1 Samuel 8

¹And it came to pass, when Samuel was old, that he made his sons judges over Israel.

I suspect the words "And it came to pass" actually mean the following is bullshit.

²Now the name of his firstborn was Joel; and the name of his second, Abiah: they were judges in Beersheba.

³And his sons walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted judgment.

There are more than a few like that nowadays

⁴Then all the elders of Israel gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel unto Ramah,

⁵And said unto him, Behold, thou art old, and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the nations.

⁶But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king to judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the LORD.

⁷And the LORD said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them.

Have I got this right.

Sam, invoking his right of nepotism gives his sons the best jobs he can and they prove to be corrupt. The people complain to him and he asks de lard for his take on the matter. De lard decides that it is all about him.

Now if that scenario doesn't convince anyone that even if the hateful bastard did exist then he is as batshit crazy as it's possible to be, and then some.

Or I think more realistically it's Sam's way of saying "Fuck off and leave me alone, I'm an old man you know"

⁸According to all the works which they have done since the day that I brought them up out of Egypt even unto this day, wherewith they have forsaken me, and served other gods, so do they also unto thee.

⁹Now therefore hearken unto their voice: howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them, and shew them the manner of the king that shall reign over them.

So it is all the fault of the people but Sam must listen to them ?

¹⁰And Samuel told all the words of the LORD unto the people that asked of him a king.

¹¹And he said, This will be the manner of the king that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint them for himself, for his chariots, and to be his horsemen; and some shall run before his chariots.

¹²And he will appoint him captains over thousands, and captains over fifties; and will set them to ear his ground, and to reap his harvest, and to make his instruments of war, and instruments of his chariots.

¹³And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers.

Note. not confectioners, How sweet.

¹⁴And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to his servants.

¹⁵And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants.

¹⁶And he will take your menservants, and your maidservants, and your goodliest young men, and your asses, and put them to his work.

¹⁷He will take the tenth of your sheep: and ye shall be his servants.

¹⁸And ye shall cry out in that day because of your king which ye shall have chosen you; and the LORD will not hear you in that day.

¹⁹Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a king over us;

²⁰That we also may be like all the nations; and that our king may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles.

Is this democracy trying to raise it's head, a choice to make an inherently corrupt priesthood with corrupt judges or a designated "King" as all south park watchers will know The choice is always between a giant douche-bag and a Turd sandwich

²¹And Samuel heard all the words of the people, and he rehearsed them in the ears of the LORD.

Is that because the all knowing .all seeing one managed to miss a major event in the social development of his chosen people?

²²And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king. And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go ye every man unto his city.