Friday, 27 March 2009

Deuteronomy 21

1If one be found slain in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him:

2Then thy elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain:

3And it shall be, that the city which is next unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wrought with, and which hath not drawn in the yoke;

When they say heifer I cannot help wonder whether they really mean a cow, considering the high esteem they hold their womenfolk.

4And the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley, which is neither eared nor sown, and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley:

I really hope they mean a cow ........but why ?

5And the priests the sons of Levi shall come near; for them the LORD thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the LORD; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried:

6And all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley:

So let me get this right ...Dear old Fred Flintstein is having a stroll and has a heart attack and drops dead. His good friend Barnabas finds him and alerts the "authorities" and some poor cow looses their head and the priesthood come and wash their hands over the cows corpse... I say again why ?

7And they shall answer and say, Our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it.

8Be merciful, O LORD, unto thy people Israel, whom thou hast redeemed, and lay not innocent blood unto thy people of Israel's charge. And the blood shall be forgiven them.

But if dear old Fred had been a victim of murder most foul with his head and entrails spread over three acres of land and no-one to blame the end result is.........the same.

Ele-fuckin-mentry my dear watson

9So shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the LORD.

10When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,

This will be the Israelites view of war.....find an isolated city minding it's own business and attack it.

11And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;

Because a woman(girl) always looks her most desirable when terrified and grief stricken

12Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;

Vidal Sassoon would not approve.

13And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.

Raiment of captivity....Ropes ? Shalt go in unto her...Rape her and that is her wedding ceromony wow! get David Bailey to do the pics.So where did the poncy bollocks with the twat in the black and white frock, spouting shit about de lard and wholly matrimony come from ?

14And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.

So if she is not totally enamoured and impressed by the way you slaughtered her parents, brothers every elderly and male person she has ever known. Then brought to rapturous orgasm as you violently take her virginity, you are within your rights to sling her out on her ear. de lard surely is love.

15If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated:

16Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn:

17But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his.

Isaac and Esau any one ?

18If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

And what father with a son hasn't.

19Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

If this was law I assure you that you would not be reading this......A glutton and a drunkard ....Two of my finest qualities.

22And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree:

According to the laws of Moses I would have to be ressurected many times to be executed for all the sins worthy of death I have apparently committed, yet here I stand, sitting here with no criminal record

23His body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

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