1 Samuel 2

¹And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the LORD, mine horn is exalted in the LORD: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation.

Is that translated right? No wonder she couldn't get pregnant. Now that really is a miracle.

²There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God.

³Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.

Still waiting for him to prove that one. his track record so far is less than poor,even by redneck standards.

⁴The bows of the mighty men are broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength.

⁵They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble.

⁶The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up.

We have seen plenty of the killething but not much else

⁷The LORD maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up.

Belief in him can certainly cause these.

⁸He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD's, and he hath set the world upon them.

What beggar will do his begging on a dung hill? Why has de lard not told his people that dung is fertilizer? Perhaps if they used their shit they wouldn't suffer so much shit and therefore not be as bitter and spout so much shit!!

⁹He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail.

Saints is a catholic thing what is that doing there? the NLT has

⁹ “He will protect his faithful ones, but the wicked will disappear in darkness. No one will succeed by strength alone.

¹⁰The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: the LORD shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and exalt the horn of his anointed.

So yet again another passage that disputes the "god hates fags" myth.

¹¹And Elkanah went to Ramah to his house. And the child did minister unto the LORD before Eli the priest.

That is unfortunately another one for catholic priests.

¹²Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the LORD.

¹³And the priest's custom with the people was, that, when any man offered sacrifice, the priest's servant came, while the flesh was in seething, with a fleshhook of three teeth in his hand;

¹⁴And he struck it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fleshhook brought up the priest took for himself. So they did in Shiloh unto all the Israelites that came thither.

¹⁵Also before they burnt the fat, the priest's servant came, and said to the man that sacrificed, Give flesh to roast for the priest; for he will not have sodden flesh of thee, but raw.

¹⁶And if any man said unto him, Let them not fail to burn the fat presently, and then take as much as thy soul desireth; then he would answer him, Nay; but thou shalt give it me now: and if not, I will take it by force.

That reads very different in the NLT

¹² Now the sons of Eli were scoundrels who had no respect for the Lord ¹³ or for their duties as priests. Whenever anyone offered a sacrifice, Eli’s sons would send over a servant with a three-pronged fork. While the meat of the sacrificed animal was still boiling, ¹⁴ the servant would stick the fork into the pot and demand that whatever it brought up be given to Eli’s sons. All the Israelites who came to worship at Shiloh were treated this way. ¹⁵ Sometimes the servant would come even before the animal’s fat had been burned on the altar. He would demand raw meat before it had been boiled so that it could be used for roasting.

¹⁶ The man offering the sacrifice might reply, “Take as much as you want, but the fat must be burned first.” Then the servant would demand, “No, give it to me now, or I’ll take it by force

¹⁷Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD: for men abhorred the offering of the LORD.

¹⁸But Samuel ministered before the LORD, being a child, girded with a linen ephod.

¹⁹Moreover his mother made him a little coat, and brought it to him from year to year, when she came up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice.

²⁰And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The LORD give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the LORD. And they went unto their own home.

²¹And the LORD visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters. And the child Samuel grew before the LORD.

I wonder if Elkenah ever realised that every time he visited Eli he had a child that was three months old?

²²Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

²³And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people.

Do as I say not as I do the first law of any church ministry!

²⁴Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the LORD's people to transgress.

²⁵If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the LORD, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the LORD would slay them.

Is that an admission he is make believe?

²⁶And the child Samuel grew on, and was in favour both with the LORD, and also with men.

Pretty boy then!

²⁷And there came a man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Did I plainly appear unto the house of thy father, when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh's house?

²⁸And did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to offer upon mine altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? and did I give unto the house of thy father all the offerings made by fire of the children of Israel?

²⁹Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?

³⁰Wherefore the LORD God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me for ever: but now the LORD saith, Be it far from me; for them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.

Is this an admission that de lard was wrong and made a mistake?

³¹Behold, the days come, that I will cut off thine arm, and the arm of thy father's house, that there shall not be an old man in thine house.

³²And thou shalt see an enemy in my habitation, in all the wealth which God shall give Israel: and there shall not be an old man in thine house for ever.

³³And the man of thine, whom I shall not cut off from mine altar, shall be to consume thine eyes, and to grieve thine heart: and all the increase of thine house shall die in the flower of their age.

³⁴And this shall be a sign unto thee, that shall come upon thy two sons, on Hophni and Phinehas; in one day they shall die both of them.

Sounds like a promise of poisoning to me. The line exodus 22:18 as mentioned before witch should have been translated as poisoner

³⁵And I will raise me up a faithful priest, that shall do according to that which is in mine heart and in my mind: and I will build him a sure house; and he shall walk before mine anointed for ever.

³⁶And it shall come to pass, that every one that is left in thine house shall come and crouch to him for a piece of silver and a morsel of bread, and shall say, Put me, I pray thee, into one of the priests' offices, that I may eat a piece of bread.