Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Numbers Recap

Well what a palaver.

First as suggested by the title we have literally the numbers of men in the tribes. This is followed by the order of the tribal tents or the hierarchy of the owners of these tents. As said earlier the tribe of the Levites as priests were allocated the top of the food chain. Then the hierarchy of the Levites is described.
Then we move on to great offerings from the twelve tribes chiefs given by the princes of these tribes. This involves some precious things and of course, a lot of sacrifices to de lard.
This has apparently turned the meandering muppets into an army which allegedly are then led by de lard.

It is then dropped in that Moses had married an Ethiopian woman.[ Is this a possible inference that Moses is also a title and this is not the same Moses that led the people from Egypt,further hints that this is a new improved Moses, is that although still psychopathic, does seem to be more level headed]
This inadvertently leads to Aaron and Miriam,(a variant of Mary) coming forward with a few complaints about this other wife.Which for some reason leads to Miriam being apparently struck with leprosy by de lard. Moses then intervenes and she is apparently cured but ejected for a week.

De lard then tells Moses to send out spies to gather information of the surrounding nations. (why couldn't he just give him the info himself ? After all if anyone could know it should be de lard.) Obviously having been brought up with high moral values and strength of character being SO much closer to de lard than the rest of us mortals, lied through their back teeth.

A chap called Korah a grandson of Levi then leads a minor rebellion( some 250 men)Moses utilising all his man management promptly makes arrangements for them and their families(except Korah's for some reason) and anyone who may have the slightest possibility of agreeing with them gassed struck down by de ever lovin' lard with a localised plague.(14,700)
After making sure to dispose of the evidence, Moses then makes the Israelites take special precautions in the disposal of the bodies.

We then see either a repeat of the incident with the water from Edom or as I suspect a mistake made at some point between the possible events and the final edition of this book. Whether a mistake in the Oral tradition or two different scrolls being merged. Either way instead of the battle almost immediately in the first version, the Israelites now go forward on a mission to conquer......Oh wait that may be the same!!!Before they go to "war". Aaron and his son Eleazer are taken up to mount Hor, Eleazer puts on Aarons clothes and, presto ! Aaron is dead. This has a profound effect on de lard, as he stops announcing himself with the prefix..."I am de lard your gawd" every time he speaks to Moses.
In the name of the all merciful lard the Israelites capture some Amorite cities, killing all but virgin girls. Some of these survivors are offered as a "heave offering to de lard" ????.......Can you feel the love and mercy ?

We are introduced to a character Balak king of Moab, son of Zippor.[Any relation to Zipporah, daughter of Jethro,the midianite priest,Moses father in law ]who sends for Balaam to mediate between him and the invaders. Balaam, A man who beats his donkey and manages to fall off and hit his head in such a way that he gives himself Auditory Hallucinations. Believing god has reprimaded him (cos god loves animals) he then, with perfect Old Testament logic sacrifices 7 rams and 7 oxen to de lard. He reports to Balak with his hallucination.
Resistance is futile, the ravening hordes of Israel sweep across Canaan with a finesse not matched until Genghis Khan.

The last few chapters are mostly devoted to the splitting up of the lands,cities,gold, cattle and women.

Aside from yet again underlining de lards impotence, stupidity senility and blindness it just opens more questions.
Was there more than one Moses ?
Why, if the Israelites, who allegedly had seen all this evidence of gods so called power, were there so many dissidents.
Why if these incidents ,especially the conquest of Canaan are not recorded in any of the surrounding lands.
Or are the Israelites actually the "mysterious sea people" recorded in the some of the Amarna letters ?
Why is Moses thought of as good man when historically there are few that have been responsible(in their lifetime) for greater numbers of attrocities and murders of his fellow human beings ?


uzza said...

Congratulations. You should be given some kind of award for wading through all that.

Baal's Bum said...

Thanks Uzza
An award no I don't think so. There is a sense of accomplishment which feels good. But unfortunately it comes with a price....The overwhelming sense of shame I feel that I once believed this shit and that far too many people still believe it. Ah well keep on plodding on, one more so called book of Moses to go.