Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Joshua 7

1But the children of Israel committed a trespass in the accursed thing: for Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took of the accursed thing: and the anger of the LORD was kindled against the children of Israel.

Would it have been too much to ask to be told what accursed thing? I mean de lard is so touchy about so many things. For fucks sake give us a clue.What did he do ?Eat a bacon sammich.

Whatever it was I'll be betting it's used as an excuse for Josh's men getting an arse kicking.

2And Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is beside Bethaven, on the east of Bethel, and spake unto them, saying, Go up and view the country. And the men went up and viewed Ai.

3And they returned to Joshua, and said unto him, Let not all the people go up; but let about two or three thousand men go up and smite Ai; and make not all the people to labour thither; for they are but few.

4So there went up thither of the people about three thousand men: and they fled before the men of Ai.

What ? Did the Israelites only outnumber the men of Ai ten to one ? Or were these men that actually fought back instead of being cosseted city dwellers ?

5And the men of Ai smote of them about thirty and six men: for they chased them from before the gate even unto Shebarim, and smote them in the going down: wherefore the hearts of the people melted, and became as water.

De lard is still struggling with biology then !

6And Joshua rent his clothes, and fell to the earth upon his face before the ark of the LORD until the eventide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust upon their heads.

So Josh definitely following the degree of sanity displayed by past servants of de lard.

7And Joshua said, Alas, O LORD God, wherefore hast thou at all brought this people over Jordan, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us? would to God we had been content, and dwelt on the other side Jordan!

Joshua and Moses before him have murdered the inhabitants of how many cities ? Enslaved some of the pretty girls with no thought to how they may feel about the loss of their loved ones. Not to mention the thousands Moses apparently murdered after the minor revolt in Numbers 16 and yet like his god is behaving like a teenage girl because he has lost about 0.1% of the murdering bastards he sent to do more murdering.

8O LORD, what shall I say, when Israel turneth their backs before their enemies!

9For the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land shall hear of it, and shall environ us round, and cut off our name from the earth: and what wilt thou do unto thy great name?

10And the LORD said unto Joshua, Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face?

11Israel hath sinned, and they have also transgressed my covenant which I commanded them: for they have even taken of the accursed thing, and have also stolen, and dissembled also, and they have put it even among their own stuff.

Incredible isn't it ? de lard couldn't find Adam and Steve in the garden of eden when it was alleged there was no-one else around, and yet can pick out one guy slipping a few coffers and a posh frock into his back pack amidst a hoard of bastards murdering, raping ,pillaging and burning.Which is fine as long as all pillaging is declared so the levites who are bravely staying at home get their 10%.

Oh no! That's slanderous. After all it's not the levites that get all the precious things, it's de lard. Cos we all know how much the malevolent, omnipotent, spiritual entity needs his gold and silver

12Therefore the children of Israel could not stand before their enemies, but turned their backs before their enemies, because they were accursed: neither will I be with you any more, except ye destroy the accursed from among you.

So they got their arses kicked not because the men of Ai were in a superior tactical position, or because they are a bunch of cowards but because one man decided he wanted more out of the atrocities he was committing than just murder and rape.

13Up, sanctify the people, and say, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow: for thus saith the LORD God of Israel, There is an accursed thing in the midst of thee, O Israel: thou canst not stand before thine enemies, until ye take away the accursed thing from among you.

14In the morning therefore ye shall be brought according to your tribes: and it shall be, that the tribe which the LORD taketh shall come according to the families thereof; and the family which the LORD shall take shall come by households; and the household which the LORD shall take shall come man by man.

15And it shall be, that he that is taken with the accursed thing shall be burnt with fire, he and all that he hath: because he hath transgressed the covenant of the LORD, and because he hath wrought folly in Israel.

16So Joshua rose up early in the morning, and brought Israel by their tribes; and the tribe of Judah was taken:

17And he brought the family of Judah; and he took the family of the Zarhites: and he brought the family of the Zarhites man by man; and Zabdi was taken:

18And he brought his household man by man; and Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, was taken.

19And Joshua said unto Achan, My son, give, I pray thee, glory to the LORD God of Israel, and make confession unto him; and tell me now what thou hast done; hide it not from me.

20And Achan answered Joshua, and said, Indeed I have sinned against the LORD God of Israel, and thus and thus have I done:

21When I saw among the spoils a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight, then I coveted them, and took them; and, behold, they are hid in the earth in the midst of my tent, and the silver under it.

22So Joshua sent messengers, and they ran unto the tent; and, behold, it was hid in his tent, and the silver under it.

23And they took them out of the midst of the tent, and brought them unto Joshua, and unto all the children of Israel, and laid them out before the LORD.

24And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver, and the garment, and the wedge of gold, and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep, and his tent, and all that he had: and they brought them unto the valley of Achor.

25And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones.

26And they raised over him a great heap of stones unto this day. So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Wherefore the name of that place was called, The valley of Achor, unto this day.

As much as I think this is serious overkill for a crime that really is minimal under all the other atrocities commited by the murderous hoard, I cannoy help to think that this man had pissed off someone to be singled out in this manner. My logic tells me almost any man could have been found guilty of this crime. I will bet the rest of them breathed a sigh of relief when it was all over.

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