thou shalt come to the hill of God, where is the garrison of the Philistines: and it shall come to pass, when thou art come thither to the city, that thou shalt meet a company of prophets coming down from the high place with a psaltery, and a tabret, and a pipe, and a harp, before them; and they shall prophesy:

6And the Spirit of the LORD will come upon thee, and thou shalt prophesy with them, and shalt be turned into another man.

7And let it be, when these signs are come unto thee, that thou do as occasion serve thee; for God is with thee.

8And thou shalt go down before me to Gilgal; and, behold, I will come down unto thee, to offer burnt offerings, and to sacrifice sacrifices of peace offerings: seven days shalt thou tarry, till I come to thee, and shew thee what thou shalt do.

9And it was so, that when he had turned his back to go from Samuel, God gave him another heart: and all those signs came to pass that day.

Cool de lard has turned him into a time lord.

10And when they came thither to the hill, behold, a company of prophets met him; and the Spirit of God came upon him, and he prophesied among them.

Is that a name for a group of prophets, like a gaggle of geese or a wunch of bankers?

11And it came to pass, when all that knew him beforetime saw that, behold, he prophesied among the prophets, then the people said one to another, What is this that is come unto the son of Kish? Is Saul also among the prophets?

No he just had Samuel cum unto him.................... several times

12And one of the same place answered and said, But who is their father? Therefore it became a proverb, Is Saul also among the prophets?

Thats twice they asked that question. As prophets go they aren't very good are they?

13And when he had made an end of prophesying, he came to the high place.

14And Saul's uncle said unto him and to his servant, Whither went ye? And he said, To seek the asses: and when we saw that they were no where, we came to Samuel.

Saul's uncle where did he come from? Not so much as an"enters stage left" and there he is.

15And Saul's uncle said, Tell me, I pray thee, what Samuel said unto you.

Uh, uh , uh,uh,uhggodddyyeessss

16And Saul said unto his uncle, He told us plainly that the asses were found. But of the matter of the kingdom, whereof Samuel spake, he told him not.

17And Samuel called the people together unto the LORD to Mizpeh;

Continuity not a big thing in scripture then

18And said unto the children of Israel, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I brought up Israel out of Egypt, and delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all kingdoms, and of them that oppressed you:

You remember that oppression, the bastard Midianites etc. Oppressing the Israelites by minding their own business, living happily and peacefully in their cities, till the Israelites came along, and with mercy and charity, graciously relieved them of the burden of living.

19And ye have this day rejected your God, who himself saved you out of all your adversities and your tribulations; and ye have said unto him, Nay, but set a king over us. Now therefore present yourselves before the LORD by your tribes, and by your thousands.

20And when Samuel had caused all the tribes of Israel to come near, the tribe of Benjamin was taken.

The whole tribe, that is some gang bang!

21When he had caused the tribe of Benjamin to come near by their families, the family of Matri was taken, and Saul the son of Kish was taken: and when they sought him, he could not be found.

So Samuel or Saul wanked off the whole tribe of Benjamin, Must have been Saul he has probably gone for a lie down. He would need a rest after that. What is hebrew for bukkake?

22Therefore they enquired of the LORD further, if the man should yet come thither. And the LORD answered, Behold he hath hid himself among the stuff.

I repeat What is hebrew for bukkake?

23And they ran and fetched him thence: and when he stood among the people, he was higher than any of the people from his shoulders and upward.

24And Samuel said to all the people, See ye him whom the LORD hath chosen, that there is none like him among all the people? And all the people shouted, and said, God save the king.

Has de lard transported every one to England?

25Then Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and wrote it in a book, and laid it up before the LORD. And Samuel sent all the people away, every man to his house.

Did they have books then? I thought it was all scrolls, complete and utter scrolls.

26And Saul also went home to Gibeah; and there went with him a band of men, whose hearts God had touched.

Hearts? Would that be like Captain Beefheart?

27But the children of Belial said, How shall this man save us? And they despised him, and brought no presents. But he held his piece.

Ok they brought him no presents but that is really no reason to start playing with your piece. Makes me wonder though did they have some herbal viagra?

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