Monday, 30 March 2009

Deuteronomy 23

1He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

For a god that apparently(so we are often told) is not into same sex relationships why would it matter unless having sex is important.

2A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

Well fuck me I commit a sin every time I go to church. I must mke a point of going more often.

3An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to their tenth generation shall they not enter into the congregation of the LORD for ever:

Are there any left, if so conversion not high on the agenda. Besides I thought an ammonite was an extinct shellfish.

4Because they met you not with bread and with water in the way, when ye came forth out of Egypt; and because they hired against thee Balaam the son of Beor of Pethor of Mesopotamia, to curse thee.

5Nevertheless the LORD thy God would not hearken unto Balaam; but the LORD thy God turned the curse into a blessing unto thee, because the LORD thy God loved thee.

6Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity all thy days for ever.

7Thou shalt not abhor an Edomite; for he is thy brother: thou shalt not abhor an Egyptian; because thou wast a stranger in his land.

So Moabites and Ammonites are no good because they wanted nothing to do with the slavering hoards but although (allegedly) the egyptians enslaved them they are cool. Would I be wrong in thinking this has more to do with a nations ability to kick their arses.

8The children that are begotten of them shall enter into the congregation of the LORD in their third generation.

These will be the children of the wives raped into submission taken from cities where you did not have to "anhialate every living thing"

9When the host goeth forth against thine enemies, then keep thee from every wicked thing.

Apart from murder,rape and pilliage because these are the work of de lard.

10If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp:

11But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.

12Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:

13And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:

So it's a sin to use a toilet no shit.

14For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.

15Thou shalt not deliver unto his master the servant which is escaped from his master unto thee:

Fuck me I must admit that's a surprise

16He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him.

That of course is assuming they are not a Moabite or an Ammonite

17There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.

So there you have it if you are not a jew it is Ok to be gay

18Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

What the fuck does that mean ? You can't bring a whore or a dog to de lards house or the price of a whore or a dog.

19Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury:

So you can't help your brother out.

20Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury; but unto thy brother thou shalt not lend upon usury: that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all that thou settest thine hand to in the land whither thou goest to possess it.

But you can help out a stranger....I suppose if he fails to keep up his payments you can take him on as a slave.

21When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.

I think this means you can borrow from the preisthood.

22But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee.

But your ass is theirs if you fail on your debts, so careful you could end up as a burnt offering.

23That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth.

Even if you volunteer something and are unable to do it.

24When thou comest into thy neighbour's vineyard, then thou mayest eat grapes thy fill at thine own pleasure; but thou shalt not put any in thy vessel.

Thats only decent after all

25When thou comest into the standing corn of thy neighbour, then thou mayest pluck the ears with thine hand; but thou shalt not move a sickle unto thy neighbour's standing corn.

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