Sunday, 3 October 2010

1 Samuel 6

1 And the ark of the lord was in the country of the Philistines seven months.

2And the Philistines called for the priests and the diviners, saying, What shall we do to the ark of the LORD? tell us wherewith we shall send it to his place.

3And they said, If ye send away the ark of the God of Israel, send it not empty; but in any wise return him a trespass offering: then ye shall be healed, and it shall be known to you why his hand is not removed from you.

4Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

There has to be a cultural insult there: that has been lost over the centuries

5Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.

Not just any old emorods but YOUR emorods. So how does one get an image to make the image of ones own emorods ? Does one struggle with a polished metal plate as a mirror, or does one use mud to make a cast ? Perhaps they had access to latex back then ?

6 Wherefore then do ye harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? when he had wrought wonderfully among them, did they not let the people go, and they departed?

If the events in exodus were as described and the philistines knew of it why has no actual record ever been found only possible loose connections

7Now therefore make a new cart, and take two milch kine, on which there hath come no yoke, and tie the kine to the cart, and bring their calves home from them:

8And take the ark of the LORD, and lay it upon the cart; and put the jewels of gold, which ye return him for a trespass offering, in a coffer by the side thereof; and send it away, that it may go.

Still no reports of the Ark vaporizing it's handler's

9And see, if it goeth up by the way of his own coast to Bethshemesh, then he hath done us this great evil: but if not, then we shall know that it is not his hand that smote us: it was a chance that happened to us.

10And the men did so; and took two milch kine, and tied them to the cart, and shut up their calves at home:

You would think that the cows would want to be back with their calves, left to their own devices, they surely would have , but were they left to their own devices? Cows are not exactly known for outstanding intelligence and memory, mostly they are known for tasting good. At the least, the Philistines know if the Israelites god is to be placated it needs to involve some pain and suffering so separating two calves from their mothers will hopefully suffice, but somehow, knowing what a total bastard de lard is, I very much doubt it


11And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.

12And the kine took the straight way to the way of Bethshemesh, and went along the highway, lowing as they went, and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left; and the lords of the Philistines went after them unto the border of Bethshemesh.

13And they of Bethshemesh were reaping their wheat harvest in the valley: and they lifted up their eyes, and saw the ark, and rejoiced to see it.

14And the cart came into the field of Joshua, a Bethshemite, and stood there, where there was a great stone: and they clave the wood of the cart, and offered the kine a burnt offering unto the LORD.

15And the Levites took down the ark of the LORD, and the coffer that was with it, wherein the jewels of gold were, and put them on the great stone: and the men of Bethshemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrificed sacrifices the same day unto the LORD.

'Cos de lard can't just be satisfied his magic box came home he has to have some dead animals burnt!

16And when the five lords of the Philistines had seen it, they returned to Ekron the same day.

17And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD; for Ashdod one, for Gaza one, for Askelon one, for Gath one, for Ekron one;

18And the golden mice, according to the number of all the cities of the Philistines belonging to the five lords, both of fenced cities, and of country villages, even unto the great stone of Abel, whereon they set down the ark of the LORD: which stone remaineth unto this day in the field of Joshua, the Bethshemite.

19And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the LORD, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the LORD had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter.

So the Philistines had the ark for seven months and suffered no ill fates,(apart from piles) and the levites,the people charged with keeping it, get it back, and fifty thousand locals drop dead.
Was it de lard being a total bastard or were the Philistines clever and seeded the ark or the cows with some virulent disease? Anthrax would be possible.
Might explain why no one accompanied the cows and why the calves were kept away from their mothers.

20And the men of Bethshemesh said, Who is able to stand before this holy LORD God? and to whom shall he go up from us?
21And they sent messengers to the inhabitants of Kirjathjearim, saying, The Philistines have brought again the ark of the LORD; come ye down, and fetch it up to you.

Y'know I smell something and I don't think its coming from those cows.

No comments: