2And if thy brother be not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own house, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again.
That's gotta be one big family if you don't know your own brother,
3In like manner shalt thou do with his ass; and so shalt thou do with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother's, which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou do likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself.
And really, you should steer well clear of your brothers ass.
4Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift them up again.
No, I am still going no where near my bro's ass.
5The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
So cross dressing is a no no ......What about unisex clothing ? Besides as an impoverished English biker I know that wearing a couple of pairs of tights under your jeans is a cheap way of keeping your legs and wedding tackle toasty during those cold winter months.
6If a bird's nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, whether they be young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young:
But its ok to murder parents and children as long as they live nearby ??????
7But thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days.
What the fuck is a dam anyway besides a construction to retain water ?
And my partner knows all about retaining water.
8When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house, if any man fall from thence.
The style of city houses in these times required entry through the roof a wall surrounding the roof was a good idea.
9Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled.
10Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.
Otherwise you would be ploughing in an ever decreasing spiral till you disappeared up your asses or ox's ass.
11Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.
That's a blow to the fashion industry.
12Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself.
That has completely passed me by any ideas anyone.
13If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,
That'll be about 90% of married men.
14And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:
That'll be about 98.8% of married men
15Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:
Tokens of the damsels virginity, what's that letters from any number of males declaring they have not fucked her ?
16And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
17And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
Ah ! now I think I understand. Until fairly recently, maybe 200 years or so it was the custom in some parts of england that the bride was gathered up by the village and carried to the marriage bed, a bed with spotlessly clean sheets the groom was also thrown on to the bed, the following morning the sheets would be examined and blood from the loss of her virginity was expected.
I am not sure as I cannot remember were I got this from but I think if there was no blood then the marriage was void.
18And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;
That I believe is as near to women's rights as it got.
19And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
20But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
Wow sexual equality at its best. Just think if girls if your new husband had a little dick(as is implied as a family trait of the family of Abraham) and you laughed you could be stoned if he did not make you bleed on your wedding night.
22If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.
So .... does this mean if someone catches someone raping someone they both must die ?
23If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
24Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
Betrothed../...wife surely there is a difference
25But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die.
So if a girl goes out with the intention of being raped she had better do it in a field.
26But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:
27For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.
28If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
So if she is not betrothed (promised by her father to someone) and she is raped and he is caught for the princely sum of fifty shekels, he keeps her as his wife. Well thats fine as long as the father profits and don't go forgetting the levites cut.his father's skirt.
What was said in verse 5 again ?
By the way . This is not me.(Wrong shade of pink).